I like your humorous jokes

A collection of humorous jokes about loving you

Humorous smile, all troubles are gone, the following is a collection of humorous jokes I have compiled for you, I hope you like it.

1, paid burglar

Thieves know the season,

I just got paid that day.

Sneak into the house through the window,

Stealing is silent!

2. Financial personnel: The salary has not changed for three years. Why do you print the payroll every month?

Colleague: That's what I told my wife.

There is something between animals.

The cat said to the tiger: Dude, you are so old, are you genetically modified?

The duck said to the chicken, I am a duck and you are a chicken. We are made for each other, so come with me!

The bird said to the angel: The bird fell in love with someone. Who are your parents?

The dog said to the Tibetan mastiff, Hey, brother, do you want to eat a stone?

The ant said to the elephant: You want to rob my daughter-in-law and go home to practice for another two years!

The ostrich said to the penguin: we are all reduced to the world. Let's go hand in hand!

The frog said to the frog, I look older than your green head, man!

The crab said to the fox, brother, you have to borrow the tiger's prestige. I can walk sideways everywhere.

One day, a city man came to the countryside to inspect. When he arrived too late, he spent the night in the country.

When he got up the next morning, the villagers who hosted him asked him how he slept. The city people thought about it and said, are there many bugs in your rice fields?

? Hey, how do you know?

? You don't know how many frogs burped when they were full last night! ?

One night in the middle of the night, I let the rain make me feel a little urgency, so I got up and solved it. I thought the rain should cover me up and I shouldn't disturb others, so I urinated in the corner. Suddenly a word came from next door: Shit, it's raining heavily.

6. Why do men have Adam's apple? Because men are ashamed of life and suffering, afraid of saying something wrong and causing right and wrong, they lack a door;

Why do women like double eyelids? Because they have too much privacy, they are afraid of being seen by others, so they add an extra curtain.

7. A cultural person gave a speech in the community and talked about the Statue of Liberty in the United States. Please talk about your views on the Statue of Liberty.

A woman: She is helping us to appeal that to improve the status of women, we must study and be free.

Country girl: My father finally promised me to study. I cherish it very much. When the school was out of power, I had to finish reading this book with a flashlight.

City girl: Studying is too hard. My mother forced me to study. If you push me again, I'll burn the book together.

A husband: Now women are very powerful, their status is higher than ours, and they say they want to be liberated. What shall we do if they are liberated?

Professor: My wife thinks I'm a nerd. She won't let me study, rob me of my books and even threaten to divorce me. If I don't get a divorce, she will burn down my house.

8. Two sheep go foraging, the ram eats leaves and the ewe eats grass. The ewe asked, what's the taste of your leaves?

Ram: Banana-flavored.

The ewe took a bite and said angrily, liar, it tastes terrible!

Ram glanced at the ewe: Idiot, I said rubber!

9. Dad killed the only rooster and hen in the family and cooked their meat together. Dad added some sausages to the meat to make it more delicious.

After putting the meat on the table, my mother jokingly asked, What's the name of this dish?

The child thought for a moment and said, Let's call it hitting Yuanyang. ?

10, one day the school will check the situation of family children.

Female teacher: Who is not an only child? Stand up.

Niu B: Teacher, me! I have a younger brother.

Woman teacher: Oh, how old is it?

Niu B: He is the same age as me.

Female teacher: Really, what a coincidence.

Niu B: Really, ask him.

Female teacher: How do you ask?

Niu B: Ask directly. He lives in my pants.

The next day, the whole school was in informed criticism. . .

1 1, Li Glacier said: Needy people who have no money to rely on their parents, ant people who can't afford a house, moonlight people who can't afford money, single aristocrats who can't afford a wife, and poor people who desperately work part-time to make money and suffer. ?

Zhang Fanfeng went on to say:? No money has serious consequences, involving almost nine families. ?

12. Grandma loves her grandson and sends him to school every day.

Today, they are late for school The teacher asked him: Why are you late?

He said:? My grandmother walks too slowly. ?

13. The trash can stays with the bucket. Before long, the bucket was taken away by the owner. Fan Dou went back to the trash can and poured a pile of garbage into the trash can.

The trash can said:? You and your master went to eat and drink, and then you vomited me when you came back. ?

The bucket said:? Can you survive in this house if I don't wear out my mouth?

14, Xiaohua said to his friend: I feel terrible. No sneezing, no phlegm in the throat, no constipation and feces. ?

The friend said:? How do you feel?

Xiaohua said: What a hurry! ?

My friend comforted him: I can't make ends meet, but you just can't get in. I work part-time, but you have been working for more than a year. ?

15, I have to prepare my graduation thesis again. It is said that a doctor stayed up late to write a thesis, saying that he was asleep, and he encountered the backspace key from time to time, so he deleted the written thesis bit by bit.

16, my brother-in-law went to my sister's house in the city. I couldn't find her house, so I called her. Her brother-in-law answered the phone.

Brother-in-law: Where are you, tell me? I'll pick you up.

Uncle: I don't know!

Brother-in-law: Are there any units around you?

Uncle: Yes, Industrial and Commercial Bank of China.

Brother-in-law: What else?

Brother-in-law: Agricultural Bank.

Brother-in-law: There are many city banks. How can I find you? Any other signs?

Uncle: Yes!

Brother-in-law: What is it?

Brother-in-law: Architecture.

Brother-in-law: Nonsense, the city is full of buildings. Do they have words?

Brother-in-law: Yes, it bit me just now.

Brother-in-law: I'm not talking about mosquitoes, I'm talking about words on the building.

Brother-in-law: Take a bath and wash your feet.

Brother-in-law: Do you have anything bigger to say?

Brother-in-law: Yes, the central vegetable market.

Brother-in-law: What's the use? Are there any words with place names?

Brother-in-law: Right.

Brother-in-law: If you hadn't said it earlier, you would have spent so much effort. Read it quickly.

Brother-in-law: Shanghai Printing Factory.

Brother-in-law: Hey, did you get off at Shanghai?

Uncle: No, I'm in Beijing.

Brother-in-law: What's the use of studying in Beijing and Shanghai? I really can't find you. I'll give you a phone number and call to see if there is any way.

Brother-in-law dialed: 1 10!

17. When watching the circus performance, I found that the tiger tamer turned out to be a young man.

Then the eight-year-old son asked, When we watched circus performances, tiger tamers were all beautiful aunts. Why are they young uncles this time?

I replied:? Tigers used to be male tigers, but this time they are female tigers. ?

18, brother Liu was going to send some money to his mother in his hometown and his brother who was studying in high school, so he discussed it with his wife. I want to send two thousand yuan to my child's grandmother and uncle. what do you think?

The wife said: how much/how much?

Brother Liu immediately said: Send 1500?

The wife said: how much/how much?

Brother Liu said again:? Have you sent 1000 dollars to the head office?

The wife said: You are the head of the family. Just say yes. ?

After a while, my wife said to Brother Liu. The child's uncle has something to do and needs us to send him some money. How many do you think?

Brother Liu said: How about a thousand dollars?

The wife said: how much/how much?

Brother Liu quickly said:? 1500 yuan ok?

The wife said: how much/how much?

Brother Liu simply said:? Three thousand dollars is enough, isn't it?

The wife said: You are the head of the family. Just say yes. ?

19, my mother is in her sixties and just moved from the countryside to the city for a month. It is said that 50 elderly people will be selected in the community to represent our community in the Tai Ji Chuan Group Performance Competition for the Elderly recently, so my mother enthusiastically participated in the sea election in this community.

When I came back, I was very happy to see her. I asked. Mom, you must have chosen?

Mom said: No! ?

I think it's strange. Keep asking: Then why are you so happy?

Mom smiled and said:? Although there was no audition, the young judges praised me very much! ?

I asked:? How did he praise you?

Mom said: The judge said: Aunt, your yangko is too professional! ?

20. Two women just met and chatted for a while.

What does your husband do?

B: He is in the archaeological team, mainly doing some excavation work of ancient tombs.

A: What a coincidence! My husband also works as an excavator!

Who is your husband?

Answer: Open the excavator!

2 1, a middle school student asked the teacher: food chain? Sheep eat grass and wolves eat sheep? Can you imagine that wolves eat grass?

The teacher replied: food chain? Dogs eat shit, people eat dog meat? Can you think of people eating shit?

After listening to the teacher's answer, the students suddenly realized: I see.

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