What should I do if my child has no independent opinions in interpersonal interactions and is easily influenced by his friends?

Today at noon, my girlfriends gathered for a dinner. During the dinner, Xiaohui mentioned that her daughter, who is in sixth grade, often gets carried away playing with her friends. Sometimes she even forgets to go to interest classes. She had piano lessons yesterday afternoon. , I didn’t go, but the piano teacher told me that there was no place to put my face. It's really troublesome for such a big child. If his friends ask him to stay late, he just listens to his friends. He doesn't know when and what to do. As for his friend, he is more playful. Xiaohui asked me: I can't stop him from making friends for fear of him being rebellious. I just think that most of the friends he makes are the kind of friends who don't like to study and are playful. How should I guide him? It does not harm his relationship with his friends, he has independent opinions, and he does not suffer too much from the bad influence of his friends.

The problem of best friends includes two levels. One is how to guide children to make good friends, and the other is how to cultivate children's independent opinions.

Regarding children making friends, it does not depend on the will of our parents. The reason why children like to be good friends with a certain type of children is because there is something about that type of child that attracts them. In other words, That kind of child can satisfy the inner needs of our children, just like when we adults are looking for a partner, we feel attracted to that person at that time because we feel that the characteristics of that person can satisfy our inner needs. Then observe the children in school who are relatively weak. His friends may be strong. As Xiaohui mentioned, the children in her family are less independent, so most of the friends he makes are children who are independent.

In fact, as long as the child’s friends are not outrageous people, then we should respect the child’s choice as much as possible. If we want the child to become friends with other children with the same temperament, then parents can find one or two Make an appointment with such children to go on outings or movies on weekends or holidays to create opportunities for the children to be together and help your children become good friends with this type of child.

Regarding cultivating children's independence, we mainly need to train children's ability at home. For example, let children make more choices on their own, especially things related to themselves. Compared with children during holidays, he can wear He does not need to wear school uniforms, so we let him choose what kind of clothes he should wear. Including when he grows taller, he needs to buy new clothes and new shoes. We also guide the children to choose by themselves. Rather than do it all.

What kind of extracurricular interest classes should your children enroll in? How do you do your own thing, including where to go to play on the weekend and who to go to the movies with? Who to be friends with, etc., we let our children make the decision as much as possible on these matters from an early age. We can give him suggestions. We should not arrange everything for our children and ignore their opinions. If we have done everything for a long time, we will do everything. If you make decisions for him, the child will gradually become the kind of person who has no independent opinions. When he goes out to play with friends, he will listen more to other people's opinions instead of following his own opinions. Then one day he will grow up. When he gets older, he is likely to become a person who will not take responsibility for himself.

This kind of performance is not that the child cannot make decisions and be responsible, but that he will not be responsible, and he will not even refuse others, because what she has experienced since she was a child is that she cannot make decisions or make demands, or He said he didn't need to use his brain, and he was happy to be lazy when Peng Fei helped him make decisions. So in this case, we just let the children make their own choices and be responsible for their own affairs.

Specifically speaking about the incident mentioned by Xiaohui, there may be an element of the child not liking piano lessons, so it has little to do with his friends. If you are embarrassed to refuse friends due to pressure from friends, then we must gradually let your children learn to refuse some requests from friends wisely in daily life. You can listen to what your friends say is right, but what your friends say may not be right. You must stick to your own principles. A child without principles will actually face many other risks when he grows up. From childhood, if a friend invites him to smoke, drink, or play cards, he does not know how to refuse, or is embarrassed to refuse. If he makes bad friends, take him with you. To take drugs, even if he knew the seriousness of the matter, he still couldn't help but refuse. This is how some children become addicted to drugs.

We need to talk to our children about these issues, and tell them seriously that everything has priorities. Going to class at this moment is an important thing, and we must complete it first, and then make an appointment with friends for play time.

Putting first things first is a very good habit, which can also be said to be a quality. It not only has a great relationship with the growth of children, but also has a great impact on how we adults deal with things in our daily lives and work. We must start from an early age. Let’s instill this concept into our children. We must convey this meaning gently but firmly and help our children develop the habit of putting first things first.

To sum up, I gave Xiaohui three suggestions: First, don’t interfere too much with your child when making friends, respect her, but we can guide him to make friends with people who are interested in him. A friend with a good influence; first, cultivate children to become independent people, let them make more choices in daily life, and learn to make their own decisions; third, instill in children the concept of putting first things first, Help him better manage time and events in daily life and study.

If it were you, what would you do?

[Wujie Academy] Day 53