The 36-year-old divorced woman cried: I don't climb high or marry low. Why do my parents scold me for asking for a blind date?

"I have eaten more salt than you have, and the bridge is longer than the road you have traveled. We have been there before. "

Growing up, it is not difficult to hear parents tell us this in their ears. Parents constantly instill their thoughts and behavior patterns into us and enjoy it.

Holding high the guise of "we once had", I firmly believe that my thoughts and choices are right, but I do harm to my children in the name of love, but I don't even realize it.

On the phone with my father at night, I told him that the blind date introduced by my aunt last time could not speak, and we were not suitable, so we unilaterally announced that the blind date failed.

Hearing this, the father on the other end of the phone immediately changed his tone. He was very angry and shouted, what are you looking for? Why are you so demanding?

This time, my aunt introduced me to a blind date who is taller than my previous boyfriend and has a good family condition. My parents run a breakfast shop, and they have a good impression on him after meeting him, but they just can't get along with him.

In the chat with him, I realized that he had just been lovelorn for less than two months. He tells me about his ex-girlfriend and some odds and ends at home every day. He was bursting with negative energy, but he still didn't get out of the shadow of lovelorn. He really took me as his confidant.

During the time I tried to get along with him, I hinted that he would go out on two dates, but he refused. Besides, he is too masculine for me. In that case, I don't want to talk to him any more.

Our parents always say that it is good for us, but whether it is love or marriage, the participants and beneficiaries will always be us, and only we can feel the ups and downs.

What do people who marry for the sake of marriage really want? Marrying a person who can't get along with each other, will life really be happier and more colorful than a high-quality single life? What should we do in the face of this "unacceptable love" given by our parents?

02

"To be honest, I really don't want to go out on a blind date every day, and I don't want to quarrel with my parents all the time for this topic. I can understand their anxiety, but I really hope they can understand my thoughts.

I want to marry someone from two of a kind, instead of just finding someone with similar conditions to live with, and I will just show it to others. What I need is a high-quality married life. "

Less than a year and a half after the last failed marriage, Huang Lijuan's parents arranged a blind date for her again. From the initial cooperation to the present fear, Huang Lijuan was made miserable by his parents' behavior.

Huang Lijuan has always been a good girl in the eyes of her parents. She has never betrayed them. Huang Lijuan's obedience comes from her understanding of her parents, knowing that they have suffered a lot for this family.

But it is this bottomless obedience to parents that makes Huang Lijuan have a bad marriage history. The bitter marriage life made Huang Lijuan full of resentment towards his parents, and at the same time he was more cautious about marriage.

Long before she obeyed her parents' blind date arrangement, Huang Lijuan also talked about falling in love twice, but both ended in vain.

The first boyfriend broke up because they had just left school and had different choices. On the one hand, the second boyfriend broke up because of his personality disagreement, and on the other hand, the parents of the other side disagreed and disliked her future daughter-in-law.

Later, Huang Lijuan listened to her parents' blind date arrangement, and got married after getting along with her ex-husband for less than half a year.

Huang Lijuan's ex-husband, with moderate family conditions, has a house in the town, and the house in his hometown just caught up with the demolition (the two were anxious to get married at that time, that is, they listened to their ex-husband's mother and set up more demolition houses), and his ex-husband opened an excavator at the construction site. Li Juan's parents saw that her husband's family was in good condition, so they tried their best to fix them together.

Although we get along well, Li Juan found some bad habits of her ex-husband: laziness, bad temper, indecision ... but seeing that her parents were satisfied with her ex-husband, she agreed to this marriage.

However, when Li Juan gave birth to her second child, her ex-husband cheated her and had sex with another woman on the construction site. They also lived together, and then her ex-husband forced her to divorce by cold violence.

Can't stand this depressing and painful marriage life, Li Juan offered to divorce, leaving her children with her ex-husband and sharing a house by herself.

I thought it was the beginning of a happy life, but I didn't expect it to be the beginning of a nightmare.

03

"I really don't understand my mother. When someone introduces me to a blind date younger than me, I always ask them again and again if they care about my age. So not as good as my age? "

Originally, Li Juan married later than her peers, and now she is 36 years old. Now she has become an older divorced woman. It is very difficult to find a satisfactory partner for her second marriage, and her parents are also very anxious about it.

So whenever they think they can talk and get along, if Li Juan doesn't agree, they will definitely give her a hard time at home.

"I don't climb high or marry low, and the requirements for blind date are not high. I hope that the other party can take me to heart, be sincere and frank, have a good character, and have little difference in economic foundation. "

"I don't know what kind of object you are looking for, but in terms of the blind date conditions you just said, it is very demanding. Are you really not going to get married again? Do you want to watch a joke about your father and me at your relative's house? "

Li Juan was a little puzzled by his mother's words. How did she relate her marriage to their face problems? In the final analysis, your blind date requirements are also based on your own happiness. Why should I scold your blind date request?

Last time, a distant relative of Li Juan introduced her to a blind date, not to mention her age. He and his ex-wife have a son, saying that the stepmother is difficult, and the problem of children will inevitably affect the quality of their second marriage.

Tell me more about him. Counting the blind date, the two always meet three times. Every time they don't meet, they say they are invited to dinner, and they all ask for AA system when they pay the bill. On one occasion, Li Juan paid the bill.

Li Juan really didn't dare to think that living with a stingy person with children would be more painful than her last marriage.

There is also a blind date, which I only met in recent days and was introduced by my family. We haven't met yet, but we have added contact information to each other.

Just after adding the contact information, the other party took the initiative to contact Li Juan and had a brief talk. After that, Li Juan also sent him a message on his own initiative, and the other party responded enthusiastically, and then it was gone.

Originally, Li Juan has lost interest in blind date, and when she sees that the other party doesn't take the initiative to contact herself, she stops contacting him.

"To tell you the truth, I am not a celibate. I also hope to meet the man who is really good to me and have a warm home, but I am also ready to die alone because I am really tired. "

04

Perhaps in the eyes of Li Juan's parents, when her daughter is old and hasn't found her husband's family, she will be gossiped behind her back. Besides, she is 36 years old and married for the second time, so she shouldn't be picky. Marriage is more than just living together.

As the saying goes, when a blind cat meets a dead mouse, they consider the number of blind dates arranged by their daughter, while the daughter considers the quality of blind dates, because what she needs in her heart is two of a kind, not a make-do relationship.

It says that the conflict of ideas is something that Li Juan's parents can't get over and understand. If they could understand Li Juan's choice from the heart, instead of asking her to "morally kidnap" her in the name of love, there would be no quarrel between them.

At the same time, as a child, we must understand one thing: marriage is not for parents, but for ourselves. In the face of parents' urging marriage, you may be bored, anxious and resistant, but you must not let these negative emotions affect your choice.

Think of Mr. Zhou Guo Ping once said:

"Of all the responsibilities in the world, the most fundamental responsibility is to truly be yourself, live high's unique personality and value."

Don't climb high, don't marry low, carefully calculate what you want, know that you are still young, and strive to improve yourself. If flowers bloom and bees and butterflies come, there will be excellent people waiting for you.