Who can tell a joke that makes me laugh 20 points? Please pull it.

1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

One day, the cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it was taken off one by one and disappeared.

4. A steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt very hungry, so he ate himself.

Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died.

6. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

7. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

8. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

13. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

14. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because ... they don't know each other very well ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15. Devil: God, can I be reincarnated?

God: Yes.

Demon: I don't want to be a demon anymore. I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Well, you can be reborn as a nurse.

One day, a man met God.

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, the man was idle and bored.

If you want to say death, forget it. There are nine lives anyway.

Lying on the tracks,

As a result, a train passed by,

That man is still dead.

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars.

17, Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give up for a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; The third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

One day, 18, the little white rabbit skipped to the vegetable market.

Ask the stall owner: Boss, do you have 100 carrots?

A: Sorry. Not that much. ...

So the little white rabbit went away in frustration.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the market again.

Ask the stall owner: Boss, do you have 100 carrots?

A: Sorry, it's still not that much. ...

So the little white rabbit went away again in frustration.

On the third day, the white rabbit came to the vegetable market again.

Ask the stall owner: Boss, do you have 100 carrots?

The stall owner replied: Yes, yes, today!

So the little white rabbit clapped his hands happily and cried, Great! I want two! ! !

19, one person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "

20. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit said: well, I'll call it rabbit. The chicken looks unhappy and says, I have work to do. I have to go first.

2 1, go to the hospital alone. The doctor said you should have a blood test, a urine test and a stool test.

After a while, he came back and told the doctor that I had swallowed blood and urine, but I really couldn't swallow stool.

1. The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating: this fish is delicious, it would be better if it didn't put thorns!

Three women died in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel St. Peter said, "In heaven, we have only one rule here-never step on a duck." After confirming that the three girls understand, enter heaven. There are ducks everywhere in heaven, and there are so many ducks that you can hardly step on them. Although they tried to avoid it, the first woman accidentally stepped on one.

At this time, the angel St. Peter immediately came to her with an ugly man that a woman had never seen before and told her that the punishment for stepping on a duck was to be tied to the ugly man forever.

The next day, another woman accidentally stepped on a duck. Then St. Peter came to her with another extremely disgusting man, just like the woman before. St Peter associated the second woman with the ugly man he brought.

The third one has found this cruel result. She doesn't want to be tied to an ugly and disgusting man forever. So she is very, very careful about her steps. She lived for months without stepping on any ducks.

But one day, St. Peter came to her with a super handsome guy he had never seen before. This man is not only tall and strong, but also has beautiful long eyelashes. St Peter locked them together and left without saying anything to the woman.

The woman asked the man tied to her, "I want to know why I can be tied to you forever?" I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

3。 A frog called the priest and asked about his fate.

The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you."

The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? "

The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year."

4。 Someone's new phone has just been rented out by the cinema, and people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained politely that this mobile phone is no longer owned by the cinema, but it is his now. Please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva.

One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!"

After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a China film or a foreign film?"

5。 The residents on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first came, he was very vigilant and barked at the slightest movement. My home is on the sixth floor. Although I climb up and down every day, I still have to be called ten times. I am timid. As soon as the dog barked, I ran as fast as I could for fear that it would suddenly rush out.

Pick up my little nephew who is attending an English training class on Sunday and go home for dinner. Just entering the first floor, the big dog barked as usual, which gave me the willies. The little nephew was not afraid at all, but shouted, "spit." Strangely, after a few spits, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a poor "hum" sound.

When I got home, I asked my nephew how to curb such a fierce dog. The little nephew proudly said, "When the dog barks at you, it is actually saying one, and you answer twice. At this time, the dog stopped barking because he was ashamed that he could not repay the three of you. "

6。 When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt, but I didn't expect several female students to come in. I had no choice but to come to the dormitory next door with my pants.

I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door.

Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? "

I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror. ...

7。 One day, two men and women in love were on the road. The boy is with a girl. The girl is very beautiful, wearing a very elegant white dress. Boys' eyes are not very good-myopia.

The boy was riding a bicycle with the girl on the road, and they were together sweetly.

At this time, passing a crossroads, no one noticed the existence of the police, and the boy rode to the police. The policeman looked at it and shouted, "You! Come down, come down. "

The boy jumped out of the car at once, and the girl was calm. Seeing this situation, her mind turned to her heart. He said to the policeman, "Have you seen me? ! ! "

The policeman was stunned.

The girl winked at her boyfriend when the police were not looking, and the boy understood at once.

The policeman asked the boy again, "Is she your girlfriend?"

The boy said, "Who are you talking about?"

The girl said, "Have you seen me?"

The policeman was horrified and said to the boy, "Let's go, hurry up!" "

8。 The bus driver drove a bus full of buses to get on the bridge, so he kept stepping on the accelerator to accelerate. When he found an old woman crossing the road in front, it was too late to brake!

I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, with a pile of intestines flowing out of her side and beginning to ooze blood. ...

Some people started screaming, some people were speechless, and the driver looked pale and dared not get down in his seat. When the driver in the car started pointing at the driver, something strange happened. ...

Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag and began to pick up intestines, muttering, "How do you eat the intestines you just bought?"

9。 My brother doesn't like his mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy lunch, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "

The younger brother talked back and said, "I just like eating, so what!" " "

"Oh ~ mom told you, instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father's company. In order to save money and send it home, she eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! "

-Brother (frightened to disgrace): "Really?"

-How could mom lie to you? "

Really? Then how did she die? "

-Um ... I had an accident while buying instant noodles ... "