The joke book read by ancient people - Excerpt 3 of Xiaolin Guangji (Volume 2)

The master asked the master: "Why can't I understand the lecture again?" The master said: "I just know each other, and I have it in my heart. If I don't tell it, heaven and earth will destroy me." He asked again: "Since I can't tell it, why? Should I sit down?" He replied, "I have to leave because I don't have enough family members." The master said, "Why do you have to meet your husband if you want to talk about it?" This spirit is gone, and he still looks like a gentleman." At the end of the year, the master bought a boat and went home. Zhouzi asked: "Your Majesty, Geng?" He said: "I am a dog, and I am already fifty years old at the beginning of the year." The boatman said: "I am also a dog, why are the noble and the lowly not equal?" He asked again: "In which month are you born? "The first month." Zhouzi said, "Yes, that's right. No wonder I was born in the second month with a dog's tail, so I was born with a dog's head in this life."

The tiger came back from the mountain and complained of hunger. He said to the tiger: "Did you meet someone today?" He said to him: "You didn't eat when you met him." When asked why, he said: "I just met a monk. He refused to eat because of the smell; the next time he met a scholar, he refused to eat because of the sourness; and when the last child was born, he refused to eat. "I asked him why he didn't eat, and he said: "I was afraid of hurting my teeth."

Pulling out beards

When a boy went to take the exam, he said to the mirror, "If you don't let me in for a day, I won't let you out for a day." , when he first took office, his wife entered the office and burst into tears. The husband asked in surprise, and the wife said: "I wish you had only left the school today, but who knew you had entered the school instead."

When Guangwen arrived, his disciples offered him fifty dollars as a gift. Zhi, with a title of thorn, said: "I would like to send you fifty verses of Zhi's ritual, and a disciple of mine will bow my head at a certain time." The master wrote it and returned it, saying, "Subtract fifty verses and make up one hundred verses." The disciple replied. : "I'd rather bow one hundred and fifty, how about not having to pay these fifty essays?"

When a scholar took the exam and asked for a fortune, Tong Chen said: "If you get the sixth grade, you will be better, and the fourth grade will be lower." The temple Zhu said: "We are incompatible with each other. The fourth grade only has a stick to punish, so how can it be down?" The scholar said: "Unknown to you, the sixth grade point retreat is very clean. If you are a grade A, you will definitely be punished after reading my words. "Kill him."

If the boy is praying for a dream, will he be able to get into Pan? The god asked: "Is your grandfather a Kejia?" He said: "No." He also asked: "Is your family rich?" He said: "Nothing." The god smiled and said: "If you are like this, what are you dreaming about?"

A blind man cannot see clearly, but he is good at smelling fragrance and recognizing gas. A scholar gave him a copy of "The Romance of the West Chamber" to listen to. He said: "The Romance of the West Chamber." He asked, "How did you know it?" The answer was, "It's a little bit powdery." He also took "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" to listen to him and said, "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms." Then he asked, "How do you know it?" "The scholar replied: "It has some martial spirit." The scholar thought it was strange, but he told him the writing he had made. The blind man said, "This is your masterpiece." He asked, "How did you know?" . ”

An instructor left the court and saw Xiang, and he couldn’t bear to leave. When people asked him why, he replied: "I thought it would be good if the pigs and sheep sacrificed to Ding had such fat stools." It is the same as the name of the country, and I hope you will be familiar with it. After Bi Xiang passed through, he said angrily: "You, Confucius, want to fight against the barbarians, blame me Hui Hui, and scold me Hui Hui for being a human being." He refused to give up the food. Yan Zi returned home disappointed. Zigong was invited to go. He claimed that he had always been very flattering and often said, "How dare you expect to receive a gift from me?" The group was overjoyed and took a load of white grain with a shilling, promising to deliver it one after another. When Zigong returned, he told his master, Confucius raised his eyebrows and said: "I cheated a load of grain, but I don't understand the arts and science."