Collect fun and hilarious short jokes (no less than 10)

Category: Entertainment and Leisure >> Humor and Funny

Problem description:

There must be no less than 10 very funny jokes, the more the better.

Two points are used as criteria when judging the best answer:

1. Which respondent has the most jokes

2. Which respondent has the funniest jokes

Eventually there will be additional bounty points! ! !

Analysis:

1. If the bowl falls, there will be a huge scar.

2. When I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was. I answered: three poles (three-thirty)!

3. Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much does 47 kilograms cost?

4. When I returned to the dormitory, my first sentence was always: "Is there anyone who can call me..."

5. When I was in high school, I went to a restaurant with my classmates. , after ordering a few dishes, I was still wondering whether to add another dish. Originally, I wanted to say tomatoes and scrambled eggs. I don’t know why, but what came out of my mouth was--stir-fried tomatoes with tomatoes. The boss thought about it for a long time...

6. Once when I was eating at home with my cousin, I accidentally poured the soup and ran out of tissue paper. My cousin hurriedly shouted "Hurry up, hurry up, go to the toilet to get toilet paper" .

7. My deskmate dropped something on the floor. He bent down to pick it up, and accidentally stepped on it with his foot. Unexpectedly, he stepped on his hand. He was furious: "How dare you step on my foot?!"

< p> 8. At a literary evening, the host came on stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang singing and dancing, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

9. The test score was very low. I complained bitterly: My score is too cheap!

10. If a tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

11. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed ××× in anger and said: ×××, stand on the wall!

12. There was a time when a foreign teacher showed off his Mandarin in a large classroom. I originally wanted to give him a face and compliment him on how well he spoke Mandarin, but his words became your standard.

13. When MM and I were in front of a stall selling soy milk and fried dough sticks, I shouted: "Boss, I want a piece of fried bean sticks with soy milk." MM burst into laughter.

14. One time I was driving, and the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why are you driving without a condom?"

15. There were so many people in the restaurant, I shouted loudly : Boss, please have some chili without seasoning.

The waiter also repeated loudly: Table 11, add unseasoned chili! ! !

16. Me: That’s our physics teacher.

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry.

17. In an Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher!"

18. Once, everyone was commenting on the back of a beautiful woman in front of him. I was going to say "Her legs are very thick", but ended up saying "Her legs are very brittle"...

19. Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me: "Put all your clothes on." Put it in the refrigerator and put all the dishes into the washing machine."

20. When you sit down in the restaurant, just ask the network manager to serve the dishes.

21. One day my girlfriend went shopping!

Suddenly I saw a crow flying in the sky and cawing!

Then something came out of her mouth: "This frog crows like a crow.

It made me faint.

22. High School At that time, we had to raise the national flag every Monday, and then someone would give a speech, which was mainly about daily behavior rules. Once, I was honored to give a speech, but I accidentally pronounced "Don't make loud noises in the theater" instead of "Don't make noise in the movie theater." "The brothel was making a lot of noise" At that time, all the teachers and students of the school were present, as well as many school leaders. I was so cold.

23. I wanted to say whether QQ was open, but I said QQ was open.

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24. One time when I was reading a text in junior high school, it was ×× wandering in the corridor. I pronounced it as ×× in the corridor Y D... The teacher’s face turned red.

25. When I was in high school, I went out with my classmates. There was a China Everbright Bank next to the school. It had just opened, so there was still a red cloth hanging on the sign... but the cloth was hung on the Chinese characters to block them. ... I pronounced it "Guoguang Da Bank" ... my classmates laughed like crazy, and I couldn't hold my head up for several years!

26. A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much and then made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine.

27. I once listened to a radio broadcast about some kind of shopping guide hotline. Someone called in, and the host asked him: "What's your last name?"

He replied: "Free. My surname is King Gui!"

28. Buying oranges, the boss said: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no.

29. When I read the text aloud in junior high school, the joy of victory was on the faces of the soldiers: "We have worked so hard just to have a monument for each of us! (Commemorative coin)"

30 , I just returned to Chengdu, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got in the car, I shouted: Oops, I'm almost hungry. (Actually, I want to say that I am hungry)

31. I want to say "the customer is God" but I say "the customer is heaven" and my friends still laugh at me~~~

32. A friend asked My computer configuration says the monitor is a color screen. (I originally wanted to talk about LCD)

33. I was discussing life with a friend, and he said that he now hopes to buy a piece of land in the countryside to farm and raise chickens. Life is so boring!! I said... ...Why bother, but living in the country is quite relaxing, breeding pigs, raising land...

34. When I was in high school, my class went for a physical examination, and when I was taking my blood pressure, a girl in my class found out that he was taking his own blood pressure. It turned out to be a male classmate in junior high school. I guess I was interning there. The girl couldn't roll up her sleeves. When she got anxious, she said to the boy: How about I take off my pants? The boy's face immediately turned red. That girl must be cold to death

35. I got anxious once and originally wanted to tell the truth, but ended up saying "the elephant is really white" and was laughed at.

36. If you don’t obey, you will drag *** and hit your pants...

37. A classmate went to the Internet cafe to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he sat in?

He said: "Go quickly and sit at the end of the row of shooting statues!

38. At the Internet cafe, I was thinking about getting off the plane, but I wanted to pay the bill, so I shouted A voice: "Boss, end the (hijack) machine!" "

Sweat...

39. Junior high school art party, question and answer session,

Female host: "Everyone, please be careful, don't rush too fast. Wait until I finish speaking and then raise your hands."

Then he started to read the question and said: "Now..."

At this time, a contestant rushed to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, why did you snatch it away? "

The whole audience burst into laughter.

40. Once when I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother: "Have you washed your face? "My brother heard it as "What time is it?", and my brother said "It's 8 o'clock", and my mother heard it as "wipe your face", and then said "wiping your face counts as washing your face", by which time I was laughing so hard I can't stand up straight.

41. Wusan Youlaotongcheng's tofu skin is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said: "Let's have a bowl of "turf skin". !

42. Xi’an calls rice rice. When a classmate came back from Xi’an, he entered the restaurant and shouted: “Boss, get a bowl of rice! "Boss is cold!

43. Master, give me some Pazhou Deji Chicken.

44. One time, my classmate stuttered, and I became anxious: straighten your tongue Squeeze your tongue before you speak!

45. Once my friend and classmate said that he was really charming. My friend corrected me and said it very loudly. ;Am I going to splash!!

46 In the morning self-study in junior high school, the Chinese class representative wrote "Read the 15th lesson silently" on the blackboard. When the deskmate came, he read "Black Dog Reading" while looking at the blackboard. "Lesson 15 text".

47. A boy who grew up by the sea was bragging to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child. He said, among birds, I usually do not eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but often eat seafood.

48. One time I saw an old man sweeping the steps on the way to school. Because I often saw him sweeping and knew that he was obligated, I was really touched. I wanted to have sex with the old man when I went up. Homely. I originally wanted to ask someone how old they were, but ended up asking: "How old are you?" I was so sweaty as soon as I said the words...

49. When I was still in school, I went to the cafeteria. Have a meal. When ordering, I ordered "pulled pork skin".

50. The politics teacher was talking about the inevitability of the development of things in class. When it came to human beings, he gave us an example and said: For example, if a man turns into an ape!

51. I heard a girl shout in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper~!"

That's so cold~~~~

52. Going to school When I was a child, one day I received a phone call. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, "It's your mother's."

As I picked up the phone, I casually said, "Male or female." Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for 4 years.

53. In junior high school, we beat a man in a group and pushed him to the ground. He said: Scholars can be humiliated, but not killed!

54. I have a classmate who once made a mistake. The teacher called to ask. He said: "Humans will always make mistakes, just like how can you eat sesame seeds without losing sesame seeds..."

55. Why haven't the old man's rag collectors come yet?

56. When playing CS, say "I'll shoot you in the foot" instead of "I'll shoot you in the foot."

My mother said a super classic sentence 57 years ago that is still unforgettable to me! Because she doesn’t like to carry bags when walking on the street, and she has a lot of trivial things like keys, wallets, mobile phones, tissues, etc. to carry, so she thought about it and wanted to say, “One day I will order a pair of pants with many pockets.” "What she said was, "One day I will order a pair of pants with a lot of pockets!" When I heard this, I couldn't help teasing her: "Mom, what kind of pockets are there? "

58. I went to buy lychees that day. I wanted to ask the fruit seller "How much do your lychees cost per pound?" but ended up asking "How much do your lychees cost per pound?" "A pound of lychees", because the lychees here are very cheap, the vendors are very angry at the bargaining, and they were already very unhappy, but they got angry when I asked this question, "#%￥#%￥# Are you afraid that you have some treasures?" Go away!" I knew I was in the wrong, so I walked away angrily and fainted.

59. A high school classmate of my classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and flipped his hair coolly: "Boss, 2 liang of green onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, he added: "Please order more rice noodles!"

Boss: "...Do you want rice noodles or green onions?"

60. One of my classmates liked to say the wrong thing. One day in physical education class while playing basketball, another classmate accidentally Threw the basketball over his head.

He yelled: Don't hit my ball with your head! ! !

61. There was a gala when I was in school, and the host announced: "Next program: belly flute playing!" (flute solo)

In a five-fingered little girl who couldn't see the dark night I sat on the ground and fucked in the wind.