Who can tell me some of the best jokes?

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was very chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

Me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

A person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much, you will drink too much.

9, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

14, a classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair. "Boss, two onions don't want rice noodles!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

In high school, everyone has a badge. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

A teacher probably played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: "Who will be the host today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

Someone went to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine."

2. In junior high school, the teacher asked someone to translate "Who is this person"? A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

Yesterday, someone said to introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "Is it nice", but it turned out to be "cheap"? I hate myself.

I wanted to drink soda that day, and I wanted to say a bottle of soda to the boss of the cold drink stand. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I was anxious and said, "The boss has a bottle of fart water every time he comes."

I remember going to KFC with my friends once. While waiting in line, I muttered, a chicken leg hamburger and a pair of chicken wings. It's my turn I wanted to say "miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but the result was "calf, a hamburger". The audience laughed.

6. My friend told me that KFC has a new "flesh and blood connection" and asked me to invite her to dinner. It was those hot days that I went to the restaurant in a daze. I smiled at Miss KFC and said, "Please give me two bloody ones/thank you!" Be ashamed of yourself.

7. When boarding the plane for the first time, the stewardess greeted me at the door of the cabin. When she saw me coming in with a ticket, she asked, "Which seat are you sitting in?" I replied, "I'm a Libra, and you?" The stewardess replied, "I'm Scorpio. I asked which seat you were in. "

8. When I was a child, TV series Chasing and Rogue Tycoon were shown. An old lady in the yard said, "Chasing Rogues is on tonight."

When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll read the student number, so you can give your own names and get to know each other, okay?"

"No.0065438 +0!"

"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"

"My dad." "What does your father do?"

"Open a pig farm!"

"No.002!"

A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No.003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.

"No.004!"

"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No.005!"

"Report to the teacher, foster mother!" "How do you call names? ! "

"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.

006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."

"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.

"No.007!"

"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "

"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."

"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.

"No.008!"

"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "

"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "

"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.

"No.009!"

"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"

"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.

"0 10! "

"Teacher, my last name is Gao."

"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."

"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………

The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground.

2. According to the name inquiry system of the Ministry of Public Security, the funniest name in China ~ ~

Liu Chan Le Jing Yue (still a man)

Fan Jianji Liang Cong Fan Tong

Xia Zhu Yiqun (thanks to his parents)

Pang Duguang Qi Yanwei Jin Sheng

Jiao Hougen Shen Jingbing Du Ziteng

First place: Shi

1, sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi studied acupuncture.

(Note: The correct answer should be: Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard, not only learning many foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture. )

As a result, a child wrote:

Although Zhang Haidi's elder sister stubbornly studied acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.

Later, found more fierce children wrote:

Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed.

Sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed, because she studies hard, not only learning a lot of foreign languages, but also learning acupuncture.

Sister Zhang Haidi studied very tenaciously, not only learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, but also learned paralysis at last.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture, and was paralyzed by tenacious study.

Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages and acupuncture through tenacious study, and as a result, she paralyzed herself according to a foreign language version of acupuncture book

Haha, what's the matter? If you think 8 is wrong, please give my daughter extra points ~ ~ ~ ~