Any funny jokes?

Humorous jokes 1. Sign up to be an urban management officer! Examiner: What degree? Candidate: I haven’t graduated from elementary school. Examiner: Have you ever had a fight? Candidate: It’s commonplace. Examiner: Do you have a criminal record? Candidate: Just came out. Examiner: What about physical fitness? Candidate: It’s okay. You can knock over the vendor’s tricycle with one kick. Examiner: Do you dare to take other people’s things? Candidate: This is my strength, just like handling my own things. Examiner: Do you dare to hit me, old man? Candidate: Xiaocai, my father made me disabled. Examiner: You passed the exam. What our urban management needs is talents like you! Examiner: One more question, what should I do if something goes wrong? Candidate: Let’s just say I’m a temporary worker. Examiner: I’m going to work tonight. 2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided due to crowding. The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt confused and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered! The woman felt angry and replied: "Are you mentally ill?" The man said coldly: "Can you cure it?" The whole car burst into laughter! The bus driver stopped, leaned over the steering wheel and laughed! Two: The bus was overcrowded and there was a woman standing at the door. A GG squeezed in from behind the car and wanted to get out of the car. He said to the woman: "Make way and get out of the car." The woman didn't move. GG stepped on her when he squeezed past. It turned out that the woman was so powerful that she kept scolding: "You're crazy! You're crazy!" She was so loud that the whole car was watching. GG remained silent. When he got out of the car, he couldn't bear it anymore. He turned around and said to the woman, "You're the repeater!" There were a few funny kids behind, who kept acting out the scene just now. Person A said, "You're crazy, you!" ..." B said: "Your repeater, you..." The whole car burst into laughter~! Later, a little lady also wanted to get off the car, squeezed over and said timidly: "I~I~I want to go on, I am not crazy~!" Everyone in the car burst into laughter~! The woman didn't speak, but a word floated from the side: "Are you out of battery?" Everyone in the car burst into laughter~! 3. Confucius said: Use bricks to shout when fighting, it will not lead to chaos! Take a photo! Never die again! Buddha said; nonsense! My Buddha is compassionate! Don't play too much! A brick is almost dead! ! ! 4. On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt peaceful all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking any money with him? --" On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 dime in it. . After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. --" On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, and there was 100 counterfeit bills in it. . After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide large-denomination money privately. Please go to the relevant department and hand it in. --" On Thursday, I took an envelope. Inside was a stack of expired copies of the Straits Talent Newspaper. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and took a look. The newspaper had been replaced by the latest Straits Talent News. I took a note with me: "This is the era of consultation. Only by updating information in a timely manner can we seize opportunities and win success." ! -- "On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, I still had my phone with an additional note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company. --" On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my pants: "I hate you the most for robberies. You have no technical skills at all! Confiscate the crime tools! --" On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, but someone Too many to squeeze in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks, and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. I would like to give you 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want to go, please don't mess with us." 5. A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's restroom. After entering, he found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the women's restroom. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl coming in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room. One day, there were too many people on the bus and it was very hot. , I was particularly bored and I don’t know who farted. Now the environment has deteriorated even more.

My friend really couldn't bear it, and he didn't know who it was, so there was nothing he could do. Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had an idea and said loudly: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket!" Suddenly, a very fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly: "I have already bought a ticket!" 7. A sculpture was completed in a new university building: a girl holds a book in her left hand and holds a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from students, and many people's slogans coincided with each other - studying is useless! 8. A brother suffered from constipation and could not defecate in the toilet for a long time. While he was trying his best, he saw a brother rush into the toilet like wind and entered the seat next to him. As soon as he entered, there was a really violent storm. The brother enviously said to the brother: Brother, I envy you so much. The brother said: Why are you envious? I haven’t taken off my pants yet~~ 9. The situation of losing bicycles in school is very serious. New cars disappear in the blink of an eye. But sometimes you are lucky and the lost ones are gone. The bike would pop up again every few days. One day, Xiao Jing, a classmate in the same dormitory, bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone she met and said, "I have installed the latest lock on this car!" The next day, Xiao Jing returned from studying at night, looking depressed. He looked like he was holding a piece of paper in his hand, which said: Don't think there are no experts here. I borrowed the car and will return it to you in a few days! A few days later, the thief actually returned the car. Xiaojing was very happy, but she was worried that the car would be "borrowed" again. So I bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and posted a note to the thief: Let's see how you can "borrow" it! When Xiaojing went downstairs the next morning, she found five extra locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: Let's see how you keep riding! 10. There were three little tadpoles. They went to a restaurant to eat... After waiting for a while, the first dish was served... fried frogs... The three tadpoles sang in unison: I don't want to, I don't want to, don't want to grow up. .. 11. One day, Cao Cao captured Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them, each of you go to the orchard and choose a fruit. After a while, Zhang Fei brought out an apple. Cao Cao said that if they could put the fruit into their butts, he would let them go. Zhang Fei tried for a while, but failed and was killed. After a while, Guan Yu came out with three grapes. Cao Cao also said the same thing to him, and Guan Yu began to stuff them... When he stuffed the third grape, Guan Yu suddenly burst into laughter, and the grapes were smashed. was killed. After going down to the underworld, the King of Hell asked Guan Yu: "You are so stupid, why are you laughing? If you don't laugh, you won't die." Guan Yu sighed and said, "I don't want to either! God is jealous of the beauty! When I stuffed the third one, suddenly I saw Brother Liu walking out with a durian in his arms..." 12. Yesterday, I went to KFC to eat. The people in line behind me looked like a couple. They ordered a lot of food and then sat next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to eat voraciously, as if she had been hungry for several days, while the boy nibbled on the French fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind. Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, moved forward, and asked seriously: "Qingqing, can I chase you?" The girl didn't even raise her head and said directly: "No!" The boy asked again: "It's not possible at all. "The girl said simply: "Not at all!" The boy was stunned, looking straight at her and staying there... At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other, feeling that the boy was watching. She stopped eating, then looked at the boy with pitiful eyes, and whispered: "Then...can I still eat?" Everyone next to me, including me, laughed out loud. The boy was helpless and busy. Said: "Eat, eat..." This girl is so cute... If I don't let you chase her, I will definitely chase you... I will chase you desperately! ! ! !

Hope to adopt