Joke: Tell me a joke, even one! ! It is better to have dozens of jokes! ! ! !

1, buy popsicles. 1.5 yuan. To the boss 10 yuan. Boss, change, 8.5 yuan. Then throw 8.5 yuan into the trash can. Wrong idea, throw the popsicle into the trash can. I left a sorbet paper in my hand. . . Cold. . . . Finally, I rummaged through the trash can there myself. .

6-year-old Xiao Fang is very cute.

It is often mentioned by the boys in the class.

One day,

Xiao Fang returned home and said to her mother:

"mom!

Xiao Qiang proposed to me today, proposed to me ... "

Mother casually said:

"Does he have a regular job?"

Xiao Fang wanted to mean to say:

"He is responsible for cleaning the blackboard in our class."

Because I have the habit of washing my hands after every meal, do you pay attention to hygiene? Unfortunately, one day, while I was eating, a classmate asked me loudly in class, "Why do you wash your hands after every meal?" I answered him inexplicably: "Wash your hands before and after meals. . . "Suddenly, the whole class was silent. . .

It was in the first grade of primary school. Now it's really ... that afternoon in the self-study class, the teacher assigned us to do our homework and said, whoever finishes the homework of the day first can go home first! The teacher corrects his homework on the podium himself! ! ! ! My buddy was a good student. It's only 15 minutes after the end of the 40-minute self-study class, and I'm almost finished. Because I was so absorbed in writing, I forgot that I was at home in class, thinking that I was almost finished, I looked up and shouted: Mom, I want to eat steamed sausage and fried eggs at night (this is my favorite)! I didn't pay attention at that time, and the teacher didn't pay attention and agreed: OK! The teacher's family is also a son. At the same time, my teacher and I thought the sound was wrong, only to find out that it was at school. We were both sweating, ......................, and then the whole class burst into laughter. As a result, the self-study class ended early, and I was laughed at by my classmates for a semester.

5. I once invited a friend to dinner. I ordered more than n dishes and suddenly found that I didn't bring my wallet at all! ! I'm dizzy, but I'm not saying that the food after that is like chewing wax to me. I just want to get through this. Then I suddenly remembered, picked up my cell phone and pretended to dial a phone. I yelled at the phone for a long time and said some nonsense, saying nothing about why I took my wallet. At this time, my friend said shyly, I paid, I paid, you didn't know your husband took the wallet. It doesn't matter. ) Just when I was happy that this white lie was about to succeed, suddenly the phone rang loudly in my ear. ...

6. Freshmen begin military training and stand in a military posture in summer. A boy in the class fainted. His classmates surrounded him, and some knowledgeable students shouted in the outer circle: pinch people, pinch people.

A female classmate who is closest to the boy thought for a long time, made great determination and accurately pinched the man's penis.

Last Sunday, I went back to my hometown in the country to visit my grandparents. It happened that my little uncle was there. We just chat and watch TV. Seeing that half of my little uncle suddenly had a stomachache, I went to the toilet to defecate ... A few minutes later ... I suddenly heard a sentence from the toilet: Ah ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shit! ! ! My grandmother went to the toilet and cursed my uncle, saying, what a big man! And curse! Uncle: Sorry. Oh, my God. I just wiped P shares ... halfway through ... suddenly my nose runs. So I naturally picked up the toilet paper in my hand and wiped my nose ...

..........

That's the worst laugh grandma has ever seen ..!

8. One day, the unit canteen opened the water. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a MM behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just bite my teeth and say, "Nothing, nothing." Pretend nothing happened. MM suddenly turned to the people waiting in line behind her and said, "Go home, the water didn't boil today."

9. On the Mid-Autumn Festival in the second year of high school, my pager suddenly screamed during class, and the teacher confiscated it. In the afternoon, the teacher called me to the office and severely criticized me, asking me to write a 2000-word examination. Finally, after the training, the teacher touched the desk with his finger: "Take it back." I was dizzy in training at that time. I looked up at a box of beautifully packaged moon cakes on the table (in fact, it was a welfare given to the teacher by the school). I was so grateful that I completely forgot my own BP machine and ran away ... The teacher came out slowly and said, "Ah-" ...

10. In class that day, I drew a pig and stuck it on the back of the classmate in front. He found it soon, tore it off and stared at me. I was puzzled and asked him, "How do you know there is a pig behind you?"

1 1. I pinched a cock's neck, but I didn't dare to cut it. I hesitated for a long time, but I strangled the chicken.

12, I was chatting while eating in the canteen, and suddenly I found myself dropping a grain of rice outside, secretly regretting the waste of food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that this meal didn't seem to be mine. ...

14, another toilet. My classmate's university is a key university. I haven't been there, but I heard that the facilities are in place, such as electronic reading room and campus card. What's even more ridiculous is that the toilet is still voice-activated flushing.

On one occasion, she was texting while defecating, and when she was about to get up, she accidentally dropped her cell phone and the urinal was very shallow. Actually, it's okay if she picks it up right away. But-when the mobile phone dropped, she was shocked and unconsciously cried, "Ah!" The phone was washed away. ...

15, A: Is my avatar Niu B?

B: Yes.

16, I passed an intersection that day and wanted to fart. There happened to be a man riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought the motorcycle had started and was about to leave. I was embarrassed that time. ......

Comrades in the dormitory come from all corners of the country, and it is inevitable that chickens will talk to ducks when they talk.

One day, a boy from Northeast China and a boy from Gansu went to buy instant noodles. Northeast China said to itself: "What's the smell of the whole? Beef with scallion! " A boy from Gansu asked curiously, "What do you mean by' whole'?" Northeast China replied: "Eating is eating." In the evening, the three of us went to the bathroom, and the sewer was blocked, resulting in gold in it. When the boys in Northeast China saw it, they were furious: "What a mess! ? "

The voice did not fall, and Gansu, looking forward, vomited. .......

18, someone bathed his 3-year-old daughter. Just after putting her daughter in the basin, her daughter shouted, "Mom, look, dad is picking up girls."

The army recruits animals to fight in the army.

So all the animals in the forest should come for a physical examination.

The first monkey doesn't want to join the army. Look at his long tail.

So the tooth took a hard bite and decided to break him.

After going in ...

The military doctor said: the tail is broken, it is disabled, and there is no need to be a soldier. ...

After seeing the monkey's behavior, the second rabbit resolutely broke his long ear.

After going in ...

The doctor said: my ears are broken, so I don't need to be a soldier …

The third black bear thought. ..

"What if the ears are so short and the tail is almost the same?" 』

Kind rabbits and monkeys come to help him find a way. ..

Suddenly the monkey shouted: I see, knocking out your teeth is disability!

So the monkey and the rabbit beat the black bear hard and knocked out all his teeth … ..

Although the black bear was in pain, he was happy to go in for a physical examination. Soon after, he saw the black bear come out with his mouth covered.

Cry and say:

Shit ... I walked to the door and they said, this is too fat, no way.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++.

A few more meat dishes.

One day after school,

The son asked his father, "Dad, where did I come from?"

His father found the question difficult to answer.

But we should take this opportunity to educate children,

Take cats and dogs seriously,

Talk falteringly about the process of reproduction.

After listening to this, my son,

A scratching his head to say:

"How did that happen? My deskmate said that he is from Shanxi! "

A man travels to a Muslim country.

One night, I went to a secret brothel.

Made it to 500 yuan,

Just when I was about to have a big fight,

Only to find that the procuress brought someone out.

A man said unhappily, "Hey! What is this! "

Sir, this is a Muslim country, and 500 yuan can only play with men.

The procuress said, "If you want to play with women, you need at least 50 thousand yuan!"

A man has to play reluctantly because he doesn't have enough money on him.

A few days later, the more you think about it, the more unwilling you are.

So I went again with 50 thousand dollars,

This time, the pimp brought out a woman.

In the process of taking her back,

Through a forest,

The woman said she wanted to go to the bathroom,

A promise,

I saw that woman in the moonlight,

In the distant Woods,

Lift up your skirt, get down,

But at this time, A found out,

Between a woman's legs,

There seems to be a stick,

A flew into a rage,

Rush up,

Take a stick,

The woman was frightened and said, "Sir, you caught me ..."

A man said angrily, "What did you catch?

Hum! You liars,

I have paid 50 thousand today.

I can't believe you lied to me about a man,

See how I teach you a lesson! "

Women passive Nuo Nuo way:

"You ... caught my shit!"

One night, a couple made out.

In excitement, the wife asked her husband to touch her bottom.

So the husband stretched out a finger,

My wife is not satisfied with coquetry,

Then my husband stretched out another one.

My wife is still not satisfied,

Finally, when my husband was angry,

Put your whole hand in it. ...

And when it came out,

He was surprised to find a watch on his wrist!

Then the light suddenly came on,

Listen to his wife sing to him:

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ..."

There are two drunks.

One day, two people invited each other to drink, only to find that their money added up to only 200 yuan. One of them said to the other, "Never mind, it's up to me. 」

They went to a 7- 1 1, bought two hot dog tycoons, stuffed them in their pants, and then went into the hotel and drank a lot.

After drinking almost the same amount, they will lie on each other's legs and suck the hot dog tycoon. When the bartender saw it, he shouted angrily at them, "Get out! Don't do such dirty things in my shop! ! 」

So they drank eight cups in a row. One of them said to the other, I'm too tired to drink today!

Another man said, I'm tired! My hot dog tycoon fell behind the second restaurant!