Girlfriend is unhappy. Tell her some jokes.

Girls generally like this joke 1. Every Friday before work, I go to the toilet and take the rest of the toilet paper home. I didn't get half the volume of the ladies' room because I didn't have a partner. . . )

2. On one occasion, my wife forgot to bring her key when she came home, so I asked the courier company of the unit to deliver the key home by courier; (The expenses of the courier company and the company are monthly, so I wasted the company 10 yuan) 3. In order to save electricity at home, my mobile phones are charged in the company; In order to save the water fee at home, I have to wash my face, brush my teeth, shave and go to the toilet every day after work. 5. I swallowed a small gift from the company to my customers-ear-digging spoon; Later, I kept extending my black hand. . . 6. The company can reimburse the taxi fare in 200 yuan every month. Every day after work, I lock a taxi and run with it. The driver was generally worried about stopping, so I asked him for the ticket for the same day. 7. At work, the mobile phone is only used as a pager. I often call my mother in my hometown for hours at a time. 8. At noon, I took the initiative to buy meals for the leaders; I swipe his card twice every time. There are new computers in the company. I stole two 16M memory chips from my "retired" computer and replaced them with a 32M one from someone else's machine. Steal another 32M and change it to a 64M; Now my computer has 256M memory; 10. Stole some gasoline from the company car and went home to wipe the ass of the 28-year-old donkey. 1 1. Post pornographic websites and order pornographic emails in the company every day. 12. I often download some novels from the internet, then print them out and bind them into volumes. The longest is the complete works of Jin Yong's novels; 13. I brought a washbasin from home. When nobody is around at night, I soak my feet with hot water from the water dispenser. 14. I subscribed to countless newspapers and magazines with public funds, all of which are at my home. I sell waste paper once every six months; It's all liberation

The unpleasant sequelae are as follows:

1. Last Saturday, I worked overtime to surf the Internet until late at night. . . Run to the toilet, there is no toilet paper in the single room. Yesterday afternoon, I took that half-volume home! I hurried downstairs, and the 17 floor below was gone! I ran down with my legs between my legs, on the floors of 16 and 15. . . 1 building! My own mother! I can't find the toilet paper. Finally, I ran to the mailbox, took a letter and entered wc. Open it and it's an invitation card! That's 200g coated paper! I have to use it. . .

The boy in that courier company used to be a part-time job and a thief by profession! Within two days, my house was stolen and there were no signs of damage to the doors and windows. Aunt Zhang of the neighborhood Committee said, "I saw that boy. He said it was your colleague! That's what he told your wife the last time he delivered the key. . . "3. I'm the only one with a mobile phone charger at work, and no one says anything, but when I go out happily with my colleagues at night, they always say to me," My mobile phone is dead, so I can borrow your mobile phone. " . . "The equipment in my drawer is so complete that later, all the boys in the business department reported to me first! Yating! I ran to the bathroom with shampoo and razor. . . Because I am very familiar with the quantity and storage location of these things in the company, I transferred to work as a warehouse administrator. What is exasperating is that in the financial statistics table of the leading warehouse I handed over, the bald director should add a zero to each item in the quantity column! ! ! 6. The driver that day was a novice. When he saw me waving to him, the car behind him braked. I was also called to the Traffic Management Bureau for education. . .

7. Xu Niang, a group of girls at work, crazy girls, knew I was calling my mother, and they always called me with scorpions and lied to me about calling my mother. Later, I answered the phone and called "My period is coming!" . That day, when I answered the phone, I saw the little girl at the front desk holding the phone and secretly laughing. I got angry and said, "My period! Come? " There was a long silence on the phone and said, "I don't have this relative?" ! " .。 . 8. Not long ago, the leader was on a business trip, and I used the leader's meal card correctly. As a result, when the salary was paid, the bonus was gone. . . 9. My computer case is never covered, and heat dissipation is the secondary reason! I am mainly afraid that others will change my hardware. So I have to come first and then go every day. . . 10. My broken donkey? It's brand new after wiping! She was kidnapped the next night. . . 1 1. All the photos are in my computer. The path is d: sex. There was something wrong with the computer that day, and both C and D enjoyed it. When I was about to shut down and restart, the computer showed that my computer was connected to 58 machines! Kao! 12. I saw a model company recruiting people on ChinaHR.com that day. So I tailored a resume for the position of photographer in this company, printed it out and sent a letter angrily. After I came back, the bald director had a meeting and treated me like a wavering * * and gave me a good education. It turns out that I typed an extra resume and put it in the printer. . . 13. That night, I surfed the Internet while soaking my feet at work. The bald director took a girl with heavy makeup back to the unit for the night. Ya leadership is leadership, and didn't say how he is. First of all, he called me "good boy!" Walking on the carpet with pants down and bare feet. . . (Leaders like karaoke and hate Zheng Zhihua) You thought you were told to grow rice! ! "。 . . 14. To say that Aunt Zhang of the neighborhood committee is wily, I left work early that day. She stopped me and said, "among the residents in our building, you are a cultured person!" . . . Our neighborhood Committee intends to enrich the entertainment life of ordinary people, but it should be more elegant. What do you think? " How do I know what medicine she is selling? Let her come straight to the point. Ya asked me to be a cultural propagandist and set up a reading room for neighborhood committees. I was also worried that there was too much waste paper at home, so I agreed. Unexpectedly, after half a year, when the Great Liberation came to our community again, they stopped looking for me and went to find Aunt Zhang. . .