Why stay-at-home mothers are more likely to fail in education

There are two stories in the title: one is that I, the No. 1 scholar, became a "professional dad" and spent thirty years proving the failure of education. The other is that "unemployed parents" with low academic qualifications are unable to take care of their families, and their children become top scorers in the college entrance examination! Why does this huge contrast keep appearing around us? Is there any mystery or inevitability in it? How can this phenomenon be explained psychologically? What implications does the existence of this phenomenon have for stay-at-home dads and stay-at-home moms? How to prevent your children from failing in their education? This article is likely to be met with resentment from stay-at-home moms. It is normal and in line with the psychological needs theory in the article: the article attacks the need for self-achievement, a sense of belonging, and the need for love among stay-at-home mothers, which is difficult for them to accept. However, this purpose is not my original intention, and these problems are not unique to stay-at-home mothers, but are common problems in the entire society. It's just that the symptoms are more prominent and typical among stay-at-home mothers. How to reflect on the current problems and try to solve them, instead of "playing roles" and performing psychological reflections such as "role maintenance", "self-justification" and "emotional protection", is a test of mothers' wisdom and educational rationality. ! Psychology application: Why are stay-at-home mothers more likely to suffer educational failure? Why are mothers called devil mothers by their children? Why are children who are better cared for less happy? 1: Why does committing yourself wholeheartedly bring the opposite result? If a child enjoys too "professional" treatment and is taken care of full-time by a stay-at-home dad, stay-at-home mom, or stay-at-home grandpa, or even just because the parents pay too much attention to their children and put their children's future ahead of their own lives, and work are more important. Parents hope that their children will succeed and their daughters will succeed. As a result, education failure is often more likely to occur. This conclusion is something that we, the public, think “should not happen”: Let one person be “fully responsible” for a child’s life and education. This “generous investment” should be expected to bring “generous output”: children should be improved The only way to succeed in education is to become better. This is also the original intention and wish of stay-at-home mothers. How could it be the opposite? I have learned about the education situation of the children of some stay-at-home mothers around me. Most of their children are in kindergarten, and they "seem to be okay" in elementary school. Mothers will proudly promote their "achievements", but in fact there are many bad seeds hidden in their children. It’s just that parents turn a blind eye. Mothers are happy to talk about the little progress their children have made, and they don't see any hidden problems in their children. To say that these mothers have eye problems is an understatement. I once met a stay-at-home mother whose child was expelled from school for being naughty. Even though the mother had to admit that her child had "something wrong" at this time, she couldn't make any sense. Instead, she kept saying: How much progress this child has made, how kind-hearted she is, how her mother would bring her water when she was sick, etc. She felt that the child was wronged. You may even imagine that you are sorry for your son, and if you had done something like that back then, your child would have been happier and more successful, etc. But what I see is: this child has serious behavioral and psychological problems due to poor education, and will have problems in the future. Another stay-at-home mother, if you just listen to her words, her daughter is simply a perfect genius. If any school hires her, she will get a big deal. After seeing him, I discovered that this child also had serious behavioral and psychological problems, but his academic performance in school was not bad. As a result, I politely refused to enroll this child. It's not that this child can't be taught well, it's that with such a confused mother, the child can't be taught. The education targets of stay-at-home mothers generally have problems exposed after middle school, and generally have various problems, but they have developed inertia and have no time to correct them. Therefore, the educational results of stay-at-home mothers are generally a failure. Children often have many psychological, personality and behavioral problems, and academic failure is also common. Here are two true stories from my relatives and friends: One is that I, the No. 1 scholar, became a "professional dad" and spent thirty years proving the failure of education. The other is that "unemployed parents" with low academic qualifications are unable to take care of their families, and their children themselves become top scorers in the college entrance examination! One of my elders was the top scorer in the college entrance examination in our area (before the Cultural Revolution), but later he was forced to be laid off after the state-owned factory where he worked closed down. It can be said that he was very unlucky in this life.

Because his career failed, he put all his hopes in life on his son. The child grew up under his father's "meticulous" care since he was a child. He took care of him all the way from elementary school to middle school and took a lot of care. Under his father's hard work, he passed the college entrance examination. At that time, I was successfully admitted to Wuhan University, and I was considered one of the only few in our family who was admitted to the top universities in the country. However, entering college is the beginning of the problem: after entering college, the father loses the opportunity for comprehensive guidance and control, and the son gains the "freedom" to develop himself, and children who are free from supervision also have the desire to be independent. So I "behaved" for two years, barely made it to my sophomore year, and then repeated the grade for two consecutive years. As we all know, although China's famous universities are difficult to get into, they are easy to get out of. Teachers are very willing to send students to pass, as long as they don't go too far, and everyone can get a diploma together. In fact, most students in college are just hanging out, girls watching Korean dramas, boys playing games, etc. But basically they can graduate and have a good transcript to defraud companies. This kid is definitely not stupid to be admitted to Wuhan University, but he failed even the physical education class. This shows that this kid "deliberately doesn't study" and is too lazy to even mess around. In the end, of course, I didn’t even get my diploma. Of course my parents were very angry when I got home, but the consequences were not serious! Because of their love for their son, although they did not have a diploma, their parents looked for help from experts everywhere, and actually found him a pretty good job in a bank in the provincial capital: easy, high-level, and with a high salary. But the most ridiculous thing is that he "resolutely decided" to continue to resist the ideal path arranged by his father, or to follow his own path: two years later, he was fired from the bank for embezzling public funds to satisfy "high consumption" and buy high-end mobile phones and other items. The parents once again came out to pay for their son, who was already in his thirties. Contributing all of his pension was not enough. They also borrowed money from everywhere to pay for his debts and reimburse him. They took on a lot of debt to prevent their son from being imprisoned. His current occupation is that of a "free man". His parents are old and unable to discipline him, so he has to stay far away, secretly savoring the last and greatest failure in his life. On the contrary: some parents who are too busy to take care of themselves do not have the time or ability to "take care of and help their children", but their children are often very successful. Another relative and friend of mine, who can be considered an elder of mine, has never gone to college or has a formal job. He relies on going out to work as a nanny to earn some money to live at home, and he has not learned the education methods of Calvert and Mrs. Stena. , and have no time and energy to take care of their children. The only thing parents can do is to teach their children a trick: parents are incompetent and don’t understand anything. If you want to go to college in the future, don’t even count on your parents for tuition. You have to find a way by yourself. Do your own thing! Whatever you want, work hard for it. You have to take responsibility for yourself! As a result, the child became the top scorer in the college entrance examination last year. TV stations came to report at home, officials came to visit the family, and even the tuition fees were scrambled by others, so the parents did not worry at all. The two stories mentioned above seem accidental. In fact, if you have studied psychology, you will know that this strange phenomenon is inevitable: whether it is a stay-at-home mother, a stay-at-home father, a stay-at-home grandpa, or a stay-at-home grandma, if Professionals who are responsible for children's lives and education are more likely to cause children's educational failure. Letting go and letting your children take responsibility will lead to success. This is an inevitable law of human nature. Of course, there are exceptions: if the stay-at-home mother or stay-at-home father is proficient in psychology and education, and is good at applying psychology to help the child grow, and is good at behavioral education, it may also improve the child's educational success. In fact, this is the essence of elite education - letting outstanding adults with strong thinking skills educate children. However, how many such stay-at-home mothers are there? Does such a stay-at-home dad exist? If you have such parents, their careers will be very busy. Because people who are truly proficient in psychology can easily succeed in whatever they do, especially in such a business society, being proficient in psychology will make them indispensable talents in various industries. So it is unlikely to stay at home and work as a full-time nanny. Contemporary Chinese people generally lack basic knowledge of psychology. Because Chinese people conceptually think that psychology is a "professional skill", which seems to be far away from real life. The large number of [psychology textbooks] and psychology courses taught in Chinese universities by professors who don’t understand psychology at all are mainly pedantic and useless content that piles up concepts, which further strengthens this impression. The result is: Due to the lack of basic psychological common sense, Chinese people's daily lives are often disordered and chaotic, they are less able to control their own lives, and their happiness is extremely low.

On the contrary: The United States and other Western countries attach great importance to psychology. Even an ordinary employee who has not been admitted to college will use his spare time to take psychology courses at community colleges. This was not for promotion, but because he knew: this was a practical course that would make his life better. In fact, a senior U.S. official concluded: The reason why the United States is strong is not because of how skilled its technical experts are, but because it has a large number of very high-level psychological experts. This statement is difficult for us Chinese to understand. 2: Interpretation of Maslow’s psychological theory on learning motivation and achievement motivation! Here I use a basic psychological theory to explain a phenomenon that often puzzles Chinese parents: Why do stay-at-home mothers often lead to educational failure? Why do parents who devote all their life hopes to their children often end up with a complete loser? Why are children who are cared for more unhappy? These problems not only puzzle ordinary Chinese parents, but even the now-famous "educational gurus" have not made it clear. Even the idols of Chinese parents such as Calvert’s father and Mrs. Stena, these parents who are fully concerned about their children’s education, have become role models that domestic parents are following in droves just by succeeding in their children’s academic education. But parents don’t know that their children have basically failed in life education without exception: because their children’s lives are not happy. To explain this problem, we need to add some basic psychological theories and educational theories: The first one is Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory: people have five different levels of needs, the first and most basic one is Physiological needs, the second is the need for safety, the third is the need for home and love, the fourth is the need for respect, and the fifth is the need for self-actualization. In Maslow's need-motivation development model, the most important revelation is that people will never be satisfied with the state they have reached and stabilize. On the contrary, once the first level of physiological needs for survival is satisfied, Begin to pursue higher psychological satisfaction. Spiritual and psychological requirements are the most important goals and motivations in life. Ultimately, self-actualization, the need for growth and success, will inspire our higher motivations and become our highest spiritual needs. Life starts from the most basic physiological needs and moves to a higher level step by step. Those who can realize this transfer process will have a happy and fulfilling life, and their psychology will be healthier and more positive. On the contrary: if the needs of life cannot be transferred upward, you will feel depressed and defeated. If you are not able to raise the level of needs upwards, but are deprived of a higher level of needs and forced to move to a lower level, it often brings huge frustration, is often unacceptable psychologically, and can easily lead to various obstacles. Even commit suicide. For example, the financial crisis caused many very successful CEOs to go bankrupt, but it was never serious enough to cause them to lose their most basic living conditions and did not affect their basic living needs. However, because of "career failure", their higher-level needs - "self-actualization" have been hit, resulting in many people being depressed and many committing suicide. Another educational theory is the same as the above theory: people are born to love learning. Because real learning is the growth of life, which meets the requirements of people's upward shift in psychological level. Therefore, real education is a means to continuously allow students to grow mentally. Once you understand these two principles of psychology and education, you will understand why stay-at-home mothers (fathers) are more likely to cause educational failure, and why children in our country are generally very unhappy. Because the current practices of our parents violate the basic principles of psychology and pedagogy. Three: Stay-at-home mothers satisfy their own higher-level needs by providing for their children’s lower-level needs! First of all, physiological needs are certainly the most basic needs in life. If people cannot get food, they will take risks and steal it. But once there are no problems with physiological and safety needs, what people actually focus on is the need for home, love, and respect. The love here does not refer to being pampered. It does not mean that people will be happy if they can "collect three thousand pamperings in one body". It refers to pampering others, the ability to love, and the need to feel "very important" and "needed". If this need does not exist in reality, people will often deliberately create this need, or pretend to be needed through games.

For example, children like to pretend to be a family, simulate being mothers and fathers, "take care of" dolls and do housework, etc. They also like to raise small animals, imagine that they have enough ability to help "weak groups", and use games to satisfy their deep psychological needs. this need. The "construction and strategy video games" that adults like to play, such as "Civilization", are also manifestations of this need for achievement. Adults like to keep pets, which is also an achievement to realize the "love and destination" deep in their hearts. Need! In fact, the people who like to keep pets in the city lack the "sense of being needed" in real life. They are often bystanders in real life. This is the "blessed" way of life they choose. , but this kind of "life" of being unwanted by others makes them lack a sense of accomplishment, so they find a puppy to realize their need for "love and home" in an animal. In fact, the psychological needs of stay-at-home mothers also exist. We basically stay at this stage: the need for a role (I am so-and-so’s mother). We see many stay-at-home mothers on the Internet. Their online names are the names of their children, or their roles are named “Xiaobao’s mother”. Many stay-at-home mothers are named after their children. The content of the blog is all about the little bits and pieces of the children's daily lives. When the children make a little progress, they will announce it to the world as big news. These stay-at-home mothers play their roles with all their heart, so as to gain psychological support. Once their children's needs are removed, they are often at a loss. This kind of stay-at-home mothers often become mentally unbalanced after their children go to school and leave home. This shows that it is not their children who need them, but that they need their children. The mother would even cry several times after sending her child to school. She would openly and secretly find various reasons to come to see her child. She would constantly call the teacher: How is my child? Will he get used to it? ? Can he adapt? Does he really miss his mother? Wait. In addition, when calling their children, they will ask, "Do you miss your mother?" Of course, the children will answer politely. "Of course I want to", so that parents are very satisfied. These examples fully demonstrate that taking care of children and being a stay-at-home mother actually exist for these mothers to realize their higher-level needs and satisfy their psychological needs of "home and love". In essence, this behavior is no different from how these mothers pretended to be housewives when they were little girls, except that the dolls were replaced by real children, but the essential psychological needs are exactly the same: children are actually used by them to satisfy their own psychological needs. Because of this, they do not know how to respect their children as independent individuals, and at the same time deprive their children of a higher level of needs: the need for respect. Children are often treated as their own private property by these mothers! , to satisfy the psychological needs of mothers for "a sense of belonging" and "giving love." To put it bluntly, the status of a child in the family is no different than a toy. The fourth level of psychological needs is the need for respect, which is basically what Chinese people need. They don’t know what respect is, they only know how to respect their children. At home, parents basically don’t know how to respect their children, nor do they know how to respect themselves. Therefore, in daily social interactions, we cannot satisfy each other’s need for respect. To obtain false psychological satisfaction, and do not know true respect. Due to the lack of respect and mutual respect, the quality of life of the Chinese people lacks room for improvement. This point is also made very clear in the Rand Corporation’s China report, so I won’t go into details. Parents are often surprised: in school, the teacher who is very strict in disciplining students and the children are "fearful" is also the teacher that the children like very much. Moreover, even if the teacher in the school punishes the child, the child will not be angry. And in schools with strict rules, children live happier lives. On the contrary, in homes where children are pampered everywhere, the children tend to lose their temper easily and are often unhappy. Parents are puzzled and conclude that children are naturally afraid of teachers, but this is not the reason. The essential reason is that the teachers in the school emphasize the need for respect. Even for children, we follow principles and rules just like we do for adults. We even respect children’s right to make mistakes, which is how children explore the world. The only difference is that we require children to pay for their mistakes. This is also to respect the children's rights and let them learn a sense of rules. Parents basically deprive their children of this psychological pursuit, deprive their children of their psychological needs on the grounds of "being good for the children", and even deprive their children of their high-level psychological needs by satisfying their low-level needs, such as interrupting their children. Games to force children to eat various "good things" etc. Of course the child is unhappy and will lose his temper.

Parents will basically try their best to prevent their children from "making mistakes", and once they make mistakes, they will try not to let their children bear the consequences. As a result, they will become disgusted, deprived of their psychological needs, and develop wrong behavior patterns in their children. I usually know that my children will suffer, but as long as the impact is not big, I will let them learn their own lessons. For example, when my child was a child, he was always force-fed by the elderly (an example of extreme disrespect for the child's basic physiological abilities), and the child would be grabbed and fed when the child was very involved in playing (an example of extreme disrespect for the child's psychological wishes and needs, Raising children as animals) often results in not only strong resistance in children, but also the formation of psychological values ??of anorexia. After being brought home for upbringing, the child said that it would be great if he could skip meals. I told him that I could respect his request and that he could skip meals for a whole day. He was pleasantly surprised, seriously? I said of course it's true. I respectfully made an agreement with him that I would not eat for a day, but I could drink water. As a result, he was so hungry that he had to keep drinking water. The child did not hate me for this, but respected me more because I fully respected his choice and freedom, even if it was wrong. And I deliberately used this method to educate him so that he would know how to take responsibility for his actions. Unfortunately, Chinese parents preach in words, but in action they prefer to teach their children not to be responsible for their own actions. As a result, a large number of problem children have emerged. The fifth level of needs is the need for "self-achievement". To put it simply, it is the need for success and achievement. This is the highest level of psychological needs. Moreover, the needs at this level are infinitely high, unlike lower-level needs that have limited scope. For example, you cannot keep eating to satisfy the physiological need to "eat". But self-achievement is an endless space. People are constantly pursuing self-achievement throughout their lives, and it has become the greatest motivation and source of satisfaction in life. The satisfaction of children's self-achievement needs first comes from the achievement of their ability to control their own bodies. Children who are more able to control their own bodies and whose movements are more flexible have higher psychological satisfaction, so they are happier and more confident. This is the reason why Western education attaches great importance to using sports to shape children's mental health. From toddlers, we can see the great satisfaction after the children learn to walk: they keep trying, keep failing, and finally one day they can walk around and are very happy. Because the child learns to control his body successfully. However, many stupid parents will deprive their children of their physical control and self-achievement requirements in the name of "care", in the name of preventing their children from failing, in the name of protection, to satisfy their own psychological requirements of being a "good parent". In fact, it is essentially to satisfy the parents' own psychological achievement needs, thus depriving the children of their growth needs. Deep down, I feel that the child must remain incompetent so that he will need more "help" from his parents. Of course, in words, parents "complain" to their children that "this doesn't work and that doesn't work," so they "have to" help their children to show their "ability" and "importance." The most serious example is a 7-year-old miserable child I saw. He was deprived of almost all the psychological needs of his growth by his parents. His face was full of helplessness and pain, and he often cried for no reason: because he He can't even walk well, and he falls when walking on a flat floor. After talking to his parents, I found out: When he was a child, he was always held by his parents no matter where he went because he was afraid of his children falling or getting his clothes dirty. As a result, the child has serious psychological problems: fragility, sensitivity, helplessness, low self-esteem, and I think this problem is basically unsolvable. Even though the child is only seven years old, the damage is so complete and severe that it is physically irreparable. . This child may have to live his whole life in misery and helplessness from now on. It is really pitiful. In fact, we can find that when very energetic and accomplished people are tied to the hospital bed by illness and pain, a large part of their pain does not come from the body, but from the deprivation of psychological needs. It's not the illness itself: they've lost control of their bodies, and that's frustrating them. Therefore, many people will suffer from depression, which may even lead to more serious events such as suicide. Doctors in the hospital all know that for this type of patient, there is no need to worry when the physical problem is not solved, but once the body starts to recover, something may happen. Because after the physical survival needs are met, what is left is the psychological achievement needs, which makes it difficult to accept one's own loss of function. Therefore, physical health is directly related to mental health and happiness.

In addition, one year after the Wenchuan earthquake, a large number of survivors who were grateful to have survived committed suicide. This is obviously a problem caused by psychological factors: because they lack the need for "love and home" after losing their loved ones, after the initial survival problem is solved, they begin to face this problem and commit suicide because they cannot find a solution. This cannot be solved by the government allocating funds to them. This in turn shows that psychological and emotional needs are more important than actual material needs and can determine the happiness and joy of life. Satisfying the need for self-achievement is also reflected in the continuous improvement of one's own abilities: when children continue to improve their physical and thinking abilities, and when they have a wider range of knowledge, the child's psychology is positive and positive. Demonstrating that children are intrinsically willing to participate in learning. Moreover, children are actually very willing to participate in various competitive activities. The feeling of "winning" gives them a huge sense of satisfaction. At the same time, the frustration of failure inspires them to continue to work hard and make progress. This process lasts for a lifetime. Theoretically speaking: any individual can achieve great success if he finds a field in which he is willing to work hard continuously. The result of parents' over-protection at this time is that their children will not dare to face difficulties and have a cowardly personality throughout their lives. Therefore, Western education particularly respects children's independent choices, and parents just try to help their children choose the best route. Education is to help children have the wisdom and ability to choose, rather than forcing children to accept rigid knowledge. Because only in this way can children be truly engaged and achieve impressive results, so the West has an endless stream of talents and geniuses. Unfortunately, parents in China basically only care about their children's low-level material needs and ignore their children's high-level needs. What is even more abhorrent is that parents often deprive their children of their high-level needs and use low-level needs to "satisfy" their children, and instill a set of life values ??that violate the principle of psychological needs, causing children's psychological pathology. For example, the current educational values ??that parents generally have for their children are: study hard and do well in college. Only then will you have a good job, be able to support yourself, buy a car and a house, find a wife, start a family and have children. This sounds normal on the surface, but in fact it is particularly ridiculous: because these stupid parents have turned a colorful and wonderful life with unlimited possibilities into an animal-like survival need to "live and reproduce". Obliterate all the high-level psychological needs in Maslow's psychology, and only use the lowest level of "survival needs" to "motivate" children. How can this possibly make children have real enthusiasm for learning? Especially when children basically feel no "survival pressure" and their lives are comfortable and satisfying under the full support of their parents, this kind of educational goals and motivation methods are simply a joke to them. They absolutely disagree with it. But they couldn't find the answer themselves, so they were "very depressed"! I had no choice but to hang around day by day, and even found the Internet and games to entertain myself with these illusory games. This is the result of parents' miseducation. In fact, this kind of low-level goal is more suitable for rural and poor families. Under the pressure of basic survival, they will have more desire and motivation to achieve basic survival needs than children in cities, especially children from wealthy families. However, it is impossible for the vast majority of children to agree with their parents’ “Chinese-style ideal life needs” theory that study and study are for “finding a job” and “living a life”, because this is completely contrary to basic psychological requirements. The life learning goal of children generally educated in the West is to pursue truth and wisdom, and encourage children to pursue their own ideals, which more essentially reflects people's need for greatest achievement. China's money fetishism goes against the requirements of people's spiritual development. It not only cultivates a deformed personality, but also cultivates a failed and unhappy life. In terms of causing children's psychological and behavioral disorders, stay-at-home mothers are more "successful": in essence, due to the lack of their own career space, they naturally lack the satisfaction of the true "self-achievement" psychological needs. When they regard "mother" as their "life occupation", they naturally regard "children" as a tool to achieve their life goals and obtain their own psychological satisfaction.

Therefore, stay-at-home mothers, stay-at-home dads and stay-at-home grandparents often regard their children as their spiritual sustenance. In order to realize their own high-level needs, such as a sense of self-achievement, they deprive their children of their children's low-level material needs by satisfying them. Children's higher-level psychological and spiritual needs deprive children of their ability development and growth space, making children have to rely on them and cannot do without them, so as to gain a huge sense of satisfaction and "sense of importance". It can be said that these parents are very selfish and narcissistic in nature. In terms of specific expressions, these selfish stay-at-home mothers have very different faces: one is the "virtuous mother" who has no regrets and no regrets. They take good care of every aspect of their children's lives and deprive their children of the experience of life. needs and basic living abilities, resulting in a child who is extremely incompetent in life, which also makes the child psychologically fragile and lacks self-confidence. The child may be very well-behaved, but he is often full of fear of the unknown world and becomes a child who cannot grow up psychologically. Even if such children have relatively good academic performance when they are young, they are unlikely to be very successful when they grow up: because their personalities tend to be introverted and closed, they also lack psychological self-confidence, are emotionally fragile and sensitive, and lack good physical self-control. Ability, difficult to take care of themselves in life, naturally there is no need to "satisfy life achievements", their lives will lack a sense of accomplishment. Another kind of stay-at-home mother who is more ambitious and ambitious uses her children as a tool to realize her dreams. For example, she hopes that her children will be admitted to Harvard, so that she can become a "Harvard mother". If it is not possible, she can go to Tsinghua University and Peking University. Brag about yourself everywhere to satisfy your own need for psychological achievement. This is also what they need to achieve in their "mother career". This kind of mother may be very strict with her children, or even cruel: they are very concerned about their children's academic performance, and will force their children to attend various training classes. All must obey the wishes and requirements of working mothers. In order to make their children obey, they will deal with them ruthlessly. Of course, psychologically, they will say that this is for the good of their children. It’s not surprising that they beat their children if they don’t perform well in school. I once saw a parent slapped in public because his 10-year-old child didn’t pay attention when playing the piano. Although I am not opposed to spanking children, I am firmly opposed to spanking children for poor academic performance. I only recommend that it be used to punish children for bad behavior. This kind of mother often has a "sense of achievement" when her children are in primary school. She will use the various achievements of her children, certificates of examinations, etc. to show off her "merit" and satisfy her "need for achievement." It is easy to obtain these rubbish certificates in primary school, and these things can easily make a mother think that her education is "successful". She will also share her "successful experience" everywhere in the circle of mothers. In fact, she is satisfying herself by bragging about her children. own psychological achievement needs. However, once children enter middle school, differentiation begins: some children with weaker personalities (mostly girls) may be willing to continue to suppress themselves, obey their parents' wishes, study obediently, sacrifice their own wishes and demands, and suppress their own desires. Psychology and desire, and finally successfully admitted to college. However, even if they are admitted to a prestigious university, the psychological state of this kind of child is very bad. He will be indifferent and insensitive, lack passion and enthusiasm, and be like a tool without a soul. Such people, even if they graduate from a prestigious university or continue to graduate school, will not have any real achievements in life, let alone happiness, and will not have any ability to live. I have seen too many urban children like this at Wuhan University. They all look like old men and women, sickly and living in a dream. These can be regarded as "successful cases" of stay-at-home mothers. Mothers also thought that they had successfully completed their missions. It was not until they discovered that their children had a series of problems after working and getting married that it was too late! Another group of children, who account for the majority, especially boys, begin to rebel against their parents after entering middle school. They cannot bear to be deprived of their high-level needs, so they begin to pursue their ideals. However, due to lack of guidance, they often become addicted to online games, etc., allowing them to gain the satisfaction of "self-achievement" in an illusory world and escape from reality. A cold study life and a cold mother. Therefore, these children often become "problem children". In fact, the main reason is long-term psychological problems