18 classic jokes of world-famous enterprises

18 classic jokes of world-famous enterprises

18 classic jokes of world-famous enterprises In today's life, many people like to watch some funny classic jokes to make themselves laugh. There are many classic paragraphs, and the paragraphs in different fields are different. Let me share with you the classic jokes of 18 world-famous enterprises. I hope you like it!

18 classic models of world famous enterprises 1 1, IBM

Two cannibals went to IBM to work, and the boss said, "The company absolutely won't allow you to eat people, or I'll fire you immediately!" " "

After three months, everyone lived in peace. Suddenly one day, the boss called two cannibals to the office and reprimanded them: "Don't let you eat people, don't let you eat people, you won't have to come to work tomorrow!" "

Two cannibals packed up and left IBM. When going out, one couldn't help cursing the other: "People who have told you many times not to eat work, we ate a department manager every day in March, and nothing happened. You ate detergent yesterday, and they found it right away! "

2. Microsoft

In an interview, Mrs. Gates said: Our family never uses apple products or even eats apples. Jobs, who was sitting by, said disdainfully, Hey, what's the big deal? Our house doesn't even have windows ...

Zuckerberg listened and said, "Do you dare not face it?"

3. Google

At lunch, Google CEO said, "I want to buy a Motorola phone."

At dinner, the subordinate said, "Boss, I bought it for you."

The CEO asked, "Oh? Which model? "

The subordinate replied, "All models have been bought back, so you can choose."

4. Nokia (headquartered in Finland)

There is an old woman sitting in a chair in the park. A child came up and said, "Grandma, is your tooth all right?" "No, it's all gone." So the child took out a bag of walnuts and said, "You hold it for me and I'll play ball." As soon as the child left, the old woman put on her false teeth and took out her Nokia phone from her pocket trembling. "Small sample, this still stumbles me."

5. Huawei

Huawei employee: "I was despised by the courier ... I said that I delivered the goods on weekdays. What are you doing in the company on Saturday? " Express: "Aren't you from Huawei?" ..... I have to go downstairs to catch the express train.

6. Microsoft interview

Examiner: What is the retail price of windows7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland?

Applicant: 5 yuan.

Examiner: Get out, next.

7. Go to Google for an interview

Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview?

Applicant: Baidu.

Examiner: Get out, next.

8. PricewaterhouseCoopers

Major companies went to Africa to see elephants, and it was PwC's turn to go over and say to the elephants, I'm from PwC.

The elephant cried because even the elephant knew that Puhua had worked hard. Then he said to the elephants, let's count the elephants in Africa. Elephants are happy. It turns out that PricewaterhouseCoopers still doesn't have to rely on auditing for a living.

Finally, he said to the elephants: We have come to Africa and plan to recruit some elephants to work in the company. As a result, the elephant turned around and ran away while crying.

9. McKinsey (company name)

One day, a farmer was driving a flock of sheep on the grassland. I met a man head-on and said to him, "I can tell you how many sheep there are in your flock." He used satellite positioning technology and new network technology to send information to the database of headquarters ... After a while, he told farmers that there were 1460 sheep. The farmer nodded and said yes.

Later, he asked the farmer to give him a sheep as a reward, and the farmer agreed. But the farmer said, "if I can tell which company you are from, can you give me back the sheep?" The man nodded.

The farmer said, "You are from McKinsey Company." The man was surprised and asked the farmer how he knew.

The farmer said, "I know you are from McKinsey & Company for three reasons:

1, I didn't invite you, you came to me;

You told me something you already know, so you must accuse me.

I can tell at a glance that you don't understand our business at all. The one you just took is not a sheep at all, but a sheepdog. "

10, Coca Cola

The salesman sent by Coca-Cola Company to explore the Middle East market came back in frustration.

The salesman explained, "I was confident when I made the poster. People there don't know Coca-Cola. I thought I could occupy the market easily, but I can't speak Arabic, so I introduced our drinks with three pictures. The first picture shows a man crawling in the desert, panting; The second picture shows the man drinking Coca-Cola. The third picture shows the man refreshed. After making the poster, I will post it everywhere. "

His friend said, "It should be very useful."

The salesman said, "I don't know Arabic. I didn't expect Arabs to read books from right to left! " "

1 1, Nestle

When the stupid coffee man moved the mountain, the emperor was furious and sent two gods to sit on Taihang Mountain and Wuwang Mountain respectively. Yugong tried his best, but he couldn't move Ershen.

In desperation, I had to turn to Zhisou for help.

Zhisou smiled and presented a treasure. The treasure went round and round, easily lifting Er Shen into the air and taking him away.

Yu Gong exclaimed: Awesome, what treasure is this?

Zhishuo said: This is Nestle coffee, which can refresh you.

12, Ford

Old Ford, who founded Ford Company, drove his own Ford car on the highway. It's cold, and it's getting late. Suddenly old Ford saw a Ford car broken down by the side of the road, and a young man was sweating to repair it.

Old Ford stopped the car and enthusiastically helped the young people repair the car. The young man took 5 yuan's money out of his pocket and said gratefully, "Thank you. Poor old man, have a cup of coffee to warm yourself up. "

Old Ford was surprised: "Why do you think I am poor? I don't care about five dollars at all. I earn more money than I spend. Why do you think I seem poor? "

The young man pointed at the Ford behind the old Ford in confusion. "Because you drive a Ford!" "

13, Amway

Ten years later, we met again inadvertently. She asked me in a low voice, "How have you been these years?" She is very kind to you. "

I was sad and said, "I'm not married, and I've been waiting for you."

Her eyes were red: "You can meet me at the guest house at 7 pm."

One winter night, the moon is bright, the weather is cold and the heart is warm. I arrived at the hotel half an hour early with flowers in my hand. She welcomed me in, greeted me to sit down, and asked faintly, "Have you heard of Amway?" ……

That day, I invited a famous palm reader to read my palm. The master looked at my hand and said, your skin is quite dry. Me: Hmm. Master: Try Amway's new hand cream …

14, McDonald's interview

I got a friend a job at McDonald's. ...

But the other party was very * * asking me to sing McDonald's songs, so I opened my mouth: with KFC, life would be fine. ...

Examiner: Next, get out!

15, interview with China Mobile

My mother asked someone to find a job as a mobile customer service. The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me: you are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work.

Me: 13 1 ...

Examiner: Get out, next.

16, hypermarket

One person said it was nothing for Carrefour to sell tigers; Two people said it was nothing for Carrefour to sell tigers; When the third person says Carrefour has tigers-Wal-Mart will be in a hurry to buy!

17, top 500

Classmates get together and talk about work. When asked about a classmate, he said, "Fortune 500 companies also have special cars." Everyone envied him, but when asked what his company was called, he said nothing. Later, when he was drunk, he realized that he was a delivery man at McDonald's. ...

Me: I worked in two Fortune 500 companies in high school!

HR: so powerful? Which two?

Me: KFC and McDonald's ~

18, automobile

The United Nations Industrial Organization invited the world's major automobile giants to participate in a forum with a long topic-"How to apply modern technology to make energy-saving and practical economical cars have the same quality as high-end cars". Unexpectedly, the presidents of the major automobile companies attending the meeting looked at each other and no one spoke.

It turns out that no one can fully understand the topic: Mercedes-Benz and BMW don't know what "economy" is, and GM and Ford don't know what "energy saving" is; Renault and PSA in France don't know what "practicality" means, and Toyota and Honda in Japan don't know what "feature" means. Hyundai in Korea doesn't know what "high-grade" means, and the German public doesn't know what "quality" means. What is even more ridiculous is that neither Bentley nor Rolls-Royce know what "modern" means.

China FAW and SAIC, as representatives of the rapid development of China automobile industry, were fortunate to be invited to participate in this forum. Unfortunately, they have nothing to say. They asked questions in the conference room, and finally they didn't understand what "technology" was.

A biscuit is divided into two parts, BYD, Mercedes-Benz and BMW. One cake with eggs and onions is Toyota, four cakes are Audi, and one scone with three hams is Buick. Later, a lion came and ate all these baked cakes.

18 classic paragraphs of world-famous enterprises 2 1 and Zhang San are first-class in the company, whether they are working or dealing with people. Colleagues joked with him: "Third brother, you are extremely capable in all aspects, just like the Monkey King!" Zhang San smiled and said, "Come on, in that case, my wife will really be the Tang Priest!" "Colleagues heard the fog, Zhang Sanyi sighed and explained:" As long as my wife starts nagging at home, my head hurts! "

2. Manager: You can't chat on the company phone during office hours.

Clerk: Then I won't take any calls from you when I rest at home.

3. Dogs, pigs and horses went to Shenfart Company to apply for a job and interviewed for the exam "Fart". Dogs fart first. I don't care, comment "bullshit." So the pig also farted, and the fart tube fainted when it smelled. Wake up after a while and annotate "pig fart stinks." It's the horse's turn. Let one go. When the fart tube smells, it not only sighs: "It smells good." Then note as follows: "Flattery smells good." So, Ma was admitted. ……

There is a sister paper to apply for today, and her conditions all meet the requirements of the company. When she finally announced her employment, she suddenly took out her mobile phone to test our company's Wi-Fi. Finally, she shrugged and refused: "Sorry, your company's Wi-Fi is too slow, and this working environment is not suitable for me! Excuse me! Excuse me! " .

5. In the morning, my colleague looked depressed and I asked, "What's the matter? Just like losing money. " Colleague said: "Yesterday, the company gave a commission of 5,000 yuan, and my wife found out!" I said, "Didn't I teach you to hide in a computer speaker?" My colleague said, "That's what I did, but my wife saw it at a glance. She said that the tables and cabinets at home are gray, but there is no gray on the speakers, so I designated to hide there. "

6. The company worked overtime at night, and it happened that there was something wrong with the computer. I'm so anxious that my buddy can help me solve it remotely.

When he started to do it, I went to the toilet, and when I came back, I looked at the place where I was coming and going.

Squeeze in and watch, love action movies are fierce!

Shit, who told you to watch movies remotely on Lao Zi's computer?

You open the door, I promise I won't kill you! !

7. At a job fair, Xiao Wang said to the human resources manager of a big company, "I want to be a manager." The HR manager said in surprise, "Are you crazy?" Xiao Wang said, "Do you have to be crazy to be a manager?"

8. Shake the lottery during the rehearsal of the annual meeting of the company. According to the number of shaking, the simulation was carried out five times, the first time was three times, and the second time was twice. The wind-like hand speed surprised everyone. Only then did everyone know that single dog, who has amazing hand speed, is a popular candidate for this year's annual prize.

9. The school arranged for our whole class to go out for internship for half a year.

I got up early this morning to get ready. I was nervous all morning!

At the last interview, the company said that I was not old enough to accept me. ?

10, the toilet on the second floor of the company faces the street, and the street is full of snacks.

I was in a single room and a colleague came in when I was comfortable.

Nose sniffed and said, "Oh, what are you doing? It smells good! " "

I shouted inside: "Shit! Do you eat? I won't rush! "

The goods said, "I promise I won't hit you when you come out."

Then I stayed inside for 20 minutes, and my legs couldn't stand it. At the gate of the cargo terminal, I said simply, "What, are you afraid to come out after eating?"

1 1, a beautiful mm and several company bosses built the Great Wall together. It suddenly began to rain outside. At first, I felt a little cold. After half an hour, I was shivering with cold. Beautiful mm suddenly got up and said, "Sorry everyone!" I have to go home and put on my pants! "They don't understand. Boss: "It's been so long, I didn't know you weren't wearing pants!" " "When the beautiful back disappeared in the crowd, everyone saw it-the mm was wearing a short skirt.

12, pay attention to the following sections tomorrow! ! A: Pay attention to the pesticide sector and the timber sector tomorrow, because a large number of investors need to drink pesticides and need coffins and urns for wood processing in the future, so these two sectors will benefit. B: There are also natural gas and gasoline, which are suitable for self-immolation. C: We also recommend a key stock, 600992 Guisheng, which can be used to pay urgent attention to the steel sector: a large number of investors went to the streets to buy kitchen knives, and the market has been snapped up, and the supply of steel is in short supply. Many kitchen knife companies are operating and going public.

13, the company has a new Danish colleague. One day during the break, he asked me why there was toilet paper in China, which was full of used yellow toilet paper. I replied, "We recycle, package and export to Japan to make napkins." The Danish brothers were surprised and asked, "Why?" I said, "Japanese people think it smells good." After that, this guy felt strange when he saw the Japanese.

14. Today, a male colleague was chased and beaten by a female colleague. He stopped him when he saw that it was really bad. When I asked, I realized that it was a male colleague who sent a photo of a female colleague eating fried dough sticks to a circle of friends. I quickly persuaded that it was just a little unfair to send this, and there was no need to make such a scene in the company. The female colleague suddenly cried and said, "Do you know? He mosaics the fritters! "

15. The construction company wanted an experienced employee, and Lao Li applied for it.

Lao Li: "I am a veteran of the battlefield in the construction industry."

Interviewer: "Can you be more specific?"

Lao Li: "I have been sifting sand on the construction site for so many years."

16, during lunch break, colleagues gathered in front of a company TV to watch live football.

A female colleague who doesn't like watching football is taking a nap. When the commentator shouts loudly, she shoots! Shoot!

The female colleague vaguely said, "Don't shoot inside."

17. Remember not to eat buns or leek-filled pies when having lunch in the company.

Once Xiao Wang forgot to gargle the leek buns he had at noon.

In the afternoon, just in time for the leader to inspect, everyone in the office stood up to meet the leader.

The leader asked, "Is Xiao Wang tired from work?"

Xiao Wang: "It is worthwhile to answer with a smile as long as the company benefits well."

The leader looked at the leek in his teeth and said, "No matter how tired you are, you should pay attention to your image!"

18, an old classmate I haven't contacted for a long time, asked me on QQ: "Are you there? How have you been recently? "

Me: "Not wide".

He said, "Oh, my company has a micro-credit product recently ..."