Do boys suffer from domestic violence?

When the word "domestic violence" is mentioned, most of us will see the ferocious iron fists of men and the helpless tearful eyes of women. According to statistics, about 24.7% of Chinese women have suffered varying degrees of domestic violence, and about 100,000 families are disintegrated every year because of domestic violence.

But I remember a piece of news that hit the circle of friends a while ago, which finally made the word "domestic violence" no longer a men's patent in a broad public context:

The man Chen married his wife Liu in 2002. Just one month after the marriage, a slap from Liu started Chen's life of domestic violence. In the next thirteen years, her husband Chen was frequently beaten by his wife Liu, but he always chose to endure it because he was afraid of being criticized by others. However, the unsatisfactory life and his son's contempt for him made him extremely depressed and almost suffered from depression.

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Aggression is human nature and occurs in both men and women. However, because of male hormones, men are stronger physically and aggressively than women. Moreover, the social ideology affected by this has always defined men and women as "men are strong and women are weak". This has led to the common belief that men are strong and women are weak.

But in fact, using force to control others and gain a sense of control over life is a defense method that everyone may adopt. If a person bases his or her sense of value and security on the control of the surrounding environment and the people around him, and he or she internally agrees with the law of "the weak and the strong", then when life becomes more stressful or he or she needs to strengthen his or her own value When they feel a sense of security, they will instinctively want to vent their emotions and improve their control through the method that suits them best. At this time, he or she may slap someone around him.

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I have also consulted with a similar client.

An extremely depressed husband came to me and said that he wanted a divorce. The reason was that his wife would easily get emotional and get angry whenever she had a disagreement with him. And as soon as she gets angry, she will grab whatever is at hand and throw it at her husband - whether it is food, dishes, or a knife. Her husband could only flee under her attack every time. Only by begging for mercy repeatedly could she stop her.

He has thought about divorce more than once, but there is no way he can talk to his wife - as long as he talks, the pots and pans at home will inevitably suffer, and his wife even threatens to go to his work to make trouble. He also wanted to ask relevant organizations for help, but the only one related to this was the Women's Federation. As a grown man, he could neither call the police to arrest his wife nor go to the Women's Federation to seek help. In desperation, he had no choice but to seek help from a psychiatrist.

During the conversation with him, I found that his self-esteem was very low, and he was avoidant and wary of others.

Moreover, their son does not have a harmonious relationship with his parents. The son hates his mother's violence and has pity and sympathy for his father, but at the same time, he is also mixed with contempt for the iron that cannot be transformed into steel. He said that his son now likes to hit himself when he loses his temper. According to my analysis, this should be because the child is unwilling to resort to violence against others like his mother, but at the same time, he has subtly developed a behavioral pattern of using violence to vent his emotions. Therefore, when you have emotions, you cannot vent them externally and can only attack yourself internally.

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Explicit domestic violence not only causes great harm to the partner, but also has a very bad impact on the next generation, so it has always been the target of criticism. But according to my observations at work, the harm of hidden domestic violence is no less than that of overt domestic violence, and because of its wide scope and hidden nature, it is more difficult for people to detect and pay attention to.

I personally classify the three major behaviors of "rude language, financial control, and physical restrictions" into the category of hidden domestic violence. In many families, we can see that when a couple has a conflict, one party will curse, frequently bring up old scores, and even use the most painful past events to provoke the other party.

As the saying goes, "The people I love most hurt me the most." It is precisely because of our closeness to family members that we tend to have greater expectations and lower defenses for them, which makes it more painful when we are injured.

Although economic control and personal restrictions do not directly sting people's nerves and make people crazy and collapse like rude words, they can also cause inequality in the status of the husband and wife in the family, making the two people feel unhappy. Gap.

Originally, a family should be based on equality between both parties, and financial affairs should be handled by two people through mutual consultation. However, in recent years, due to various reasons, it seems to be more and more common for the husband to hand over his salary card after marriage and the wife to pay pocket money every month.

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As you may know, at festive wedding banquets, emcees often like to tease the groom with this question: "Who will take care of the family's money after the wedding? "The groom's words, "My wife takes care of it," made all the relatives and friends present burst into laughter.

Equally thought-provoking are the jokes that poke fun at husbands: "Why do you kneel after you make a mistake?" Among the various answers on the Internet, some kneel on the keyboard, some kneel on the motherboard, and some kneel on the durian. , there is even a joke that vividly describes the process of the father-in-law and his son-in-law teaching each other their experience on how to complete the task of kneeling in a fancy way. The imagination is astonishing.

Of course, most of these contents are funny jokes rather than reality, but it is not uncommon for one spouse to be physically restricted and financially controlled by the other. The other party seems to have become his accessory and must be controlled by him, otherwise he will make a big mistake.

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Many people are gradually "brainwashed" by the other person's values ??because they are afraid of shaking their marriage, and they feel a huge sense of guilt and guilt in their hearts. Together they turn marriage into a prison that imprisons the soul. But subconscious resistance and aggression cannot be completely suppressed.

If a person's personal freedom and personal dignity are harmed, he will involuntarily want to make up for it elsewhere. Therefore, we often see situations in problematic marriages where "the more you scold, the more you forget, and the more you control, the worse it gets."

The reality behind these half-true and half-false jokes that are spreading more and more widely cannot be ignored. Some people say that domestic violence and infidelity are the number one killers of marriages, but just as domestic violence is not just for men, we should no longer stick to the inherent thinking mode, but should broaden the definition of "domestic violence" appropriately. Pay attention to the same problems in your marriage that can cause huge harm.

The companionship is as before, and the heart has something to rely on? WeChat public account (Chuxin Living Room) ID: xinlishudaozixun