Don't joke at first.

Major Jack was ambushed by the enemy, and almost all his men died. He rushed out of the enemy's line with a soldier. When they arrived at the barracks, the soldiers came out, took the major's hand and said, "Congratulations." The major pointed to the soldier and said, "This is his credit. Congratulations! " "They don't understand, they hold the soldier's hand and say;" Congratulations, the major's wife gave birth. A general is training his soldiers to stand at attention, be at ease, turn left and right, etc. A few minutes later, a soldier, Jack, stepped out of the queue and shouted at the general discontentedly, "I'm tired of it. You changed your mind a dozen times in a few minutes! " !" Monitor: "Who is the biggest officer in our first division?" The recruit replied, "teacher." Monitor: "Who's under the teacher?" Recruit: "It's the horse that the teacher rode." During the war, an army captured a prisoner of war. Later, he got sick and his left hand rotted away. He asked the enemy to send his left hand back to his motherland. The enemy was very moved and did it; Soon his right hand was rotten, and he also asked to be sent back to the motherland. Later, his left leg was amputated. This time, when he asked to send his leg back to the motherland, he was refused. He didn't understand and asked the enemy why he could do it twice before, but not this time. The enemy said solemnly, "We suspect that you fled in stages in a planned way." On the training ground, the officer is training the recruits to March. "Let's break down the operation and let anyone go home if he can't do it well," said the officer. The recruits are all nervous. "Listen, stand at attention," the officer ordered. Everybody stand up straight! "Good" officer is very happy. "Stick out your left leg," the officer ordered again. One of the soldiers stretched out his right leg because he was too nervous, which coincided with the left leg of the soldier next to him. "Damn it, some bastard put his legs out," the officer said angrily. In the recruit training center, the squad leader taught the soldiers to throw grenades. The monitor said, "After throwing grenades, you must lie down immediately. If you don't lie down, you know what will happen! " "The monitor will scold!" The recruits said in unison. Hans was drafted into the army. During the physical examination, he said to the doctor, "doctor, I beg you, don't send me to be an artillery." I can't hear the sound! " "Don't worry, my child! The sound of the shell is loud enough, of course you can hear it. " The instructor showed the soldiers how to fight bravely with their bare hands and finally got the gun from the enemy. He asked the young soldier, "Suppose you patrol the bridge and meet an unarmed gangster, what should you do?" "Then I will quickly throw away the gun so that he can't get it to kill me." The recruits were parachuted. The old monitor pulled them to the door one by one and then pushed them out. A guy struggled desperately, clinging to the door and refusing to jump out. The monitor wouldn't let him talk, so he kicked him out. Several recruits at the back laughed, and the monitor said angrily, "What's so funny about this coward?" A recruit said, "He is not a coward, he is the pilot of this plane." An officer asked his soldiers, "Can you break a dollar?" The soldier replied, "Of course, man." The officer was very unhappy. "Be polite to your officers!" Then he asked, "soldier! Can you break a dollar? " "No, sir!" A recruit who just joined the army wants to go to the toilet after shooting ... Report to the squad leader: I'm going to 1, and the squad leader shouts: 1, someone wants to fuck you ... The artillery company commander reports to the battalion commander: "Report to the battalion commander, the enemy is too cunning, and the hidden place simply surprises you. What should we do? " "Idiot, fire at that unexpected place!" Private Estrach excitedly reported to the lieutenant: "Report to the lieutenant, I just found some enemies in the Woods." "It's really good!" The lieutenant praised, "Well, go and get those guys for me!" " ""yes, lieutenant! This bag is on me, and I'm going to leave at once. However, if you find someone running out of the Woods, don't shoot the person running in front! "A battle-hardened, won many medals of infantry retired. As soon as he returned to the city, his friend introduced him to a girlfriend, so they made an appointment. Before he went out, his friends gave him a lot of advice: "You may have experienced many things in the war, but there are some things you should listen to me." "First, open the door for your girlfriend after getting off the bus; Second, you should help your girlfriend behind the chair when she is seated. Third, you should look at her warmly when she speaks; Fourth, you must do what she needs first, don't let her do it. " The infantry said he remembered and left. The next day, a friend called to ask the infantry how it was last night. The infantry said in dismay, "I have no hope!" " So a friend asked him, "Did you forget to open the door for her?" "The infantry said," No, I opened the door for her, and she was very happy! "The friend asked again," Did you forget to help her sit down? " The infantry said, "No, I'll help her sit down. She said I was a gentleman! " So the friend asked again, "were you looking around when she spoke?" "The infantry said," no, I've been watching her. She said I was gentle and my eyes were charming! ""Finally, my friend asked, "Did you let her help herself with anything?" The infantry said gloomily, "If only it were like this. When we got home, she said she was thirsty, so I ran to buy her materials. . . "The friend said," That's good! " The infantry added, "But out of years of habit, as soon as I opened the drink can, I threw it at her and hid myself in the grass. . . "Instructor:" (Turn off the cockpit lights) Well, the lights are out. What will you do? " Student: (takes out flashlight) I use this instructor: (takes out flashlight) There is no electricity. What should I do? Student: (takes out another flashlight) I also have a teacher: (takes out a flashlight) The light bulb is burnt out. What should I do? Student: (taking out the spare light bulb) I still have the light bulb advisor: (taking out the light bulb) The light bulb is broken Student: (taking out another flashlight) I still have a flashlight, which is new. Coach: OK, but I just want to see how you fly in the dark. Can you pretend? In a military exercise, a small team was ordered to wait for the arrival of a helicopter at a designated place, but the plane never arrived. At this time, the captain saw an old woman growing vegetables in the field. So, he asked. To make the old woman understand, he said, "Aunt, have you seen an iron bird fly by?" Aunt thought for a moment and said, "I didn't see an iron bird, but the helicopter did see one." Two sailors drank too much outside the camp and fell into the river. After returning to the camp, the commander scolded them and took back their leave certificates. The commander said that their documents would naturally be returned to them when they were dry. They waited a whole week before they dared to go to the commander's office again. After knocking at the door, they looked inside and found that the commander was not there, but his leave certificate was soaked in a basin of water on his desk. In a military exercise, the colonel inserted a sign on the north side of a bridge, which read: "Attention: this bridge has been blown up, so we can't cross it. Please choose another road!" , and then left. An hour later, the colonel suddenly found a group of infantry marching grandly on the bridge at the southern end of the bridge. The colonel was very angry: Are these people illiterate and blind and didn't see my sign? He got on the jeep, drove to the bridge, jumped out of the car and was about to reprimand the soldiers. The colonel was surprised to find that all the soldiers in his head were holding a sign. It says-"We are swimming!" A soldier who fought in the front line received a dear John letter from his girlfriend in his hometown, saying that she was going to marry a businessman and asked the soldier to send back the photos he had sent him before. The soldier thought about it, borrowed twenty or thirty photos of women from his comrades, put them in a wooden box with the photos of his girlfriend, and sent them to her. After receiving the wooden box, my girlfriend found a note in the box, which said, "Please pick out your photos and send the rest back!" " "During World War II, the Germans occupied Paris. Two Nazi officers entered a hotel to stay. The owner of the hotel is a loyal patriot and hates the Nazis very much. The two officers looked around proudly and said, "How much does it cost to stay in this pigsty for one night? The boss replied, "One hundred francs for one pig and two hundred francs for two pigs." . "Warships will leave. A lady is saying goodbye to her husband. At this time, when she saw a sailor's dog running around on a warship, she complained to the captain unhappily, "It's unreasonable that a dog can go on a warship, but a wife can't go on a warship to accompany her husband." The captain smiled and explained, "Oh, this is different. A dog, not only its owner, but anyone can touch it. "Before the Persian Gulf War, a female liberator was in Kuwait. She found that Kuwaiti women habitually walked five meters behind their male companions. She published an article attacking Kurt's male chauvinism. Recently, when she returned to Kuwait, she found the man walking five meters behind the woman. She was very excited and asked a lady, "It's amazing. How did you women win the position? " Ms. Kuwait said, "mines" In the nightclub, a dancer asked the sergeant, "How many planes are there in your airport?" The sergeant said seriously, "Do you know the nature of asking this question? Don't you understand that soldiers should keep secrets? How can a soldier just tell a stranger that there are 50 bombers in our airport? "