After 40 years of "mutual respect" marriage, he does not love you. Why do you want to wronged yourself not to divorce?

I remember when we were chatting with our friends in Seeds of Love, we all asked each other such questions. "When you get married in the future, do you choose to marry someone you like or marry someone you like?" No matter which one you choose, everyone will have their own reasons, which sounds so reasonable. But at that time, we were really too young to think that marriage was related to love, but it was not enough. Text | Hu Xiaoyu, image source network

A mother-in-law died at 63. From the day she was paralyzed by illness until her death, her husband's face was not sad. There's really nothing. I don't even bother to pretend in front of people. After several months in hospital, he went to the hospital twice, once to take her to the hospital and once to leave the hospital. On the day he died, even if all his relatives were there, he didn't shed a tear, just like the dead man, not his wife.

The year after leaving the hospital and staying at home, someone heard her pleading with him when he came back, saying, I'm dying, but you still don't talk to me or give me a smiling face. I am your wife. He said coldly, have you forgotten everything I said? When you choose not to divorce, you should know what it will be like the next day. It's your choice. After 40 years of husband and wife, how can the feelings of "respecting each other as guests" in her mouth be worse than even strangers?

Why is this happening? That's because he didn't love her, but he married her because of a word from the matchmaker at that time. Five years after marriage, he had a son and two daughters, and he filed for divorce. Because his parents died, he lost his resistance and wanted to marry the girl he liked at the beginning. He thought she would agree. He thinks that marriage without feelings is immoral. He thinks that as long as he pays alimony, is responsible for the children and is grateful for her fulfillment, there is nothing wrong.

But she disagreed, saying that she had children. In order to give them a complete home, she would not divorce if he insisted. Then she will go to his unit to make trouble, and go to that girl's unit to make trouble, which is well known. He doesn't care about himself, but he cares about the girl, so later he compromised and stopped talking about divorce, but he also told her: I don't care about anything in this family, and I will never touch you again in my life. I will still live with the girl I love. What you have is an empty shell marriage. If you can stand this, you can't leave.

Ironically, she agreed, and then started what she called a respectful marriage for decades. He kept his word, and really didn't do anything at home. He ignored everything about her, good or bad. Even if it is related to children, he is not at ease. We agreed to live at home for a month to give face to our children, and we all slept in separate rooms.

Neighbors, after a long time, everyone knows about it. This marriage has become the talk of people around you after dinner. He seldom comes back, but it's nothing. But she, in this atmosphere every day, some good people talk and laugh with you face to face, pretend to care about you, and ask about your life insincerely, in fact, in order to talk about capital, ask you questions and poke your heart. And when you walk by, there is a whisper behind you.

Finally, the child couldn't stand her mother's pointing fingers, and advised her to divorce, saying that she would be obedient and would become her reliance and protect her mother when she grew up. It's no use, she still insists on not getting divorced, saying that what he said is just angry words. As long as he works harder, he will see her good, be moved and change his mind. Said that as long as she didn't get divorced, she would always be his wife and he would go home one day.

But, really, women should not expect to touch men, nor should they rely on threats and humiliation to keep men. The man who is retained in this way has no "heart". A man without a heart and a marriage without feelings and responsibilities are useless. Such "infatuation" will only make men look down on you more, make themselves the talk of others, make themselves miserable and hurt their children.

She relies on these self-convincing reasons, day after day, year after year. She is a capable person. She raised her children by herself and had a good career. More importantly, she made people around her admire her and point fingers on her own. It can be said that apart from marriage, she is really successful.

But it turns out that this marriage, she can also succeed. After 40 years of marriage, he didn't love her, and she wronged herself not to divorce. When she lets go, maybe she will meet another relationship and her life will be happier. Even if she didn't meet her, she could raise her children alone, have a successful career, be admired by everyone around her, and live a full and happy life alone.

But she persisted in this marriage, even though her husband went out in pairs with another woman and even gave birth to a child. Even at the end of her life, she fell ill and died, and her pleading did not bring him warmth. Finally, someone asked her if she regretted her original choice. She cried, but didn't speak. No one knows that this tear is a regret and a sad choice. Or because she was moved by her choice, she did it all her life, married the person she liked, and guarded this marriage. Because her expression is calm, except for tears.

The hero and heroine of the story are my grandparents. I don't like to talk about my grandfather who I don't see very often. But I also know that this dislike is emotional, because my grandmother loves me and because I am a girl. No one knows if grandma finally regretted it, but it's hard to say if she didn't choose to divorce at the beginning. After all, everyone has their own insistence.

However, her marriage is really regrettable to outsiders. If at the beginning, they also asked when they were young, whether to choose what they like or what they like after marriage. She must have chosen what she likes, because she chose, and for this love, she is obsessed with this relationship. But is this marriage really interesting? What's the difference between such an empty-shell marriage and living alone?

Right or wrong, I still think that even if life is not as bright as flowers, I still have to love myself. Even if you love someone again, it should not be based on your humble resignation to the dust. Any kind of emotion should be like this, so should feelings. Love should be mutual. Any kind of feeling, if it is unilateral, should be put down when the other party proposes to end it.

Self-moving efforts and emotions in any period have almost no good results. It is nothing more than a lifetime of "respecting each other as guests", or a lifetime of chicken flying and dogs jumping. None of them is the life we should live if we love ourselves. Woman, love yourself more. It is not easy to come into this world. If you don't even love yourself, what's the point of such a life?