The new emperor's new clothes

Inside the palace, Emperor Laixi was sitting on his throne, rubbing his feet.

To the point of forgetting friends, he said to the two ladies-in-waiting who had big fans behind them, "Can you two fans be professional?"

Fan MM: "We have worked very hard! You see, my hands are sore with such great effort! "

Xiaolaixi: "It's no use just pushing hard! Fan for five minutes, and I will ferment. You can't smell it!

Fan MM: "Hey, what do you want? It's only April, and you are so hot! " "

Loi Siu Xi cried, "I can't help it. I don't know who made the damn rules. The emperor can only wear dragon robes. " My dragon robe is still a double layer of far infrared arctic velvet to keep warm. Whoops, I can't stand it! I want to change! I want to take it off! I want to take it off! I want to wear a bikini "

After saying his word, several ministers rushed outside and stopped Xiaolai from dying.

Minister Ma shouted: "Hey! Bold and unfilial descendants dare to try to break the rules of their ancestors! Old emperor, I'm sorry! If I don't discipline him well, I will have no face to live any longer. Wait for me, I will pick you up in Jiuquan. " Say that finish, then stretched out his head and crashed into the dragon chair.

Xiaolaixi grabbed the Roman pot and said, "You are so cruel! Can't I take it off? Right, Jiuquan? It is a satellite launch base! "

Ma and other ministers breathed a sigh of relief and then continued to play the game of throwing sandbags.

Xiao Laixi: "Prime Minister, can I unbutton some buttons?"

Ma: "First Emperor, I'm coming to pick you up."

Xiaoxi: "Good, good! I don't understand this button. Can I take off my underwear inside? So you can't see it from the outside. "

Ma Luoguo: "Come and meet."

Small west: "I depend! You have balls! The late emperor! Now I finally know why you died so young! Yes, many prickly heat can crush people! "

The Prime Minister and Shen Shen said, "Be content! I am not happy to wear a dragon robe every day! "

Xiaoxi: "Let go! Why don't you try it on? Look at what you two are wearing. And Shen You, naked navel; Maruo pot, beach volleyball outfit; Chicken Xiaolan, T-shirt and big underpants, I think it's easy for you to stand and talk! Especially Feng Xiaolan, you are an old man, still putting red rouge on your forehead and pretending to be an Indian girl? ! "

Ma: "Your Majesty, you are beside the point. I'm a fashionista, okay? In addition, we have posted your royal list of recruiting fashion designers. "

Xiaoxi: "Put your head out! Several bold and innovative design schemes have been rejected by you old baboons! Still walking on the wave of fashion, carrying a pot all day, imitating Master Roshi! "

At this time, Feng Xiaolan took Rome aside and whispered, "Ignore him, we won't take him to play."

Loi Siu Xi had no choice but to sit in the dragon chair and cry. Suddenly I heard someone shouting outside the temple: "Someone has unveiled the imperial list to welcome you!" Xiaolaixi suddenly came to the spirit and immediately said, "Come quickly!"

Two people who looked extremely devastated stood in the hall.

Xiaolaixi: "You?"

Reveler: "Yes, we revealed the list."

Xiao Laixi: "...? "

Reveler: "All that glitters is not gold! Although we are ugly, the earth will shake three times when our clothes are photographed! "

Xiaolaixi: "Wow P! What a pious man! I just looked at it charming and didn't speak. They answered like a flood. Is this the legendary shooting cattle across the mountain? "

Feng Xiaolan: "Ah ha ha ha, laughing me to death! Beat cattle across the mountain? Your Majesty, I usually let you read more martial arts novels. This move is clearly' this mountain looks at that mountain'! "

Man Wu: "Pretend you don't know these two idiots."

The person who unveiled the card thought, "The atmosphere in this place is very strange!"

Xiaolaixi cleared his throat and said to the poster, "Who are you two?"

Reveler: "We are a famous fashion design group:' liar duo'! Everyone affectionately calls us "twins"! After reading the news of the campus edition of youth literature, we came to Beijing overnight to unveil the royal list. "

Xiao Laixi: "Liar duo? Tell me what clothes you have designed. "

Twins: "Su Qier and Ji Gong's clothes are all from our hands! In particular, Jigong's cassock seems to be inadvertently worn out, but it hides an extremely fashionable and alternative petty bourgeoisie! What a hope in confusion and persistence in unruly-Ji Gong and Su won the annual "Fashion Award"! "

Xiaolaixi: "Wow P! So long? Then you can design some clothes for me according to my devil figure and angel temperament. No, it's several sets of robes! "

Manchu civil servants booed: "Dragon robe! Dragon robe! "

Twins: "According to the emperor's figure and characteristics, we are going to design several sets of dragon robes that are hot in Leng Xia in winter. what do you think?

Small west: "I depend! You got kicked in the head by a chicken! Is it hot in winter in Leng Xia? You two won't be sent by the harem concubines who died unjustly to play with me! "

Twins: "too young to dare!" " Mainly to see the emperor wearing such a warm robe on such a hot day, thinking that the son of heaven has different hobbies from ordinary people. "

Xiaolaixi: "That's it. If you two can design a cool and breathable dragon robe for me, I will give you a kiss! " "

Twins: "Thank you, Your Majesty! It's simple. It's just cool and breathable. Just hollow out the dragon pattern on the dragon robe! "

Xiaolaixi: "Great! It is really a master! Somebody please. Reward! "

The words sound just fell and Wu Wen Guan Bai stepped forward and gave the twins a fierce hammer!

Ma: "Fight! I cann't believe I'm hollowing out the dragon robe Fight! I told you to empty it! Fight! Fight! Fight! ! "

Chicken Xiaolan: "Somebody! Drag these two winter melons out and punish them for sitting on the cactus for three months! "

In this way, the designers were kicked out by the ministers one by one, and the little ones fell into endless waiting.

Twins were punished for sitting on a cactus;

Big twin: "Second, how do you feel?"

Two twins: "How cool! There is a feeling of numbness ... electric shock. "

Big twin: "Holy shit! Go to hell! "

A month has passed, and it is already May. The weather is sultry.

Xiaolaixi wants to defecate after dinner. The toilet has no air conditioning and she wants to take off her robe. As soon as I unbuttoned my collar, I heard thousands of people shouting outside my bedroom: "First Emperor! I'll see you, old minister. Come and meet! "

Xiaoxi had no choice but to buckle up and go to the bathroom.

Sitting on the toilet, the stream is extremely hot and has mixed feelings. Finally, he couldn't help crying out loud: "Woo-hoo!"! Why are you so cruel to me? Even the toilet is watched. Feng Xiaolan, come out and hide there to spy on me. Not too smelly! "

Feng Xiaolan strode out: "Emperor, you wronged me and peeped? I am watching it aboveboard! "

Xiaolaixi: "Ma Luoguo, if I don't call you, you still don't want to come out, do you?" I'll fart and kill you! "

The horse also strode out: "Long live congratulations! Congratulations, long live! After unremitting observation these days, we found that your stool is regular in time, and the color and shape are first-class, indicating that your majesty is in good health and happy! "

Small west: "you happy old wood! I'm going to be tortured to death by you Get out! Shit! Big shots are restless. "

Ma Hefeng Xiaolan: "Execute the order. Why are you still standing there? The emperor is angry, don't go! "

Results 100 Many ministers came out of the western toilets.

Xiao Laixi was just relieved and felt wrong. He said, "Huh? Why don't you go? You are older than others! "

Mysterious guest: "well, let me watch it for a while!" " "

Xiaoxi: "Mom, it's disgusting! Who are you? "

The mysterious guest appeared: "I am an angel."

Xiao Laixi: "Cut! Which angel looks as elegant as you? "

Mysterious guest: "don't underestimate me, I am an angel who specializes in solving problems for people!" " "

Nancy: "Don't tell me you are the Monkey King, right? I remember that the Monkey King seems to have a beard all over his body, but you are not. "

Mysterious guest: "Yes! I will be the Monkey King after shaving. Shit! What a mess! I'm not the Monkey King! Once again: I am an angel! "

Xiao Laixi: "Deception!"

Mysterious guest: "I don't believe it, ok, let you see my skill!" " Luke. What is this? "

Xiao Laixi: "Wow! Brush. "

Mysterious guest: "This is not an ordinary brush, but a brush used to draw anything!" " "

Xiao Laixi: "Wow! Really? As luck would have it, I didn't bring any toilet paper. Please draw me a roll of soft and absorbent toilet paper first. "

Mysterious guest: "Small dishes! Look, I can draw ... I'll call it a day when I'm finished, and I'll give it to you! "

Xiao Lai Xi immediately dropped a sweat on the back of his head: "Shit! Do you want to hurt me? I asked you to draw a roll of toilet paper. Why did you give me a grinding wheel? Want to turn me into an anal ulcer! "

Mysterious guest: "Sorry! Again, draw lots-that's all for today! Here! "

Xiaolaixi: "Please, this roll of yours is calendar paper! How can it be used so badly? "

Mysterious guest: "Shit! Your ass is really hard to serve! Come on, draw it yourself! "

Xiaolaixi took the magic pen and drew a roll of toilet paper by herself.

Xiaolaixi was very satisfied: "Wow! Cool! Looks like you're an angel. With this pen, will everyone call me' Journey to the West' in the future? "

Mysterious guest: "Haha! See what I can do? This pen is for you, goodbye! "

Xiao Lai Xilou was sad: "I don't want it."

Mysterious guest: "You don't want such a treasure, you are stupid!" " "

Sholehi: "The world is mine. I just wanted everything. For me, this pen has a repetitive function. I think ... "

Mysterious guest: "Don't tell me you want a new dragon robe." I dare not help you, the ministers will eat me with soy sauce when they know! "

Xiaolaixi: "Aren't you an angel? Still afraid of them? Please do something. If this continues, I will die soon! "

The mysterious guest pondered for a while: "well, I will do it in the end and get the clothes you want, but I have one condition."

Xiaolaixi: "As long as you can help me, I will promise anything!" " "

The mysterious guest smiled mysteriously and said, "Be sure to let me see your shit at any time in the future."

Xiaolaixi: "Shit, it's all up to you!" "

The mysterious guest groped in front of his Chinese-style chest covering for a long time, took out a Chinese-style chest covering and said, "Put it on, it's cool and popular."

Xiaolaixi: "No, no! Wearing this, ministers will collectively self-harm. "

Mysterious guest: "Yes! You have to do something. I have a magical potion here. After the application, the Chinese corset you are wearing is a normal dragon robe in the eyes of all men. In the eyes of women, it is a sexy Chinese bra! "

Xiao Laixi: "Yes! Yeah! Ministers are all men, as long as they can't see it! Those concubines are afraid of me and won't say anything. "

Mysterious guest: "OK, I'll go first. If you need anything, just come to the bathroom and find me. "

Xiaolaixi: "Why do you have to go to the toilet to find you?"

Mysterious guest: "Because I am an angel in the bathroom!" " "

Xixia: "I understand! Times are different, angels can be seen everywhere! "

The next morning, Xiao Laixi walked to the hall in a magical Chinese corset and was about to sit down. I found that the minister below had vomited into a piece.

Ma wailed sadly, "First Emperor! It still happened! The bad king betrayed his ancestors. It's over! It's over! Ministers! You see, the bad king actually took off his dragon robe and wore a Chinese-style chest covering until the early morning! Brothers, come with me! First emperor, we are coming to pick you up! "

Ministers were ready to respond, holding hands and stretching their heads, and fell headlong into the dragon chair.

Xiaoxi quickly put on the dragon robe and prevented a tragedy.

In the evening, Xiao Laixi came to the bathroom angrily, found an angel in the bathroom and questioned him: "liar!" " Didn't you say that men can't see after applying potions? Why did the ministers see it? ! "

Bathroom angel: "Ah! Forget this. In modern society, yin flourishes and yang declines, and the trend of feminization is serious. On weekdays, I feel that the voices of those ministers are very strange, so it seems to be feminine. "

Come to the Youth Literature Campus Edition to interview Ma exclusively on this matter. The reporter asked: "Why can I see Xiao Laixi wearing a Chinese bra?" Ma Luoguo replied, "My mother is a man and a woman and my father is a sissy. When I was a child, I couldn't tell men from women. " )

Xiaolaixi: "What can I do?"

Bathroom angel: "it seems that this potion can only be used." After giving it, smart people see the dragon robe, and stupid people see the Chinese bra! " I don't think your minister is stupid, or you won't be a minister! "

Xiao Laixi: "Cool! I will do it this time! "

……

Maybe everyone has guessed the result. Xiao Laixi wore a small Chinese-style chest covering coated with magic medicine, and just walked out of the bedroom, she met Chicken Xiaolan.

Xiaolaixi: "..."

Chicken Xiaolan: "........."

Xiaolaixi: ".........."

Chicken Xiaolan: "........."

Xiaolaixi: "Ai Qing, what's the matter? Although it is six points more than me every time, I am still confused when you don't talk! "

Feng Xiaolan: "What else do you want me to say? ! I won't say anything, just wait! I told Mom to go to Luoguo! Wearing a Chinese-style chest covering in broad daylight! You wait! "

Looking at the chicken Xiaolan who ran away, Xiaolaixi was very emotional: "Wow! Why am I so miserable? Such a big prime minister is actually a wooden stick, let alone others! Or hurry back to find the bathroom angel! "

Haven't turned around, chicken xiaolan carrying Kyle polo pot! As soon as the horse saw Xiao Laixi, he sat down on the ground, kicking his legs and crying: "First emperor, let's meet!" " Come and meet, come and meet, I won't play the dragon chair this time. Dragon chair, fly over and hit me! "

Little Lai Xifei ran into the toilet and called the bathroom angel.

Bathroom angel: "don't worry, it's easy this time." Since they are all fools, use this potion! " When this potion is applied to the Chinese-style chest covering, a fool will look like a dragon robe, and a wise man will know it is a Chinese-style chest covering. Oh, it's so unpredictable! "

Xiaolaixi: "Shit! Angels are so meaningless. Why do you have so many potions on you? It won't be a' medicine box'! "

The angel thief in the bathroom said slyly, "Come out to mix, of course, it must be fully equipped." These potions are all made with secret recipes from home! I don't talk to him about ordinary people. "

Xiaoxi then walked out of the bedroom and saw Feng Xiaolan and Ma Zheng sitting on the ground playing games. They looked at each other, said nothing, and continued to play.

Xiaoxi was secretly happy and thought, "Haha! Finally succeeded! These two sticks are invisible! Yeah! "

Chicken Xiaolan: "Emperor, what are you laughing at?"

Xiao Laixi: "Ai Qing, why didn't I realize that wearing a dragon robe would be so charming?"

Feng Xiaolan: "Are you all right, Emperor? The horse looked at the emperor. He seems to be broken! "

Ma: "Why do you care so much? As long as he wears a dragon robe, we have nothing to do! Come on, keep shooting. You shoot one, I shoot one, and a child eats a plane; You shoot two, I shoot two, and two children eat the plane; You shoot three, I shoot three, and three children eat the plane ... "

Xiaolaixi was not angry, just smiled and touched their heads, then turned and walked away.

You may ask, can Xiao Laixi tell that it is a Chinese bra? It's strange that even Xiao Laixi doesn't know what kind of clothes this Chinese-style chest covering has become in his eyes, and it's not a dragon robe anyway. Later, he painted the Chinese-style chest covering in his eyes on paper, and then invited experts to look at it. After reading it, the master wrote two words: "Cowboy!" "

On this day, the whole country held a carnival parade. Emperor Xiao Laixi also attended with great interest. Of course, he is wearing that Chinese corset.

The emperor walked in front of the parade. The street was crowded with people who didn't seem surprised to see the emperor.

Suddenly, a child screamed, "Ah! Look, the emperor's ass is so white! "

Another child also cried, "The emperor's wallet is under his arm! How strange! "

Bang bang! Two slaps, two children were beaten by their father. Father scolded: "you two dead children are stupid!" Scream when you eat too much! I think you are crazy about money. Where did you get your wallet? ! "

Emperor Xiaolaixi was not angry, but walked more proudly. In his eyes, he seems to see hope!