Friends know funny jokes, try to make as many as possible. Thank you for your cooperation.

One day, the mother fly took her little fly to lunch. The little fly couldn't help asking her mother, "Mom, mom, why do we eat shit every day?" Mom gave him a look and said, "Don't talk about such disgusting topics while eating!" " "

Early in the morning, mother snail went out with her baby snail.

The little snail asked his mother inexplicably, "Where are we going?"

Mother snail: "Didn't we agree to take you on a blind date?"

Snail: "Ah, but I'm still young? ! "

Mother snail: "it's almost there!" " "

One day, three dead people were taken to the hospital.

The doctor asked, why did everyone laugh to death?

The nurse replied: The first man was so excited because he won 5 million!

The second man died of joy and sorrow!

The doctor asked again, how did the third person die?

The nurse said that the third man died while picking apples on a rainy night?

The doctor doesn't understand: how can you laugh to death when picking apples?

The nurse replied: Suddenly there was a flash of lightning in the sky! He thinks someone is taking pictures of him.

1. A male deer walked faster and faster, and finally became a road (deer)! ! ! !

2. Two tomatoes cross the road, a car flies by, one of them can't escape and is squashed, and the other tomato points to the squashed tomato and laughs: dig hahaha, ketchup …

The wolf said, "I will eat you!" ! ! "Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

4. The stone fights with the rice cake, and the stone flies and kicks the rice cake into the sea. ..........

Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who decided to join the army for life, so they made an oath with the girl, gave her a diamond ring, and agreed to meet her three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away. However, the boy has been waiting.

Rice cake! ! !

5. Is jiaozi a boy or a girl?

Answer the boy because jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. There is a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! !

7. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death …

A man went to tell his fortune, and the fortune teller touched his bones and met his fate. He calculated the eight characters and said: You fall in love at the age of twenty, get married at the age of twenty-five, and have children at the age of thirty. You have a rich life in your later years, and you are safe, happy and healthy. The man was surprised at first, and then he was very angry. He said, I am thirty-five, a doctor, single, and I have never been in love. Mr. Wang pondered for a while and said, young man, knowledge changes fate.

Teacher: Sleep in class, you ...

Me: (interrupting him) Killing people in a lonely dream. (Cao Cao is a traitor)

Teacher: (Take two steps back) What crazy talk! Wait, I'll hit you!

Me: OK. (Guo Jiatian is jealous)

Teacher: Don't strike back. ...

Me: Come out and mix. You have to pay it back sooner or later. (Sima feedback)

Teacher: How to return it? !

Me: Give me back ten times what you owe me! (righteous resentment)

The teacher was very angry and lit a cigarette with a lighter.

Me: this fire can help our army win a great victory. (Wolong pyrometer)

The teacher picked up the book and slapped me.

Me: Mouse, how dare you hurt me! (Xia Houdun is very strong)

Teacher: It hurts, so what?

Me: Give him what he deserves! (Xia Houdun is very strong)

Teacher: Are you looking for cigarettes?

Me: Am I afraid of you? (Wei Yan Crazy Bones)

Teacher: Who do you think you are?

Me: This is Zhao Zilong from Changshan. (Gentiana zhaoyun)

Teacher: Idol! Sign your name! It was fate that brought me to you!

Me: Fate? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ... (Sima Ghost Road)

Teacher: Isn't it? How dare you lie to me? Who do you think you are?

Me: I am the son of fate! (Sima Guidao)

Teacher: I can't stand you. Go home and find something to fight with. Anything will do!

Me: taking the head (meaning/you in ancient Chinese) is like taking something out of a bag. (Summer Express)

Teacher: You ... ..

Me: I'm good at attacking people from thousands of miles. (Summer Express)

Teacher: Try it.

Me (running to the podium to grab the chalk): It takes a hundred steps to get through! (Huang Zhonglie bows)

The teacher fell to the ground.

I walked up to the teacher, stepped on my foot and said, please have a rest. (national color of Da Qiao),

Then walk out of the classroom and say, it's rude. (the story of diusim closing the moon)

At this moment, the headmaster came, saw the teacher in the classroom and said to me: beating the teacher is not afraid of being struck by lightning, huh?

I replied: Lei Gong helps me! (Lightning strike at opening angle)

Principal: You are a fairy. Why did Lei Gong listen to you?

Me: I am in control of the world affairs. (opening angle ghost road)

Principal: You are amazing!

Me: I didn't expect that. (Zhang Liao raid)

Principal: Sing a song.

Me: Listen, this is a requiem for you. (Zhou Yan)

Principal: I'd better not sing. I feel terrible.

Me: Hum. (Huang Yueying Ji Zhi)

Principal: I disagree. I want to fight. (What kind of principal has what kind of teacher)

Me: Let me think twice (Sun Quan checks and balances)

Principal: Look before you leap. Let's go

Me: That's it. (Guo Jia's posthumous work)

Principal (excited): Let's play!

Me (picking up the teacher's lighter): Let this raging fire wash away your sins! (Zhou Yan)

Principal: Very few ... children don't play with fire ... (obviously afraid)

Me: Relax, I have an old man. (Huatuo first aid)

Principal: You want to burn me!

Me: This is for you! Hahaha (Sima Yi in exile)

Principal: It's better not to give such a reward.

Me: Forget it (Lu Bu didn't intend to)

Principal (running): You don't care about me! I won't play with you, running for my life is very important to me!

Me (catch up): the emperor Lao Tzu can't save you! (Lu Bu has no former)