7 smart ways to resolve Dabao’s bad mood

As the first child in the family matures, parents may begin to think about having another child while relieved of the pressure of raising a newborn. Although it is a good idea to provide a companion for the child, the eldest child in the family has very complicated emotions when he sees the arrival of a new member. Faced with the conflicting emotions and behavior of the child, how should smart parents deal with it? A new member has arrived, is the boss jealous?

As the first child, Dabao is used to being the only focus of attention, but the pampering he is held in the palm of his hand may change after the arrival of new members, especially if daddy and mommy fail to let him go. If the child is sufficiently prepared, Dabao will feel that his parents' love is instantly deprived of him. Why? Dabao’s disorderly behavior is very troublesome

The Dabao in the family used to have the status and ability to "move the wind and rain", but now he can only watch his parents and relatives take great care and care for the little baby. The neglected child wants to To regain the attention of everyone, he had to resort to all kinds of degenerative methods, including crying and fussing, which made many parents annoyed and puzzled.

Faced with newborns with high feeding needs, many parents will subconsciously focus their energy and thoughts on the younger children. They even think that the older children in the family should be sensible and mature. , but in a short period of time, children experience "forced sharing" both spiritually and materially, and rebound is inevitable. In addition, most parents will hold the stereotype of "the elder should listen to the younger; the younger should listen to the elder", but ignore that the children may not yet understand the concepts of courtesy and sharing. Before the correct values ????are established, parents should put more thought into On older children. For example, if Dabao sees his parents gathered around the crib and he is being ignored, he may cry loudly or deliberately make trouble to gain parents' attention; or when the two babies are playing games, parents always use a stern tone to order Dabao to pay attention. For the safety of the second child, the older child is even required to give up his toys to his younger siblings unconditionally. If the older child resists or rebounds, the parents may reprimand the older child and ignore the reasons behind his behavior, causing the child to deepen his psychological imbalance.

Swearing cannot make children sensible

When dealing with sibling problems, parents often have to face Dabao’s emotional state. At this time, if they use force or scold Treating children in such a way will make Dabao deeply feel that his status is threatened by his younger siblings. Even if he briefly compromises under the authority of his parents, sibling rivalry will continue to occur after that. It is worth mentioning that as children get older, they will have their own ideas about things, and their emotional expressions will become more complex than before. Therefore, parents should think more carefully about not only scolding and reprimanding, but also helping their children accept them in an appropriate way. The arrival of new members is the most important thing.

Hong Meizhen, a clinical psychologist at the Department of Psychiatry at the Chung Hsing Campus of United Hospital, added that children may make a mess during game interactions. At this time, parents need to cooperate and support each other to increase the flexibility of dealing with children's problems. , try to see the rich and creative side of children in the process of expression and play. Use good methods to resolve Dabao’s bad mood

In order to deal with the problem of competition between siblings, many fathers are not human beings compared to mothers. In addition to easing the competition and disputes between brothers and sisters, parents also You should pay more attention to Dabao's emotional problems so that the child will not feel left out. The following 7 smart little methods will not only help parents accompany Dabao through the conflicting period of accepting new members, but also enhance the closeness and good relationship of the whole family.

Tip 1: Give advance notice of new members joining

We all know that "prevention is better than cure". Therefore, before welcoming new members, parents should "prepare" for Dabao in advance. "Vaccine", psychologist Hong Meizhen said: "From the beginning of mommy's pregnancy, the baby may be full of imagination about the baby in mommy's belly, and it is very important to guide the child's psychological preparation." In addition to understanding that the baby in mommy's belly is about to be born In addition, Dabao must know that his younger siblings will share their parents' care and love with him. More importantly, dad and mommy should remind Dabao that the space and items that were originally his own may be lost to him in the future. Share with new members.

Most children may have begun to feel worried when they hear their parents’ advance notice, and may even retort, “Then I don’t want any younger siblings.

"It can be seen that dads should put more thought into it than mommy, so that Dabao can establish a connection with the new member in advance. For example, let the older child understand the status of the new member from information such as the mother's handbook or ultrasound photos, or do prenatal education with Dabao , caress the mother's belly to enhance the sense of identification with the baby.

Tip2: Avoid deepening the child’s inner uneasiness

Although you have gradually prepared yourself mentally for the baby during pregnancy, the child will still feel it firsthand when the baby actually enters the home. Care is shared, psychologist Hong Meizhen emphasizes: "Children may even worry that they will be ignored, replaced, and not needed." At this time, the support of other members of the family is an important key. Perhaps you have seen a similar situation. A mother who is expecting her second child welcomes many relatives and friends to share her joy. When she sees Dabao playing alone next to her, she can’t help teasing her, and half-jokingly tells the child: "In the future, my little brother will My sister will compete with you for mom and dad, and she will compete with you for toys!” Maybe the adults just said it unintentionally because they just thought it was fun to tease their children. However, children may take these seemingly harmless jokes seriously, causing serious consequences. Feeling scared and uneasy inside. Parents are reminded that they can communicate with relatives and friends in advance to help Dabao view the joy of adding a new member to the family with a positive attitude.

Tip3: Do not prohibit children from showing negative emotions

When the doting situation of "three thousand loves in one body" instantly changes to courtesy and sharing in everything, any child will feel Somewhat lost. Perhaps the parents did not notice that they had indeed neglected the eldest child in the family after the new member joined. For example, in the past, when the eldest child invited the parents to play together, the parents might put down their work and join in the fun. But after the baby was born, the father Mommy is already very busy. Even if she really has time to play with her child, once the baby cries, she has to deal with the emergency situation of the young baby immediately.

Therefore, when Dabao feels left out and displays negative emotions, parents should not ask their children to regain stable emotions immediately. Rather than letting their children repress their emotions, it is better to let them vent their emotions a little and let Dabao cry in grievance. When the child is depressed, parents can first accompany the child through emotional lows, wipe the child's tears, provide comfort, and let the child know that it is acceptable to show moderate emotions. After the child's emotions calm down, they can then talk to him about the reason for crying. It’s not an angry rebuke: “Why are you crying! Mom is already very busy, and you didn’t help take care of your siblings, and you are still showing off your temper!” If you prohibit or rebuke Dabao’s negative emotions for the sake of the temporary peace of the home, it may leave a shadow on the child in the future. , and even become more resistant and repulsive to the addition of new members.

Tip 4: Parents coordinate the role of care

Young babies require more attention to take care of. Therefore, some parents will consider entrusting the eldest baby to someone close to them when the baby is just born. With family care, on the one hand, the mother can have confinement without any worries, and on the other hand, it can also provide comprehensive care for the newborn baby. However, although the starting point of leaving a child in another family may be for the sake of the mother or the eldest child, and fear that the newborn will interfere with the eldest child's lifestyle, it will make the child full of suspicion about the new member and the parents.

In order to reduce the anxiety of the older child, parents should properly coordinate their caregiving roles. For example, the older child may be curious and confused about the new member. Who should lead the child to welcome the younger siblings? How should the work of caring for a newborn baby be allocated? It is one of the homework that parents must do. For example, when the eldest baby raises a need for attention, one of the parents can continue to take care of the second eldest child, and the other person can respond to the eldest child as soon as possible. The role of care and response can be left to the parent. Take turns so that the children don't feel like one parent is being deprived.

Remind children to express their needs

The appearance of new members in the family makes Dabao begin to experience interpersonal and jealousy tests. Sometimes we will find that Dabao suddenly suddenly appears while mommy is breastfeeding or taking care of the newborn baby. Asking to play together, going to the bathroom, or getting into trouble for no reason, or losing temper for no reason. Mom and dad can try to think about why Dabao always gets into trouble at certain times? Is it because Dabao is not good at dealing with his own feelings yet and can only express his desire to be cared for and taken care of through his actions?

In order to prevent the eldest child from dealing with emotional suffering alone, parents can remind the eldest child in advance that when the eldest child feels neglected or has emotional or physical needs, he should speak to his parents in a general way and tell the child why the new member needs more attention, even if he ignores it temporarily. Either of the two is by no means less caring. It allows the children to have a preliminary understanding of the situation of their parents and new members, and allows Dabao to deal with emotional problems maturely.

Tip 5: Parents should treat everyone equally

Although younger children will inevitably require parents to worry more, we cannot ignore the needs of older children for their parents, especially the actions of their parents. Every movement will have a magnifying effect in the eyes of children. Regardless of the size of snacks or the number of toys, it will make Dabao think that "Mom and Dad are not fair." Although for parents, the palms and backs of their hands are all flesh, there is no issue of preference at all, but it is difficult to express it to their children in the correct way. For example, in order to avoid disputes, some fathers and mothers will buy their own toys, books, etc. for their siblings. Clothing, etc., allows children to each have their own items to reduce competition, but it eliminates the opportunity for children to practice sharing. Therefore, it is recommended that parents try to communicate with their older children, raise situations that they think are "unfair", try to improve the children's uncomfortable feelings, and find solutions that are acceptable to both parties. At the same time, they should also repeatedly emphasize to their children that dad is better than mom. Treat everyone equally.

Tip 6: Help children establish self-difference

Psychologist Hong Meizhen said: "The quality of getting along between siblings depends on the child's overall development, temperament and past experience, including The degree to which older children are tolerant of younger siblings; sibling competition is a common phenomenon in families with older and younger children, but sometimes parents can try to turn this competition into a way of child development. "We often see many older children using them for everything. They are extremely competitive, and even though they can feed themselves, when they see their parents feeding their younger siblings, they put down the spoons and ask their parents to feed them; or when they see their babies drinking milk, they also clamor for their parents to prepare one for them.

At this time, parents can help their children establish their own characteristics. For example, when Dabao is building building blocks, praise him so that the children know what behaviors they have can get praise and attention from their parents. Don’t forget to compare dad to mom. In order to remind children what behaviors can be done well by older brothers and sisters and what cannot be achieved by younger siblings, let the children develop towards the traits they are interested in, and let the children experience that having a younger brother or sister is interesting, not Immerse yourself in the vortex of competing with new members.

Tip7: Give Dabao enough time to grow up

Not only for children, many adults will also enjoy the aura of attention they receive. Once the favor is divided, Dabao will inevitably have conflicts in his heart. . As children become more and more sensible, they become more sensitive to their parents' attention. In addition, their views on things and their feelings and expressions of emotions will become richer and richer with age. Therefore, instead of forcing children to spend time in a short period of time, As they grow up in time, it is better to guide them to digest the uneasiness and difficulties in their hearts and vent their emotions appropriately, so that they can accept their younger siblings with a calm mood.

Psychologist Hong Meizhen reminded that parents should not ask too much for their eldest daughter to become mature, responsible, and not make mistakes in a short period of time. He should always help his younger siblings, and try not to assume that every time The mistake must be made by Dabao. For example, the preconception that it must be Dabao who is rude and makes his younger siblings cry will prevent the sibling relationship from deepening. More importantly, don’t forget that Dabao is actually just a child, and like a newborn baby, he needs to grow up with his parents.

In addition, after the birth of a new member, Dabao almost loses the time of being exclusive to his parents. He has to do everything with his siblings. Parents are reminded to be as fair as possible, to provide care to both parties, and to educate and educate the two children. The principles of punishment are unified. Although a new baby is always more troublesome, don't deprive the older child of the opportunity to get attention. In order to avoid "the noisy child gets candy", parents should think carefully about how to allow both children to enjoy the "exclusive" parent for a short period of time. For example, taking turns to arrange outings with only one child at a time is a good way. Only by jointly disciplining the couple, guiding them in the right way at the right time, and resolving Dabao's emotional problems can the relationship between the two babies be balanced.