Advanced humorous jokes

A person's intelligence will shine brightly in humorous conversation and attract others deeply. Below, I have collected and arranged advanced humorous jokes for you to increase the humorous cells. Smart you will definitely become a bright spot!

Advanced humorous jokes 1 1. As the saying goes, "try today, but today is bad." When you encounter problems, you can't escape the' drawbacks'. " -I cheated. This is effective.

2. "Director, is the word on my back wrong?"

"No, there is nothing wrong. According to the History of Song Dynasty, the words tattooed on Yue Fei's body are not' loyal to the country' but' loyal to the country'. "

"No matter which one, in short, it's not the' loyal service to the country' I tattooed on my back now, is it? ! "

3. Two girls were talking about school on the bus. One of them said sadly, "There are only two girls in my class, and the most annoying thing is that I am not a class flower ..."

Thank you for stealing my partner and letting me know that he is a total jerk.

5. "Mom, I have diarrhea." "Great, you can add vegetables tonight." The dung beetle's mother said.

6. In the hotel. A man's girlfriend shouted angrily at him, you are the meanest person in the world! Hearing this, everyone in the shop looked at them in surprise, especially the man. At this critical moment, the man loudly said to his girlfriend, "You scold him too well! What else did you scold him? " ......

When I was on the bus, I saw a beautiful woman coming with a big bag. There is no extra hand to grab the handrail, which is very dangerous. So I got up decisively and gave my seat to the beautiful woman. The beauty gladly accepted it. I didn't expect the beautiful woman to get off at the same station as me. When I got off the bus, the beautiful woman said to me, can you help me take my things home ... I agreed without hesitation. I want to say that good people are rewarded!

Advanced humorous jokes 2 1. It used to be called husband and wife, but now it's called cell phone.

One machine in hand, forever! The machine is not in hand and there is no soul.

In fact, the ancients knew it for a long time, and they specially set up an idiom: Now is now or never!

2. I bought lychee and weighed a catty. The boss weighed it and found it was too much, so I took out a branch attached to lychee from my bag and found it was too little. So I silently pulled out the lychee, put the branch in my bag and handed it to me steadily.

At that second, I began to doubt life!

The departmental meeting is so boring that it makes me sleepy.

Go back and ask the colleague who is playing mobile phone: "Are you sleepy?"

He is full of energy: "Not sleepy!"

I am depressed: "Why am I so sleepy?"

The goods smiled and said, "Did you listen to the leader's speech ..."

It is really a great loss for men not to smoke. Just now, I was sitting on the side of the road eating spicy food. A beautiful goddess who can't talk at all asked me to borrow a lighter, but I didn't.

At that moment, I really wanted to poke my two chopsticks into the ground and drill a fire for her! !

During the blind date, the girl asked me, "If we confirm the relationship, would you like to add my name to the real estate license?"

I said, "I don't mind, but you have to ask the landlord if he agrees."

Advanced humor joke 3 1: A: "Why do I think the more ordinary-looking girls are, the more amiable they are?"

B: "That's because those beautiful girls ignore you."

2: Girl, bring the TV remote control. You have been watching cartoons all day. Let me watch the news for a while!

Dad, today is Sunday, the news is off, and I'm not going to work. ...

When I was in my hometown, it was popular to say to my friend's children: Come on, be good, call me dad.

I always like to play like this, just kidding, it's nothing.

Until one day, I met my ex-girlfriend and their family of three …

4: It's past nine o'clock in the evening and my daughter hasn't slept yet. Let me tell you a story.

"good!" I took out my fairy tale book. "Once upon a time, there was a farmer who kept eighteen geese and nine ducks in his yard. Alas, there are more geese than ducks! "

The little guy raised his finger and counted for a while. He curled his mouth and closed his eyes and said, "Dad, I'm so sleepy! Going to bed! "

5. I saw at the mobile phone recharge point that an old man went to the counter to recharge. The following is the dialogue:

Shop assistant: What's the mobile phone number?

Grandpa: I don't know.

The shop is busy, and the clerk goes to greet other guests. Ten minutes later, he saw that grandpa was still there.

Shop assistant: Then call me.

Grandpa: I owe money for my mobile phone, so I can't make a call.

The clerk went to do something else, and after a while. ...

Shop assistant: Then take out your card and let me have a look.

Grandpa: The mobile phone is charged at home. ...

Shop assistant: ...

Advanced humor joke 4 1, a: "You are a very curious person"

B: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Look, you asked again".

3. Teacher: Boys and girls, why can't crops be planted closely?

Xueba: Because it is too secret, it will lead to. (The word 100 is omitted here)

Xiaoming: Why are you so stupid? It's not hot to squeeze together on a hot day!

4. The teacher wants to guide junior high school students how to correctly understand "fashion". In order to understand the students' mastery, the teacher asked a question: "Students, what do you think is the most popular in society now?"

The students are talking noisily: some say McDonald's and brace, and some say online games; There is also a wonderful work, saying that he is in love on the grounds that "adults and children say so."

Finally, Xiao Ming spoke: "I think it should be a cold, which is popular among people, livestock and poultry!" " "

5. A: "What is seven divided by two?"

B: "It's similar to your personality, no three no four!" "

6. There used to be a classmate named Han Xiao. Later, I hurt my leg playing football and limped.

Later, he got an absolutely resounding nickname: smile half a step.

5 1. My son and I discussed: "Mom, when our family comes to visit us in the New Year, don't always talk about me. Please save me some face. "

I smiled and said, "You should behave better, too."

The son said, "I must be very good."

I asked, "Then someone will ask you about your grades?"

The son said, "Ask him about the year-end bonus at once and make him speechless."

My husband brought his son back from a special magic show. My son was very excited and said to me, "mom, the program of changing live fish is really wonderful." Uncle threw the fishing rod and caught a fish from our side. I also want to learn magic. "

I smiled: "Do you want to be a fish, too?"

The son said, "I want to be a living person." You said that if I learned this, I would watch TV and my mother would talk again. As soon as I wave my hand, my mother will go to grandma's house. How nice! "

After lunch, everyone sat around the kang to eat melon seeds. Sister-in-law suddenly threw the melon seeds in her hand back into the fruit bowl and said with a smile, "Don't eat them, keep them for yourself. I'm going to Wu Hou's grandmother's house to eat her melon seeds. "

The niece smiled and suggested, "It's obvious that you did it." I suggest you take a handful of melon seeds from our house and put them in your pocket. When you arrive at my second grandma's house, you should eat melon seeds in your pocket politely. Eat, eat, and then eat the melon seeds of second grandma's house quietly. Furthermore, while my second grandma didn't know, I grabbed two melon seeds and put them in my pocket. At that time, my second grandma will think that you are still eating melon seeds in your pocket. "

Advanced humorous jokes 6 1. During class, the teacher woke up a sleeping student and scolded, "Are you coming to class or to sleep?"

Xiao Ming rubbed his eyes and said absently, "Are you here for a lecture or for hypnosis?"

Teacher: Get out. ......

2. One day at school, during class, the teacher asked, "If I gave you a car full of cucumbers, what endorsement would you use to increase sales?"

Xiao Ming stood up and said, "buy me a melon to make you forget him."

The teacher suddenly became furious: get out! ......

3. Teacher: Give an example of how the Internet crushes traditional industries.

Xiaoming: There are no pornographic films on the road. ......

Xiaoming was called to fight by the teacher. Teacher: Call your mother and I'll tell her.

Xiaoming: What did you tell my mother about us? In that case, call your mother and I'll tell her …

Teacher: Get out. ......

In biology class, the teacher talked about the origin of the earth. The teacher said, "The earth was formed for about 4 billion years. Let me briefly talk about the changes in these 4 billion years. "

Xiao Ming: "Teacher, let's talk year after year!" " "

When the teacher scolded him, he immediately said angrily, get out ......

6. The teacher asked: What kind of girls do students like? I hope the students can speak their innermost thoughts, and don't be afraid of anything!

Everyone spoke enthusiastically, some said beautiful, some said sexy, and some said plump.

Xiao Ming stood up and answered, I like being naked!

Teacher: Go home and enjoy it!

Advanced humor joke 7 1, a: "You are a very curious person"

B: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Look, you asked again".

2. There used to be a classmate named Han Xiao. Later, I hurt my leg playing football and limped. Later, he got an absolutely resounding nickname: smile half a step.

3. Several friends fought the landlord together, and one buddy lost. As a result, he was furious and said, if people are unlucky, they can shit their teeth!

My classmate complained to me on QQ that her five-month-old child is picky about food. I asked her: choose the left one or the right one. ......

5. A: "What is seven divided by two?" B: "It is equal to your character, no three no four!"

6. Which is stupid, the star, the moon or the sun? Stars, because "the stars in the sky can't talk".

7. Q: Why is Chang 'e fickle? Because her name is change.

8. A goddess sent a Weibo: "The three most important words for boys are never that Gao Shuai has money, but that he is self-motivated!"

Then she deleted all the male friends who transferred to Weibo.

Senior humor joke 8 1, the company is recruiting a position, and a person has applied for it.

Boss: "We need a responsible person for this job."

Applicant: "I am the one you want. When I used to work, every time something went wrong, others would say it was my responsibility! "

2. "Xiao Li, I heard that you use the bonus check as a bookmark and are indifferent to fame and fortune! Worth learning! "

"hmm? I read about it in a book? That book, Emma. I look crazy! "

3. Today, when I went to work, I came in and saw a punching machine posted: Being late will ruin my life, leaving early will make me poor for three generations, neither of which will make Gao Fushuai. -the company is also trying to make everyone work hard.

In the restaurant, two colleagues engaged in auto repair are chatting. One of them said, "The auto repair industry is so fucking dirty, there is oil everywhere."

The other went on to say, "Yes, you always bring oil flowers when you pee."

5. I went to work in the morning. Shortly after sitting, a beautiful colleague came up to me and casually said, Good morning, did you have breakfast?

She replied: Why did you invite me to breakfast?

I pretended to be serious and replied, if I asked you if you slept last night, do you think I would invite you to sleep?

She left with a black face!

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