funny jokes jokes

1. A general manager named Zhou once called me while I was driving. I was so nervous that I opened my mouth and said: "Premier Zhou..."

2. My parents quarreled, and my father shouted loudly: "I'll get you out of here."

3. I just went to college and was in military training. The company commander didn't know where his accent came from. He shouted the command: "Go to the school." Drill to the right, drill to the left."

4. When I was a sophomore in high school, my Chinese teacher was from outside the country and had a very strong accent. His son was admitted to the Tsinghua University Department of Architecture. He was very proud of his son and always told us about it. His son always said this: "My son is from the Toad Department of Frog (Tsinghua) University." If a moth reaches a toad or a frog, wouldn't it become a snack?

5. At the beginning of class, my deskmate wanted to go to the toilet. So, the English teacher said unhappily: "How old are you when you still need to go to the toilet?"

6. The physics teacher gave a lecture : "This is a thick spring. Let's push it from both ends to see if it has become dense (constipated)?"

7. Managers usually say to smokers in meetings: "Smokers Choke them all to death!"

8. The leader was drinking with us. He was probably drunk. He raised his glass and shouted: "Let us die together!"

9: Queuing in the canteen , I heard a boy next to me say: "Master, let me have a bowl of 'bullet cauliflower' soup!" (Seaweed and egg drop soup) Haha, I laughed so much that I sprayed soup.

10: One day I was eating very slowly and very hungry at a rice noodle shop. Finally, I couldn't hold it back anymore and I slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if the rice noodles were not served, I would flip the table over!

The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don't serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds and then burst into laughter under the table... It's embarrassing... ...

11: I once went to buy mutton skewers

I stretched out 4 fingers and said to the boss, "Here are 3 mutton skewers."

The boss was confused. "How many?"

I stretched out three fingers and said "4"...

12: My surname is Zhu, and I manage the unit's computer room. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken Section, are you in the pig room?" He scolded the guy at that time

13: In the unit's congratulations, a leader said: "I wish everyone good health... "Hold it, I have no words.

14: When I was playing basketball in high school, A got the ball and passed it to B selflessly. B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball, and A shouted to pass the ball to him. But B throws the ball himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blinded just now...

The whole audience burst into laughter

15: When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was doing. He said excitedly: "Manchester United lost, and Beckham got two yellow plates and left the field!"

16: In my mind, the squad leader in elementary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was full of people. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up and slammed the table and roared: Whoever makes noise again, cut his mouth off!!!... The whole class was silent

17: Yesterday, a colleague asked me . How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festive stanza under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"! Everyone burst into laughter! I didn’t react for a while~~~~~~~!

18: While cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: “Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!”

19: When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me which year I graduated.

I originally wanted to say the year 2000, but I got excited and said: "Two thousand years ago..."

What was even more shocking was that the examiner actually said "Oh" : "A student of Confucius."

20: I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot

№19: Boss, do you have any toilet paper cards?

21: I have a friend who has just watched "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" and is very interested in the "dog-beating stick method" and often makes jokes with others.

One day, he did it again as usual.

He kicked someone else and shouted: "Kick the dog!" Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked him again and shouted: "Kick the dog!"

22: One time I was buying vegetables at the market and preparing for a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change he had to the hawker and was still short of a dime, so he said to the hawker--

"I gave you all my hair, so there is no more hair."

The hawker was speechless for a long time, and then replied -

"I don't want any more of your hair."

23: After the KFC Sudan Red incident, I went to KFC

The waiter asked, what would you like?

I didn’t even think about it: a pair of Sudanese reds

The waiter immediately looked like he was choked

24: At noon one day, my mother asked me to Brother, move the dining table to the side. My brother didn't move for a long time, and my mother said something like this in a hurry:

"Did you hear me?! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side"