Should we really put down our careers and spend time with our children?

A mother who put aside her career to spend time with her children is now worried!

What should I do with my forty-five-year-old daughter?

A forty-five-year-old girl has no job, no marriage, and no children. Everyday I just eat, sleep, read online novels, buy things, raise dogs, eat in restaurants... No more!

This mother gave birth to a child in her forties. It won't work, baby. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, "I couldn't even pick any leeks!" This is what the mother's sister said.

It seems that I had a child before but could not keep it, so my mother and father cherish this baby very much!

When the mother looks at the child, she is three years old.

After the age of three, send it to the nursery in the factory, no! The teacher takes too good care of me. Lack of food and water. Don’t feed me when I’m eating! So, simply go home and stop going. The mother takes care of the children at home. Fortunately, her father made more money, so she, the baby girl, enjoyed the rare treatment of a "stay-at-home mother" in that era.

Until school. Mom takes her home, delivers meals at noon, and often delivers snacks in the afternoon...

The baby girl reached high school in one go. However, the squeamish baby girl doesn't like to study. It was not easy for us to take entrance exams in college at that time. She failed to catch up with the enrollment expansion in the late 1990s.

Going to college is a "strenuous job." In the late 1980s, even a lazy girl like me had to read it every day until twelve o'clock at night for a while. To be admitted to university. How can a baby girl have such a hard-working spirit? So I didn’t take the college exam at all.

The baby girl studied in a technical secondary school specializing in accounting. I asked someone to find connections and worked as an accountant in a department store.

Good guy! This is a terrible devil unit.

During lunch, the leader would not peel eggs for the baby girl. You have to peel it yourself!

When I get up early in the morning, I always show up at my workstation. If it's too late, you'll be in trouble!

One time, labor protection supplies for women came. A devil leader asked her to carry soap and washing powder. The washing powder was sprinkled all over her, but no one came to help, so she went home crying...

She can't get into this class... it's too hard!

The baby girl began to be sick. Not long after, she was laid off...

Then came the issue of marriage.

When looking for a girl, you need a boy who can cook, wash clothes, and wash her hair (girls don’t know how to wash their hair, and have long braids), and can earn money to support the family (girls don’t. Go to work) and you have to make her happy (baby girls are often unhappy)...

You also have to be a strong and energetic local boy from Tianjin. (Baby girls don’t like to hear foreign languages)

Okay! The person she hooked up with was just a joke. After a few conversations, someone said she was crazy and cried all the time!

So, it was passed on to ten, and no one could introduce her to anyone. Everyone assumes that she is a mental patient. Because her and their family's thinking is not correct! Or it’s not mainstream!

"Our children just can't suffer!" This is their family's slogan!

If a person is always carefree, he must be a "retarded person" with an IQ below fifty! People with constant wisdom have to face challenges and difficulties and deal with them one by one.

This is the meaning and value of life!

Children need companionship, but not endlessly. Mother and child will never be separated. As long as they are normal children, they will face separation in school. Work separation. Marital separation.

Mom is always by your side, that is, you don’t need to breastfeed. How do children grow?

What I particularly disagree with is my mother’s endless doting and endless entanglement.

Our children are not pets. In the future, he will "shoot the sky like an eagle and dive under the sea like a fish." He must have perseverance and determination to face difficulties.

And the first step of this determination is to leave mom!

Ever since the baby girl stopped going to kindergarten, she has already lost at the starting line!

My sister-in-law is a mother who clings to her children. Full time care. She pitted the cherries on every cake the children ate with her own hands. In fact, as a parent, I see it in my eyes and feel anxious in my heart...

With such careful care, boys can easily be spoiled!

I let my kids stay at my house every year for the holidays. Cook your own meals and do your own laundry. Prepare your own clothing, training clothes, and competition clothes for the ball game.

When they get older, they all want to go on vacation overseas. Go yourself! Organized by the school. Without parents accompanying me, I have to go through customs by myself and state my passport name. The kids are doing great!

Now, my sister-in-law finally understands. Compared with the cherry on the cake, whether it has a pit or not, the quality of the child is more important.

My sister-in-law went to work! I go home and eat with my children every day, and then study together on the big desk. The mother makes PPT and the child does homework.

In the morning, the driver picks up the children from school, and the mother gets ready to go to work. "There is an important "road show" today. It is a sales service for a big customer." Mom talked about her arrangements...

When they came back in the evening, the children asked their mother: "Did your day go well?" Mom also said Talk to the children about the impact of M2 and GDP on financial policy. The children listened carefully and seemed to understand.

The eldest son saw his father's office and said to his father: "I will have an office like this in the future!"

His father told him about his schooling experience. He listened very carefully. Later, I told my mother, "Can you sell your investment project through Dad? I think this is a good idea..."

Parents are mirrors. What do children learn when they see it?

It is laziness and laziness.

Still work hard and be proactive. Children will copy and paste it into their own lives.

This is the power of role models!

Finally, back to the baby girl. Is there anyone willing to marry her and go home? I will continue to serve her for the rest of my life...

Her mother, who is over eighty years old, still asks me to inquire? I am an educator and have taught many students. Through the behaviors and habits of different students, I can guess some situations of the parents in the family.

Parents are their children’s best teachers, and some of their parents’ behaviors and habits will affect their children. Parents must work hard to educate their children when they deserve home education. As the saying goes, "If you don't teach, it's the fault of the father."

Parents work very hard. They have to make money and spend time with their children. But should you put down your career and spend time with your children?

If the rest time of your job does not coincide with the rest time of your children, you will rarely see your children and rarely spend time with your children, especially mothers. I think you can change your job? Or choose to accompany your children first? Companionship is the longest confession of love. I once saw a child whose homework was basically never completed. His mother works at Foxconn. Either I work the day shift and come home late (the day shift also has to work overtime), or I work the night shift (I sleep during the day). I asked him if his mother had seen your homework. He shook his head and said that his mother made money for him.

Work is important, but it is far less important than children’s education. Children’s companionship is more important. Money can be earned in a few years, but once missed, the company and education of children cannot be made up for.

My wife is a master's degree from Dalian Maritime University. The first day I found out she was pregnant, I decided to let her quit her job.

When I first quit my job, my family, friends and colleagues were very incomprehensible. If I went to work normally to have a baby and take maternity leave, I could not only keep my job but also get maternity insurance worth RMB 20,000 to RMB 30,000.

But I have my own ideas.

First, my wife and I had children relatively late. My wife was already 32 years old when she got pregnant, and her body will not recover as quickly as a girl in her twenties. After all, going to work is not as good as recovering at home.

Second, my daughter-in-law’s working environment is not ideal. Her office is an office with multiple people in one room, and the air is not very good. Also, taking the elevator up and down the 25th floor to get off work always feels too dangerous to me.

Third, I want my children to have a happy childhood and be accompanied by love. This is the most important thing.

My wife and I both came from rural areas. Our family conditions were not good, and our parents were not able to help much at that time. My mother helped her daughter-in-law during the period from her pregnancy to the birth of the child. Her mother helped her daughter-in-law during confinement for a month. The rest of the time is taken care of by my wife and I. To be precise, because I earn money to support the family, my wife takes care of the children alone most of the time. It can be said that my wife’s contribution to the family is the greatest.

Is it too wasteful for a master's degree from a maritime university to give up his career to take care of his children?

I would like to say that life is composed of work and family. In a family of two, one person must take care of his career and the other person should take care of his family. When it comes to spending time with our children, my wife and I agree that it is better for women to take care of the family. Now that our son is 3 years old, my parents have come to help us take care of the child, and my wife has returned to the workplace. As long as I have weekends and holidays off, my wife and I will definitely spend time with our children. Because we believe that the best love for children is companionship.

Write at the end:

It is the responsibility of parents to give their children a healthy and happy childhood. We can work hard again if our career is gone, and we can make money again if our money is gone, but the most precious years of childhood are gone forever.

You really should put down your career and spend time with your children.

Let’s talk about the children around me.

There are really many problems with children who are not around.

My cousin has a little girl and a little boy.

My cousin and sister-in-law are working in Jiangsu Province and cannot take them with me, so my grandparents help take care of the children. The girl is older, in the second grade of elementary school.

When she came back from school, she would hold her mobile phone and watch cartoons;

Her grandparents spoke softly, and she seemed not to hear them, and continued to watch and laugh;

To put it seriously, there were tears and runny noses, as if I had been wronged so much;

When adults are not busy looking at homework, they are always distracted, and there is a chicken flying next to them. Dog jumps, she can see faster than anyone else,

She also has patience, her grandparents are farming and doing housework, so they don’t have that much time to spend with her,

My child is small, so I understand. My ability is poor, and sometimes I can’t answer a question after being told it several times. My grandparents don’t have that much time, and they don’t have that much patience.

Some grandparents don’t know a few words yet and don’t know how to teach them.

As time goes by, it can be imagined that children’s learning will improve. The boy is smaller, kindergarten

Probably because the elderly prefer the youngest, the little boy is too spoiled,

When he comes back from school, he needs snacks and toys to play with,

When there is no one to play with, he has to disturb his sister. The disturbed sister cannot do her homework properly.

Moreover, the little boy is a bit selfish. He picks up the leftovers of good things before giving them to his sister.

He also wants to grab his sister’s toys. While his sister is doing homework here, he is watching over there. Cartoons, how can my sister do her homework with peace of mind?

Learning is one aspect, and growing up is another aspect.

As grandparents get older, they don’t have so much energy to play with their children.

Grandparents have always been too partial to children’s education. Many children have “princess disease” and “prince disease”. ”

If parents can stay with them, grow with them, and guide their children in time when they encounter problems, it will definitely be different.

However, children want to go to a good school, wear good clothes and shoes, eat snacks, and eat big meals.

Parents giving up cannot be called " "Career" job, what can you do to give your children the life they want?

If possible, who wouldn’t want to spend time with their children?

If you can really put down your career to spend time with your children, I don’t think anyone can do it, unless they are people with flexible employment, or they are extremely rich people. Because you are in this suitable position, once you leave and want to come back, you don't have to think about it. There is no such store after passing this village. Besides, you don’t have to put down your work to accompany your children. As long as the two of you work together, socialize less, play with your mobile phone, and make good use of the holidays, it is enough.

The two parents should allocate the education of their children, and the husband and wife should take turns. Don’t expect one person to take care of it. My personal suggestion is that this way the children will be more satisfied with their parents and it will be beneficial to their growth.

Work hard during the day to pursue your career, and spend time with your children at night, getting the best of both worlds.

I have been going through this contradictory stage some time ago.

When the child was one year old, he left me and went back to his hometown with his parents. There was a lot of back and forth in the process. We only saw him every now and then, so he was left at home to be free-range. However, even so, this process is as difficult for me as being executed late in the morning. Before she could get over the joy of welcoming a new life and the unpreparedness of being a new mother, she was already facing the first separation from her child. I don't know how other people got through it, but for me, the whole process was like a bolt from the blue. At work, since I came back from maternity leave, I no longer have the same thoughts as before. I focus solely on my career, and I will be distracted from time to time. What KPIs and pie-making are all so pale and feeble at this time. It's not that I'm afraid that I won't be able to take good care of her at home or anything, it's just this feeling of separation that really makes people crazy.

When the child is not around, I will often think about it, what is she doing at the moment, has she pooped? Have you peed? Can you speak? Have you grown taller? Anyway, all mothers should feel the same way. When she was here before, she wanted to run home before getting off work. Now that her child is not here, she hesitates to leave even after work, and it is deserted when she returns home. When I walked into the community, I saw groups of children downstairs. They all wanted to go up and touch them and give them a hug. They were so envious.

For a long time after my children came home, I was always going crazy. I was always looking for trouble when I had nothing to do. I was in various unhappy moods. I was already under a lot of work pressure. Every morning when I came up, I thought about it. How can I resign as soon as possible? I really feel that going to work is like going to the grave. It is so painful. It will last at least eight or nine months or even longer. I stayed up late every night until the early hours of the morning, and only slept about five or six hours a day. At one point, I felt like I was suffering from depression or anxiety, which was really painful.

My parents are far away, and I don’t want them to worry. My husband is under a lot of pressure at work. He has to accompany me to vent his anger when he comes home every day. The whole house is full of smoke, and there is no one inside or outside the house. Ansheng, I really don’t know how I got here...

Fortunately, it’s all over. My parents take videos of my children at home every day. They can talk, call me grandma and grandpa, and they have grown taller again. I have gained weight again and can play with children... Sometimes I really feel like I rely on these videos to survive every day. I really have to thank my parents for everything. I think it was probably the sight of my children growing up little by little and having enough to eat and drink over a long period of time that made me feel at ease.

I have been working for almost six years, working both at the grassroots level and in management. Sometimes I think that the reason why I am anxious for no reason is simply that I cannot let go of both ends. I not only want my children by my side, but I also want to do a great job. People always know that you can't have your cake and eat it too, but you can never do it. Even if there is a little hope, I would not want to give up one. Looking at myself and my husband, we both left our hometowns and worked hard outside without being with our parents. The same will be true for my children in the future. No one will stay with their parents forever, so the ability of self-survival is greater than anything else. You can survive on your own without relying on your parents, relatives or friends. It is particularly important to master a skill, have your own career and continue it.

Fortunately, I have gone through that difficult time. There are many things that I can only think about clearly on my own, and no one can advise me... As a new mother in the workplace, I also advise all future mothers. For sisters who become mothers or are already mothers, career is not the most important, but career is indispensable. Don't think about balancing family and life, it's impossible.

Share my friend’s true story:

My friend’s family is from a county town, and both husband and wife work in the education system, so they attach great importance to education.

Their family situation is very good, they have a car and a house, and they hired a nanny after they gave birth to their children.

When the child was 5 years old, the couple made a decision: to send the child to the city to receive the best education.

So my mother gave up her job, took a leave of absence, took her child to Chongqing, and arranged a good relationship with a key school for her child to attend primary school. Everything was arranged. The husband drives to the city almost every weekend to visit his wife and children.

In the beginning, everything looked good: from the county town to the city, they went to the best primary school, received a better education, and the family was not short of money. The family and the nanny were also brought to the city.

In a different place, the living conditions are better, and the people I come into contact with are also different. At first, everyone was looking forward to a bright future. If nothing unexpected happened, they could be admitted to key junior high schools in the city, then key high schools, and then to 985 universities...

But , life often does not go as planned. When the child is in the third grade of elementary school, some problems have been exposed. First of all, his grades can only be considered average in the class. Secondly, in terms of study habits, the child is not conscious at all and is unwilling to study. . The usual homework starts to get messed up, and during the winter and summer vacations, there is a high probability that the homework will not be completed. Even if my mother is around, even if my mother urges me, it will be of no use.

What should I do if my child graduates from elementary school in the blink of an eye and fails to get admitted to a key junior high school in the city? Do you want to go back home and return to the county seat? Having already taken this step, it is basically impossible to take the child back to the county town!

So the parents once again spent a lot of money to send their children to a key junior high school, fully thinking that the children would be grateful for their parents' efforts, grateful for their parents' hardships, and thought that they would work hard in junior high school. The effort, however, did not work!

In junior high school, the child began to compete with his classmates on what shoes to wear and what games to play. This once made the mother very crazy and she was so angry that she wanted to go back to the county... In the end , junior high school to high school, but also not admitted to a key high school.

My parents had to manage their relationship again and spend money to smooth things over, and finally I went to the best high school in the city.

But after years of study habits have been formed, how easy is it to change them?

In the end, this child only passed two books in the college entrance examination, not even one. His parents wanted him to repeat the exam, but he was tired of studying...

This result disappointed the parents so much that the couple had many quarrels. The husband blamed his wife for not taking care of the children, "They both quit their jobs, and they can't take care of the children..." ..." The wife blamed her husband, "for not fulfilling his responsibilities as a father..."

The two almost got divorced because of this!

……

As parents, can we really raise an excellent and capable child if we put aside our own careers? The answer is not necessarily!

So, should we put down our careers to accompany our children?

Personally, I think it needs to be considered on a case-by-case basis:

Type 1: Parents are too busy at work and have no time to take care of their children. Or the working hours are opposite to the children's schedule, and there is no chance to accompany and supervise the children. For example, working in some factories, working night shifts for a long time, or often working shifts... In this case, parents rarely see their children. On the one hand, it is definitely detrimental to the growth of children. If this is the case, it is recommended that you change jobs and try to spend more time with your children. If the family's financial situation is relatively good, one of the parents can resign to accompany and take care of the children.

The second type: parents work normal hours, occasionally work overtime, and there are elderly people at home to pick up and drop off the children. To be honest, it is recommended not to resign easily in such a situation, because maybe if you resign and devote yourself wholeheartedly, the only person who will be moved in the end is yourself. You may even feel that you have given too much, and your child’s performance is not satisfactory to you. This kind of In fact, the situation is often the result of wishful thinking on the part of the parents, without any regard for the child's feelings.

Since you can commute to get off work normally and have time to spend with your children, why should you resign and give up your career?

I am an educator. I have been engaged in the teaching and training industry for more than ten years. I manage several campuses and my annual salary exceeds 30W. Later, I put aside my career and spent every day with my children. I will share the bitterness, gains and losses with you, and judge for yourself whether it is worth it:

Before I went to college, my dad always wanted me to apply for a normal school or a medical major. , saying that girls are suitable to be teachers and doctors and have high social status. My rebellious period came relatively late, so my senior year of high school was not over yet, so it was natural for me to choose biochemistry, my favorite subject, for the college entrance examination.

During my internship in my senior year, I witnessed the explosion of a fermentation tank in a chemical factory. Watching a few workers chatting and laughing with us when we had lunch at noon, when they were carried out of the factory in the afternoon and lost their lives after their limbs were blown off, it completely made me re-examine my employment issues.

I gave up my major in 2007 and accidentally entered the teaching and training industry. My boss said that I was born with a "teacher temperament." I started as a curriculum consultant at the lowest level and later managed several campuses in the area. I have seen too many cases of students: top students, bad students, outstanding students, and mediocre students. Behind every child, there is a complete Educational case.

I am engaged in one-to-one education, and the students I face generally have very good family conditions. They can be said to be children from the high-income class of this city. There are two students who touched me very much: 1.

Little A is one of the best students in the high school. During the high school entrance examination, his scores even entered the ranks of the city's "high score protection". The day when the scores were released was Can't find the score. When his mother sent him here, the question he asked for consultation was that after entering high school, Little A’s grades were at the bottom of the class. The child seemed to be a different person, swearing, making trouble, and being addicted to games. The parents said a few words, He ran away from home.

Little A’s father works on projects in other places and sometimes does not come home for several months; his mother is a middle-level manager of a bank in Wuhan and is very busy at work and often works overtime; Little A’s food and daily life are taken care of by a nanny. The pick-up and drop-off from school and training classes during elementary school are also taken care of by nannies.

Little A inherited the excellent genes of his parents and has always been excellent since he was a child. His spare time was also occupied by the various training classes that his mother enrolled in, which was called "learning instead of training" because his mother was really busy at work.

After the high school entrance examination, I worked as a nanny in his family for 12 years. Because my child was facing the college entrance examination, I returned to my hometown. After changing the nanny, Little A seems to be a completely different person. He doesn't deal with anything with the new aunt and often complains. After a series of problems with her aunt broke out, Little A's mother took ten days of annual leave to spend time with her son.

During these ten days, Little A was still unhappy in every possible way, and there were various frictions between mother and son. Little A’s mother finally realized that Little A’s living habits for more than ten years have created a deep relationship between him and his nanny. Although he calls himself mom, subconsciously, the nanny is the person closest to him. All excellence and habits are the result of getting along with that person.

Little A’s mother does not have the ability to let her former nanny return to Wuhan, so she cannot resolve various conflicts with her son. What makes Little A's mother even more sad is that her son often gets into arguments with her over trivial matters involving the nanny. He was even insulted by his son, saying that he was not worthy of being a mother and that he only cared about giving birth but not raising children. He only recognized that aunt and wanted to live with that aunt in the countryside.

Little A’s mother sadly discovered that the excellent economic conditions she had earned through hard work had only pushed her son into the arms of the nanny, giving the nanny an extra son, while she, her husband and wife had been separated for a long time and suffered from work pressure. Shanda and the parent-child relationship are in a mess.

Later, Little A’s mother resigned from her job with an annual salary of more than 500,000 yuan and rented a house next to her son’s school to accompany her, despite her boss’s repeated attempts to stay. She said that she had lost her son's first 15 years of growth and could only use the next 15 years to make up for it. She hoped it would not be too late.

During the college entrance examination, Little A was admitted to Huazhong University of Science and Technology with a score of over 670. At least he lived up to everything his mother had sacrificed. 2.

Little B is a scumbag, a chubby boy in fifth grade. Although he looks cute, he swears, disrespects teachers, and even touches and threatens to beat the grandparents he lives with.

Little B’s father works in Hanyang Prison and is introverted; his mother is a support staff member of Wuhan University, and his grandparents are both retired teachers of Wuhan University. Although his family is not from a scholarly family, it is still pretty good. .

Little B has lived with his grandparents since he was a child, because his parents believe that the old couple have been teachers all their lives and are fully capable of teaching their grandson.

The ideal is very full, but the reality is too skinny. Little B’s parents underestimated the old man’s doting on his grandson, including the child’s words and deeds.

A child in the fifth grade of primary school throws his schoolbag to his elderly grandma as soon as school is over. Regardless of the old man's slow pace, he rushes ahead to buy snacks. Grandma was slow to pay, and she still complained.

While eating at home, Little B yelled at his grandparents, but the two old people who had been teachers all their lives did not feel anything wrong at all.

Little B’s mother also found that her child often used his grandfather’s mobile phone to play games, and bought equipment for more than 1,000 yuan; his grades were last in the class, but he yelled at the teacher in the daycare class. Aggressive and ruthless.

All this forces the mother to examine her son’s education. Again, let’s not talk about becoming a talent, but at least he must become an adult first. If you can't even do the basics of respecting the elderly, loving the young, and respecting teachers, you can imagine the child's moral character.

So the mother tried to correct her son's various behaviors and habits, but was resisted by the son and protected by the old man, and felt powerless.

Little B’s mother said that she felt that she had no emotional connection with her son, so it was even more difficult to manage her son’s behavior.

It can be seen from the experiences of the above two children that what is missing between parents and children is not only the first ten years of the child's growth, but more seriously, the "parent-child link" is too fragile, so fragile that When I need to rely on this bond to manage my children, it will break as soon as it breaks. Only a strong enough bond can sustain every moment you want to manage your child.

The most important time to establish this bond is the first three years, followed by every day and night when your child is by your side. Parent-child relationship requires long-term companionship and interaction to accumulate. It is implemented daily in every action and action we take as parents, in every guiding word; in your encouragement every time your child falls; in every time he Gain fulfilling moments of growth when you are by your side. It’s not just that we take our children with us, live under the same roof, and leave them to the elderly and nannies to pick us up and accompany us.

Of course, I don’t agree that everyone needs to put down their careers in order to spend time with their children, but in your time outside of work, don’t lie on the sofa and scroll through Douyin or play on your mobile phone on the grounds that you need to relax and rest. We will not reduce the time we spend with our children because of insufficient economic conditions, and we will not let the elderly or nannies do the work for us because we do not have time to pick up, drop off, or attend parent-teacher meetings.

Take me personally, after resigning, the economic conditions are certainly not as good as before. My husband makes money alone. In fact, the family's ability to resist risks is quite poor. If something happens to him, I can't imagine it. . Therefore, his pressure will be doubled invisibly, not only in financial terms, but also in mental pressure. Every year, the family has little savings, just enough to raise children. The premise is that we are not lavish people, nor do we have the hobby of buying luxury goods.

But other than that, the children are doing okay in terms of living habits, independence, self-discipline and how to deal with others. My child is an ordinary child. He is outstanding, but not a genius. We have no parent-child conflicts, we will not shirk responsibility from each other, and we will solve any problems through consultation. When conflicts arise, no matter how fierce the "battle" is, there is no overnight hatred between mother and son. This is the role of that bond. So, there are losses and gains, it depends on what you want.

I have always believed that the focus of each stage of life is different. For example, my focus at this stage is to accompany my child’s growth and prevent him from growing crooked, because I don’t want to be like the parents of Little A and Little B in the article. That kind of choice is to wait until the child has problems before spending more energy on correcting them. I like to nip them in the bud.

So, back to the question: Should I put down my career to accompany my children? No one can answer this question except yourself, because the value and ranking of accompanying children are different in everyone's mind. Some people rank it first (like me), and some people rank it lower. Location. But regardless of whether you choose to put down your career, the company and education of your children require division of labor and cooperation between the couple. No one can be missing in the life and education of your children. No one except your parents can replace you in your temporary upbringing.