Narcissism and authority expectations

Most people get negative expectations from their parents and other caregivers. When they grow up, what they say the most and the first words they say are mostly negative. But self-fulfilling prophecies are more positive than parental authoritative expectations. Human nature is inherently narcissistic, and people originally hope that they are good. Although the expectations of authority are very important, when the expectations of authority are too negative, we can still mobilize the power of narcissism to maintain the belief that "we are good." Feel. The fact that we can grow into relatively mature people despite so many negative expectations from parents and other authorities is an achievement and one that must not be underestimated.

Next, let’s talk about narcissism, that is, the complex logic between self-expectations and authority expectations.

First, whether it is the expectations of authority or the expectations of oneself, positive ones are better than negative ones.

Second, there is an important distinction between positive expectations. Excessive expectations from authority will naturally bring huge pressure.

There are two types of positive expectations:

The first is an extension of authoritative narcissism - "I hope you can become the positive image I hope you will be";

The second is the authority's trust in you - "I believe that you are the best. Now that you have doubts about yourself, I will give you positive confirmation and support."

< p> In the first type of expectation, the authority has a goal and hopes that you will become what it wants. In the second type of expectation, the authority simply trusts you. It can also be said that the second kind of expectation is the feeling of "confidant".

If authority expects confidant trust, that is a huge source of strength, not pressure.

The field of psychoanalysis believes that the best nurturing environment is supportive, which has two basic characteristics: when the child develops well, recognize him; when the child is frustrated, support him.

Support includes positive expectations, but the positive expectations here are child-centered, not centered on the imagination in the parents' minds.

Third, parents’ expectations are too high, which will cause children to lose their original demands for life.

Fourth, psychoanalysis is only trying to figure out how human nature works, without distinguishing right from wrong and good from bad. This is because classifying right and wrong as good or bad is creating division, or creating binary opposition.

For example, when talking about self-expectations and authority expectations, we distinguish between positive expectations and negative expectations. Such words can easily make people make such judgments: positivity is good and negativity is bad, so we You can only give your own expectations and don't send out negative expectations.

When we make such judgments about right and wrong, we will lose a certain amount of freedom, be biased in our observations, and lose some freedom in our actions.

When we solidify some observed principles and distinguish between right and wrong, it will affect the realization of human potential.

Fifth, if you have severe narcissism and sometimes want to escalate it, a good solution is: take your time. Because this requires changing your personality. Changing one's own personality takes a very long time, and it is basically impossible within three or two years. There is a very key factor. When observing yourself, you must also have a neutral attitude. Of course, it is best to have a neutral attitude. That is, when you find a problem, remember to encourage yourself instead of attacking yourself. If you can't do this yourself, it's important to find someone else who can support you.

Narcissism and authority expectations are essential to our lives. How to treat it is worth thinking and deciding carefully.