A thousand good jokes

1. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. People ask how they are together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit! 2. I said, "You are a pig." You said, "I am a pig!" " From now on, I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you can't help yelling at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" " "Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying next to your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you that says: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself. 4. One day, a mother had lunch with a fly. The son asked the mother fly, Why do we eat shit every day? The mother fly said angrily, don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it is hot! ! A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University! 6. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! 7. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: It's getting late. Go home and hug the cat. One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and roared: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it! 9. Do you have a TV over there? Now, take a quick look at the murdered central Zhao Benshan. Pol.ice blocked the northeast, 19 died, 1 65,438+0 disappeared,1fooled! 10. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived at 1 1. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head? 12. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots! 13. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles Store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked, Do you want a thick one or a thin one? Girl: I'll eat whatever you pull. 14. A man and a woman had an affair and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at the sky as if nothing had happened: Ah, this is the earth. Passers-by said: Cao, an alien with chicken feathers. 15. The big white rabbit Q B ran after the big gray wolf, and the big gray wolf was filled with indignation and chased after him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon? 16. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is blacker! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier. 17. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?