What are some ancient jokes?

1. When Wang Xizhi was appointed as the prefect, he received a petition from a villager saying that a certain squire gave him a small piece of wasteland to bury his father. He said that he only wanted a "pot" of wine, but afterwards he insisted on a "lake". liquor.

Wang Xizhi then visited the squire's home. The squire had long admired his name and wanted to ask for calligraphy treasures, so he entertained him warmly. Wang Xizhi wrote "The Biography of Le Yi" to him. The squire was overjoyed and asked what kind of gift he would give as a thank you. Wang Xizhi said smoothly: "Just a live goose."

The squire immediately brought a live goose to the government office, but Wang Xizhi's face sank and said: "We agreed that it would be a river goose, why only one was sent?" It turns out that the local word "live" " "River" has the same pronunciation.

The squire hurriedly defended: "Sir, geese are counted by four, never by the river!" Wang Xizhi sneered, took out the villagers' complaint and said: "Since geese are counted by one, does wine have any use? Are you counting the lakes?" The squire took matters into his own hands and had no choice but to admit his mistake.

2. When Ji Xiaolan was appointed Minister, he and Wang Shen were appointed Ministers. One time, the two of them drank together with a censor. During the dinner, He and Wang Shen pointed to a dog and asked Ji Xiaolan: "Is it a wolf (the minister) or a dog?"

Ji Xiaolan was very alert, and he heard that He and Wang Shen were insulting him through the homophonic sound, so he immediately answered calmly. : "The vertical tail is a wolf, and the vertical tail (Shang Shu) is a dog." The censor who wanted to please He Wang Shen also heard the cleverness, but deliberately added: "I understand whether it is a wolf or a dog."

When Ji Xiaolan heard this, he understood the intention of the censor, and said calmly: "There is another difference. The habit of wolves is to eat meat, the habit of dogs is to eat whatever they encounter, and the habit of the censor (the censor) is to eat shit. "This made Wang Shen and the Censor extremely embarrassed.

3. In the late Qianlong period of the Qing Dynasty, during the scholar examination in a certain county, a cicada suddenly chirped in the silent examination room. The invigilator found out that the cicada sound came from the candidate Zhang's hat, so he opened his hat and saw A few cicadas are still singing.

Zhang Sheng confessed that when he left home this morning, his father put the cicada into his hat, saying that the cicada's chirping in his head was a sign of success. The cicada's crawling just now made his head itchy and unbearable. After scratching for a few times, the cicada started to scream.

The invigilator was amused and angry after hearing this, so he disqualified Zhang from taking the exam for violating discipline, and wrote a poem: "Tou Ming is not the first name, all because of my father's fame. Qiu The cicada knows the song but does not know the name, and the superstitious omen means that the person loses his reputation."

4. There is a joke in ancient times that a donation class (a person who donates money to seek a position) went to meet his boss. The boss asked: "How is the climate of your country?" The donation class replied: "There is no strong wind, and there is less dust." Asked: "How are the people?" The answer: "There are only two white apricots, but there are quite a few red apricots."

The donation class answered the question incorrectly, and the boss became angry and rebuked loudly: "Asshole, I'm asking about Li Shu." The donation class was trembling with fright, and quickly replied: "There are many pear trees, but they bear few fruits." The boss didn't know whether to laugh or cry. , slapped the table and shouted: "I'm not asking you Li Xing, I'm asking you Xiaomin!"

Zanban quickly stood up and said: "My humble name is Gou'er." The boss was made to laugh and cry. Shaking his head repeatedly: "Dog, dog, you are such a dog!"

5. Legend has it that a guest stayed in an inn and a hundred taels of silver disappeared. He lived in a single room, and based on various signs, it was determined that the owner of the store had stolen it. So he went to the county government office to complain, but the store owner refused to admit it.

The magistrate of this county was very smart. After thinking for a moment, he calmly asked the shop owner to stretch out his hand, wrote the word "win" on his palm with a pen, and said: "You are here. Go down the steps to bask in the sun. If the words are still there after a long time, you will win the lawsuit." Then, the county magistrate asked someone to bring the boss's wife, who saw her husband stretching out his hand to sunbathe under the steps. Taiyang was confused. The county magistrate said to the landlady: "Your husband has admitted that he stole the money and wants your teacher to hand over the money." After hearing this, the landlady was hesitant and did not dare to ask her husband.

At this moment, the county magistrate suddenly shouted to the boss at the foot of the steps: "Is the word "win" in your hand still there?" The boss replied repeatedly: "Yes! Yes!" Because " The word "win" has a close pronunciation with the word "yinzi", so the wife, who was a guilty thief, didn't hear clearly and thought that her husband had really admitted that the "yinzi" was still there, so she had to obediently hand over the guest's hundred taels of silver.

Edited on 2019-04-05

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Homophonic stories of 30 to 40 words, two are required< /p>

4 likes·1 play

Homophony jokes must be short!

There was a meeting in a township. Because of the homophonic pronunciation, the village chief said: "Rabbits and shrimps, don't ask for melons. Pickles are too expensive." (Comrades and villagers, please don't talk. The meeting is now in session. ) The host said: "Please pickles, sausages and melons." (Now let me ask the township chief to speak.) The township chief said: "Rabbits, shrimps, the dogs have eaten today's rice, we are all big bastards." (Comrades, Villagers, today’s meal is enough. Let’s all use big bowls.) Son: “What will you do if I get the first place in the class?” Father: “Then I’ll be so happy!” Son: “ Dad, don’t worry, I won’t let you die!” The young teacher told a story about a sheep that was eaten by a wolf because it left the flock. "I understand," she said, "If this sheep is honest and does not leave the flock, it will not be eaten by wolves." "I understand, teacher." The little boy replied, "But it will be eaten by us in the future. "Eat it." "When will the following train arrive?" asked a child. "Little naughty boy, I have told you five times that the train will arrive at the station at 4:44." "I know." The child replied, "I like to see your beard curl up when you say 4:44." "Pipa" and "Pipa": Someone sent a Pipa to the county magistrate, but he mistakenly wrote "Pipa" instead of "Pipa" on the gift list. The county magistrate laughed and said: "Pipa is not this Pipa. I just regret that I was illiterate back then!" A guest responded: "If the Pipa can bear fruit, the whole city will bloom."

93 likes · 1,469 views 2017-12-15

Four short stories or two long stories with homophones

Wang Xizhi wisely solved the blackmail case and Wang Xizhi was appointed as the prefect. I received a petition from a villager, saying that a certain squire gave him a small piece of wasteland to bury his father. He stated that he only wanted a "jug" of wine, but afterwards he insisted on a "lake" of wine. Wang Xizhi then visited the squire's home. The squire had long admired his name and wanted to ask for calligraphy treasures, so he entertained him warmly. Wang Xizhi wrote "The Biography of Le Yi" to him. The squire was overjoyed and asked what kind of gift he would give as a thank you. Wang Xizhi said smoothly: "Just a live goose." The squire immediately brought a live goose to the government office, but Wang Xizhi's face sank and said: "We agreed that it would be a river goose, why did we only send one?" It turned out that "live" and "river" in the local dialect have the same pronunciation.

The squire hurriedly defended: "Sir, geese are counted by four, never by rivers!" Wang Xizhi sneered, took out the villagers' memorandum and said: "Since geese are counted by geese, does wine count by lakes?" If you take care of yourself, you have to admit your mistake.

33 likes · 999 views

Homophonic story

Cooking after seeing chickens. Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved to eat chickens. Tenants rented his farmland. , just paying the rent is not enough, you have to give him a chicken first. There is a tenant named Zhang San who goes to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and shares the land for the second year. When he goes, he puts a chicken in a bag After paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land he was assigned for the next year. When the landlord saw that his hands were empty, he said with his eyes raised to the sky: "This land is not open to Zhang San." Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence. He immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, give it to someone else." Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so quickly!" The landlord replied, "That sentence just now. The words are 'nonsense', and this sentence is made based on the opportunity." The newly appointed magistrate here is from Shandong. Because he wanted to make trouble, he said to the master: "You give it to me. Go buy two bamboo poles." The master misunderstood the Shandong accent for "bamboo pole" as "pork liver" and quickly agreed. He hurried to the butcher shop and said to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two bamboo poles." Pork liver, you are a sensible person, you should know it well!" The shopkeeper was a smart man, he understood it as soon as he heard it, and immediately cut off two pig livers and gave him a pair of pig ears as a gift. After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "The master asked me to buy pork liver. Of course these pig ears are mine..." So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county office, he reported to the magistrate: "Reply to the master, pig liver." Bought!" The county magistrate saw that what the master bought was pork liver, and said angrily: "Where are your ears?" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "The ears...the ears...are here... In my...my pocket!" There was an "opportunity" available. A salesman went on a business trip to Guangzhou. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to go by plane, but was afraid that the manager would not agree to reimburse him, so he sent a telegram to the manager. : "If you have an opportunity, can you take it?" The manager received the telegram and thought that the "opportunity" to close the deal had arrived, so he immediately called back: "If you can take it, take it." When the salesman came back from a business trip to claim the travel expenses, the manager said he was not senior enough. Due to the stipulation that air tickets are not reimbursed, the salesman did not agree to reimburse the air tickets. The salesman took out the manager to call back, and the manager was dumbfounded. The name of the place is related to New Year's Day. On the evening of New Year's Day, my younger brother brought two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One had a cheerful temperament, and the other was more reserved. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: "He is from Myanmar, so he is relatively shy." Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, raised his head and drank it down in one gulp, and continued. : "I'm from Yangon." The principal was angry. At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the principal was furious about the low efficiency of personnel administration. He said: "The person in charge of director business is ignorant; the person in charge of personnel management is unconscious. "He who is a manager is not a manager!"

202 likes · 13,884 views 2020-03-04

Homophony little joke, hurry up. It should be shorter.

Henan Lao Dong is from Henan. He came to the south to have breakfast. As soon as he entered the door, he asked: "Miss. How much does it cost to sleep (dumplings) per night (bowl)?" The waiter was very unhappy. , and said: "No. Only steamed buns." The old Dong said: "Oh, you can also touch the steamed buns." The waiter was extremely angry and scolded: "Rogue!" The old Dong was extremely surprised: "Six cents? Too much Cheap!" A soldier in Sichuan was captured. The officer promised to grant him three wishes before killing him. The soldier said that I wanted to have a few words with my horse. The enemy agreed. The next day, the horse came back and brought back a beautiful woman. The soldier spent a good night with the female. The officer said that he had two more wishes. The soldier said that I wanted to have a few words with my horse. The enemy agreed. The next day, the horse came back and brought back a beautiful woman. The soldier Spend a good night with a beautiful woman again. The officer said you have one last wish. The soldier still said I want to talk to my horse. The officer was very surprised and went to the stable to eavesdrop. He saw the soldier grabbing the horse's ears. , shouted: "I asked you to bring a female (travel) person, not a female person!" The newly appointed magistrate here is from Shandong. Because he has to hang up the account, he said to the master: " Go and buy me two bamboo poles.

"The master misunderstood the Shandong accent of "bamboo pole" as "pork liver" and quickly agreed. He hurried to the butcher shop and said to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pig livers. You know the answer? , you should know it by heart! "The shopkeeper was a smart man. He understood immediately after hearing it. He immediately cut off two pig livers and gave him a pair of pig ears as a gift. After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "What the master asked me to buy is pork liver, and these pig ears are Of course it's mine..." Then he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county office, he reported to the magistrate: "Replying to the Grand Master, I bought the pork liver! When the magistrate saw that what the master bought was pork liver, he said angrily: "Where are your ears?" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "Ears... ears... here... in me... in my pocket!" ” Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved to eat chickens. A tenant rented his land and had to pay the rent alone. He had to give him a chicken first. There was a tenant named Zhang San who went to the landlord at the end of the year. He paid the rent and shared the land for the second year. When he left, he put a chicken in a bag. After paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land for the second year. The landowner looked at him when he saw that his hands were empty. Heaven said: "There are no three types of fields in this field. Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" "Zhang San said: "Your words become so fast! "The landlord replied: "What I said just now is 'nonsense (chicken) talk', and now this sentence is 'made when opportunity (chicken) comes'. "There is an "opportunity" to take advantage of. A salesman went to Guangzhou on a business trip. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to take a plane there. He was afraid that the manager would not agree to reimburse him, so he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity to take advantage of it. Do you want to take it? When the manager received the telegram, he thought that the "opportunity" to close the deal had arrived, so he immediately called back: "You can take advantage of it." "When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse his travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket because he was not of a high level and would not be reimbursed for flying. The salesman took out the manager's phone and called him back. The manager was dumbfounded. The place name was related to New Year's Day evening. My younger brother brought two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One was cheerful and the other was more reserved. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed at the reserved classmate and introduced us: “He is from Myanmar, so he is relatively shy. Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, drank it all in one gulp, and then said, "I'm from Yangon." "The principal was angry. At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the principal was furious about the low efficiency of personnel administration. He said: "The person in charge of director business is not sensible; the person in charge of personnel management is unconscious; the person who is an officer is not an officer! "A foreign girl married to China. During breakfast, she was told that she didn't know how to eat fried dough sticks: "You eat it with dip." She stood up immediately and was told again, "You eat it with dipping!" She was confused and said aggrievedly: "Let me eat standing up. I have already stood up. Where should I stand?" "Xiao Ming, who likes to learn English, is looking for opportunities to speak English day and night. On this day, he accidentally bumped into a foreigner while walking. He said embarrassedly: "I am sorry." "I am sorry, too. "The foreigner replied. "I am sorry three." Xiao Ming replied immediately. "What are you sorry for?" the foreigner asked. "I am sorry five..." Xiao Ming said.