Looking for classic funny chat quotations

First, I remember that when I was at school, it happened to be April Fool's Day and I wanted to play a little joke. So I silently picked up the red ink and poured it on a goddess stool in a white skirt in the front row. Then, no then. All I know is that she remembers me!

Secondly, once my mother asked me to give her a banquet. Four old ladies at a table pointed to peanuts and said to me, "Eat, eat, we are old and can't eat anything. Just wait for a bowl of cauldron dishes. " However, when potato stew served the table, I picked up chopsticks. Well, just potatoes. After the people around the cauldron dispersed, I picked up the bowl and looked at the soup left in it! Never again, I can't eat any more! !

Today is my mother's birthday. I specially ordered a birthday cake for her. When I got home and didn't see anyone, I called my mother: "Mom, where are you?" Today is your birthday. I bought a cake for your birthday! "Mom said," thank you, my daughter. I am still young, but today is not my birthday. "I had mixed feelings at that time, thinking that my mother might be afraid of spending money indiscriminately, I listened to my father's voice on the phone:" Do you want Australian wine or French wine? "

4. Today, my friend asked me: Do you want to tell me honestly, did my eyes disappear when I laughed? When I was hesitating, she said to me, hey, it's not hard for you, and I know it myself, because every time I laugh, I feel black at the moment. .

My daughter-in-law is a Virgo and is very picky about everything. I am very angry with her. As a result, she argued, "I call this perfectionism, and I strive for perfection in everything." How can I make do with people like you? " I quite agree. After all, she chose me and I chose her.

6. Once, Xueba asked me, "Do you know how much a bowl of jujube paste jiaozi costs?" I was shocked. "Is there such a jiaozi?" Learn to bully quietly. I think, just one! A: "8 yuan?" Xueba broke his skills and put it in my ear and said, "As long as I sleep with you for 8 yuan, I want a monthly subscription!" "

Seven, I had a fracture operation a while ago, and I was half numb. When I'm done, I say it's over, okay? Then the surgeon pondered for a while and said, I'll give you another handsome massage. Then two handsome little brothers beat my comatose legs wildly. . .

This woman's birthday, she received a birthday cake as beautiful as a hot air balloon. After serving, she began to cut the cake, but women can't cut it with a knife. A woman just tries hard, and the next second she turns pale.

As soon as my sister came home, she began to complain about her brother-in-law I sneered: He is so bad, you can get a divorce! My sister looked at me strangely: there are so many boys chasing me in those years, but you tell me how good he is every day. Can I marry him?

Now you want me to divorce him. What do you mean? I roared: He is a rotten person. He said that if I helped him catch up with you, he would help me catch up with his sister. His sister is married now. ...