The funny quotes that can make you laugh are simply amazing. A collection of funny quotes that will help you get rid of crow’s feet.

1. I scold you for your own good. You should learn something from it, such as self-knowledge.

3. A stone in my heart finally fell to the ground, but it hit my foot!

4. I have to work hard, otherwise people will say that I am nothing but good-looking , the rest is useless.

5. Don’t fall in love with someone just because your brain is full of water. What if the water dries up one day?

6. They say women are made of water, so am I! However, I am made of soda and I am irritable.

7. I hope my loved one can ride on the colorful auspicious clouds. I didn't think about it. To you but riding. A pug came to marry me.

8. This summer, I feel like I’m here without going out. It’s a waste of life, and I feel like I’m dying when I go out.

9. As long as you take the initiative, we will have a story, just. I want you to be bold, we are not only there for a reason. Things, and possibly children.

10. Don’t use pretense as an excuse. You can see through it at a glance because you are so wretched.

11. It’s not easy for good-looking people to cheat. The invigilator couldn’t help but look at me a few times. No wonder I was often caught back then.

12. When you see others working so hard, so diligently, and so high-spirited on the road to success, ask yourself, don’t you want to be a stumbling block for them?

13. I heard that the average Chinese touches their mobile phone 150 times a day. I laughed. It’s nonsense. It’s obvious that they only pick it up once when they wake up and put it down before going to bed.

14. If you like me, come and confess to me. People who love me must experience this in their lives. How does it feel to be rejected by a beautiful woman?

15. Congratulations on surviving another day and winning the lottery. Another day

16. The naughty boy folded a paper crane and threw it in my face. He said he was playing Angry Birds. This kid is so cute, no! Did he mean that I was a pig?

17. The funniest plot in TV series and movies is that the white knife enters when killing people. The white knife comes out.

18. Anyone who has read can quickly distinguish the footsteps of parents, turn off the computer, TV or mobile phone within 20 seconds, put down their homework and pick up a pen.

19. I’m going to meet the other person’s parents tomorrow. I’m so nervous. After all, I was the one who hit his child first.

20. The only way to relieve worries is to get rich suddenly.

21. Some people like your face, some people like your voice, some people like your character, some people like your life, but I am different, I don’t like you.

22. A strong life requires no explanation.

23. All the heavy rain I missed in those years will be returned to you in these days.

24. When I was a child, I played cat and mouse. When the mice were all hidden, I, the cat, would go home.

25. Thank you for coming to see me after I die. In order to repay you, I will go to see you at 12 o'clock tonight.

26. Even if I am ridiculously stupid, it doesn’t matter to you.

27. There are always a few friends who are gentle and polite when they first met, but after a few days they become mentally ill from whom I don’t know which hospital they were released from. You can laugh out loud and talk about funny short sentences that can make you laugh to death

1. I want to be your little sun, either to warm you or to burn you to death.

2. Seeing that you are starting to show off, I can only choose to be your best listener.

3. Others hold hands, but I hold a dog in my hand. I walk around and take a look to see who bites the dog.

4. Time is a butcher's knife. This saying only applies to good-looking people. It has nothing to do with ugly people.

5. I am getting older and my youth is gradually fading away, but the acne that has accompanied me throughout adolescence still refuses to leave.

6. I love to eat by nature, and I feel extremely hungry if I don’t eat.

7. I particularly like smiling. After all, newly made porcelain teeth are very expensive.

8. The four major tragedies of life: ability is not worthy of dreams, income is not worthy of enjoyment, appearance is not worthy of pretentiousness, and knowledge is not worthy of age.

9. I didn’t like eating when I was a child, which made me short now; now I like eating, which makes me fat and short. I hugged my fat self sadly.

10. The most sad and happy thing in life is brushing your teeth. The left hand is the cup and the right hand is the washing utensil.

11. You love to make sarcastic remarks so much. Could it be that you were born from Fengyoujing and cooling oil?

12. Not only do I have good luck, but I also have good athlete’s foot.

13. Your appearance is too obscure and difficult to understand. I can only focus on understanding.

14. Later, I finally understood through tears that once some people gain weight, they cannot lose weight!

15. In the current situation, I am wasting time, I am squandering time, I am blurring the present, and I am fearing the future.

16. In today's society, it is no longer useful to cook raw rice into cooked rice. Even if it becomes popcorn, what should run will still run away.

17. As an optimistic person in the eyes of others, it is probably because you are hanging and dying, and everyone thinks you are swinging.

18. A certain woman looked in the mirror at night and looked at her body as white as jade! Sighing: What a wonderful cabbage, why can’t I find pigs?

19. As long as you are thin, you can match anything. If you are fat, you can match anything.

20. From now on, all over the world, for thousands of generations, there will only be you and me, and there will be no more of us

21. In fact, we can boil all the problems down to two types: one is One is caused by hunger when there is no food, and the other is caused by being full after eating.

22. If you feel that you are as tired as a dog all day long. You really misunderstood. No dog is as tired as you.

23. I want to be a gentle person, but gentleness has been devalued.

24. People who write poorly do so because their hand speed cannot keep up with the thinking of their brains. To put it bluntly, people who write poorly are smarter!

25. A man’s four greatest hopes: a cook at home, a good-looking person in the office, a mean person by his side, and someone who misses him far away.

26. Smile in front of the people you hate, and be as arrogant as you want

27. If our relationship is weakening, then add some salt.

28. After taking the exam for so many years, why not have an anniversary celebration? For example, if you take 40 exams, you will get 20, if you pass two subjects, you will get one, and if you choose two subjects, you will be exempted from the exam.

29. If you have a look that only your mother will like, you will be doomed if you don’t work hard.

30. I was very happy when I found two cents. I picked it up and saw carefully that it was money from 1982. I was so happy for nothing. The money should have expired.

31. My wife’s initials are Lp, and my beautiful one’s initials are pL. I suddenly understood that a wife is often the opposite of being beautiful.

32. A life where everyone loves you and flowers bloom, what a blessing.

33. If a girl today was walking on the streets in ancient times and was taken back to bed by the emperor, and washed her face at night, would she be convicted of bullying the emperor or something?

34. Go ahead and dye yourself green, you don’t have to be a cuckold.

35. With your appearance, you don’t need to lose weight at all. Now you can still use fat as an excuse for being ugly. After you lose weight, you will have no excuses anymore.

36. They say it’s too tiring to like one person, so I liked several people, but it turned out to be even more tiring!

37. I accidentally passed my destination while taking a taxi. In desperation, my brain twitched and I yelled at the driver: "My voice is still vibrating!"

38. Your complex facial features cannot hide your simple IQ!

39. You will feel lonely when eating alone, but not when eating snacks alone.

40. Those obstacles that you can’t overcome are not because you have short legs!

41. I am not RMB, how can I make everyone like me?

42. We agreed to grow old together, so let’s dye ourselves gray.

43. You are so stupid, can you learn from it?

44. After being put aside for a month, the oranges began to wrinkle but the apples were already rotten. Therefore, being thick-skinned is of great significance to life.

45. As long as you are willing to endure hardships with me, I am willing to be a tiger going down the mountain for you

46. Even if it is bad, this is my life and it is none of your business

47. I hope you will have wine, meat and a girl in the future, and the girl will be too ugly to look good.

48. Stop talking, there is nothing to talk about between you and me except love.

49. If you are not crazy when you are young, what will you say when you are old?

50. Don’t be too proud, you are not special

51. Between you and me Apart from love, there is nothing else to talk about.

52. Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but important.

53. Staying up late is the mother of acne, and you can’t afford to hurt it.

54. How can bangs grow so fast?

55. An oath is just a momentary slip of the tongue.

56. The scary thing is that a cow is playing the piano to you.

57. Your lung capacity is so big that you can blow the whistle.

58. Hitting is kissing, scolding is loving, and if you love deeply, you will kick.

59. I don’t know how to curse, but the people I curse are not people.

60. I have hit the south wall, but I want to knock it over

61. I used to be a rich man, pretending to be a rich man.

62. First learn not to be angry, and then learn to make others angry. Funny Talk

1. Because the triangle is fixed, the love triangle relationship is stable.

2. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but between you using China Unicom and me using Mobile.

3. I have always had a question: What did the first person in the world do to cows who knew that milk was drinkable?

4. I’m sorry, I didn’t grow into what you like, didn’t develop the character you like, and didn’t make you feel excited.

5. My future husband will definitely be a road addict, otherwise why wouldn’t he have found me even now?

6. When you speak ill of me, can you please stop adding fuel and vinegar to it, thinking it’s just a stir-fry?

7. He can turn his white underpants into chrysanthemums when he farts.

8. Hey, who is that? I have never seen a child more innocent than Lunsu.

9. I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a septic tank.

10. Why did Chang'e rush to the moon == Hou Yi shot for nine days, even a god couldn't stand it.

11. Checking the time in bed every morning is not to get up, but to see how much longer you can sleep.

12. Regardless of whether the thin person says he has gained weight or lost weight, the fat person will think that the thin person is showing off.

13. What are the two small claws on the giraffe’s head? Some people actually say that it is a deer router and that the zoo’s WiFi relies on it!

14. If you want to fight, I will fight! I have thousands of live wire brains.

15. When Russia puts on her wedding dress. When I put on my cassock. This life is enough.

16. The mood of going to work is heavier than visiting the grave.

17. The sky is blue, the eyes are blurry, and the days without money are too long!

18. Doraemon said: Nobita, it’s not me you want, just the pocket.

19. You are not too handsome to be obvious, but you are too ugly!

20. The idiom "become famous instantly" actually describes female artists in ancient and modern times.

21. When you hear the school bell, you first take out your mobile phone, and then start the most boring thing in your life.

22. I have a little donkey. I ride it to dates. I am never surprised when others drive Ferraris.

23. The farthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but between Monday morning and Friday afternoon.

24. I am low-key because I will not be high-profile.

25. Since you can’t afford to drive a bicycle, then drive a bike!

26. Who do you want to be? Tell me when you want to marry. I will marry you.

27. A husband is like a dog on the roadside, whoever is capable can lead it away.

28. I can’t say that I am a horse, but I am definitely not an ordinary donkey.

29. The sun is shining in the sky, and the flowers are dying.

30. No longer become bad in silence, just become perverted in silence.

31. Whenever the school is being cleaned, he will say: "You have to treat the school as your home"! Whenever I'm late, I say: "You think school is your home"!

32. Heaven will let you die, God will let you disappear, and man will separate us.

33. Who says being short is bad? If you can, don't lower your head and talk to me.

34. If two people are together for a long time, it is also romantic to stare at each other.

35. I don’t like tidying up the room. They all call me the messy room hero.

36. It’s good to listen to English songs. I haven’t gotten tired of listening to them for half a year because I don’t understand them.

37. The little girl selling flowers pulled me and said, "Brother, buy flowers. You will know at a glance that you are a playboy."

38. If I throw you to Africa, you will never say that your girlfriend is evil again.

39. Those who deceive your feelings will make you hurt very quickly

40. Life is short. If you can slip away, it is a slippery slope.

41. Spring is here, and some people are also showing signs of spring.

42. No one has died since ancient times. The bitch dies first and then I die.

43. Alas, you look so sorry. I really admire your courage to survive.

44. You have the right to remain silent, but every word you say will become your last words.

45. The world is so big, why do you only take a scoop from me?

46. The world is so big, and I feel so lucky to know you.

47. "Happiness" means sleeping with a full stomach.

48. The success or failure of a person’s life depends on the memorial service.

49. I never dare to think about whether tomorrow will be better. I just want to be full for the next meal.

50. Come on, you are living like a will-o'-the-wisp, and you still try to illuminate others? Funny Sentences The most hilarious quotes in history

1. In order to prevent me from spending money randomly on Double Eleven, I decided to choose one of my friends to save the money for me. You can send me Alipay. I will announce which friend is so shameless tomorrow night. 2． I did something wrong and my girlfriend scolded me, and we ignored each other until she farted, and I farted right after, and she said: Oh, you still dare to talk back? The tough atmosphere was finally broken. . . 3． It’s the season again where you rely on perseverance to take a shower, endurance to do laundry, and explosive power to get out of bed. 4． Compared to a vigorous love, I prefer sleeping until noon every day. You picked me up and said to me: I made fish-flavored shredded pork, kung pao chicken, braised pork ribs, tomato scrambled eggs, spicy soup, lamb skewers, almond tea, and rock sugar pears. Stir-fried beans, tiger skin, chili, beef, vermicelli, spicy hot egg-filled pancakes, steamed buns with fruit and meat, Xi'an mutton steamed buns, Korean cold noodles and fried chicken legs, get up to eat. 5. In the elevator, a man and a woman were arguing. It seemed that the woman wanted to buy a bag. The man thought it was too expensive, so the woman wouldn’t buy it for me. I’m telling you, there are so many people who want to buy me a bag! The man said angrily: Don’t you have an idea of ??what you look like? ! The woman was anxious: What do I look like and what’s wrong with me? The man pointed at me and said to the woman that you look uglier than her after taking off your makeup. Hold the grass, how have I offended you? 6. After get off work today, I saw an old man dragging a rope into the elevator. I was wondering. . . The uncle suddenly turned his head and shouted, "Oh my God, where is my dog?" I burst out laughing, old man, I dare you to walk the rope for a long time! 7． There was a new shoe store downstairs of the company, and there was a discount for the opening. I tried on my right foot and bought a pair of leather shoes. When I got home, I discovered that both shoes were for the right foot! So I went back to the store to find the boss. The boss quickly apologized and said that it was his first time opening a store and he had no experience. He also brought me another pair of leather shoes of the same style from the warehouse. After returning home, I found this pair of leather shoes, both for the left foot. 8. In the morning, the child was naughty and was beaten by his father. At noon, his dad: Oh, son, are you still angry? It was your mother who asked me to beat you. Me: That’s what I said, you really hit me. . Son: Humph, they are not good things! Both of us. . .

9. Once when I was on a business trip, I suddenly felt anxious, so I went to the bathroom. After finishing my work, I found that I had forgotten to bring paper, so I knocked on the neighbor on the left and asked, "Brother, do you have any paper?" The neighbor on the left replied: I will go, I also forgot to bring the paper. Then he knocked on the neighbor on the right and asked: Brother, do you have any paper? After a few seconds, I heard a girl reply: Sorry, brother, I went to the wrong toilet. 10. It was raining heavily and it was difficult to get a taxi. After walking for a while, I saw a beautiful woman waving. The driver stopped the car and the beauty asked for a carpool. My heart is pounding, oh yeah! The driver looked back at me and I nodded wildly. The driver said: Get off the car, there is no charge for the part just now. 11. My youngest daughter said that there was a little boy in the kindergarten who bullied her every day and she was very angry. Wife: Have you figured out any way to deal with him? The younger daughter gritted her teeth and said: I decided to marry him when I grow up. I won’t give him pocket money. When I’m unhappy, I go shopping to buy clothes. When I’m angry, I make him kneel on the washboard. I’ll deal with him the way you dealt with my father! Wife: