What secrets do you have that you have never told?

I think I will share my secret with someone I trust. University life is quiet and beautiful, but sometimes it is boring. Finally, I fell in love. On the sixth morning, when he stood downstairs in my dormitory with soy milk, girls who didn't have much love were easily moved. Later, everything was too sweet for me. I feel something I have never felt since I was born again. We studied by ourselves together and visited the streets around the school. Suddenly, life became colorful. At that time, I thought, maybe this is the meaning of living. I have imagined our future home countless times, with yellow walls, sunny balconies and the names of our future daughters.

Later, on a cold Saturday afternoon, on my way home from work, he called me and said that we would eat something good today. Then I came as promised. I found four people with him, all older than us. Although I didn't like eating with people I didn't know, I didn't say anything at the time. My clear memory came to an abrupt end here, and the content in the middle was vague, but the pain was sharp. I don't know if I really don't remember it, or if the body started the self-protection mechanism in extreme pain and selectively forgot the experience of excessive pain. When the word gang rape was typed, I was already in tears.

I remember our counselor picking me up from the hospital on the way back to school, looking at the bright sunshine outside the window and the obviously distinctive billboards on the passing high buildings, I couldn't help crying. Later, the counselor took me to dinner. She said I should ask my parents for help. Although they told my parents, I didn't call myself. At that time, I missed my hometown like a flood. I dialed my mother's phone. Before I could suffocate, I didn't have time to call my mother. She said, why not others but you? Why are you still alive after doing such a shameful thing? Why all the fuss? You are shameless. Our family are all respected people. When the counselor heard this, she hugged me tightly. I can feel her shaking. She touched my head with a low fever and said, son, we can't change the world, we can't change others, we can only change ourselves!

This sentence sounded far away at that time. I feel a sharp pain. Pain will destroy me. I clearly felt the sharp pain coming from my heart and chest. It's definitely not the pain caused by the lower body tear. I wanted to cry, but I didn't! At that time, I was 18 years old and the bad guys were caught. I didn't want to know the reason, and I didn't guess. They're not the only ones who hurt me. After countless nights, I woke up in a nightmare, and all the content was about silent crying and parents' indifference. These are some of my secrets.