100 humorous quotations

1. At one time, I always envied that my deskmate had the best deskmate in the world.

2. A fat pigeon walked into the central hall from the balcony, bravely took a shit and floated away! Don't be infatuated with pigeons. Pigeons are just a legend.

When God closes a door for you, he always leaves many unlocked phone numbers on the wall for you.

4. Why do you have to sleep for a long time before you die?

5, it is said that the weight is only 100, either flat chest or short.

6. Your IQ is not balanced. Please charge before you speak.

7. Nowadays, people are talking with each other on the surface, but they are actually playing with their brains.

8. By the end of the year, I found that all I earned was age.

9. How people die is boredom.

10, I don't usually walk, and the road I usually take is not an ordinary road!

1 1. The math teacher took us swimming in the ocean of problems. As a result, she went ashore and we all drowned.

12, I have been abused thousands of times in winter, and I feel like my first love for a quilt.

13, I counted my fingers and found that I was missing in your life.

14, getting up is the pain of breathing. It struggles in every cell of me. It hurts when people wake up, hurts when the alarm clock rings, and even hurts when the alarm clock rings.

15, don't look at the information! Then what are you looking at? See how it works!

16, if someone tells me the end of the world again, I will not hesitate to call 1 10.

17, people are unlucky, and drinking cold water will also plug their teeth; Water is even more unlucky, even if you drink it, you will be trapped between your teeth.

18, failure is not terrible, what is terrible is that you still believe this sentence.

19 Actually, I bent the moon.

20. There are six eggs in the world. Chickens lay eggs, ducks lay eggs, bombs explode, idiots are watching, idiots are angry, and idiots don't forward them.

2 1 When I get rich, I'll buy two lollipops, one for you and the other for you.

22. As soon as others praise me, I am worried that others will not praise me enough.

23. Don't tell me to grow old together. I want to have black hair all my life. ...

24. What should I do if I suddenly have the urge to study? A: Don't panic. Drink some water and lie down for a while.

25. I always feel that others are full after a few bites, and I can eat more when I am full. ...

26. They said that the Internet was fake, and I laughed as if the reality was true.

Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we will ignore it.

28. The night gives you black eyes, but you roll your eyes with them.

God, I will never call you grandpa again. You don't love my grandson.

30, yes, you are the first step of genius!

3 1, bed, you let me go, come on, I have to go to school.

32. It's really comfortable to see people who don't like me add trouble to their hearts.

33. Eating is also what I want; Fat, I am also; You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving.

34. What age is it now? I have no sense of hooliganism.

35. There is an attitude called nonsense, that is, our life is so hard that we don't need to explain it at all.

36. Those who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and those who can't gain weight are fearless.

37. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

38. Is the Mayan prediction accurate? If I am accurate, I won't have to do my homework.

39. If I look listless, I may be tired, I may be ill, and the biggest possibility is. hungry ...

40. Do good deeds without leaving your name, only your business card.

4 1, whenever I have enough to eat and drink and have nothing to do, I will think of the serious matter of losing weight.

42. There are always a few friends who were very gentle when they first met, but they didn't know they were mentally ill when they came out of that hospital a few days later.

43. The crowd searched for him for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, the man was in the canteen at the door.

44. I received a short message yesterday asking me to remit the money to an account of China Agricultural Bank. I replied: Don't worry, I'll burn it for you right away!

45. Gradually, gradually, some people will become mean.

46, where to fall, where to get up ... always fall there, I suspect there is a pit!

47. When you go home during the Chinese New Year holiday, you must kneel down first: Sorry, Mom, I don't have a girlfriend yet.

48. Every time I face delicious food, I tell myself that if I eat too much, I will die. But it turns out that I'm really not afraid of death.

49. Rome was not built in a day, and the three layers of the lower abdomen were not built in a day.

50. It is almost the end of the world. If you have money, spend it quickly. If you die, it's useless.

5 1, I'm not RMB, how can everyone like me?

52. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth, how much is true.

53. When buying baked sweet potatoes, please ask the boss loudly what the stuffing is.

54, ask what the weather is sunny, ask people to add a pair of cotton trousers.

55. The difference between me and Telunsu is! I have low purity, and Telunsu has high purity!

56. Since you are not allowed to fall in love, don't give out school uniforms, lest others say they are lovers' clothes.

57. What is the head teacher? Is to ruin your friendship! Destroy your love again! Terrorists who don't leave your family alone!

58. The alarm clock is the third child of all sleeping supplies and bedding. I should change it frequently.

I haven't weighed myself for half a year, because I know.

60. I have two hobbies, static and dynamic. Quietly sleeping, moving over.

6 1, girl, turn on Bluetooth and send me some love.

62. I hope Santa Claus can put the final exam answers of all subjects in my socks at the bedside on Christmas Eve.

63. It is not necessarily a virgin who cries and hurts, but a bitch who seduces a man.

64. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

65. Women conquer men with stockings, and men conquer banks with stockings.

66. Rogues are not terrible, but they are afraid of being educated.

67. Heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age!

68, have a big milk name and enjoy the treatment of mistresses!

69, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but may be a Tang priest; Those who have wings are not necessarily angels, but also birdmen!

70. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

7 1, can eggs from all over the world unite to break stones? ! So be realistic. ...

72. I'm not afraid that my enemies are like tigers, but my teammates are like pigs!

73. Women's clothes are called capital, while men's clothes are called perverts.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

According to the pig's aesthetic, I am basically a handsome boy.

76, life is sometimes like being raped by a eunuch-resistance is pain, not resistance or pain!

77. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact I am beautiful.

78. In order to cooperate with the completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.

79, no money, no power, no longer good for you, can you follow me?

80. I smoke because it hurts my lungs and I'm not sad.

8 1, sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art!

82. You are really creative and have the courage to live!

83. My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hand cramps. ...

84. Buying a computer without broadband is like being a monk without eating.

85. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but being mean.

86. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in Too Many Cooks for 20 years!

Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them take a taxi to find it.

There is an old legend that people who can see beautiful women on the campus of Beihou University will live forever. ...

89. A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

90. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I will resign. Give him two more Chinese before resigning and kill him.

9 1. If pigs can fly, who will buy a plane? Ride a pig to heaven.

92. I can't find my tie again Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

93. In Egypt, a man can have four wives, which is very tiring. China is better.

94. You made me kneel on the washboard, and I couldn't stand kneeling on the electric heater!

95. Even if I were a toad, I would never marry my mother toad.

96. I definitely don't feel a catty of white wine, because I died after drinking half a catty.

97. Reading newspapers in the toilet is equivalent to wiping your ass after defecation, which is a process, otherwise it is not called completion.

98. If the son is disobedient, he can fight properly, otherwise he will not show the majesty of Lao Zi. This is the case in Taiwan Province Province.

99. For my mother's birthday, it is better to send two bundles of bones to cook, at least as a snack.

100, grandpa is from grandson.