What is the marriage of middle-aged people like?

35-year-old Ellie posted photos of her family outing on WeChat Moments. She was snuggled tightly in the arms of her husband, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

She received 40 likes. Some people complained about her abusing the dog at night, some urged her to have a second child as soon as possible, and some asked her for tips on how to preserve her marriage, and she responded enthusiastically.

The strange thing is that Dajun did not like it, but the photo posted by Dajun on his WeChat Moments was a photo of him and his child, with no trace of Ellie.

I muttered and sent a WeChat message to ask Ellie what was going on, and Ellie had to answer truthfully.

They will not have a second child because they have been sleeping in separate beds for many years, and their relationship is as dull as boiled water.

It turned out that after Ai Li gave birth to her son, Da Jun thought his son disturbed him in his sleep, so he took the initiative to move to the next room to sleep. This separation lasted five years.

The five-year-old son has learned to sleep alone. At Ellie's request, Jun moved back to sleep.

That night, neither of them slept well. They finally managed to sleep together, but their hearts were still and they had no desire.

They tossed and turned and found it difficult to sleep. In the middle of the night, Dajun fell asleep and snored, making Ellie very upset.

She went to another room and fell asleep peacefully five minutes later. Ellie said that when they reached middle age, they could no longer get close to each other and felt that their breath was greasy.

In addition to being unable to sleep together, they also like to be alone. Occasionally they chat, but the topic cannot be separated from their son. This is their only common language.

When they go out, they seem to have reached a certain tacit understanding. Dajun will open the door for Aili, and Aili will help Dajun adjust his collar.

In the eyes of their friends, they are just a happy family of three. If they were not often provoked by their friends, they would have forgotten that they had been separated for a long time.

I asked Ellie if she had any plans?

Ellie said that she had not thought about divorce. Middle-aged couples are like this. Who doesn’t sleep in separate beds and show affection at the same time?

There is a classic line in Huang Hong's sketch "Unlocking": "A middle-aged couple kisses and they can have nightmares for several nights," which made the audience burst into laughter.

I thought this was just a joke. It wasn’t until I reached middle age that I realized that this was not a joke, but a reality.

2

After a dinner party with several young couples and friends some time ago, we stood at the door of the hotel and said goodbye one by one.

The young couples said goodbye to us one by one, and then disappeared into the night holding hands.

A gust of wind blew by, and I subconsciously leaned towards my husband. My hand naturally wanted to hold his, but I found that he ducked away as if on a conditioned reflex, and I dropped my hand that was hanging in the air awkwardly. .

After returning home, I asked them in the mother group how long it had been since they had been intimate with their husbands. Unexpectedly, there was a huge response, and the group immediately exploded.

A said: My husband is the brother who sleeps on my upper bunk, and the brothers are still hanging around each other. Now he doesn’t even bother to look at me, saying he is tired of aesthetics.

B said: One time, the whole family was eating out and the restaurant was holding an event. The couple took a kiss and took a photo and forwarded it to their circle of friends, and they could get a 12% discount. In the end, we paid the full price because my husband couldn't bear to kiss her.

C said: This is nothing to you. My husband and I have been separated for three years. He said that we are so familiar that he feels guilty if he touches me.

D said: Every day he takes the initiative to hug and kiss the child, and when I hold his hand, he usually shakes it off and says, "Can you please stop being so disgusting?"

At the end of the chat, the group leader said something and everyone fell silent.

The group leader said that if you see a woman who has been married for many years often showing affection in the circle of friends, she may have been separated from her husband for many years. What she is showing is not affection, but loneliness.

He knew a woman about 40 years old. Her husband had an affair and rarely came home. Women’s WeChat Moments often post selfies and chicken soup for the soul, pretending to be happy.

Everyone who knows her knows that all she wants is a shadow husband. She doesn’t need sex anyway, and it doesn’t matter if others take it. As long as he doesn't divorce and gives her a status, it will be fine.

This kind of marriage is sad, so if couples sleep in separate beds for a long time, problems are likely to arise. Just like Eason Chan's song, among thousands of doors, there is always one person who has to go first.

3

A reader named Xiao Shuang also told me a story about her and her husband sleeping in separate beds. Apart from not sleeping together, she lacked everything.

Xiao Shuang and her husband Xiao Gang were in a free relationship. She was a nurse in a hospital at the time. Xiao Gang passed by the hospital and came in to find the bathroom in a hurry. He happened to meet Xiao Shuang and asked where the bathroom was.

They fell in love from meeting by chance, and finally got married. After three years of marriage, the child was born. Xiao Shuang turned his attention to the child and rarely had any affectionate actions with her husband.

Slowly they went from sleeping on separate quilts, to sleeping in separate beds, to sleeping in separate rooms. They have been separated for three years. Xiao Shuang feels that they are not like a couple, but more like friends or comrades-in-arms. They protect their home and children together, but they have no impulse or passion for each other.

Xiao Shuang said that after two people have been together for a long time, they are just companions. Just like their parents, they have been married for forty years and separated for thirty years. They have nothing but sex. This is life. .

Lying in bed at night, Xiaoshuang tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. She was only 36 years old, and the rest of her life was still very long. How was she going to spend these long nights.

Long-term sleeping in separate beds means sexlessness. A love-free marriage is not true love, but family affection. And a marriage with sex but no love is a kind of hooliganism.

I also know a couple who were married for 20 years and separated for ten years. They spent these ten years living separately, seemingly inseparable.

Finally one day the man cheated on her, and the woman found out that she would not be sad after that, but would feel relieved. They went through the divorce procedures peacefully.

There is an article in the Marriage Law that if you have been separated automatically for two years due to emotional discord, you can go to court to file for divorce. The judge will use this as a basis to prove that the relationship between the couple has broken down.

At least it shows that whether a couple sleeps together or not will really affect their relationship.

And most of the couples around us have been together for two years. Every time there is a family gathering, the husband still sings and sings, and it is unknown how much of it is acting.

After all, in middle-aged marriages, who doesn’t sleep in separate beds and show affection at the same time? In the end, you have deceived everyone, but you cannot deceive yourself.

Love is not a lifetime, family love is.