The ultimate reason for the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that she loves her son too much

①

In the 21st century, the conflict that the Chinese have not resolved yet is probably the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Look at real life, there are several families in which the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very good. If you look at some of the more popular family ethics dramas in the past two years, which one doesn’t contain a bad debt between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

It seems that we have become accustomed to the fact that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good. We think that it is natural for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be bad, and it is only the fault of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that the relationship is bad. Indeed, two strange women who were decades apart in age suddenly became a family because of the same man. All kinds of thoughts, ideas, ways of doing things, and living habits are different, and women are very thoughtful, and the slightest problem may turn into a quarrel. Therefore, under the same roof, conflicts seem to be inevitable.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been complicated since ancient times. Since the reform and opening up, the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have also escalated due to the impact of various foreign ideological trends. Especially now, the parents of people born in the 80s and 90s are basically born in the 60s and 70s. Under the impact of old and new trends of thought, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has reached its peak. So there is a saying that some girls nowadays want to find a partner who has both parents died.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has reached such a serious point, can't it be resolved properly? Two enemies must live under the same roof.

To solve a problem, you must know the cause of the problem.

The main reason for the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that the mother-in-law loves her son so much that she is too harsh on her daughter-in-law, causing her daughter-in-law to resist. Then this negative feedback cycle repeats, and finally the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law becomes increasingly tense. . (Of course, there are also cases where the daughter-in-law can’t stand the mother-in-law taking the initiative to cause trouble, and there are also cases where the two were enemies in their previous lives. These cases are rare and are not included in our discussion.)

So the main reason for the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is The reason lies with the mother-in-law, and the daughter-in-law plays a passive role in it. Because the daughter-in-law just got married, she is facing a family by herself, and she belongs to a vulnerable group. She does not dare to take the initiative to cause trouble. If her mother-in-law and her have always been in peace, even if she gains a firm foothold later, she will not do it again. Let’s go and pick one from my mother-in-law.

Some people may be confused, right? Before her son gets married, the mother always urges her to find a daughter-in-law for herself. It can be seen that the mother should be very expectant and tolerant of her daughter-in-law. On the contrary, many daughter-in-laws also ask before marriage not to live with their parents after marriage. It can be seen that, The daughter-in-law didn't want to see her mother-in-law from the beginning.

Indeed, this is a strange phenomenon. The mother-in-law looks forward to her daughter-in-law a lot before her son gets married, and then makes things difficult for her daughter-in-law after she gets her son. The daughter-in-law has a grudge against her mother-in-law before she gets married. After getting married, he rarely takes the initiative to attack.

This phenomenon is strange to say the least, but strange to say the least. The daughter-in-law that the mother-in-law hopes for is just the daughter-in-law in her imagination. What she hopes for is just a concept, not a specific person. This concept should be perfect in her imagination. The daughter-in-law didn't like her mother-in-law at the beginning because the mother-in-law in her mind was a concept, not a specific person. She knew that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was difficult, so she was dissatisfied with the concept of mother-in-law from the beginning. Rejection exists.

②

To talk about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we must first talk about the relationship between mother and child.

For a man, the woman he loves most in his life is his mother, no one else. A mother's love for her son is selfless and does not ask for anything in return. At the same time, in the mother's eyes, her son is the best man in the world. When she looks at this man, her eyes automatically flash. Shiny, white and flawless, without flaws.

Then the question arises, which woman can be worthy of this most outstanding man with no flaws?

The mother-in-law is very much looking forward to her son finding a daughter-in-law for herself. However, when this idea comes true and the real daughter-in-law appears in front of her, the mother-in-law is not satisfied and feels that the woman in front of her is not worthy. Go to his own son.

Even if her daughter-in-law is actually better than her son (even if one spouse is better than the other, the gap will not be too big), her eyes are dimmed when she looks at her daughter-in-law. Filter, this light reduction filter not only reduces the extra light on the daughter-in-law's body compared to his own son, but also reduces the light on the daughter-in-law itself.

In this case, the daughter-in-law is not worthy of her son anyway.

This is the root of the problem, and it is also the root cause of the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China from ancient times to the present.

In the text "The Peacock Flies Southeast" that I learned in high school, why does Jiao's mother not like Liu Lanzhi, her gentle, kind, hard-working and virtuous daughter-in-law who truly loves her son and wants her son to divorce her? Because Jiao's mother felt that Liu Lanzhi was not worthy of Jiao Zhongqing. Even if Jiao Zhongqing is just a small civil servant, even if Liu Lanzhi is beautiful, hard-working and kind, even if everyone says Liu Lanzhi is a good wife, Jiao's mother just feels that she is not worthy of her son. So after driving Liu Lanzhi away, Jiao's mother kept telling Jiao Zhongqing: Mom, I'll find you a better one.

As soon as the mother-in-law met her imaginary daughter-in-law, she felt that her daughter-in-law was not worthy of her son, so the difficulty in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was a foregone conclusion.

③

My mother-in-law spent a lot of effort raising her son. From being pregnant in ten months to watching him grow up, she paid a lot in this process. In addition, she gave her son almost all her love. She knew that no other woman could treat her son like she did, because her kindness to her son was irreplaceable.

Later, a woman who had nothing to do with her son appeared and wanted to take over everything about her son. Although the mother-in-law is extremely reluctant, she has no choice but to live with her son for the rest of his life! This woman can only be allowed to take over her son.

But the mother-in-law feels that this woman is not worthy of her son. What should she do? No way, my son likes it, so let’s do it like this for now.

So, the woman married her son and became her daughter-in-law.

After getting married, the mother-in-law began to make things difficult for her daughter-in-law. Because the mother-in-law feels that her daughter-in-law is not worthy of her son, she wants to urge her daughter-in-law to become good enough to be worthy of her son. And when he thinks that his son is so excellent and perfect, and it was his daughter-in-law who married him because of her high standards, the daughter-in-law should pay more to compensate. Then I thought about how well I treated my son. Now that my precious son is with his daughter-in-law, I can't let him suffer. Although it's impossible for my daughter-in-law to treat my son the way I do, she can't be too far behind. So he urged his daughter-in-law to be kind to his son.

The direct cause of the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law comes out: because the mother-in-law felt that her daughter-in-law was not worthy of her son from the beginning, she wanted to "urge" her daughter-in-law to become better so that she could become worthy of her. He also wants his daughter-in-law to be as kind to his son as he is to his son, in order to make up for the "loss" his son suffered when he married his daughter-in-law. In this way, if time goes on for a while, it will inevitably lead to resistance from the daughter-in-law. The tone of conflict was set.

It seems now that the source of all conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that mother-in-law is afraid that her son will suffer too much. She dislikes her daughter-in-law and dislikes her daughter-in-law, all because she feels that her son is These things were not good for her son.

For example, if the daughter-in-law spends a lot of money, the mother-in-law will think that the daughter-in-law is spending her son’s money. Her son has worked so hard, but the daughter-in-law is spending money randomly, so she will blame her daughter-in-law. .

For another example, a daughter-in-law may like to dress up, and a conservative-minded mother-in-law may think that her daughter-in-law may cuckold her son. When I think about my daughter-in-law's ambition to climb high, I feel even more unbalanced. So he blamed his daughter-in-law.

The most obvious and representative situation is when a son and his daughter-in-law quarrel, and the mother-in-law must help her son. Even if the son's mistake is very obvious, it can be forgiven.

Because the mother-in-law loves her son and hopes that her daughter-in-law can develop in a direction that is beneficial to her son, she imposes various harsh punishments, demands, and controls on her daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law is not a three-year-old child. She has her own independent personality and ideas. She cannot lose herself for her husband, nor can she only obey her husband in everything. Thus, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law began vigorously.

④

The fate between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is because of a man, and the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is because of the same man. In the same way, this man is also needed to resolve the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

To handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is of course best to rely on the two parties, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but these two parties are often unreliable. Then they can only rely on the man who has a relationship with them.

For this man, handling the relationship between his mother and his daughter-in-law will not only bring harmony to the family, but also save him from being annoyed.

So how can you handle the relationship between your mother and your daughter-in-law? First of all, a major premise: you can’t please, you can’t please, you can’t please, and say important things three times. Because you may be able to fool someone for a while by trying to please them, but if you don't pay attention, you may not be able to please both parties.

The daughter-in-law is actually easy to deal with. As I said before, in the battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law is the one who is invaded. So the way to solve the problem on the daughter-in-law's side is to protect her. Try to prevent her from being attacked by your mother as much as possible and reduce the possibility of her resisting, so that the conflict will not intensify. Moreover, always find the right time to chat with her and let her know that your mother does all this because she loves you. Although it is inappropriate, it is excusable. Don't let her misunderstand your mother, and then make a promise to her, You will solve problems well and work hard to fulfill your promises. The most important thing is to use your actual actions to make up for the injustice she suffered from your mother, and don't let her feel resentful.

What is more important and more complicated is to reduce your mother's prejudice against your wife and make her less aggressive.

First of all, your mother has raised you for more than 20 years. She is even reluctant to eat or wear for you, and she has sacrificed a lot for you. Now that you are married and have a wife, you cannot forget your mother. Don't let your mother have the idea that "the son I have raised for more than 20 years is not as good to me as a woman with whom he has nothing to do before." Once she has this idea, she will be hostile to your wife. The awareness is even stronger. Therefore, after you get married, you should treat your mother as you did before, or even treat her better than before you got married. Note that this kindness is sincere and not just to please her.

Then reduce your mother’s prejudice against your wife. Your mother feels that your daughter-in-law is not good enough for you, and this cannot be changed, because in her mind, no one can be good enough for you. But you can make your mother feel that you and your wife are very happy living together, and then show more of your wife's advantages. In this way, your mother knows that you live a happy life and that your wife is very kind to you, so she will not make things difficult for your wife anymore. Remember, never complain in front of your mother, criticize your wife, or complain about how much you have suffered.

While your wife is away, chat with your mother often. First, you can enhance your relationship, and second, you can take this opportunity to explain your thoughts to her. Tell her that you are married and you know how to handle your own affairs; tell her about your wife's advantages, but do not belittle yourself. In short, tell her that you and your wife are a perfect match; and then tell her that you have done everything for your wife. Everything is done willingly and with joy when doing it. Another thing is to tell her that you know that she is at odds with your wife because she wants you to live well, but her behavior has had a negative impact on your marriage, and she has a tendency to do bad things with good intentions (to put it politely) . Talk to her often, tell her these things, and over time, her inherent thinking will change. When her thoughts change, her approach will naturally change, and she will no longer be too demanding on your wife.

The main reason for the bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is this man - the mother-in-law's son. The daughter-in-law's husband has no sense of responsibility and is unwilling to resolve the conflict between his mother and daughter-in-law. Or because they are afraid of trouble, it is better to do less than to do more. If problems arise, they will deal with them, and if problems do not arise, they will get by. Or it may be a simple matter of trying to please both parties, but in the end both parties will not be happy with each other. He didn't know that these actions would only make the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law deepen as time goes by.

As long as this man is willing to be attentive and work hard to resolve the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be much better. Because these two conflicting women love this man.

In fact, I hope that every man will have an enlightened and righteous mother, and then marry a kind and virtuous wife. It is best that your mother and your daughter-in-law can hit it off and become inseparable. acquaintance. This way, you don't have to go through so much trouble.

Haha, I think too much.