20 flirting jokes full of warmth

1. The construction team was so irresponsible in decorating the house that my boyfriend quarreled with them. I came to stop the fight. Boyfriend: It's just that you're here. Stand up straight against the wall-look, this is flat! How dare the bricks on your wall be flat? ! ! Construction team: ...

2. A girl in the building lost her bra and was angry! The provocative way on the blackboard downstairs: I don't believe my E-cup bra can be worn by girls in our building! "That night, the bra hung on the doorknob of the dormitory. ...

3. In the office, the tutor growled: "Nowadays, college students are so incompetent that copying porn on my computer actually requires cutting!"

I was very angry with you the other day! Me: Why? It seems that I didn't make you angry. MM: I asked you the other day that you can only choose between 5 million and your lover. Which one did you choose? As a result, you chose 5 million, and I was angry. Me: Sorry. Then I don't seem to have apologized to you, do I? MM: No, but then I thought about it, and I would choose 5 million, so I forgive you now ~ I: …

Now the financial crisis is too outrageous. Just after the interview, I called to ask something later, but I didn't expect even the interviewer to be laid off!

The train in Spring Festival travel rush is so crowded that I can't carry a millimeter, so I asked if I could sit for a while. But there are four people sitting on the seat of three people, and there are many people standing in the gap between the seats. I can't stand in such a small place ... I'm hesitating. MM is really tired and doesn't care about anything. "I'm so tired, sit on your lap." As soon as I sat down, I chatted with him and jokingly said, "It's actually not bad. I didn't think I could mix a soft seat ... "After saying his word, MM got up and exclaimed," Oh, my God, it seems that I am proud too early, and the soft seat has hardened ~ ~ "

7. I just went to the teacher's office to answer questions. I saw the teacher correcting papers while listening to Buddhist music. I asked why, and replied, "It's easier to widen the examination paper after listening to Buddhist music, otherwise these rabbits will fail!" -.-

8.GG (nervously): Do you have feelings for the boss in our dormitory? Mm (embarrassed): No. GG: So-do you have feelings for dicks? Is this ... yes ... or no? Gabby: Don't you know? Mm: Oh, no! GG (takes a long breath): Do you have feelings for me? Mm: no GG: this ... can have ... mm: this, really not ~

9. Lying lazily in a small bed, my girlfriend learned the voice in the advertisement and said, "They are your Youlemei ~" My eyes lit up: Oh, great! Come on, let me handle it!

10. After making out for the first time, I asked MM how she felt, but I was very happy to see MM blushing and taking out a McDonald's coupon. ...

1 1.MM sends a text message asking: Japanese ninja * * is injured. Do you think it is a Japanese ninja or a Japanese ninja turtle?

12. Senior shared a room with a homosexual. When I came back one night, my senior was very depressed, and then that gay thoughtfully cooked noodles for her. She felt very warm, so she was moved and said, "Just make do ~" Unexpectedly, gay jumped up from the stool and said, "That's no good, you don't have a man, I have a man!"

13. During the interview, HR disdainfully said, "There are plenty of graduates from Peking University and Tsinghua. You have nothing to show off! " I saw MM confidently pointing to her chest and saying, "Zhejiang University is Zhejiang University, don't you agree? ! ! "

14. Three months ago, the company transferred a little girl, who was very beautiful and kept calling all day. At first glance, she looks like a group of girls. The unit bachelor surrounded a bunch, and I ignored her. One day after work, she finally came to me and said something that I will never forget-she said, "Brother Huang, don't blame me for being quick-witted. If you are sick, you should be treated early ~ "

15. A mm goes to exercise at 4-5 in the morning. At that time, it was still dark and quiet everywhere. Suddenly, I saw a man crossing the street. When I saw mm, I asked fiercely: What are you doing? Do you want to say that Tsinghua students have quick brains? Mm is afraid of meeting bad people and doesn't want to be robbed of money. So she said, "Go and borrow money ..." "Why borrow money?" The man asked fiercely again. Mm was afraid of being robbed and said, "I have no money to treat sexually transmitted diseases ..."

16. I woke up at home at noon and ate two oranges. After eating the yellow on my finger, I went straight to school without washing my hands. Chatting in the afternoon, a classmate said, "Why are you so disgusting? You don't wipe your fingers after shit! " I said it wasn't shit. I ate oranges at noon, and then my fingers shook. Two days later, it will be miserable. The whole school knows that there is a classmate in our school who wipes * * * with his fingers and stops his fingers from time to time when he is dry, saying that it smells like oranges. ...

17. Zhang Yimou: Do you want to attend the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games directed by me? Mm: I don't have the right background! Zhang: Absolutely for the camera! Mm: I won't do it until I see the face shot! Zhang: It will definitely take more than an hour! Mm: I won't come if I stand still! Zhang: I promise to let you jump! Mm: So good? Well, I promised ~ I didn't say it. mm danced for two hours in the athletes' welcome cheerleading team and cried into tears. ...

18. Talk to the senior about the boy she admired before but hasn't contacted for a long time. Me: Since you two are dating, you should take the initiative to chase after them! Senior: I'm so old, so don't harm others ~ I: Maybe he just wants you to harm him. Senior: I don't care now ... Me: If you throw a piece of quicklime into cold water, it will also burst into powerful energy! Senior: Alas, the water here will never boil in my life ... Me: So you are looking for quicklime, which is Cao ~ ~

19. In the afternoon 10, a couple dawdled at the gate of the community. Girl: "Today is my birthday. What romantic gift have you prepared for me? " Boy: "I'll let the opposite building light up for you." How about all the cars honking for you? " Girl: "liar, do you have such great ability?" Without saying anything, the boy took out a kick from somewhere and lit it on the roadside. He only heard two loud noises, which were particularly loud in the silent night. The voice control lights in the opposite building are all on, and the whole building is brightly lit. The alarm of the private car parked downstairs is loud. As a result, the girl laughed wildly and threw herself into the boy's arms happily. ...

20. In the evening, a female student took a walk outside the school gate. Suddenly, she found a wallet on the ground, so she bent down to pick it up. At this time, the thief who had been hiding behind for a long time took advantage of the night and cut the gold necklace around her neck with special pliers, then turned and slipped away. The schoolgirl picked up her purse and found nothing in it, so she threw it on the floor and left. The thief was very happy when he got back, thinking that this heavy gold necklace was at least half a tael, he went to the gold shop to sell it. But when that guy saw it, he threw the gold necklace out of the door and said, "Did you spend 198 on TV shopping?" Fake! "The thief's self-esteem was greatly hurt. When he got home, he became more and more angry. He was so angry that he couldn't sleep at night. The next day, the thief blocked the female student at the school gate with a fake necklace, and the result was really blocked. Without saying anything, the thief went up and slapped her in the face, then threw the necklace on the ground and angrily pointed at the female student and scolded: "What about the college students? You say you are greedy and vain. What is your character? "