Find some funny jokes.

I want to formally warn you that my husband will be back in an hour. "

" But I didn't do anything rude. "

"I know. If you want to do something, there is only less than an hour left. "

once upon a time, there was a county grandfather who relied on talent and pride. On this day, a folks' party was held, and he loved to show off, so he said, "The yamen is open on both sides, and the county magistrate sits in the middle; The pawns are standing on both sides, and you can tell them big and small. "

After hearing this, a monk immediately said, "Buddhism is open on both sides, and the Buddha is placed in the middle; Monks kneel on both sides, and come in with a big bow and a small bow. "

The third aunt nearby thought, "Hum! Thought I wouldn't! " Immediately stood up and said: "The thighs are open on both sides, and the fragrant point is in the middle; Weeds grow on both sides, and big branches come and go. "

The preparations for the provincial conference have entered the sprint stage, and the badges of conference delegates are not ready yet. Several female secretaries are busy stuffing the conference delegates' paper into a plastic card with an opening on one side, and then plastic sealing it.

The director walked over, picked up a piece of paper representing the conference and a plastic card. He stuffed the plastic card with a small opening into it, but it could not be inserted. So he broke the plastic card and put it in. Then he suddenly said, "How can it be inserted without breaking the hole?"

The real murderer and the real breast

MM and I watched the TV series about the police solving the case, but when the real murderer was about to surface, it was gone. Then we chatted with each other.

MM: "Do you know how to identify the real murderer?"

I thought about it: "That depends on the probative force of the evidence."

MM: "No, no, like me, lying on my back, my chest collapses and spreads evenly, which is the real chest."

When JN meets his wife

Amao meets a prostitute on the road. JN: Handsome boy, will you play with me? Amao: How much is it? Jn: 2 yuan. Amao: It's too expensive! How about 2 bucks? JN: You'd better find someone else! On this day, Amao went to the street with his wife, and met the JN on the way. Amao pretended not to see it and continued to walk past JN with his wife talking and laughing. The voice of JN woman came from behind: "Hum! 2 yuan is not so good! "

It's just the head, and there's still a long way to go.

The township head gave a report in shorts. When he was excited, he put one foot on the chair, and his little brother was exposed. The meeting was in an uproar. He thought everyone was impatient, so he said loudly: It's just the head, and there's still a long way to go!

When the ox * is big,

The bull is on a business trip, fearing that the cow will be left unattended.

I thought: the monkey is cunning, the tiger is cruel, and only the elephant is reliable.

A few days later, the bull returned and got his wife back from the elephant. The next day, the bull roared: The ox * is big,

Plug up your hole

A woman asked her neighbor's old man for debts. When the grain comes out in the autumn, I'll plug your hole as soon as I turn over ... "(Can anyone understand this? )

Contraceptive tasks of superiors

In the early 198s, there was a director of the township family planning office, Wang, who was honest and not good at talking and could not report his work. County leaders came to check and check the distribution of contraceptives.

Director Wang said, "Farmers are so feudal that no one wants contraceptives." The county leaders were very dissatisfied and criticized Director Wang face to face.

director Wang was very annoyed, pointing to contraceptives, and said, "if this is edible, I will eat it as a meal alone."

There is a rural family with many children, and they don't want to have children. Director Wang found this family with a box of condoms when he knew it. I'm afraid people will be embarrassed to ask for it, so I'll leave it with them.

The next year, this family was born again. Director Wang went to find out the situation. The male host said: I have smoked and fried, but it just doesn't taste crisp. Director Wang, who was in distress situation, had to put a demonstration on his finger.

a year later, this family was born again. Director Wang came to know the situation, and the host said, at night, I put on ten fingers, even my toes, but it didn't work.

Director Wang had to instruct the condom on the spot. After one year, she was pregnant again. The host asked: I have been wearing it all day since you put it on, but how can it work? !

The family planning cadre asked: Is there any other situation? The host replied: I don't think it's good to get rid of the turtle, so I dug my mouth in front of the condom.

a younger brother has a long fight

1. A female soldier dressed as a male soldier was fighting, and her menstruation suddenly broke out. When she saw this, the company commander asked, "What's the matter? Where did you get hurt? " The female soldier said, "Nothing, nothing. "The company commander didn't believe it. He forcibly took off his pants and saw it. He was furious:" The fucking JJ was blown up, and he said it was okay! "

2. A woman urinated in the toilet, and a drunk went by mistake after drinking. Hearing the sound of urinating, she quickly said, Don't arrive, I really don't drink! The woman was frightened and didn't dare to pee again. She couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, I'm CAO! Why did you get another bottle!

3. A man went to the hospital for a SARS check-up, and the nurse took a needle finger for his blood test. Because there was no cotton at the moment, the nurse dared to hold his finger tightly in his mouth. The man was obsessed with it for a long time and said leisurely, Is it possible for me to have another urine test?

4. There is a beautiful new female secretary in the company. On the third day, the manager proudly said to the assistant manager: Last night, I found that the new secretary is better in bed than my wife. The assistant manager echoed: I feel better than your wife, too.

5. A bachelor takes a wife. When having sex, the bachelor said: one gun and two bullets, 27 years without fighting. My wife was not convinced after listening: a temple with two doors has not entered people for 31 years.