A daily joke, a short joke.

Today's joke. A short joke. In daily life, we can watch more short jokes in our spare time, which can make our mood happy and full of vitality. Next, I will take you to know more daily jokes and short jokes.

Today's joke short joke 1

1, I: Wife, you are paying less and less attention to me now. Change clothes directly in front of me. Do you know you are shy? Wife: I didn't hear you fart before I got married. Now it's like setting off firecrackers day by day, bang, bang, bang! Why don't you know how to be shy?

2. My neighbor's two-year-old bag must like me too much, otherwise she won't give me a gift every time we meet. For three days in a row, Bao Xiao came to my house to play and took a shit in my living room at a super-fast speed!

In high school, I knew a friend. She doesn't like to eat pearls soaked in tea. She only drinks milk tea every time and leaves me pearls. Later, I met a friend who only likes to eat pearls in bubble tea. He first gave me milk tea and asked me to leave the pearls to him. The whole high school, more important than the college entrance examination, prevented them from getting to know each other

Today, I gave my father a loving hug on a whim. Father said contemptuously, "If you can't find a husband, will you hold someone else's husband?"

My husband stayed up late with friends and asked me if I was hungry. He took a photo and sent it to me. A woman is eating kebabs! Looking at that big plate of mutton kebabs made my mouth water. I was just about to tell my husband, just pack it for me according to that plate. The husband sent another voice: Did you see the beautiful woman who ate mutton kebabs? On time? Good figure! You say you dare not eat what you can't eat every day, so how can you reach two people by yourself?

6. I went downstairs this morning and found 50 yuan. I didn't tell my wife to buy a pack of Chinese cigarettes secretly. When I arrived at the company, I found out that it was a day's meal paid by my wife in the morning! Who can tell me what to do now?

7. I have always been confident. Compared with my peers, I am at least five years younger! But last night, a 60-year-old aunt asked her grandson to call me grandpa! I'm confused. Is it because I was too blind and confident before?

8, my husband went out to drink too much, and when he got home, he threw up in bed, and he couldn't afford to scream, just like he was dead. I couldn't help him, so I grabbed his hair and wiped his face. My son said lovingly, mom, be careful, don't kill dad. ...

9. My wife sent me a text message asking: Honey, what are you doing? I'm going back: I'm exhausted from work. When will you come back from your business trip? She: I'm back. I stand behind you. Your uniform and beard were great just now! Looking back, oh, I'll go. What a surprise!

10. Seeing my father-in-law playing Tai Chi in the yard, I couldn't help asking my mother-in-law: Have you been bullied by him in recent years? Bang, the melon on the chopping board was cut in half by the kitchen knife in her mother-in-law's hand: nothing, I have this!

One joke and two little jokes a day 1

1. When I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, she gave me a mirror for no reason! I accidentally dropped the mirror when I was tidying up the other day.

Looking at the only thought she left, it became a piece of land at this time, like a broken love!

I squatted on the ground, trying to restore the fragments. Dad was worried that I hurt my finger and kicked it in a hurry!

I fell on my back and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling: Dad, do you think second time around?

Dad approached me, squatted down and sighed. Others may be able to second time around, but you can't!

I turned to look at dad one leng, dad lit a cigarette, eyes slightly narrowed seriously:

Because the mirror your girlfriend gave me ... is square. ...

2. When I was in the college entrance examination, I saw that others were parents driving to the entrance of the examination room.

My mother and I are coquetry: my mother is an adult, and my parents drive people to the examination room for the college entrance examination.

My mother said, I'm going to Gaha? Show off your wealth?

I'm leaving ... if I don't send it, I won't send it. I'm still eating me. I feel wronged in my heart. ...

On that day, my mother drove eight cows, then hung up a float and drove me directly to the examination room. That day, I was the most beautiful baby in the world …

I am glad that my family is not an alpaca, or it is my mother's character.

Today, when I saw two groups of friends fighting in the community, I couldn't help thinking of the past! !

I was eight years old that year. One day when I came home from school, I was stopped by eight or nine homeless children who didn't study in the next village. There is no reason, they just want to hit people! ! ……

They looked at me and smiled: Boy, kowtow to each of us if you don't want to be beaten!

Grandpa taught me from an early age: a man kneels to the world, to the ground and to his parents. ...

I bit my teeth: a scholar can kill but not humiliate, but I kneel? Come on, grandpa, I just need to scream to be a grandson!

Take out a knife from your schoolbag: Come on, let me stab you. ...

Children are afraid of knives, no matter how big or small! My roar actually made none of them dare to go forward, so we are deadlocked here! ! ……

About ten minutes later, three or four adults came behind. Hearing that it was my cousin, I rushed up! ……

Well, I wish there was no hurry. Although she is my cousin, the others are the sisters of those wild children, and one of them is my cousin's fiancee! ……

I ... came home black and blue, and my cousin went to my dad to complain that my knife was going to stab someone! ! ……

It never rains but it pours. Dad's slap hit like a tsunami: You stabbed someone when you told you to study? ……

I ... if my cousin didn't secretly apologize to me that night and give me fifty cents back, I would scold my cousin for three hours! !

Let him have no peace! ……

the second

1, my girlfriend has a twin sister, and she tries her best to coax her over, which is much more emotional than her sister. We dated for three days and often went out to play, but my girlfriend never noticed, so the date was maintained. When I went to her home for dinner that day, her mother said, "Jia Jia didn't make you suffer less. We are the only child who has been spoiled since childhood. "

2. Before dying, an old lady took her wife's hand and repented: "Grandpa, let me tell you the truth. None of our three sons is yours. "

Hearing this, the old man comforted his wife and said, "Nothing. Although my three sons are not mine, my three grandchildren are definitely mine ... "

3. Teacher: "Students, the PE teacher is ill and can't come to class today, so PE is changed to math."

Xiao Ming: "Teacher, what does a PE teacher look like? We have never seen it before? "

Teacher: "Get out. . . "

4. Teacher: Do you know why cars and people have to drive on the right?

Xiaoming: Because the Bodhisattva protects the right!

Teacher: Get out! ! !

You certainly don't know that there is a man in China who has many roles and great power.

This man's surname is Jiang, and his name is Jiang Qiao. Because-

Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge, Wuhan Yangtze River Bridge, Jiujiang Yangtze River Bridge, Wuhu Yangtze River Bridge.

6. Wife: "Son, eat quickly. Mom made it specially for you. It's not delicious when it's cold! "

Son: "Never mind, Mom. It's not delicious hot anyway. "

7. Teacher: Xiao Ming, what should you do when you grow up and fall in love?

Xiaoming: I went back to my daughter-in-law honestly when I was lovelorn.

Teacher: Get out. ...

8. My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today."

Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad if you fail the exam next time!" " "

The next day, my son came back: "Sorry, brother!" " "

9. A friend went to see a young lady and lit a cigarette. In order to avoid embarrassment, he wanted to talk to her and asked, "Does your family know about this?"

Miss: "Does your family know that you came out to fuck me?"

10, Teacher: Students, what do you mean by using less books?

Xiao Ming: MD, a schoolbag is only 5 yuan, which is not enough for one night.

Teacher: Get out …