A more realistic and funny joke

Life is a big dye vat, with sorrow and joy. Everyone hates sadness and approaches joy. Let's use jokes to create happiness that everyone likes. Next is the "realistic funny joke" I carefully prepared for you. Welcome to watch!

Realistic jokes (hot articles)

1. A woman urinated in the toilet and a drunk left by mistake. Hearing the sound of urinating, she quickly said, don't pour it again, I really don't drink it! The woman was too frightened to pee again. She couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, shit! Who the fuck opened another bottle!

Xiaoming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiaoming: Dragon! Dad: "A long time ago, there was a fly buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. . . "Xiao Ming:" Dad, you'd better make a long story short! " ! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, hum, bang! "

3. Do you talk about momentum and balance in physics class? Teacher: One egg hit another egg. Who broke it? A classmate whispered: heartbreak? The teacher was furious: Whose heart is broken? ! Classmate: Is the hen's heart broken?

4. Let ten men and one woman go crazy on the island. Three months later, I saw men make a sedan chair and carry women to play. That woman is charming and charming, and her face is like a peach blossom! Ten more women and a man were released on the island. Three months later, they saw women around a coconut tree, some throwing stones and some fiddling with the fruit. That man is as thin as a monkey. If he holds on to the tree, he won't come down. (@ China Humor King)

Once upon a time, there was a WOW player who was afraid of being stolen and tattooed a secret treasure card on his wife's ass. Later, he was stolen. ? From WOW.

6. The economics teacher talked about luxury one day. In order to understand them easily, he said, "Do students know what luxury goods are? Suppose you go shopping with your girlfriend, and your girlfriend stares at something for more than 30 seconds and you pay the bill, then this thing is a luxury. " All the students will smile. It's not over yet. "Continue shopping. Your girlfriend stared at something for more than 30 seconds. Classmate, then your girlfriend is a luxury. "

7. One day, I took Niu Niu to the self-service bank to withdraw money. I saw a little boy shouting in front of the ATM: "Dad, don't put money in! Why should we give it money for nothing? " When it was my turn, Niu Niu, who saw me take the money, suddenly glanced nervously at the little boy who was still at the door, motioned me to bend down and whispered, "Dad, we will come here to get it if we have no money. Don't let them find out. " (@ haha 365)

8. Is Jing Yue there? The beauty at the front desk of the company cried to resign. Colleagues were surprised and asked, "You did a good job. Why did you quit?" The beauty was furious: "I don't want to resign either, but there is an asshole named Wang in the company?" Jing Yue? Always late! "The manager advised," then you won't quit! " Beauty continued to explain, "it doesn't matter if he is late. The problem is that people ask me every day? Jing Yue? Are you here? I really can't stand it. "

9. "I'm back." He put down his bag and she sat on the sofa, always elegant. "It's not difficult." He saw what she was going to say in her bright eyes. She hasn't been able to speak since the day she was born. "You are enough." He took her hand and kissed her red face. "What to eat today? Instant noodles. " He held her tenderly in his heart: "Good boy, I'm going to eat noodles. I'll inflate you after eating noodles!" " "(@ Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

10. I found a sad thing: people nowadays can't write because they have been in contact with computers for a long time. I am one of them! ! ! You often have words that you can't write. Do I need to make a phone call first? Do you also find that you can't do anything but eat shit? (@ Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

Realistic funny jokes (classic)

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2. Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to be promoted. His name is "Jiajue". There is a man who wants a raise. His name is "Yang". Later, they were all shot ... (@ Yueming Fengqing)

A famous player in 3.3. The NBA is called gay. At first, I didn't understand why his father gave him such a name. Later I learned that his father was gay, too. A Senegalese World Cup player named Diao is dark and strong, which makes China fans envy and hate. Of course, his lethality is still not as good as that of the Brazilian men's volleyball team. Giba, as shown. CCTV commentators always dare to refer to "Brazil's No.7 player". (@ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫丫)

4. A blonde with big breasts got into the first class of the plane. The flight attendant told her: "The ticket is in the regular class, so you can't sit here." The woman said, "I am a beautiful woman. I want to fly first class to Los Angeles. " And always emphasize this sentence. The stewardess can only call the team leader. The tour leader asked about the situation and leaned over to the beauty and said, "First class is not in Los Angeles!" " "So, beauty immediately went to the ordinary class. The stewardess was stunned! (@ Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

5. Q: Did my brother pull his pants? Hit two American political celebrities! A: Oh! Mom and dad. Larry.

6. Fill in the blank in the original text of the fourth grade Chinese homework "Huang Jiguang" in Zhang Laoshi primary school: almost _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ He opened _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, pounced on _ _ _ _ _ _ _, and blocked _ _ _ _ _ _ _ with his own _ _ _ _ _ _.

7. You can't afford to hurt such a retired female soldier ~ Nanchang retired female soldier, with stunts and 220V in her hand, can light the electric light and cure many diseases. Impotence, frigidity, good massage for premature ejaculation.

8. "Dad, guess who I am?" "I am such a son, who else can you be? . . "(@ Mengchang)

9. My daughter refused to sleep at night, so she was scolded by her father and shed a lot of tears. When she went to bed, she whispered to me, "Mom, shall we sell dad and buy a better one?" (@ Laugh too much and you will get pregnant)

10. An official asked his secretary to quietly send a sum of money back to the government. The secretary sewed the money in her underwear. When I arrived at the official, I asked the official: Is there no one else at home? Did the officer answer? The secretary unbuttoned her belt as she said yes. The officer was very surprised. He asked, "What do you want?" The secretary replied: I'll give you money! Police officer: even if you give money! Secretary: The leader called me! The official was so surprised that he took off his clothes and scolded: old man never dies! Arrange men to do such a thing!

More realistic funny jokes (selected articles)

1. Robber: Tell me the password of the safe! I'll kill you if I don't tell you! Salesgirl: Stop it! Kill me and don't say anything! Even if you spoil me, I won't tell you! Robber: (looking up and down) You should be beautiful!

2. Men brag about the iron relationship with leaders: when we were young, we played naked together. Do you think iron is not iron? The woman is very disdainful: What happened to you when you were a child? I'm still naked with my leader! Who are you calling iron?

In 2046, South Korea launched a satellite around Mars. As a gift, a Korean satellite airdropped a Korean myth on Mars, which caused a sensation among Martians. Martian A: Gee, the book says that we are descendants of Koreans. Martian B: This at least explains the origin of our species. Martian A (crying): No wonder we are so ugly? "dong" Korean satellite airdropped another "Korean Cosmetic Surgery Guide" (@ jingjingjingjing).

4. A gamer: Colonel, I'm sorry I only came back for 5 minutes. C: No! ! ! ! ! Almost booed. Molting! ! ! (in a frenzy! ! ) A player: It must be returned! The flood flooded the first floor! I have to go to the third floor of the internet cafe to find the machine! What a dedicated player! ! (@ Xiaohui)

5. The husband asked his wife: I am not good-looking, but why do you often say that I am cool? Wife: I said you are cool. I used abbreviations. You look so cruel that you should be pulled out and shot.

6. One person was beaten and the police rushed to the scene to deal with it. The policeman asked the person who was beaten, "Can you describe the person who hit you?" The man replied unfairly, "Of course he was beaten because he described his appearance!" " "(@ Weibo smiled? )

7. When attending a wedding, the woman actually got nine keys, all of which were frozen into ice and stuffed into the groom's shirt. She can't open the door to pick up the bride until it melts. This is a difficult move. It's a shame to call the groom. . . (@ Creative Fun)

8. In art class, the teacher asked me to draw a self-portrait. I saw a female classmate sitting next to me with a compass. Out of curiosity, I asked: What is your compass for? Classmate A: It's used to draw faces. (@ Humorous Graphic @ Funny Encyclopedia)

9. If Prince William holds a Chinese wedding, it's actually not bad. Out of Buckingham Palace, put two whips first, drive all the way to Westminster Abbey, and then put two more. The queen stood at the church gate in bright red, the prime minister received a red envelope beside her, and the cabinet ministers recorded their names. A newly-married couple walked into the church, and the archbishop hung an apple, making the newly-married couple bite each other, muttering: Adam and Eve ate this fruit and achieved good things? (@ Ma Boyong)

10. The husband and wife had a quarrel, and when they got home, their wife was livid. The husband went to tease the cat. The wife roared, "What are you doing with that pig?" The husband said in surprise, "This is a cat, not a pig." The wife took it again: "I'm talking to the cat." What do you want to say? "

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