"How did my life become like this?"

Li Xun finally realized the inner feelings of a middle-aged unemployed man.

Just yesterday, the day before New Year's Eve, he lost his job.

Before entering the personnel department, Li Xun never thought that he would lose his job one day.

There is actually a reason why he thinks so.

Who is Li Xun? Jiangnan province, the capital city, came from a superior family when he was young, and his family was rich, and he made a group of friends with the same rotten tastes.

After losing his parents in his youth, Li Xun completed his college education with the support of relatives and friends.

After graduation, he gradually matured and completed his life stage step by step-getting married and having children.

He is conscientious and responsible in his work, and has won the titles of "excellent employee" and "model worker" in the company.

Now 47-year-old, married, with two boys, a sophomore, a large kindergarten class, and his wife staying at home full-time.

Until the personnel department, Li Xun returned to his post with his head covered.

After graduation, Li Xun worked in this company for nearly twenty years. He's already in the middle of the R&D department. Because of the company's strategic adjustment, all departments will be optimized and their departments will lay off employees. Afterwards, he learned that the vice president in charge of research and development left a month ago.

Even though there were many complaints and dissatisfaction with the company's inhuman practices, Li Xun suppressed his anger and signed the "voluntary resignation" list before leaving work. After many years in the workplace, he knew that if he didn't sign it, he might not even get the poor severance pay. The company has many ways to make him leave more embarrassed.

Even though I imagined in my mind that I died with the company. But this is just imagination. Family doesn't allow it, and time doesn't allow it.

At 5: 30 in the evening, with the last sunset disappearing on the horizon, Li Xun walked out of the office building with a carton. Office workers are busy going in and out with banners, red lanterns and Spring Festival couplets to celebrate the Spring Festival. A happy New Year.

Looking at the people coming and going around, he used to be one of them, but from tomorrow on, this place doesn't belong to him.

Today, he left here for the first time.

Working for others, even if you have a sense of ownership and always think of the company, you are still a pawn in the eyes of the boss. In some ways, as for the company, individuals seem to be the wind, as if they have been here, and as if they have never been here. For others, you think nothing.

After an hour of cold wind blowing in the community pavilion, Li Xun put the personal belongings brought by the company in the shoe cabinet at the door, bowed his head and rubbed his face a few times, tried to laugh a few times and opened the door at home.

There was laughter in the room. As soon as Li Xun came in, his youngest son rushed to him from the living room, hugged his thigh and said, "Dad, Dad, look, I made this lantern myself!" "

At this time, Li Xun found his son holding a simple red lantern in his hand and replied perfunctorily: "Well done, my son is great!" "

The child also wants to talk to him about how he worked hard to make this lantern. And he obviously has no patience to listen to what he says.

He said casually, "awesome, awesome, awesome."

His wife was busy in the kitchen, and obviously found him coming and called out the name of her youngest son: "Jun Jun, dad has been busy all day. Let dad have a drink of water before listening to you. "

The youngest son is taken care of by his mother every day and listens to her very much. He let go of his father's leg and said, Oh!

At this time, Li Xuncai quickly walked into the living room and fell on the sofa. He didn't feel alive until he fell down on the sofa. The string that has been stretched from the office is completely loose.

The first thing that comes to mind is what should I do?

Yes, what should I do? Without income, what about the mortgage? What about the car loan? What about the cost of children's schooling? What about daily expenses?

Looking up at him and his wife with a little bit of this small home with only two cities and one living room. Li Xun was a little relieved, and then he thought that he had left his job, and he was a little sad.

The wife and her little son are busy in the kitchen. He wants to tell her about his work. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, so telling him now will also increase her burden, so let's wait until after the New Year.

I think the compensation given by the company will be paid to the bank card in the middle of the month, at least for several months. At present, I'd better pay a New Year call first.

Li Xun fell on the sofa, his mind churning.

After a while, my wife's voice came from the restaurant: "Dinner is ready."

Pinched his brow, Li Xun stood up, walked to the table and sat down.

"Where's Ya Ya?"

Yaya, their eldest son. Play around in class at ordinary times. After graduating from junior high school two years ago, Li Xun managed to find him a place in a private high school. Even so, his study is just average, and he is in the middle and lower reaches of the class.

Because of this, Li Xun hit him and tried to persuade him, but it seems that he didn't. I'm still out at night, and I can't find anyone else at home all day.

"I went to Mao Mao's house in class and came back after dinner."

Li Xun and his wife are both from the Central Plains. They usually like to eat pasta such as steamed buns.

Dinner is millet porridge, steamed bread with noodles and a fried potato.

Looking at his wife's face, which was obviously several years older than the people around him because of taking care of the family, Li Xun opened his mouth and closed it again, and finally gave up.

After a simple dinner and cleaning the kitchen.

The wife walked up to Li Xun, who was staring at the mobile phone. "Tomorrow is the New Year. What do you want from your uncle's house? "

As in previous years, every Spring Festival, I will go home to give incense to my parents, have dinner with my uncle, and go back to my parents' house for a few days the next day.

Li Xun replied feebly, "What you took last year is what you took this year."

After that, I stood up: "I'm a little tired today." I'll take a shower first. "

Seeing that he had no desire to speak, his wife opened her mouth and closed it silently. She turned and took out her mobile phone to call her eldest son and ask him to come back.

Not surprisingly, Li Xun lost sleep this evening.

During the day, everything in the company kept popping up in my mind, and those clips, such as movies, came back to my mind again and again.

In the end, it all became one sentence: "How did my life become like this?"

Li Xun quietly wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, as if he had returned to childhood. Carefree childhood is his ultimate dream now.

At five o'clock in the morning, Li Xun looked at his sleeping wife and youngest son until dawn.

I got up and put on my own clothes, went to the narrow kitchen to steam steamed bread and cut some pickles pickled by my wife.

Sometimes, Li Xun wants to be hostile to the rich. The world is full of malice towards him. When he lost his parents when he was young, he finally got married. He thought he could live in peace, but he was unemployed.

When people reach middle age, they live in the same place.

After breakfast, his wife helped Li Xun put the new year's goods in the car he bought with a loan. Li Xun, who originally planned to buy a car excessively, has already felt the great malice of life.

At noon on New Year's Eve, they arrived at their hometown.

At lunch, my uncle seemed to see something on his mind and said, "Life is like this, just endure it."

This sentence seems to have some weight, but it doesn't seem to have. Other people's comfort seems to be scratching their boots.

Li Xun listened and nodded perfunctorily, wondering if he had listened.

When the child is older, he knows more, and some words can't be said too thoroughly, so the uncle stops talking.

New Year's Eve has always been one of the grand ceremonies at home. Li Xun has spent New Year's Eve with his uncle's family since his parents died.

The food is abundant, but he is not interested in tasting it. The problem of how to support his family without a job seems to have been bothering him.

Just, don't think about these depressing things in the new year. "Everything will be solved in the end", and everything is possible before the end of the rope. "

Li Xun thinks so. He looked at his wife, who got along well with his sister-in-law. The eldest son was not in a state of tension with himself at home, and he was happy to share his little secret with his cousin.

Li Xun also opened his mouth. Although I lost my job, my family was around with fireworks. People should not be too greedy.

A few days of annual leave is fleeting, and Li Xun's family has also arrived at the day of return. Aunt filled the trunk as usual.

After eating and drinking in recent years, Li Xun seems to have gained some weight and changed his mood.

With the end of the holiday, Li Xun's slightly relieved mood during the New Year began to get nervous again.

I have been sending resumes since the holiday and have not received an interview call so far.

Doing nothing at home every day, he is extremely anxious, and a casual sentence makes him fly into a rage, triggering a family scuffle.

Yaya, the eldest son who has entered adolescence, seems to be his nemesis and has been away from home for three days.

I said it and called it, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

No, my son came home late again, which made the smell of gunpowder between them diffuse again.

"You fooling around outside all day. Are you going to beg in the future? "

Obviously, my son is absolutely ungrateful. "Leave me alone and do whatever you want."

"I am your father, and it is natural for me to take care of you." Obviously, his son's words made him even angrier.

"I just don't listen to you. What can you do? "

Li Xun was so angry that he picked up the broom in the living room and wanted to hit him. Ya Ya obviously didn't want to be beaten passively, so she reached out and grabbed the front end of the broom.

Li Xun broke free several times, but he did not break free. Looking at his son who is half a head taller than himself, he suddenly felt a little depressed. Throw away the broom and go straight to the bedroom.

I am frustrated in my heart: children can't help being mothers when they are older. I can see what Ya Ya looked like when she was a child. At that time, he was so lovely and considerate.

The wife on the side squatted on the ground crying, and the younger son stood on the sofa at a loss. He was watching cartoons before the game.

The voice of "I will come back again" on TV is particularly loud, but no one cares anymore.

In any case, the days still flow down. Li Xun, who resigned for a month, finally received an interview call. Sweep away the haze of the past. Li Xun, who hung up the phone, tried to restrain his excitement and happily took out a suit he didn't want to wear from the closet.

He bought this suit with two months' salary when he got married. Although it has been more than ten years, even though Li Xun's figure is still very good and his weight has not increased too much, this suit is still a little tight to wear. But he's happy. He looked at the mirror again and again in a suit and was very satisfied with himself.

Thinking of tomorrow's interview, Li Xun made a gesture to himself in the mirror.

The next morning, Li Xun woke up and turned to look at his side. His wife has got up. During this time at home, my wife has a sense of urgency. What he said to his wife in the restaurant last night and what he interviewed today seem to make him full of hope for life.

Get up and put on yesterday's suit. After a simple breakfast, he left home quickly.

The company interviewed is a hot Internet outsourcing business at present. He arrived at the company just after 8: 30 in the morning.

He accepted an interview with a post-90s boy. Even if Li Xun is humble and honest.

After reading his resume, I obviously questioned his ability.

He was given cold silence and hot air, and after dismissing it, he was told to go back and wait for notice. Although annoyed, Li Xun calmly walked out of the company that made him lift his head.

Leaving this towering office building, Li Xun can't stand it anymore. Suddenly he took off his suit and jacket and pulled it to the ground. It seems that only in this way can a broken heart be cured.

Even so, the young man's words kept appearing in my mind. Even though I wanted to get rid of him from my mind, I firmly said years ago, "How did you mix up your life like this for a man in his forties?"

Yeah, why is my life so mixed up?

Li Xun also wants to ask himself this question.

Venting can't solve the problem, but life goes on. After wandering in the street for several hours, Li Xun staggered home.

The wife who opened the door saw his look, didn't speak, and silently brought out the rice.

The youngest son in kindergarten obediently sat next to him, and the eldest son hasn't come back yet, saying that he is studying at a classmate's house.

Li Xun knew that since the last quarrel with his son, his son tried to avoid him and didn't say anything to his mother, and his relationship with his father was gradually drifting away.

During dinner, my youngest son, Jun Jun, kept saying that the teacher planned to film graduation photo for the class, and each child needed to pay 2000 yuan.

Li Xun hates money most now. "What to shoot, don't shoot, too girly!"

Although the youngest son is usually a clever child, he is still a child. As soon as the rice bowl was pushed, he lay on the ground and played tricks: "I want to shoot, and the teacher said that the whole class should shoot." He asked for support: "Mom, I want to shoot!"

The wife looked at Li Xun's face and gently coaxed her son: "I'll kill you, kill you, let's eat!" "

"This is how children spoil you. If I don't shoot, I won't shoot I am the master of this family. "

Li Xun said, threw away the chopsticks and walked out of the restaurant.

Looking at the messy dining table, the wife picked up her son and gently coaxed him, losing his appetite.

Time goes by like water, Li Xun's job is still unsettled, and anxious people seem to find no place to vent their desire.

Eating mountains and empty food is not the way. Li Xun can only lower the standard and start a running career.

Because I am a novice, sometimes I will pay four or five orders a day, and the rebate except the platform will be tens of dollars. But in any case, the family has not always been open source.

After running for a while, Li Xun found that running at night would earn more. So I started a day of staying up late during the day and going out at night. .

From one hundred yuan to two or three hundred yuan a day, the days seem to be slowly on the right track.

The money for painting Jun Jun was still too much for the children, so I paid it off.

On this day, he waited for someone by the roadside.

Two young men came this time. Even through the mask, Li Xun can see at a glance that the slightly shorter one on the right is his eldest son, Ya Ya.

"I said, Li Ya, you can. It's so late, and your family doesn't rush you. I'm hanging up at home. "

"In my family, I am the master of my affairs, and my father can't control me."

"Hey, Li Ya, stop it. I'm so envious!"

"I envy you. You can buy whatever you want. Last time I saw your qq coat, was it the latest version? "

"I'll make you a set tomorrow!"

"Then I really accept it."

"That's very kind of you. Let's go our separate ways. "

"By the way, last time I heard you say that you and your dad had a little quarrel, what happened now?"

"My dad just doesn't have the ability to be lenient and doesn't care!"

"Dude, you are a little too much. It's your dad anyway! "

"A middle-aged waste who can't even keep himself? Other people's fathers either provide background for their sons or provide money. What can he give me? "

"Too much, after all, the person who raised you,"

"I just thought he raised me. Otherwise, no matter what I said that day, I will fight back. "

"Sometimes I hate him. Since I can't provide what I want, why should I be born? "

"Good good, don't say this. Go back and buy something to play all night. It's my treat today. "

"I just like my brother, the atmosphere!" Yaya flatters.

Li Xun was glad that he wore his brother's hat, the cover of his mask and his black-rimmed glasses when he went out today. In the dim light, even if his wife faces him, she may not know him, let alone pay little attention to her son.

"Very good, this avoids embarrassment." Li Xun silently said to himself. What is in your heart, only you know.

As the wheels slowly stopped, Li Ya and his buddies got out of the car and watched them walk quickly into the shop next to the Internet cafe.

Li Xun started the accelerator of the car and the car quickly left.

As the speed is getting faster and faster, Li Xun's heart is getting more and more sad.

How did my life become like this when people reached middle age?

The contempt of the world, the contempt of my son, how can this difficult life continue?

The wind blew in through the open window, but it didn't seem to relieve his heavy pressure.

Countless times I asked myself in my heart, "Why did my life become like this?"

I can't get the answer for countless times. If, if, if everything starts all over again.

With a bang, Li Xun parked his car in a small shop he often went to. I have not been here since I lost my job.

Think about five or six months.

After a few simple home-cooked dishes, Li Xun rarely wants a bottle of white wine.

Even though he is usually a drinker, he is in urgent need of alcohol redemption at this time.

Sure enough, just after drinking a few small glasses of wine, he looked around and felt that he was back.

This is where they eat, celebrate their birthdays and celebrate. Nowadays, coming here has become a luxury life.

He staggered up and paid for it. Because he was a regular customer, the shopkeeper saw that he was drunk and wanted to send him back. Li Xun refused. Insist on walking back.

Life, how ridiculous, how sad, but how helpless. Li Xun thought as he slowly crossed the intersection.

Go to the door of the community, Li Xun think so. Out of the elevator, he still thinks so.

Home is just around the corner. Li Xun takes out the key to open the door. The key turns around the lock several times, but it doesn't get in or out. I can only give up.

I took out my mobile phone and called my wife, as if I remembered that my wife had gone back to her mother's house with her little son.

No, I want to find a quiet place to wake up

I don't know how long I've been gone, but I came to the rooftop. Sitting on the edge of the rooftop and looking at the stars that few people notice in the city, Li Xun seems to be awake a lot.

No matter how hard life is, you still have to live, live. The youngest son is going to primary school soon, and his wife hasn't bought any new clothes since the Spring Festival. Dragon Boat Festival is coming, it's time to buy him some presents. As for the eldest son, since he can't manage it, let him go.

Take out your mobile phone and look at the time. It's past eleven o'clock in the evening. Li Xun staggered to his feet. He was no longer young. He suddenly jumped together and his head fell forward involuntarily. At this time, he quickly buckled the inner edge of the rooftop with his feet.

Unfortunately, he didn't care about anything, so he planted it on the roof.

When he fell, Li Xun felt a strange peace in his heart. Maybe this is his life.

With the collapse of his body, scenes of his parents when they were alive kept popping up in his mind.

At that time, he was so high-spirited, imagining the future with his friends and telling his expectations for a better life.

"This is the life I want," Li Xun sighed in his mind.

He closed his eyes with a bang.