In the relationship between husband and wife, what does a "widowed" marriage look like?

Marriage is the practice of two people. When a woman can eat alone, make money alone, take care of the children alone, and sleep alone. Take full responsibility for the role that men play in life. Then does she still need a man in her life?

If more than three of the following characteristics exist in your life, it is a widowed marriage.

1. Not giving love

Feelings are mutual. It doesn't matter if a woman is tired, but without the flow of warmth and love, it will be difficult to support her. And some men are still looking for other women outside, feeling that the women at home are just not as good as those outside. When I got home, I kept criticizing women for not doing anything well.

2. Not giving money

The "status difference" between men and women in society is getting closer and closer, and each other needs to bear the expenses of the family. But some men only care about making money for themselves and don't care about their family. Some men even squander their family's money.

3. Not accompanying me

I am busy with work during the day and fall asleep when I go home at night. On weekends, I’m either holding my phone or playing games. He doesn't care about his wife and children at all, and completely forgets about his wife and children.

4. Not taking care of children

Women often take care of children alone, which is very hard. The man returned home and asked him to help take care of the children, but he was unwilling. I just lay on the sofa and watch TV, as if the child only has a mother and no father.

5. Not doing housework

Laundry, cooking, cleaning, everything at home, large and small, are all done by women. The man didn't give a word of comfort or appreciation. It seems that everything a woman does is taken for granted. Widowhood? The most common manifestation of marriage: you and your husband never match up with each other at the same time. You fall asleep when he gets off work, and he falls asleep again when you get off work. As time goes by, your marriage becomes emotionless. How should we solve a marriage like this?

This is a cry from a counselor:

Hello teacher, in my marriage, do I really only pay attention to my own feelings?

Why are the two people’s concepts so different? Why do men and women have completely different perceptions of family?

First of all, let’s trace the reasons for the emergence of widowed marriage:

1. Family education factors

Chinese families only educate boys as long as they grow up. It is enough to be big and stand out. Due to the influence of traditional concepts, men will naturally ignore family obligations. And it will instill the idea that doing housework is a woman's job, and doing housework is a sign of femininity. Therefore, in order to prove their masculine characteristics, boys will deliberately keep a certain distance from housework. Therefore, family education is reflected very differently in men and women.

2. The improvement of women’s economic status

The expected role of women in the family has not changed. They are the ones mainly responsible for housework. In the labor market, they have to do the same as men. Faced with the pressure from working to earn money to support the family, and education, women are increasingly pursuing career self-realization.

Whether it is this kind of self-fulfillment incentive or the actual economic situation that does not allow it, it has become impossible for women to completely return to the family. In this way, women must not only work hard in the market like men, but also complete traditional Role expectations given to women. This greatly aroused women's dissatisfaction, so the rather intense-sounding word "widowed" marriage began to appear.

3. Differences in the thinking of men and women

1. In the urban marriage and love market, men generally have an advantage over women.

2. Both husband and wife have their own careers and social circles.

3. After marriage, more time is spent on educating children, getting along with the elderly and other issues. There is a lack of communication between the couple.

For "widowed" marriages, we can alleviate it in the following ways:

Learn to share part of the family affairs with your husband and let him learn to take responsibility.

Women should not always show off and do everything by themselves. Don't really make yourself omnipotent, otherwise your husband will unconsciously think that he can do everything or do nothing.

You can coquettishly say: I don't know how to do this, can you help me? This will allow him to participate in life and help him more in daily life, so that the lives of the two people will be integrated.

2. Learn to praise and appreciate

Learn to praise your husband and recognize his strengths! It's important to make him feel like he's at home.

Many people will think that if you can talk about your husband’s shortcomings for three days and three nights, there is no merit to be said! In reality, does your husband really have no strengths? Think about it, is he sometimes very humorous? Can you cook good food? Can you make money to support your family? Kindhearted? Appropriate praise, especially in front of children and outsiders, can make him more proactive in his contribution to the family.

3. Create romance and add a sense of freshness to ordinary life

Create a space to get along independently and find more different topics to make life more interesting. Some fun.

There should be more than just daily necessities in life. When you have free time, go to a friend’s party and watch a movie together! Let’s talk about a topic that interests both ***. Organize a tour on weekends or holidays, etc.

In fact, there is no absolutely correct way to keep a marriage alive, and there is no panacea that works for all marriages. Marriage itself is an individual that both parties have to run together. The situation of each family is different. Be flexible and adaptable to your own situation to find the most suitable method for keeping your marriage fresh.

If the marriage has a validity period, will you choose to renew it? If marriage was about living together, would you still think that the other person was the best partner in the past? You might as well learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes! Widowed marriages are very common, and some people's marriages are ruined by this. To eliminate this kind of marriage, all we have to do is communicate more, contact more, accompany you more, care more, and let the other person feel your love.