Can you tell a joke about Bill Gates?

( 1)

Bill Gates and God —— A joke widely circulated in America.

Bill Gates once traveled to heaven, and an angel came up and said hello: "Hello, welcome."

"Hello. Huh? What's that? " In the middle of the sky, there is a huge head. Bill Gates looked at it carefully and found that he looked like himself: "What's the matter? Who hung my portrait here? "

"Oh, that's a self-portrait of God. He always likes to paint himself as Bill Gates! "

(2)

One day, Bill Gates died and went to hell.

The devil Satan came to meet him and said, "Welcome, Mr. Gates. We have been waiting for you! This will be your home forever. Here, you can be selfish and greedy, and it doesn't hurt to be a big liar. Well, because you have brought me a good mood, I allow you to choose one of the three places as your permanent residence. "

Satan now takes Bill to a huge lake of fire, where many souls are suffering. Then he took Bill to a forest. A group of hungry lions pounced on people, and everyone was running for their lives. Finally, Satan took Bill to a small room. I saw a beautiful blonde sitting inside, and there was a bottle of wine on the table next to her. To Bill's delight, he saw a computer in the corner of the room.

Bill said without hesitation, "I'll take this one."

"ok." Satan said, and locked Bill in his room.

When Satan came back, his companion another devil lost his temper with him: "That's Bill Gates, how can you give him the best place to live!" " "

"Everyone will think like you," Satan sneered. "Actually, there is a hole in the bottom of the bottle, but that girl is a shemale."

"Where's the computer?"

"That's WINDOWS95, with three extremely important keys missing."

"Which three?"

" Ctrl、Alt、Del "

(3) Bill Gates' letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa Claus:

Hi! Hello! I'm Bill Gates, who sells computer software. I wish you a successful year and bring more and more interesting toys.

How do you make it fun year after year? How do you stay number one in the world in the Christmas gift industry? I really admire your unique, unique and niche brand strategy.

I really appreciate the way you spend Christmas. You know what people need, and then you make gifts and control the delivery method. This is really impressive. No matter where people talk about "Christmas gifts", they can't help thinking of Santa Claus. What a great market advantage this is! Great and different!

What's more, even if you have achieved such great success, people still know nothing about your private life. I think it's great that you set your headquarters in the North Pole. It is simply a self-statement, which embodies the sixth point of establishing a perfect personal brand: be mysterious!

When you design toys, only you know what you are doing, and no one can steal your business secrets. Your secrecy is really the best in the world!

Also, other people who make Christmas presents can't deliver gifts like you. As China people say, the second point of building a perfect personal brand is: always insist on being more interesting and entertaining! Your sleigh is unique. How cool! You have entertained the whole world!

You don't take the trouble to enter every house through the chimney. Although it is too slow and inefficient, it fully embodies your Lei Feng spirit and is fearless in serving the people! In this mediocre and white world, you have really exceeded the limit! Offside goal! Has a great legend!

However, what I still don't understand is, why give it away for free? I don't think this idea is good. This obviously violates the fifth point of establishing a perfect personal brand-to have high cash value! You either develop or fail. I have an idea that I can make a lot of money for you: at Christmas, give everyone at least one gift that needs to use batteries, and then you can make batteries and sell them in the future-you give people something and then sell them what they need for work. ...

Dear Santa Claus, you are the smart China person I admire most. My admiration for you is like a continuous river, like a flood, which is out of control.

It is said that Zhuge Liang is the cleverest person in China. Let me guess a riddle for you: "Little Zhuge Liang, sitting alone in the army account, set up a gossip array and capture the flying general alive." What is this? You can't guess, can you? This is a spider.

Smart people in China can package spiders into Zhuge Liang, but you can't if you are not convinced! So I think the most powerful brand operation masters in the history of the world are not you-although I admire you very much-but people from China, because they can actually package spiders as Zhuge Liang! (Excerpted from "You are a Million Soldiers")

(4) Bill Gates of Microsoft, Grove of Intel and Guo Shina of IBM, the three giants in the field of contemporary information technology, came to the Middle East for a secret meeting to discuss the map division of the information world in 2 1 century.

The difficulty of negotiation is self-evident, and superficial friendship can't cover up the struggle for real interests. Shortly after the negotiations began, Gates suddenly gave a beep of the BP machine. Gates quickly apologized and said, "I'm sorry, I have an urgent call to return." My emergency call system just rang. " Then, Gates raised his wrist, put his watch close to his ear and began to talk to the end of his tie. After the speech, Gates proudly explained: "This is my latest emergency call system. The earphone is in my watch and the microphone is at the tip of my tie. So I can keep in touch with my people at any time. Cool, isn't it? "

The meeting continued. In a short time, Dr. Grove also called the BP machine. Grove also explained, "I'm sorry, my emergency call system is ringing. There must be something important to talk about. " The doctor touched his earlobe and then spoke into the air. After that, he quickly explained, "I also have an emergency call system, but my headphones are planted in my earlobe and my microphone is embedded in my dentures." Look, is it cool enough? "The meeting continued. Gates and Grove smiled at each other from time to time, thinking that this time they were destined to beat the thunder of IBM's big boss.

Finally, the negotiation of that day's meeting was over, and the Big Three were preparing to exchange a few commonplaces when Guo Shina suddenly heard the voice of "Wow, Wow". "I'm sorry, my emergency fax system has been started ..." Guo Shina said, pulling out a piece of paper from the interlayer of his suit and smiling. "My subordinates listened to the whole meeting in new york. You see, here are the minutes of today's meeting. "