Daughter-in-law gave her mother-in-law a birthday, but she was driven out to eat in the yard: "I can't have my son's things." What should I do?

I went back to my hometown the other day to listen to my mother's story. Uncle Zhang in an alley was sent to a nursing home. His son and daughter-in-law think that the old man is incapable of working and unwilling to wait on him. Because my daughter was not valued since she was a child, she was forced to marry a man without feelings when she grew up, and almost broke up with the old man. Later, after mediation by the village brigade, the son took out some money and sent the old man to the nursing home.

"Poor you, uncle zhang. Before you were sent to a nursing home, your son and daughter-in-law kicked you out to live in a pigsty. You are dirty and smelly. Your aunt wouldn't have known about it if she hadn't borrowed a hoe from her son's house. When the old man was carried out of the pigsty, he could hardly speak. My son's daughter-in-law used to watch him work hard and said that he was still willing to raise him, but because he was sick once, he could not work, and his son's daughter-in-law didn't like it. "

My mother shook her head as she spoke. "Poor people also have hateful places, who let him spoil his son so much, regardless of his daughter? When I was old, I was taken to live in a pigsty, and my daughter did not want to take care of it. "

Actually, I know something about Uncle Zhang's family. Uncle Zhang's wife left early. He has a son and a daughter. From small to large, Uncle Zhang spoiled his son, but he was like a child who was picked up. Apart from leftovers, he hardly hurt her. Since he was a child, he has been picking up old clothes from other girls of the same age in the alley.

Uncle Zhang's family has the concept of "son preference". In their mind, the boy is the root of their family and can carry on the family line, while the daughter is "losing money" for others.

It is precisely because he was guilty when he was young that now he has lost his ability to work. His sons and daughters-in-law feel that he is of no use and they all dislike him. Plus, I didn't care about my daughter since I was a child. When I grow up, I force my daughter to marry a man who has no feelings for the bride price. Then I broke my heart and almost broke up with my mother's family.

Uncle Zhang's wife died, and his daughter appeared once on the day of the funeral, but not at other times. She was badly hurt by Uncle Zhang and his wife, which is why she behaved like this.

A writer once said that the growth history of girls in China was used too much and cared too little. This is talking about "son preference". Daughters who grow up in patriarchal families are mostly despised and can't get any care. When they grow up, they will be treated as "things" in exchange for "property".

I remember a colleague talking to me. She said that she regretted giving birth to a daughter, because she had a difficult growth process and was badly hurt by her parents' "son preference" thought.

What good things were there at home when I was a child? My brother and younger brother chose them before they got her. If the family is facing financial difficulties, the first thing that comes to mind is to let her bear it and suffer a little. Even at the age of 14, she will drop out of school and go out to work to earn money to supplement her family. When they grow up, they are also regarded as "objects" for exchanging bride price; After marriage, you will be kidnapped by the morality of "we worked hard to raise you" and blackmailed again and again.

In life, many women and their families are destroyed step by step!

Guo He has been married for five years. During the five years after marriage, Guo did not get along well with her mother-in-law, but she loved Guo very much and treated her well.

Although he rarely stood up to help his wife Guo in the face of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he has been trying to make money in order not to let Guo continue to be angry with his mother. After three years of marriage, he and Guo bought a suite with a down payment, and then moved out to live alone.

The root of the contradiction between Guo and her mother-in-law is that Guo's child is a daughter, while Guo's mother-in-law is seriously patriarchal.

Guo has a sister who was not loved by her mother-in-law since she was a child. She was ordered to drop out of school early and was later treated as a bride price. Her experience is exactly the same as that of Uncle Zhang's daughter. Later, because I was fed up with such a family, I broke off contact with my family.

For this sister, her mother-in-law Guo is very disapproving. She thinks that her daughter is someone else's "loss goods". As long as she makes use of her use value (exchange bride price), there is no need to take care of her. In fact, this is one of the reasons why Guo's sister cut off contact with her family.

Guo also has a brother-in-law Although her mother-in-law was not bad at first for her husband and brother-in-law, since Guo gave birth to her daughter, her mother-in-law has been more eccentric to her brother-in-law's family.

Guo said that when she was pregnant for the first time, her mother-in-law kept whispering in her ear, telling her not to live up to her expectations and give birth to a big fat boy and a grandson. Even before Guo Jin gave birth, her mother-in-law was still smiling, but just after learning that she had given birth to a daughter, she had an attack in front of many people in the hospital, calling Guo a useless thing and giving birth to a "loss-making".

When Guo was in confinement, his father was ill because he couldn't delay working as an outsourcing worker. His mother needed to take care of his father, so she had to let her mother-in-law take care of him. But her mother-in-law cared that she gave birth to a girl, so she made things difficult for her the next month. The water for washing your face and hands is cold; Zhang Nian is not at home during the day and eats oil; The child is crying, Guo is inexperienced as a mother for the first time, and her mother-in-law is just watching jokes.

When the moon finally came out, her mother-in-law began to blame her for eating idle meals at home and let Guo go to work to make money. Guo felt that her mother-in-law was too much, so she refuted her, but her mother-in-law showed off the story of giving birth to three brothers and sisters: "When I was out of the month, I quickly went to work. Women can't be too delicate! "

Knowing that Guo was bullied by his mother, he always wanted to help her. However, since Guo gave birth to his daughter, he has never won the favor of his mother, and he will be called incompetent every time. Compare him with his younger brother, praise his younger brother and his sister-in-law.

In the eyes of Guo's mother-in-law, giving her a fat grandson is the real filial piety. Even if Guo He is kind to her, she always feels that her youngest son and daughter-in-law are better than Guo. Because, the younger son and the younger son let her have a big grandson.

Later, he Guo finally bought a suite with a down payment and moved out. After living under the same roof with my mother-in-law, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is naturally less. However, the two will still go back to their hometown to see their mother-in-law every once in a while. After all, children's courtesy to the elderly cannot be forgotten.

Once Guo's mother-in-law had a birthday, and she just wanted to go to other places to talk about the construction site, so she had to take her daughter to celebrate her mother-in-law's birthday. Helpless because every time I go back, I have Zhang Nian with me. Some things Guo used as a shield, but this time Guo was helpless because he couldn't come back from work.

In order to ease the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, Guo spent a month's salary to accompany her to shopping malls, bought gold jewelry and peach cakes for her mother-in-law, and took her daughter back to her hometown.

Many people celebrated their mother-in-law's birthday that day, and almost all the seven aunts and eight aunts were complete. However, just after a busy meal, Guo's mother-in-law solemnly patted the table and pointed at Guo and said, "eldest daughter-in-law, you can't have a son." You don't deserve to eat at the table. You have a daughter, you can take the child to the small table in the yard outside! "

After the mother-in-law finished, several aunts and grandfathers of the same age echoed: "Yes, so does our family. If we can't have a son, we don't deserve to eat at the table! "

Guo was annoyed by these words. She grabbed the bowl chopsticks in her daughter's hand directly, threw them at the door, picked up the bag and left her husband's house. When she left the door, she shouted, "Go on with your son's preference! I will never set foot in this house again. When you are old, let the person who gave birth to your grandson support you! "

Guo is very angry. Although she said something disrespectful and inappropriate to the elderly, her mother-in-law went further. I prefer boys to girls, exploited my daughter for half my life, and then made things difficult for her because my eldest daughter-in-law gave birth to a daughter. Even at her birthday party, she said in a humiliating tone that the eldest daughter-in-law gave birth to a daughter and was not qualified to eat at the table.

As a woman, she can look down on her daughter-in-law and have a daughter. Her decadent ideas are too backward. Therefore, I can't blame my daughter for breaking up with such a family, nor can I blame my eldest daughter-in-law for contradicting her.

As the saying goes, people will meet in the future when they are outside.

First of all, you have a son, and it is enough to have someone to support you. But it's too much for you to reach into your son's daughter-in-law's small family and even affect whether they have children or not.

Children and grandchildren have their own blessings, and their children have not abandoned them. You don't have to worry so much.

Secondly, this attitude of balancing water with water will often become the root of No Country for Old Men. Especially when facing your daughter-in-law, please leave yourself a dignity and don't embarrass your filial daughter-in-law.

The old man's preference for sons is a dagger in the family. When he rises, it hurts the parent-child feelings of himself and his children, and when he falls, it hurts their children's marriage and their children.

Those girls who have been neglected and neglected since childhood, living in the family where they came from is not a good environment. They have to face many loneliness and difficulties alone since childhood and can only gradually cultivate their ability to survive in adversity.

When they grow up to a certain extent, they will no longer have illusions and hopes for such a family. Like uncle Zhang's daughter and Guo's sister. In fact, one day Uncle Zhang's today will be Grandma Guo's tomorrow.

Nowadays, the society is progressing rapidly, and our thoughts should keep pace with the times. Now women hold up half the sky, so don't use stubborn old ideas to imprison the development of civilization.