The daughter with high emotional intelligence retorts to her mother: Mom, I am not "supporting" my husband's family, but supporting my own family.

01

Regarding marriage, I think there is a very important point of view: marriage is a cooperative relationship based on love. It is a new family formed by one person from each family of the man and woman, and the husband’s family and the Both natal families are from the original family and are in the same position.

I don’t quite agree with the saying that “a daughter who is married off is the water she throws away.” A daughter does not marry into her husband’s family, but finds a like-minded person to start a family in the form of “marriage”. Both men and women must fulfill their responsibilities for providing for their parents in their original family.

Yanqiu had a big quarrel with her mother in recent days because Yanqiu wanted to get back the betrothal gift that her mother had withheld before she got married. Yanqiu remembered what her mother said at that time: "My good daughter, I will keep the bride price for you. If your marriage is not reliable in the future, you will still have this money."

Yanqiu at that time He was also young and thought that his mother was also thinking about herself, so she was too embarrassed to offer rebuttal opinions. But in fact, she really wanted this gift. After all, after getting married, she and her husband Jiang Lin were living in a tight situation. If necessary, she could use this money to live a more comfortable life.

After getting married, Yanqiu and her husband lived together by themselves, not with her parents-in-law. The down payment for the house I bought was mainly from my parents-in-law, and they were responsible for repaying the mortgage. After they got married, they mainly relied on themselves. The husband was responsible for paying off the mortgage, and Yanqiu occasionally used money to support the family. But the mortgage was too high, and her husband's salary often failed to make ends meet, and he often worked overtime. Yanqiu "saw it in her eyes and felt pain in her heart," so she thought about asking her mother to take out the gift money and use part of it to subsidize the family.

Unexpectedly, as soon as Yanqiu told her mother what she thought, her mother scolded her for being stupid, saying that she was using her own money to support her husband's family.

Yanqiu didn't understand what her mother said. I was using my money to support the same family as Jiang Lin and I, but how could I be "supporting" my husband's family instead.

02

In the traditional Chinese family concept, there is a misunderstanding: when a daughter gets married, she marries her husband’s family

I want to make it clear that I am a A married woman.

I think that regarding the issue of marriage, there is a misunderstanding in traditional Chinese family concepts: when a daughter gets married, she marries her husband's family.

What I want to say is that the daughter does not marry her husband's family, but that she finds a like-minded person and forms a family with a man based on love. Betrothal gifts and dowries are parents' blessings to their children's small family and support for their family funds.

Yanqiu also holds this view. She feels that after getting married, she and her husband Jiang Lin formed a homogeneous family instead of marrying into her husband's family.

After getting married, Yanqiu and Jiang Lin were very independent and did not reach out to their parents for many things. After all, they were adults, so what reason did they have to "gnaw at their old age"?

But Yanqiu's mother always taught Yanqiu: "Good daughter, you must keep your salary and don't subsidize your husband's family? Providing for the family is what men and their husband's family should do. As for women, just You should just sit back and enjoy the results."

Yanqiu disagreed with her mother's point of view. Now that she is married, she and her husband Jiang Lin are a family. The two of them should "whoever has more ability bear more and be considerate of each other" regarding family expenses. Besides, the parents-in-law also earn their own money to support themselves, and they are not asked to support them. As the owners of the new family, the two of them should work together to support a family. Why should they be divided between "you and me"?

When Yanqiu told her mother this, she always called her a silly girl and said she didn't even think about herself.

If a marriage is full of calculations from the beginning, it is better not to get married.

Yanqiu's salary is quite high, more than 10,000 yuan. She will save part of her money and use part of it for family support. It was difficult for Yanqiu to be like Jiang Lin, and she still thought, "Don't spend your own money." Besides, after getting married, the money Yanqiu earned was half of Jiang Lin's, and it was the joint property between the husband and wife.

A home is a home for two people, and women are a relatively vulnerable group. Women can think more about themselves and save some money for themselves, but they cannot remain "indifferent" when their husbands need you.

Both men and women have the obligation to support their families. Now, to be honest, it is really stressful for one man to support the family alone, and two people need to bear it. Of course, men can bear more, while women can bear less.

If a marriage is full of calculations from the beginning, if you think about getting divorced and thinking about leaving more money for yourself, then you should not get married at all.

A woman can love a man 70% and love herself 30%, but if you use your own salary to "subsidize" the family, you are not supporting your husband's family, but you are taking on the responsibilities of your own small family and supporting yourself. Home.

This also applies to using part of the bride price to subsidize the family after marriage. You can save part of it for yourself, but you can also take part of it accordingly.

A new family needs to be borne by both husband and wife. You are the real family.

03

Yanqiu got angry with her mother because of the bride price, but her mother was very stubborn and refused to give out the money. Yanqiu was very distressed, so she told her husband privately: "I know it's difficult for you, so I want to help you, but I have no choice."

Unexpectedly, Jiang Lin was very considerate. : "It's okay. I understand what our mother means. Our mother wants to give you a guarantee. After all, if the marriage is unreliable, it is difficult for a woman to be alone. Let our mother keep that money for you. I'll be fine. You have it." I'm already very touched. My wife is fine, I can do it."

Yanqiu was deeply moved by Jiang Lin's words. In fact, she understands Jiang Lin. They have been married for ten years, and Jiang Lin is still very good to her. Even when he was raising the child, Jiang Lin would get up by himself to change the child's diapers and feed milk powder in order to let Yanqiu sleep a little longer.

After Yanqiu gave birth, her milk was not enough. Yanqiu complained about herself, so Jiang Lin comforted her: "I also grew up on milk powder. Aren't I also tall and strong?"

Jiang Lin's kindness made Yanqiu feel that this was their own home. She was very grateful to Jiang Lin for his kindness to her. They are a family, the parents of their children. They all want to be good to their children, and they all want to work hard to make the family's life better.

"Mom, I don't want the gift money for the time being, but I hope you will really keep this money for me. But I want to say one thing, after marriage, I did not pay for my husband's family, but to support myself. "Home."

Yanqiu thought about it and sent this sentence to her mother on WeChat. She doesn't expect her mother to understand her anymore. Right now she just wants to make her little family live a better life.

- END -

Today’s topic:

Do you think the bride price is for the woman, the girl herself, or the couple?

Welcome to leave a message for discussion.