Classic funny sketch lines

Classic lines of sketch interview (performers: Guo, Fu, He Jun)

1. Don't fellow villagers just say that their accomplices are finished?

2. What's your last name? My surname is Hao. How can you be surnamed Hao? My father's surname is Hao.

3. A: You are not a good person.

B: Say it again. A: You are not a good person. B: Say it again three times.

You are not a good person. You are not a good person. You are not a good person. B: Say it again ten times.

4. We met unexpectedly, young man. Aren't you a younger me? What were you thinking when you went out to get dressed?

5. What do you think is the relationship between being a porter and hairstyle?

6. Just make a phone call? Is it easy to get? It's over!

7. I will wait for you seven times.

8. Although I am poor, I have the bottom line and dignity to be a man.

Classic lines in the sketch "Jing Ke Stabs Qin" (Performers:,,)

1, a eunuch cannot live without a father without a son.

2. Crossing, crossing and conquering everything.

Huang Hong was afraid that the box lunch would get cold, so he took off the cotton-padded cover. Shao Feng said? No wonder the director said that the box lunch smells like a coat recently. ? Huang Hong retorted:? Then I haven't said that the coat smells like a box lunch! ? Shao Feng's attitude is firm: Your broken coat smells like a box lunch, which is equivalent to wearing perfume! ?

4. Teacher, do I look like a chicken?

5. I am a provincial, provincial fertilizer plant.

6. Who later unified the six countries? Jing Ke.

7. The director in the crew has the final say, and the director is the father.

8. Who is laying eggs standing? Who lays eggs on their knees? Who laid eggs on your stomach?

9. Director, you don't look like a chicken, but this posture really looks like laying eggs. At first glance, you have a chicken, and you have a life. Put the egg on your stomach. Lay eggs standing, bia, and the eggs will fall.

10, I can't eat a good box lunch, and my stomach hurts for a few days at most. If you can't fix this thing, it will harm generations.

The classic lines of the essay "The Restoration of Skynet" (Performers: Cai Ming, Wang Ning, Chang Yuan, Guo Fengzhou)

1, I'm in your daughter's hand? I'm not your son-in-law

It is not necessarily the cleaner who is holding the broom, but it may be Harry Potter.

Are you out of your mind? !

4. Never make trouble with ordinary people!

Hello, this is the commercial bank ... Your bus card shows that you spent 8000 yuan in a different place.

6. I know that I am a liar and still talk to me for so long. What is my personality?

7. My brother is particularly miserable. He just found out that his son is not his own.

If you don't promise me, he will die for you.

9. How can Aunt Li be an outsider? She is my wife and the boss is an outsider.

10 lunch deliveryman: This box is yours and this box is Tingting's.

1 1, I'm afraid he will kill you. Are you afraid he won't kill me?

12, this is an arithmetic problem, see if you are confused? The money is not right. Just now, you gave me 100 yuan first, and then in 30 yuan, a * * * gave me 130 yuan, so I gave you 70 yuan before, which means I took you 60 yuan, and this box lunch cost 30 yuan, so I have to return it to you in 30 yuan.

Zhao Benshan's classic funny lines.

Three whips:

Don't say that you are not qualified to drive, you look illegal.

Red sorghum model team:

I'm afraid that if no one teaches me, sticky bean bags will fall from the sky.

Whether the cat walks in a straight line depends entirely on the mouse.

Happy new year:

Come down, for what? Corruption!

Rats escort cats? Making money is not fatal.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow:

Who says my face looks like a shoehorn? This is authentic pork kidney noodles.

Eyes are spinach in autumn.

Dinner is ready. Come down and give it to Missy.

That Wu Laoer is cerebral thrombosis, everyone shows off in an ostentatious manner.

That day I called all the men, women and children in the village and said that I would impeach me. Finally, everyone agreed that I ~ (Cui:? Are you right? . ) ~ ~ apologize to others.

Song:? I really want to see Zhao Zhongxiang! ! ! ? Zhao:? Forget it ~ ~! ?

We are getting older and have less and less time left. We used to talk about the weather, but now we talk about seconds. Next, I'm going to take her out for a trip to a bigger city. Good idea? . ) Take a trip to Tieling.

White clouds and black soil apologize to you. Please open your eyes and see how pathetic I am. Can you and I repeat yesterday's story today, and can my old boat ticket board your wrecked ship? !

Who reported the train ticket the day before yesterday?

1989 There was a bumper grain harvest and the flood was driven away. The people live and work in peace and contentment, and praise the leadership of the party, especially the people's army, is hard to find in the world. Foreign countries are in chaos and intrigue all day. Yesterday, the cabinet stepped down. Today, the Prime Minister was fired, playing with the financial crisis and impeaching the leadership. Looking at the world situation, the scenery here is better! Thank you very much ......

Hourly worker:

Sample, take off your vest, I still know you.

I have been looking for happiness all my life. When I am old, I understand. What is happiness? Answer: Happiness is pain.

Go, hurt self-esteem, too hurt self-esteem.

I don't even know you in a vest.

Kidnapper:

Big head and thick neck, either rich or cook.

Believe it or not? Do not believe! Take two steps

How can there be such a big gap between two cohabiting couples?

Fate. Fate.

Selling cars:

Because you didn't stick to crutches, the virus rose rapidly, and there were two big tendons on your legs, like two highways. The virus moves upward at the speed of 180 km per hour. You are finished, ruthless diseases are devouring your healthy cells, and a brand-new vegetative state is about to be born. /Don't do that, just dig out our IQ and weigh it, which is two kilograms more than yours.

There are seven monkeys riding on the tree, and one monkey is underground. How many monkeys are there? (Eight monkeys. ) no. (Two monkeys. ) correct!

Kung fu:

Don't worry, dial a harassing call first ~! ~!

As soon as I opened the door this morning, the old sow ran at a speed of 80 pulses per second and ran into a tree-dead. Why?

I heard that he stopped being a chef and called the fraud hotline instead. How dare he threaten not to be cheated again? The cruel reality has almost reached my defense. If I don't sell him something this year, I won't be able to keep my promise with the audience for three years ~ ~ ~ ~ ~! !

Turn around for a year, shake fate for a year ~

Thank you ~ cross criticism ~ self-taught ~

Kidnapping made him limp and the car cheated him. If I don't get rid of him in ten minutes today, I can't be a teacher with you two!

This world is crazy. The mouse is the cat's maid of honor.

You hit me twice, you can't ~! ~ You scold me ~ You can't open your mouth! ~! ~

The length of a village

Turn a basket of red dates upside down as your own vote,

Or say? Modesty makes people fall behind?

Look, look, stop, stop.

Legal newspaper, story newspaper, newly published TV newspaper.

Legend, detective, satire and humor.

For appreciation, entertainment, education, eye-opening.

Take a look, a 17-year-old girl will be gone if she says no,

Why does a 70-year-old woman remarry? You can tell at a glance.

Look, who opened the widow's door

Torchbearer:

Song Dandan: After I became a torchbearer, this leg is not an ordinary leg, but an Olympic torchbearer's leg. Zhao Benshan: That's ham.

Liu Liu: Add two more trees. Zhao Benshan: Double bed.

Liu Liu: How about green tea? Zhao Benshan: Green tea.

Zhao Benshan: Shuffle, code cards, draw cards, watch cards, listen to cards, silly!

Other papers (source)

1. Life is numbered, up to 36,000 days; (heart disease)

2. There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep; (heart disease)

3. Say people are like flowers in a pot; Life is a mess;

No matter how well the house is repaired, it is also a temporary residence; (heart disease)

That little box is your permanent home! (heart disease)

6. Tell your wife everything. Still called a gentleman (Xiao Jiu Lao Le)

7. Without the working people, what you eat and wear does not touch the people, and you also boast that the working people are the greatest! (Red Sorghum Model Team)

8. Relax and use my forehead as a lens.

9. If you let a blind man go to the South Pole, he can't find the North at all; You let the cerebral thrombosis on the fork, he can't hook his leg at all; You let the monkey wear cheongsam, it can't see beauty at all; You ask Pan Changjiang to kiss Zhao, but he can't reach his mouth at all. (Happy New Year to the old people)

10. Find a place where the environment is excellent and no idle people can enter!

1 1. Everyone ignored that sentence:? The spring breeze of reform blows all over the earth ...?

12. Cao Cao broke his heart and mouth, and his body was almost worn out ~ ~ and he also carried water for the widow ~ ~ (Happy New Year)

13. God, don't mention money, mention what money, it's so vulgar. Open your mouth and close your mouth. No money, no doctor. Saving lives and serving the people, who will you tell?

-How much can I pay? (three whips)

14. Destroy the village committee and build a two-story building with a one-foot-two-foot-high fence and barbed wire. There are four watchtowers in four corners, which are guarded day and night by militia with spears. The whole two iron gates locked the door, and two big German shepherd crouched behind the door. Customize a lock of eight and a half pounds to smash the door to death. Nobody wants to go in, and neither do you.

15. Don't worry, just go to your house if you have nothing to do. (competitive)

16. Oh, my God, something unexpected.

17. Let's talk about it at home.

18. This is the detoxification stage.

19. Don't be Liu Jingli and Liu Jingli, they are all about to become tumors' (son is older)

20.' Don't say yes1200,2400, don't even want it' (face)

2 1. Look at your rotten belly, who will believe you if you don't eat (three lashes)

22. I can see that there is no one at home. You should study who locked it.

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