Confucius' grandparents and grandchildren have been married for four generations, but he said that "women are difficult to support"?

Many people know that Confucius once said a famous saying, "Only women are difficult to raise, and if they are close, they are inferior, and if they are far away, they will complain." The "support" here can be understood as "support and support" from a modest point of view; From the perspective of "sage" condescending, it is "nurturing and nurturing"; Generally speaking, the explanation of peaceful compromise is "getting along".

The whole meaning of this sentence is that only women and young people are the most difficult to get along with. Too close and coquetry, they will be arrogant and don't know how to be modest; If they are alienated, alienated, they will feel disgusted!

From the perspective of modern people, this sentence is extremely biased and almost absurd. Mr. Lu Xun once satirized many fans with a sentence from Confucius: "Women and villains are the same kind, but I wonder if they include his mother?"

Confucianism is profound and profound, and it is the main carrier and master of China's culture for thousands of years. Its thought of benevolence, righteousness and harmony is the great spiritual wealth of the Chinese nation.

However, it goes without saying that in the feudal society of thousands of years, unfairness and irrationality towards women are widespread, and Confucius and his ideological theory played a role in fueling the situation, and later evolved into a patriarchal theoretical system such as "men are superior to women", "husbands are wives" and "women are virtuous without talent".

"Little people are hard to raise" is easy to understand. The "villain" is the "snake" in The Farmer and the Snake. They are generally mean, dirty, selfish and treacherous. They are a group of snobs who have no principles, no justice, no right and wrong, and only talk about the gains and losses of interests. "If they have milk, they are mothers", and their hearts are "often sad".

The question is, why did Confucius, who had been "self-denial and self-courtesy" all his life, advocate "benevolence", pay attention to "forgiveness" and advocate caution in words and deeds, but so rudely and clearly knocked over a boatload of people and publicly denied or even cursed all women in the world?

You know, he has always been very kind to people, and he strongly advocates "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you", "The beauty of a gentleman's adult is not the evil of an adult" and "Do your best until you die". How can a woman offend him?

In fact, it is not that Confucius and women have any deep hatred! Mainly limited to the era and cultural background of Confucius, it is a social structure centered on male chauvinism. Most women have not even received the most basic education, are unfamiliar with external things, are shielded by knowledge, have low economic status and have no skills to make a living. So-called "saints" like Confucius naturally have higher requirements for themselves and others than ordinary people.

Based on the social reality at that time, in Confucius' view, women should be diligent in housekeeping, diligent in complaining, cautious in words and deeds, and teach their children. It's best to stay at home, stay at home. In life, what personality, style and ability do women have to highlight themselves? Put forward your own views and opinions; Accusing or blaming men's behavior is "beyond the present", or even a big violation.

Any woman's independent attempt or actual self-appeal and struggle is inappropriate and inappropriate in Confucius' view. It is this contempt and discrimination against women that Confucius thinks it is a very troublesome thing to get along with women: close, not close; Far, far from it.

Love them too much, too good, she is arrogant and unreasonable, challenging you and offending you; It's not good for her, and she keeps complaining that you're sorry for her. I hate you. As a result, when men and women get along, they can't grasp the degree, either "over" or "under", and they are often accused, so all "women are difficult to support" will come out!

There is a passage in the Analects of Confucius Taibo, "King Wu said: There are ten advisers. Confucius said: Is it difficult? At the time of Tang Yu, I was prosperous and had only nine women. "

Zhou Wuwang once said, "I have ten ministers who can help me run the country." Confucius said, "Talent is rare, isn't it?" ? This period was between Tang Yao, Yu Shun and Zhou Wuwang, with the most abundant talents. But one of the ten ministers is a woman, which can only be counted as nine.

Note that the "rebels" mentioned by Zhou Wuwang here are not the rebels who are usually called "insurrection" and "rebels and thieves". On the contrary, it refers to a competent minister who is good at managing political affairs.

The "woman" in this passage is Zhou Wuwang's wife Jiang Yi, who is in charge of internal affairs. According to legend, Jiang Yi is a virtuous woman. Zhou Wuwang has made great achievements, and ten people have contributed to it. He thinks that Jiang Yi should be counted. I didn't know that Confucius counted ten people during the discussion and said that Jiang Yi was a woman, so it didn't count, only nine people!

It is said that Jiang Yi is a saint. The article "Dai Li Li Ji Fu Bao" said that when Jiang Yi was pregnant with King Ji of Zhou, he "stood without standing". When he stands, his heel will be unstable. "Sitting is not bad", when sitting, your legs will never be separated; "Alone but not alone", when a person is alone, he can be dignified and cautious without stretching his feet, that is, he is cautious and independent; Even if she is unhappy, she will never swear, that is, her mouth is clean and she won't swear.

Thus, Jiang Yi is a saint with unparalleled morality, so she is respected by future generations. To this day, her god is still enshrined in Jinci, Taiyuan City, Shanxi Province.

Because Jiang Yi was a "woman", Confucius didn't count her in. Although it was a feudal patriarchal society, we should look down on women. At that time, rural women had no culture, and Confucius could look down on them. Housewives talk a lot, you can say that she is difficult to get along with, but Confucius is still so negligent and contemptuous of Jiang Yi, the mother of the country, which only shows that Confucius has always been biased and discriminated against women.

Confucius' sexist view that "it is difficult to support a female" was of course determined by the socio-economic foundation and cultural ecology centered on male chauvinism at that time, but his personal experience and family tradition reinforced this biased view in his mind.

Since his father Shu (hé), three or four generations of Confucius family have been "married" (wives), although all Confucian disciples tried to downplay and cover up these historical facts.

China's ancient "Etiquette Law" stipulates that a husband has the right to force his wife who violates the "seven fruits" to return to her family, which is called divorce. Because her behavior is based on "seven endings", it is also called "becoming a wife" or "becoming a woman".

Confucius' father Shu once married a wife and two concubines. First, I married Shi's daughter and gave birth to nine daughters in a row; So she took Shi's maid as the number one concubine and gave birth to a lame son Bernie (also known as Meng Pi). Shu, who became a "doctor" in his sixties, obviously felt that Bernie was disgraced as a noble heir, so at the age of 66, he married Yan Zhizai, the third daughter of Yan's family (18 years old), as his second concubine.

Sima Qian recorded in Historical Records Confucius Family that "(Liang Shu) Ge and Yan's daughter' copulated' and gave birth to Confucius". The term "sexual intercourse" here does not refer to sexual intercourse in the wild. According to ancient customs, it is impolite to get married at the age of sixty-four. Shu and Yan Zhizai are this kind of "wild marriage" with great age difference, that is to say, due to etiquette, a formal wedding cannot be held.

In the preface of Confucius Family Stories, the fact that Shu "married" was clearly mentioned, but the specific person who "married" was not clear. However, judging from the historical fact that Confucius inherited the aristocratic status, the male family, as the highest family, can live with Confucius' mother. After Confucius' death, it should be his wife Shi or concubine No.1, not Confucius' mother Yan Zhizai.

As for Confucius' own "wife", it is clearly recorded in the Book of Rites: "My mother (Kong Li, son of Confucius) died and still cried. The master listened and said, "Who and the crybaby?" The master said, "Carp also. Confucius said, "Hey, it's nothing!" "The fish smells it, then fish it out.

Confucius' original wife Qi Guanshi (Kong Li's biological mother) was divorced and later died. According to the etiquette at that time, Guan should not cry for her one year after her death. Kong Li, the son of Confucius, once cried after his mother's funeral. Confucius was very unhappy when he heard this. He said, Too much! Kong Li, who was very passive in Nuo Nuo, immediately turned over a new leaf and stopped crying after listening to his father's instruction!

Kong Li's biological mother was divorced by Confucius. When he grew up, he imitated his father Confucius and divorced his wife, Kong Ji's mother. Although Kong Li lags far behind his father and son in learning, he inherits the "fine" tradition of Confucius' family and is not inferior in becoming a wife.

Que Li Shuwen records: "Apollo (Kong Li)' s ex-wife has no virtue ... the wife can't change it, but it's out." After the wife is virtuous, she has children. " This shows that Kong has a wife. The first wife was not virtuous and later divorced.

Kong Ji, the grandson of Confucius and the author of The Doctrine of the Mean, did better. After he became a wife, he simply wouldn't let his son Kong Bai (above) "lose his mother". Confucius' son Confucius was born to his ex-wife, who divorced. Therefore, after her death, Zisi forbade Confucius to be his biological mother, Dai Xiao.

According to the Confucian "ceremony", "being the father of the latter, being the mother without service". Now that I am divorced, I am not my wife. You (Confucius) are my "descendants", and of course she is no longer your mother! This is recorded in the Book of Rites: "Mother and son die without mourning." .

Confucius was honored as "the sage of heaven" and "the muduo of heaven" in ancient times, and was recognized as one of the most learned scholars. Later rulers honored him as a "master of literature and propaganda" and he was a model for later generations.

Many Confucius disciples and Confucian advocates in the past dynasties could not accept the historical fact that Confucius got married. Some defended the Confucian family, others swore at the villain and slandered the Confucian family. In particular, they can't stand the "stain" on the sage's white clothes, at least they firmly deny that Confucius married!

Therefore, there has always been a dispute about whether the three generations of Confucius' grandparents and grandchildren are wives of four generations, that is, Confucius is counted as a "four-generation wife" and Confucius himself is not recognized as a "three-generation wife" if he is married. In fact, saints are human beings. They have to eat, get married and have children. Why not divorce their wives?

Then whoever comes back, regardless of three or four generations, the indifference of the Confucius family to women is obvious! In their eyes, the relationship between husband and wife and friends is similar-"get along, get along", that's all.

Off-topic, not only three or four generations of Confucius' grandparents, but also many Confucian disciples of Confucius and their descendants are married. For example, Ceng Zi, a proud disciple of Confucius, was once married. The reason is that the pears steamed by his wife are not ripe, and it is also said that Ceng Zi divorced because his wife lied to the next generation (Zeng Shen's son) on the issue of "hanging pigs". In a word, there is no big problem of principle at all.

In addition, Mencius, who was honored as "the sage of Asia", once happened to meet his wife sitting in the bedroom (that is, sitting with her legs spread out straight), not solemn and unsightly, and wanted to be a wife. When Meng Mu was a child, she moved to Meng Mu to raise Mencius. This shows that she is a virtuous person. When she found out, she scolded Mencius, and Mencius' plan to divorce his wife was forgotten!

It can be seen that Confucius is undoubtedly a great sage, but he is also a "mortal" with flesh and blood, not a "perfect person". Even if he is not married, he is not a perfect man. There is no perfect man in the world!

On the one hand, it is limited by the background of his patriarchal era; On the other hand, from his rich life experience and family traditional experience, he complained that "only women villains are difficult to raise" and came to the absurd conclusion that "only women are difficult to raise"!

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