American humorous English jokes

If I were the manager.

One day in class, the teacher assigned the students to write a composition? If I were the manager. All the students began to write except one boy. The teacher came up to him and asked why. "I'm waiting for my secretary," said the boy. ■ answer.

One day in class, the teacher asked the students to write a composition on the topic "If I were a manager". All the students are writing except one boy. The teacher went over and asked him why he didn't write. I am waiting for my secretary. The child replied.

Why didn't you call for help?

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when someone robbed your watch? Man: If I open my mouth, they will find my four gold teeth. That's even worse.

Policeman: Someone robbed your watch. Why didn't you call for help? Man: If I open my mouth, they will find my four gold teeth, which is even worse.

I wiped him dry.

Jim and Mary are both patients in a mental hospital. One day, while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep water area. He sank to the bottom. Mary immediately jumped down to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director realized Mary's heroic behavior, he immediately checked her file and called her to his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are leaving the hospital, because since you can jump in and save another patient's life, I think you have come to your senses. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with a bathrobe belt. "

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself. I hung him to dry."

Jim and Mary are both patients in a mental hospital. One day, they walked along the hospital swimming pool. Jim suddenly jumped into the deep water of the swimming pool, and he sank to the bottom. Mary jumped down at once to save him. She dived into the water and pulled Jim up.

When the dean heard of Mary's heroic behavior, he immediately looked through her medical records and called her to his office.

? Mary, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you can jump into the water to save other patients, which means that your consciousness has recovered and you can leave the hospital. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, he hanged himself with a bathrobe belt in the bathroom. ?

Mary said: He didn't kill himself. I hung him to dry. ?

I didn't expect it to be so expensive.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed while trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What if you say I bought this watch and then we forget about it? " The manager agreed and wrote down the sales slip. The swindler looked at the list and said, "This is a little more than my budget."

A thief was caught red-handed when he tried to steal a watch in a jewelry store. ? Listen, okay? The thief said, I know you don't want to make trouble either. I buy this watch, and then we pretend that nothing happened. what do you think? The manager agreed and made a sales list. The thief looked at the list and said, this is a little higher than my initial budget. Do you have anything cheaper? ?

Rebirth after death

"Do you believe in life after death?" The boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir." The recruit replied.

"Well, then, everything is fine," the boss continued. "After you left early for your grandmother's funeral yesterday, she dropped in to see you."

? Do you believe in life after death? The boss asked one of his employees.

? Yes, sir. ? The new employee replied.

? Oh, so, everything is normal? The boss went on to say that she came to see you after you left for your grandmother's funeral this morning. ?

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