I want to be good with you

?1

I saw a joke this morning:

"When encountering a problem, a man will try to discuss with a woman: what is the problem and how to solve it What is the difficulty and what methods do we have to solve it?

All women’s words have only one central idea: you don’t understand me, you don’t understand me, you don’t understand me...”

After laughing and thinking deeply, indeed, men and women are so different:

Men need recognition, and women need to listen.

When faced with pressure, men remain silent and unable to speak; women talk endlessly, like the unstoppable water of the Yellow River.

Men crave quiet and alone time outside of intimate relationships. Women care more about the care and favor from each other.

No wonder there is a saying that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus".

During the fourteen years of getting along with my husband, I have constantly verified this difference.

When we were young, we didn’t understand love, or we didn’t know how to love others warmly.

I am used to wearing armor and going into battle, messing around in the name of love, fighting to the death, black and white.

Like that sentence said:

"To be harsh to your lover and tolerant to passers-by is not an elegant and gentle love. But when we were young, we didn't understand this, so the more we fell in love, the more we fell in love. The more we kill each other, the more we get older.”

As we get older, there are fewer people to argue with.

Maybe it’s because I have experienced too many things. Maybe they understand each other better.

In this world, how can there be a lover who is a perfect match in all aspects? We don’t need to constantly get along with each other and be tolerant.

In a marriage, the most desperate thing is never the noise, but having nothing to say.

Sometimes, I wonder:

What is home? It should be the place where we can’t help but quicken our pace when we think about going back.

What is marriage? It should be an emotional model in which two people can support each other and fight loneliness together.

If you feel colder and lonely in the besieged city than when you were alone, is this home still worth being attached to? What is the meaning of this marriage?

A home without temperature is just a body without a soul.

A marriage without communication is two worlds that can never blend together.

Being close but never entering each other's hearts, hugging each other hard but still feeling empty, that kind of loneliness is probably even more unbearable.

As Robin Williams said in "The World's Greatest Dad":

"I thought the worst thing in life, It’s just being alone, but it’s not. The worst thing is to be with people who make you feel lonely.”

It’s not surprising that some people would say: “I don’t mind being alone, it’s more comfortable than loving you.” p>

The loneliness of one person is better than the loneliness of two people. Unable to communicate, the marriage between chicken and duck is really terrible.

? 2

There should be no couples in the world who don’t quarrel. Anyway, I have never seen one.

It is said that even in the best marriage, there will be 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 impulses to strangle each other in a lifetime.

It sounds a bit scary, but when I was the most angry, I admitted that I had the urge to kick him out of bed.

I have always felt that quarrels are not the problem, but our definition of quarrels is the problem.

Quarrel in marriage should be more precisely called "communication".

Looking at it from another perspective, it is conveying a message - I am trying to understand you.

It is a channel for us to understand each other and a process of self-understanding.

In those conflicts and disputes between you and me, we will discover the true thoughts of the other party and understand the needs hidden behind our own emotions.

Quarrel is also a way of communication between husband and wife, in order to express their feelings, present the problem, and think about how to solve it together, instead of giving up and walking away.

In the past, these problems may have been lurking or ignored by us, but ignoring them does not mean they do not exist.

If it is not resolved for a long time, it will only accumulate greater suspicion and misunderstanding, and it may become the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Communication is never easy.

It not only includes accurately expressing oneself and understanding the other party, but also accurately allowing the other party to understand oneself.

To do this, we need to have an honest meeting between two hearts, rather than shouting at a higher decibel level or evading by ignoring the problem.

How to turn vicious quarrels into healthy communication is a course that we need to learn throughout our lives.

Being a husband and wife is fate. It took a hundred years to cultivate in the same boat, and it took a thousand years to cultivate to sleep on the same pillow.

Having a good fight over firewood, rice, oil and salt is also a kind of romance.

I have seen such a joke on the Internet before:

A young couple suddenly got into an argument for some unknown reason. At the most intense moment, the man slammed the door angrily and came out, and left a cruel message: "Whoever still talks to you is your grandson."

After saying this, he left without looking back.

However, not long after, the man came home carrying a large bag of snacks.

When I walked to the door of the house, I shouted: "Auntie, open the door, your grandson is back to honor you. Let's eat something first and fill our stomach before we have the strength to argue!"

When the woman heard his words, her anger disappeared immediately.

Look, a happy marriage is not about not quarreling, but about knowing how to resolve them in a gentle way.

Because of love, we must say every word well.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what is right or wrong. Instead, the attitude and tone of the couple affect the resolution of conflicts. A sincere, tactful, and loving way of speaking can always get twice the result with half the effort. Effect.

The so-called love is just talking well.

The best communication is when I understand what you are saying and you can hear what I am saying.

You understand my grievances, and I also understand your difficulties.

3

That day, we happened to be talking about the topic of getting along with husband and wife. I said to my husband seriously:

"In the past fourteen years, I have never mentioned that. Two words, break up or divorce, even when we quarrel fiercely.

Do you know why?

Because I value our relationship as much as my own life.

I want to be nice to you, and I want to give you the greatest respect and freedom, and I don’t want to use them as a method of verification or as a weight for blackmail.

Any relationship is subject to change. Don't afford repeated temptations and doubts.

Mature love should not be willful.

If one day, I say it, I will probably leave. It is decisive.

To be honest, in the seven years of love, seven years of marriage, and the entire fourteen years of relationship, you have never owed me anything.

I also have you in my heart. Only then will I care about every word you say and every attitude you have.

Only then will I hope you can explain to me when we quarrel, instead of letting the misunderstanding deepen and the relationship cool down.

I have many shortcomings, some of which I am not even aware of. If you find them, you must point them out and I will try my best to correct them.

I also hope you can understand that you are free to come and go at any time when you are by my side.

You know, I am not a person who likes to pester, and I can’t learn to keep you.

If one day you feel bad about me and want to leave, I will respect any decision you make. ”

These are words from the heart.

I have always felt that the best attitude in relationships is to be gentle but not humble, affectionate but not entangled.

I am not a particularly optimistic person, maybe I have seen too much impermanence.

I understand that life is often more dramatic than drama, and any changes are possible.

Therefore, no matter how you deal with marriage, work or life, you should have a belief that you can enjoy possessions and bear losses.

Only in this way can you be calm and watch the flowers bloom in front of the court. Falling; there is no intention of leaving or leaving, just look at the clouds in the sky.

Still saying, life is too short, we have to spend it loving each other.

I hope there will be someone to spend the evening with you. I asked you whether the porridge is warm.

And you are willing to give up mountains, rivers and seas for it, confined to day and night, kitchen and love.