Talk about a humorous personality that makes you laugh instantly.

1, I'm not a genius, because I haven't worn finch diapers.

I haven't seen cowhide blown as fresh and refined as you for a long time.

3. Others are holding hands, and I am holding my dog to see who is unhappy with a bite.

The school doesn't want us to fall in love, but only wants us to wear lovers' clothes.

5, just want to turn gracefully, but unexpectedly gorgeous hit the wall!

6. This morning in spring, I woke up in a relaxed mood, yawned at home, couldn't sleep at night, and couldn't wake up during the day.

7. Leave me alone. Maybe one day I will ignore you, and you will regret it.

8. I love you for so long, not because of your words. Oh, I know.

9. Every reserved and calm present has a silly and naive past.

10, if life is just like the first time, don't be sentimental. Say goodbye, maybe I will never see you again …

1 1, as long as you want, as long as I have it. I like this sentence best. I will give you anything you want, even if I don't have it.

12, sometimes I feel like a psychopath, not only struggling with myself, but also bothering others.

13. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

14, the best thing I have ever done is to observe the four seasons and meet you.

15, I want to tell the world loudly: I fell in love with you in those years and I was blind.

16, the most worrying love in the world: you love him and he loves you, but he is with someone else.

17, I used to be quite tall, but I often went swimming and shrunk, that's all.

18, one day I suddenly found that you were not on my list, but I didn't delete you.

19, in your buckle, I bear it alone in a crowded crowd, just for your happiness.

20. The fool opens the door for the fool and the fool goes home.

2 1, the first love is not necessarily the first person, but the first person who makes you feel that love makes you desperate.

Sometimes two people can't be together because they don't love each other. But some things are more important than love, such as responsibility, friendship and so on.

23. People's eyes have 576 million pixels, but they can't understand people's hearts after all.

Miss you, miss everything about you, like you, love you, love everything about you.

25. When some people die, it's nothing to do with me. Some people, I can't let go of them.

26. Give me 1 atomic bomb, and I will send a mushroom cloud to Japan.

27. Don't rob things that don't belong to you. If you catch it, it doesn't belong to you.

28. If brain-dead people can fly, this is the airport. ...

29. Everyone has his own past. What we need to do is not to sprinkle salt on the wound.

30. If cutting my hair means cutting my memory, will I lose my memory if I cut my hair?

3 1. Every time you look at me, I pretend to look away. If you look away, I will always look at you.

32. A person's happiness is not because he has more, but because he cares less.

33. Can you stop talking? You exposed your IQ as soon as you opened your mouth.

34. It doesn't matter who is innocent in life and makes a little mistake.

Don't think you are too arrogant in my heart. I'm in a hurry. Even if my heart is full of holes, I'll take you out.

I used my youth to stage one joke after another.

37. Why do I need so many excuses to make me feel that I don't love enough?

I know you are sad, but I feel the same way when you forget these things.

39. Girls don't need gorgeous appearance. Simple, clean and warm is so good.

40. Even if you are unhappy, you will never disturb the happiness of others. This is the principle.

4 1, not every separation, there will be a moment of reunion.

42. The worst thing in the world is that a foodie has stomach trouble.

43. I am most afraid of what you say when I tell you the truth with joy.

44. I would rather create sadness than copy others' happiness.

45. The most attractive person is Master Kong, and thousands of people hit on him every day.

There are so many bacteria in the outside world that I'm afraid I'll get infected as soon as I go out.

47. I don't know, just because I will wait for you, I will be left there.

If you are not blind, don't understand me with your ears.

49. A tear is made up of one percent water and ninety-nine percent emotion.

50. It's not so much that others make you suffer, but that you are not cultivated enough.

5 1, the camel won't cry because it knows the value of water. I won't cry because I know the hypocrisy of love.

Here are 30 hilarious phrases that make you laugh instantly.

Guide: My wife has just reached the full moon and is going to buy clothes. I am at home to see my son. Because it is breastfeeding, there is no milk powder at home, and my son has been crying. It's no use coaxing him. Just then, his wife came back. His wife hugged him and unbuttoned his clothes. When his son saw Mimi, he stopped crying. . My wife squinted at me and criticized: you men are all bears. . Me. . .

1. I met a shameless colleague this afternoon. He brought an old man and said it was his grandfather. Let me explain the terms of old-age insurance. I talked for half an hour while he was drinking tea. . . When I finished, he pulled him aside and said, Grandpa, you know all the terms. Let's go and sign the contract now!

Today, I went to the job fair to apply for a job. I saw the boss dressed very tall, so I said, young man, I don't know if you are interested in moving bricks at my construction site. . . Me. . . .

3. A woman who just came to work gave me a mouth, "Why did you hit me!" "Bah, don't you know what you did in my dream last night?" Me. . .

4. "Master Hu, I'm hurt!" "Bastard! How do I usually teach you! Tell me what happened! " "I'll recruit a white crane with bright wings first, then I'll catch the moon from the sea, then I'll be hungry, and the monkey will pick peaches and split his fists, pointing one finger at the other ..." "Wow! The opponent seems to be a master. What moves did he use to hit you? " "Whoops, he, he fucking pulled my hair."

A man went to an underwear store to buy a bra for his wife. The clerk asked: What is your lady's cup size? The man said, take a 36D one. The clerk took it with envious eyes. After a while, the clerk came out and said shyly, I'm sorry, sir, but the stock in the store is gone. Not that big. It doesn't matter if it's a man: it doesn't matter. Let's have a smaller one. The clerk said, it's not good to hold the bra too tightly. The man said: it doesn't matter, I'll let off some gas if it's a big deal. Shop assistant .

6. There was a conflict with someone in the bar. I kicked each other angrily and asked, "Do you know who my father is?" The other person was a little scared and said, "I don't know." "I don't know, I'm an orphan, meowed."

7. At the scene of hostage handling, the gangster heard the most desperate words. Policeman: "surrender quickly!" " The hostage has been killed by us! "

8. I remember once going to a blind man for a massage, during which the master kept asking questions. I felt bad that day, so I just ignored it At last he muttered in a low voice, "Tell me something. For us blind people, if you ignore me, I feel my ears are broken. "

9. "Look, this is one euro, 100 euro, which took me to 18 country. Shake it, yes, and it becomes a pound. Shake it again and it's changed. Finally, it became a warm red RMB! Come, little friend, here you are. " "Fuck off TM and give me back my earliest 100 Euro!"

10, in the middle of the night, two people who were sleeping were awakened by a quick knock on the door in the room. The woman kicked the man and said, "Go and open the door." The man said, "My door is closed. How can someone knock at the door? " The woman said, "Don't scare me in the middle of the night." The man said, "MD, I should be afraid!" " I've been living alone. Who are you? "

1 1. People who can sensitively distinguish their parents' footsteps within 10 seconds, turn off the computer TV or mobile phone, spread out their homework and hold a pen must have experienced nine years of compulsory education.

12, 60 points in high school, just like dead dad; Now I'm in college, and I got 60 points, just like being a father.

13, the teacher said in class that great mathematicians also have misunderstandings, so you should be careful not to take it seriously, which is easy to get into misunderstandings. There is a faint word next to scum. I have never misunderstood mathematics. I look surprised. The idiot added, I have never had a blind spot. . .

14, when encountering multiple-choice questions, Xueba's eyes: A: C is the answer, go and choose! The answer must be C. C: I am the answer. It is right to choose me! D: I was wrong. The answer is C. In the eyes of scum: A: Guess. B: Guess again. C: keep guessing. D: You'd better be cheated.

15, hearing this sentence, most students in my class cried: in school, the saddest thing is not a bully, not a scum, but a person who doesn't know classes and can't write homework, so he has to copy homework for a living. Don't skip class, don't disturb discipline. I am anxious about my exam results, but I am helpless about the status quo. Three minutes of heat, hate yourself for disappointing. They are buried in the crowd as the most ordinary people, but they live the most miserable life!

16, because my daughter was naughty, the teacher confiscated her mid-team leader's logo and said she would return it to her if she behaved well. . . After a few days, the teacher didn't return it, so the daughter asked for it herself. The teacher said, I know I was wrong. Do you still want to be a class cadre? Daughter said: it doesn't matter if I'm not a squadron leader. The point is that I bought that brand for two yuan myself. Teacher. . .

17, my sister went home on holiday and had a computer at home. Dad played with the landlord all day, but he couldn't get it, so he had to go to the kitchen to find his mother. . . Mom, look at my dad. He always chats with his aunt nearby on the Internet and asks for his phone number. . .

18. I caught a cold and gave it to 10 yuan. I asked my son to buy some cold medicine for me. He loved his father and decided to go at once. . . I wish I had grown up and understood here! Half an hour later ~ my son came back, and I was glad to see him. I sat up in bed at once. . . My son said to me with a bag of spicy strips in his hand, Dad, what did you just ask me to buy? !

19, the first day of kindergarten, the baby jumped up early in the morning and shouted, "Mom, take me to school quickly!" "Mom was taken aback and immediately boasted," My baby has really grown up. You don't remember yourself. When you were in a small class last year, you were already sent to the kindergarten gate. You are still rolling on the ground, crying and refusing to go in. "Who knows, I only heard the baby smile and say to his mother," Hey, hey, of course I remember. I guess there must be many new students at the school gate today. They will all lie on the ground and roll around. I won't see them if I go late! "

20. At a colleague's party today, a baby brought by a sister gave us a riddle: "What has a big and white belly with a belly button in the middle?" It didn't seem difficult, so I asked, "Baby, what are you typing?" The baby said seriously, "Make a steamed stuffed bun."

2 1, bored at the funeral, asked the funeral home staff: "Do you know what the Wi-Fi password is here?" Staff: "Please respect the deceased." I asked again: "Is it a full fight or a contraction? Uppercase or lowercase? "

22. When I was shopping today, I saw a foreigner coming out of the public toilet and fanning his nose as he walked. He said, it's delicious The worst toilets in our country also provide toilet paper, hand sanitizer and space freshener. You China people are pathetic. . . I was angry at that time and replied to him: Is there a license business for toilets in your country? Can toilets in your country provide loans? The most important thing is, can there be a phone number for chickens and ducks to find gay in the toilet in your country? Compared with our high-end, hum! ! ! ! ! !

I rode my bike back to my hometown about 500 miles away yesterday. I met a sister to chat while resting on the way. My sister asked a question, "What has exercised your endurance, physical strength and perseverance?" I slowly lit Adubao cigarette and summed it up in one word: "Poor!"

24. Today, at the class reunion, several students who got along well were driving luxury cars and wearing famous brands. After drinking some wine on the wine table, they began to brag about how awesome they were, but when they checked out, they stopped talking and looked down for their wallets: Where's my wallet? Remember to bring it! At this time, I silently turned to the bar to pay the bill, then rode my electric car home and took out their wallets when I got home. Don't tell me, they are really rich. . .

25. To get engaged, my father-in-law looked at his daughter and said to me, "My daughter will be given to you in the future. She has been willful, unruly and even a little ignorant since she was a child ... ""Pa! " Before he finished, I went up and slapped him: "Who allowed you to speak ill of my girlfriend? ! "。 . .

26. Yesterday, I went to the barber shop to wash my hair. When you go in, the beauty introduces the washing, cutting and blowing for 30 minutes. After washing, the beauty and I chatted. . . Ask me if I want to wash my other hair. I was shocked at that time. I only have one head. Where do I get another head? Now think about it, I still have fingers and toes. How stupid.

27. Me: What are you doing? Goddess: Take a nap and leave me alone! ! Me: Well, have a good sleep. Remember dreaming about me. Goddess: then forget it, I won't sleep!

28. I chatted with a colleague in the office today. I asked him what would you do if your boyfriend gave you 3 million break-up fee? The goods eyeball a turn, said: can unwillingly on and off! Me. . .

29. My friend's wife asked me to accompany her to the physical examination. Later, I found out that I was pregnant, mainly because my friend left as a soldier. His wife threatened me: "If you dare to tell him, I will say that the child is yours."

At noon in summer, I was ecstatic to see a beautiful woman waving to me. Go up to her and ask: What can I do for you? She said in surprise, nothing! I don't seem to know you! I felt cheated and said angrily, why are you waving to me? She said with a smile, it's too hot. Can't I slap myself?

Editor's note: I have been dating my girlfriend for more than a month! She asked me to meet her parents tonight! As soon as we met, her father asked me to chat on the balcony and said, "Young man, you have only known each other for a month. Do you know each other? " I took a deep breath of my cigarette and said, "I don't know, only that she likes grinding her teeth when she sleeps and has a scar on her thigh." "Son, it's cold outside. Let's talk inside!"

Let you laugh easily and speak humorously.

First, I want to say that grandpa's things will be brought to you! It turned out to be an old thing by mistake, uncle. I'll get it for you!

Second, an aunt got on an air-conditioned car and invested a dollar. The driver looked at her and said, two dollars. Aunt nodded and replied: well, cool! The driver said again: Throw two pieces! Aunt smiled and said, young man, you are cool without a head! Say that finish, aunt walked to the back of the car. The driver said, "Put two dollars in, and the aunt said," It's cooler in the back!

Third, if you are good, I can consider not patting my ass or touching my chest!

Fourth, people are living ghosts and ghosts are dead.

5. Don't say I'm your baby, I'm your only one, I'm your most important person, silly boy, I'm your father.

6. I ate a drawer of steamed bread in one breath. The key is not to sell half a drawer. I feel that I will awaken the wild power in me!

Seven, were you born in the holy light, were you born in food or fat, were you born in bangs or strong winds, were you born in me?

The boy standing there was very handsome, so I grabbed his potato chips and ran away.

My friend is a doctor. I asked my friend why he chose such a department. My buddy sighed and said that he was still changing his major. Once I had dinner with some old doctors in the hospital, he asked which department of the hospital earned more money, from surgery to orthopedics. At this time, a respected old dean of the hospital said: Bullshit! Ophthalmology is the most profitable! So my friend finally chose anorectal department.

10. Do you feel embarrassed to call your name like this? Listening to the recording of your own voice is very unpleasant.

Children are happy when they are sad, but we adults can't. We have to eat a good meal or buy something.

Twelve, the only advantage of the monthly exam, let us know who to ask for the homework answer is more correct.

Thirteen, when I was a child, the teacher asked us, what is your ideal? I remember my ideal. When I grow up and get rich, I will buy a hundred bottles of AD high-calcium milk, pour it into a vat and drink it with a spoon. At that time, I was still wondering why the teacher was holding the podium and covering her stomach.

Fourteen, some animals are mainly valuable, such as foxes; Some animals are mainly valuable in meat, such as cattle; Some animals are mainly valuable in bones, such as people.

Fifteen, a girl asked me to borrow money for plastic surgery before, and the whole operation was quite successful. I can't recognize who borrowed money from me anymore.

Sixteen, the bride didn't attend the wedding day, and the groom's motorcade turned around and married his ex-girlfriend.

Seventeen, a good friend has a partner, and feels that his hard-earned cabbage has been arched by pigs.

People over the age of eighteen and fifty, you can't ask yesterday to be better than today; But how can a man know that today is better than yesterday when he is fifty years old?

Nineteen, I warn you, don't giggle at me when I'm angry. If you laugh, I will laugh with you, which makes me lose face.

If the headmaster and the head teacher fell into the water together, who would you save? I'll swim ahead of them.

Twenty-one, I just made a very risky investment. If I succeed, I can make hundreds of millions at once. If I fail, I will beat Shui Piao with these two dollars.

22. Friend: I lost at chess with my girlfriend. Me: Really? You are the chess master in your class! Friend: She doesn't follow the routine at all. Her soldiers can walk two steps and call themselves special forces. Her gun can climb two mountains, saying that now the technology is developed and the distance is increased. Her car can turn, and she asked me, have you ever seen a car that can't turn? Her horse can be said to be a swift horse. Her elephant can cross the river and ask me, have you ever seen an elephant that is afraid of water?

Twenty-three, the girl I love has a round chest. If I touch her big ass, she will still call me a hooligan.

24. Some people say that I am handsome. I stood on the balcony and thought about it all night. Who leaked the news?

Twenty-five, it's really nice to watch Korean dramas in which the heroine leans against the bus glass. I tried. I almost didn't have a concussion

When you are scolded by the teacher, there are always some silly donkeys laughing beside you.

Twenty-seven, others are nice to you just to sleep with you. I am different. My sofa, living room, balcony and kitchen will do.

Twenty-eight, the afterlife, I want to be a dandelion, no attachments, no desires, no demands, calm and safe.

Twenty-nine, don't always smile at others, perhaps, you inadvertently smile. Will become someone else's expression pack.

Thirty, humorous and talented sentences, very talented funny jokes

3 1. In fact, I have never made a distinction between subject, predicate, object, adverbial and attribute. I have been doing English problems by feel all these years.

Thirty-two, juvenile adulthood: the happiness of adulthood is to be a teenager's dream; Happiness in old age is not to make adult mistakes again.

If you like a handsome guy, please don't take immediate measures. Get to know him first, and before long, you will find that his friends are more handsome.

Thirty-four, in the vegetable market to buy food, I saw a girl picking cucumbers seriously. The vegetable seller said enthusiastically, girl, eat or use? The girl blushed and said, use it. Aunt said, alas, this is good, thick and strong. The girl blushed and said, I used it to apply my face! Aunt said innocently, I didn't mean anything else. Your face is so big that you can't cover it.

Thirty-five, I'm not the kind of cute person who has to think for a long time for fifty dollars. I have to think about five dollars now.

Naughty Xiaoming skipped class again and went to the river to play. He saw an old woman grinding an iron column and asked, What are you doing? I want to grind it into a needle! Xiao Ming was very moved and went back to school immediately. After the teacher knew it, he asked Xiaoming why. It's terrible to have no education!

37. There are generally only two kinds of people who pay too much attention to me, one is secretly in love with me, and the other is plotting against me.

Thirty-eight, bachelor party, during which everyone talked about their recent experiences with singles. A buddy said that once a girl invited him to play word solitaire. She said, let me start. I love you. He said: Your mother forced me. This is the saddest story I have heard this year.

When you feel ugly, poor and useless, don't despair, because at least your judgment is right.

Forty, spring sleepy, summer tired, autumn tired, hibernating, four seasons like a dream. How can I listen carefully?

Forty-one, my boyfriend has been joking and swearing recently, always saying who is dung beetles, and I don't know who to learn from. Finally one day, he said the same thing to me. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. When he finished, I silently held out my little hand and pushed him forward. First he looked at me doubtfully, and then he fell silent.

Forty-two, blue and thin, mushrooms, originally happy today, why do you say such things?

43. Why are there no female couriers in the courier company? I'm afraid they can't help tearing it down as they walk.

Forty-four, every time I finish my homework, I sit at my desk and sort out the materials like I just finished broadcasting the news broadcast.

Forty-five, the world is so big, where can I go without money? To buy a globe, you should not only have a look, but also look around.

Forty-six, running a red light generally has two consequences, either one minute faster than others or a lifetime faster than others.

Forty-seven, I hope one day we can become strangers again, and I will get to know you again. See how I kill you.

I thought you would accompany me to the end, but you have to take a taxi in two steps.

49. If you don't do your homework until the last minute, come out and have a look. You have the quality of keeping calm in times of crisis.

50. When you ignore me, you are so depressed that you want to go to the barber shop to dye your colorful hair and be a happy grass mud horse from now on.

Be careful when crossing the grass, don't dirty the soil I want to eat this month.

52. The best way to get revenge is to live longer and better than the enemy.

Some people think that modern civilization has abolished cattle and horses and replaced them with cars. As we all know, modern people have to be cattle and horses to get on the bus.

54. The teacher took us swimming in the ocean of knowledge. Finally, he went ashore and drowned us.

55. Life is like a news broadcast. You can't escape by changing channels.

56. I belong to Shenyang before drinking, and Shenyang belongs to me after drinking.

Fifty-seven, ancient times are really good. If you are under too much pressure, you will become a demon, a demon and a god. In modern times, if you suffer too much, you will become a psychopath.

58. When people say they hate me, I immediately laugh, which makes you unhappy and makes me feel very happy.

QQ, which makes you laugh, has a brilliant personality.

1. I woke up in the morning and found my pillow wet. I thought it was crying, but later I realized it was saliva.

2. Fat, why are you always so attached to me?

3, delicious fierce woman, dare to face the obese figure and the picky eyes of the masses.

4, feel cold at night, wake up in the morning and find hanging in mid-air.

5. School, although you got my body, you couldn't get my heart.

6. Why is the ash on the table missing? There is also a phone number on it.

7. Animals still have a little compassion, but I don't, so I'm not an animal.

Every time I think of you, you are a grain of sand, so there is Sahara in the world.

9. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

10, if you have money, you will lose your family, and if you have no money, you will worship God.

1 1, what we lack is not the opportunity, but the courage to return to zero in front of the opportunity.

12, before I met you, I really didn't realize that I had a problem with judging people by their appearances.

13, a shy man hitting a woman is like eating crazy roasted wings, and his face is always red.

14, I am in a hurry. I want to tell the truth, but the result is "the elephant is really white"

15, A: Very hot B: What's hot A: Water B: Drink slowly A: Foot bath water.

16, the forest is so big, but I can't find a tree to hang me.

17, the man whose lantern can't be found, I want to say, is your lantern too dark?

18, the teacher said: don't get up when you fall, see if there is any money around you!

19, I am different from Superman, Superman flies parallel lines, and I fly parabola.

20, you are very powerful, there are only two things you can't do, this one won't, that one won't.

2 1, you are uglier than a ghost without dressing up; As soon as you dress up, the ghost becomes paralyzed!

22. Half of life is bad luck, and the other half is how to deal with it.

23. I suddenly saw a mouse after work today, which scared me to scream and the mouse turned over.

24, sometimes think about it. It is better to have two feet on both sides than to be dead set on one person.

25. It's creative of you to use hedgehog as a hovercraft.

26. I have eaten a lot of chicken wings recently, and I am afraid of flying when I walk on the road.

27. Playing the fool, if done well, is a stupid thing. Well done, it is called deep.

28. When we were walking on the road, we kicked a child to prove that we were not pedophiles.

29. When I woke up, I thought the time had stopped and there was no need for class. Unexpectedly, the alarm clock is broken.

30. It is said that% of the online status displayed on QQ is on-hook, and those who leave or are invisible are online.

3 1. As a smoker, you must have three conditions: a cigarette, a lighter, and shameless charm when smoking.

32. I am not as perfect and strong as you think. Money and beauty are enough to conquer me!