An article that seeks to return everything to zero in a budding book.

The traditional Spring Festival is like a kite string pulling us children who leave home to study.

The wind has been flying for a year, and this time it has stopped. It's time for the kite to go home. Mumu and I were two kites that were taken back at the same time.

In this year, Jiang Mumu flew with me, and I watched the scenery of the earth with him, chased the sunset, jumped and fell together.

What I want to say is that Jiang Mumu is a very important person in my life. This is not only because Jiang Mumu buried his head in my wet hair on a rainy night and bit my ear with warm lips and said, "From today on, we will fly together." More reason is that whenever I fall from the original height, Jiang Mumu will hug me in time and then give me an exciting lift.

I can clearly see the arc of our flight outside the sky. On this arc, Mumu and I are more like two conjoined birds. I fly with my left wing and Jiang Mumu flies with his right wing. In fact, Mumu and I are originally one-armed birds. Jiang Mumu 1 1 lost my mother, and I suffered the death of my father when I was 6 years old. I always thought these two misfortunes were an opportunity for us to fall in love.

I seldom cry since I was with Jiang Mumu. The career in the school is also thriving. Jiang Mumu's friends all said, "Jiang Mumu, your baby died very lucky and made a smart and happy elf girlfriend." But three months ago, on my birthday, I cried my eyes out. Because Jiang Mumu wrote on my birthday card: I often think you are a sad blue kite. When we fly too high, you will be mixed with the sky. I'm afraid I can't see you. I think you will be sad to be so lonely. I don't know where Jiang Mumu's sad thoughts came from, but I often have such thoughts. I often think of the forest that flies forever in the story of teddy boy. I feel like a bird without feet, just like a punk. It flies and flies, and sleeps in the wind when it is tired. This bird can only land once in its life, when it dies.

Could it be that my melancholy affected the happy mywood? Jiang Mumu, I want to fly with you, but I don't want to see you sleeping in the wind.

Later, Jiang Mumu told me excitedly before the holiday: "I want to go home with you this Spring Festival." Jiang Mumu added, "I want to dye henna in your hometown. I want to dye your blue kite pink like Barbie. " The pink kite reminds me of my diary with a pink shell. It contains all the secrets of my hometown. The terrible thing is that Jiang Mumu knows nothing about it. Jiang Mumu, of course, didn't expect that this diary with a pink shell has the most melancholy blue title page. I even think I have to go home to take it and the pink diary with the blue title page.

Although going home is like sleeping in feathers trembling in the wind before landing, each one represents death. I agreed to Jiang Mumu's request. I don't want to disappoint Jiang Mumu, because I love Jiang Mumu. In fact, from the stormy night when Jiang Mumu held me a year ago, I knew I couldn't escape from him any more than I could escape from the past.

Jiang Mumu has been in high spirits during the trip. The hometown in the south has given Jiang Mumu, who grew up in the north, many wonderful novelties, and I have always been worried about the unknown youth in Pink Diary and Diary. Unknown youth, my unknown youth that Jiang Mumu didn't know, is the thunder that can't explode in my heart. I hurt my tentacles and retina, trying to forget it. Now I'm going to touch it and watch it with my favorite mywood. My heart is pounding, waiting for something to happen. There is always a bad feeling that I have lost my pink diary. Leave it somewhere I can't find it, and secretly watch its owner come back.

The fully enclosed highway journey will soon be over, and Hua Song's journey will be over at this moment. I am happy and worried. I had a strange feeling when I put down my travel bag and looked around. "Is this still where I grew up?" I keep asking this question in my mind, but my steps are like a string.

The way home will not change, no matter how far it is.

Jiang Mumu hummed along the way, curiously looking at the small but well-organized state-owned factories with sparrows, without the noise of the city and the lock-up of the countryside. Jiang Mumu said: This is an ideal place to grow up, and it exudes a dull atmosphere of life.

Two people greeted me one after another on the road. They blurted out my name, and their eyes were full of long-lasting joy. One of the mature men also said that when I was a child, he and I went to the food factory to steal candy. I can't hide these eyes and those memories that sound like legends. I'm getting more and more agitated and my pace is getting faster and faster. Mywood dragged two big bags and followed sadly. Looking at him, I suddenly thought of a scene I saw in a movie: Xu and these two people who had met and missed each other countless times spent a reunion night in a flat in a high-rise building with dozens of floors. The next morning, when Xu knocked at the door with a big pot of fried dough sticks and soybean milk, she found the wrong room. She ran back and forth between a dozen tall buildings, but she couldn't find a flat yesterday. She only looked at the high sky and lost herself again. Thinking of this, I looked up at the sky in my hometown disgruntled, and a group of pigeons flew silently in a jet shape.

Jiang Mumu said, I am a blue kite lost in the sky, so whether I lose my home or not, Jiang Mumu will eventually lose me sadly.

Later, I saw Mr. M, his wife and children playing in front of the fountain in the newly-built square in the distance. My head has been rumbling, and I feel that something in my body is collapsing, leaving more shocking ruins. My eyes were exhausted and I fled there. Jiang Mumu followed silently, this is a land that Jiang Mumu is not familiar with.

We finally got home. My mother showed great surprise and enthusiasm for Jiang Mumu. Jiang Mumu's reaction seems to be a very sensible boy, and his mother has been smiling happily. But mom is still much older than before. After my father left, my mother with heart disease gave me all her, and I ... my mother is my eternal guilt. This kind of complex is constantly entangled in my mind. I'm really afraid that one day my mother will let me die of guilt with death.

My room is still the same, even the curtains and sheets are pure blue. Jiang Mumu said the room was too small and the windows were in the wrong position. He also said there was a lack of sunshine and flowers in the room. It is such a room that once became my boarding place to escape from everything and a paradise for my lonely soul. I once loved this room so piteously that ten thousand mummies could not understand it. In a word, after listening to Jiang Mumu's long speech, I won't make any changes to it.

The alarm clock on the wall of the room startled Mumu. It's a strange alarm clock, which will ring intensively every hour, and then a little man will come out of a small door on the alarm clock and say, "Great cause is waiting for you."

"Great cause, great things ..." Jiang Mumu laughed.

"At that time, there was only one major event for me-reading, which was ridiculous."

"In fact, the great should be the alarm clock itself. You see, the clock that keeps walking ... "

"What you said is time."

"Yes, it is time, eternal time, great time."

"Good times ..." I thought deeply. I tried to use great time to forget my obscure high school, forget Mr. M, and forget the night of my father's accident, but time just joked with me with "indelible". When I saw Mr. M again today, I couldn't hide my panic. I dare say what strength I have to compete with this great era?

Jiang Mumu rummaged through the gadgets on my desk one by one, and fragmentary memories came at me again, until my mother came into the room and patted me on the head and said, "Let Jiang Mumu sleep here, and you sleep with your mother." "No, I want to sleep in my room." Because I remember the pink diary, I know it is in my room, and I want to find it tonight. My mother couldn't beat me, so she had to make Jiang Mumu a small bed that looked very warm. Jiang Mumu fell asleep quickly under the gentle enthusiasm of her aunt.

I still lit the lamp and started looking for my pink diary. For a long time, I didn't find it.

The night at home is very quiet, and I don't know if I was dreaming later.

I heard the air hissing and scraping, and I heard shrill and hoarse sobs and shouts from the second drawer on the table. It's the diary with a pink shell. It is swaying, and the dust is getting heavier and heavier with the years. It climbed out of the drawer, onto the desk and stuck its head out of the window in front of the desk. I gave a scream and it fell headlong. The flying paper swayed and fell into the darkness. I woke up in this cry and my whole body was soaked with sweat or tears. I turned on the light and saw that the window of my desk was really half open. I looked down from the fifth floor window and it was as dark as an abyss. I seem to hear my diary shouting in that abyss: "Why do you always want to abandon me!" " I remembered a sentence I wrote in my diary: "I am really scared, afraid to open it, afraid to see my eye-catching scar, and afraid to get hurt." I sometimes think I can burn it and bury it under the buttonwood tree in grandma's yard. There used to be a kitten I like buried there. In fact, I hope it will climb to the window and commit a wonderful suicide on a night when I talk in my sleep. "

The next day, at dawn, I ran downstairs to look for the window. It's a white cement floor, but there is no paper at all.

I know that even if everything in my hometown becomes speechless, that pink diary will tell all the secrets. These secrets are meaningless today, only I care. I feel cold and wet, like falling into an ice room.

I even thought about who took it, mom, Jiang Mumu and Mr. M.

three

In the days near the Spring Festival, my facial expressions and smiles belong to others, and my relatives are sitting in a crowded space, smoking and drinking desperately. Jiang Mumu and I, like all young couples who meet our elders for the first time, strive to be easy-going and obedient, hide our unpleasant corners and bullshit, make our elders think that we are a polite, modest and shy couple, and finally win their praise as a match. I hate listening to these words, and neither do I.

So the day before the Lunar New Year, that is, the third day after my pink diary committed suicide, Jiang Mumu and I left my home. From that day on, I heard my diary start talking in a corner.

Jiang Mumu said he would visit my school, and we did, riding my old bike. The holiday campus is as cold as a temple. The wheels of the old bicycle have been pressing the dead leaves for a long time, and the softness and tenacity of rustling caress my memory, just like a group of noisy girls leaving and boys jingling away. These footprints tried again and again to bring me to the open window of the world and drive away the rejection and inferiority that occupied all my heart at that time, but I hesitated after all.

I began to complain about the difficulty of the road and the stagnation of the wheels, and threw my old bike to the nearby mywood. Jiang Mumu stepped on the car and flew out like an arrow. Flying leaves pounced on my face with dust.

I stood there staring blankly at the bike that belongs here and the mywood that doesn't belong here. Familiar strangeness and intimate alienation.

When the light blue teaching building approached, the blue sadness began to bite in my heart in turn. That's when my pink notebook began to speak, and its voice seemed to come from the past. It says:

"My high school life is unclear and my image is blurred. A day that is more boring than boring, a blank day, and even clues can't be found. What else have I done besides killing insects?

There is only one deep feeling, that is, sitting in the tallest classroom in the light blue teaching building every day. There is a splicing glass in the upper right corner of the first window on the left side of this classroom. The sunlight passed through it, and it became particularly strong, just shining on my desk and the itchy pimples on my face. I can clearly see the floating dust and small flying insects inside. I always catch the little flying insect gently and put it on the table to kill it slowly.

Today, Mr. M called me to my office. He said that I always don't listen to lectures and do some strange tricks. He also said that the color of the highlighter on my homework made his nose sour, but I like its flicker and excitement.

When Mr. M was talking, I kept staring at his slender fingers ... "

I suddenly burped when I said this in my diary, or I didn't want to talk anymore.

"Jiang Mumu, let's go. This is not an interesting campus."

"I just saw the table tennis table in the right corner of your playground. That's a beautiful table. "

The day I met Jiang Mumu, he was sweating profusely on the table tennis table in the university gymnasium. A golden ball drew a wonderful arc and landed at my feet like a meteor. ...

On the way out of my alma mater, I kept thinking about Mr. M or if it weren't for Mr. M, I wouldn't have come to this school that made me almost desperate. Along the way, I carefully picked up the ruins that collapsed a few days ago, and my pink diary helped me. It said that Mr. M's rainbow eyes never left me, and it also said, "My pale high school life hangs on Mr. M's finger holding a pen, like a vegetable in the morning market, flexible and slender." I watched them calculate the output and power. It was all like a beautiful dance. My friends talk to me less and less, even my best friend Ayi occasionally says a few words. I am completely lost in a world where only Mr. M and I dance. I think this is simply an outstanding pantomime. Teacher m was involved for no reason. Every time he looks at me, he is regarded as an interested look and a heartfelt concern. Although he does this to every classmate, I stubbornly believe that only I care about these fleeting eyes. If one day I can't see them, I will be restless and feel inferior and blame myself. I don't know if this feeling is called love ... "

The Pink Diary always talks about Teacher M intermittently. I know this is because the story itself is like Shunji Iwai's wandering lens and incomplete youth under the lens.

I don't want my youth to be as dazzling and cruel as Shunji Iwai. I try to remember the help given by Mr. M with a normal mind. At least one thing excites me is that you can learn a purely rational natural science so emotionally, just as Newton suffered such a poetic blow before writing the law of gravity. I dare say that even Jiang Mumu, who has always claimed "the beauty of mathematics", is not half as good as I was then.

"Jiang Mumu, have you ever heard of a physical poet?"

"Do you mean Einstein's beard or his fascinating theory of relativity?"

"Jiang Mumu, can you understand that when I used to do physics problems, I always felt that I was writing poetry?"

"That, to write a poem must be like this:

The two of us sat at the ends of the big magnet,

There is a force that has been trying to separate us,

but

Although we are close at hand.

But never touch each other. "

"Jiang Mumu, you are really a poor poet."

"Who let me be high flyers of the physics department? Oh, you said that your physics teacher's name is M, and she wears sunglasses and looks like a blind mantis. "

"Jiang Mumu, that was just a joke."

Yes, that was just a joke. I have many cold jokes. This is my way of talking about the past. Because I know that it is the coldest joke, and the blackest humor will make people's corners of the mouth tilt up and show innocent smirk, which has saved me from the desperate situation of cold memories many times.

Jiang Mumu will laugh at these jokes, but Jiang Mumu will say after laughing, "Your spirit of Ah Q is really good."

Many times, if Jiang Mumu hadn't reminded me, I would have fallen into the self-forgiveness and self-comfort of Ah Q's spirit. Although I gradually erected a brand-new image in front of new friends in this way, I still exercised my eyes enthusiastically in front of the mirror. I always say to people: I am happy, even if I am not happy, I will not be sad. But this is not a good idea. I have been biting this spiritual finger painfully, protecting a new image as fragile as porcelain, and I am puzzled to know whether Jiang Mumu is in love with me or just this image.

In fact, I should have known that I fooled everyone, but I also fooled Jiang Mumu, the purest and kindest Jiang Mumu.

I should understand, because Jiang Mumu said I was a sad blue kite.

If I continue on this campus, I will only get more and more sad. I took Mumu to a place called Maoshitan. I forgot to tell Mumu that my family lived by the Yangtze River when I was a child. It was really a happy childhood of piling sand barefoot, but such days are long gone with the death of my father. It's hard to grasp the feeling of standing by the river with Jiang Mumu today. I have to ask Jiang Mumu again and again, "Is it beautiful here?"

Jiang Mumu's answer made me a little disappointed. He said, "If the Three Gorges is the most steep and majestic throat and heart of the Yangtze River, it is just a small intestine." Jiang Mumu, a cheerful child, grew up in a coastal city with beautiful beaches. My only real freedom and happiness was spent in this rocky beach called "the small intestine of the Yangtze River" by Jiang Mumu.

But, Jiang Mumu, you know, before I left home, I came here every day, pulled up those new and dried-up princesses, tied them into knots that my father taught me, and then threw them into the whirlpool of the river one by one.

Do you know, Jiang Mumu, when I came home last year, I stood on the highest stone in Cat Rock Beach, looked at the whirlpool covered with prince grass and shouted: Jiang Mumu, let's fly together, let's fly together, Jiang Mumu.

My pink diary says a lot more. Can you hear Jiang Mumu? It said, "I have deep feelings for every vortex in the Yangtze River. I clearly remember them and know which vortex has been thrown into how many princesses. " Dad, I put my thoughts on you in two knotted prince grasses and let the whirlpool bring you. Dad, do you remember when I was a child, I could see my mother drying clothes on the balcony at home on this cat stone beach. At that time, there was always so much prince grass and so green. Why do you always win when you beat the grass prince? Mom is sick today. After you left, my mother and I always got sick for no reason, just like there was not as much Prince Edward grass here for no reason, and it used to be green. "Jiang Mumu, I want you to know that if dad is still here, he will like you, and he will call you boy casually, but he will take his little daughter's hand and give it to you carefully, and then look at you for a long time with eyes that only men can read. I must have been as stupid as a stone.

I shed a lot of tears, all of which were dried by the cold wind before the spring, and my face was stretched like ice. I didn't expect to say so many touching words to Jiang Mumu, but I just looked at Jiang Mumu coldly. The distance between us is getting farther and farther, just like the "small intestine of the Yangtze River" in my favorite place.

four

There is no New Year's Eve this Spring Festival, and tomorrow will be 2003. Everyone is waiting for the New Year bell to ring in their own way. This afternoon, my indifference to Jiang Mumu made me very uneasy, and Jiang Mumu looked worried. My mother is making coffee in the kitchen, actively preparing for the Spring Festival Gala which ends at midnight. Finally, a song on TV made us talk about "happiness", which is a difficult topic for me. In the end, I will only argue.

My pink diary helps me a lot. It said: "My study has reached an uncontrollable state. I must indulge myself. When I fell down, I didn't expect that I accidentally realized something I called happiness. For example, wayward happiness, such as the happiness of chasing M eyes, and the happiness of being in a daze ... "

I asked Jiang Mumu, "Have you ever heard the saying that the happier you are, the more depraved you are?"

"That's the name of a movie. Chingmy Yau is very beautiful. "

"Degeneration" is a cool word, which was very popular in our high school, just like we like to say "depression" today. "

"Those who often say that word are good students. They thought about the new Hollywood movie in the toilet for a while, and they were called depravity. "

"This is their way of protecting themselves. They have created a mysterious smog for themselves, which makes us feel how happy they are in learning this formal road. "

"Do you think they are really happy?"

"Jiang Mumu, if this is my happiness, I'd rather be as stupid as Takeshi Kaneshiro who eats canned pineapple."

"You mean fallen angels. I know you like that movie. "

Yes, for a long time, I sat in front of the TV late at night and watched it over and over again. The scene of Takeshi Kaneshiro eating candle ice cream has been lingering in my later life. I have described its beauty in front of Jiang Mumu many times, and Jiang Mumu couldn't bear to look at my silent expression. Then I bought two big taro ice creams along the way and lit two candles in the middle.

The dark little garden where we ate ice cream together was once peeped. Because we look like two big fireflies. When eating ice cream, Jiang Mumu asked me, "If a person is too depraved, will he become an angel?"

Looking at his innocent eyes with ice cream on his mouth, I said, "Angels have fallen to heaven."

After eating the ice cream, Jiang Mumu said something that moved me very much.

The new year's bell is about to ring, and the great time has brought back the inexplicable distance between us this afternoon. I was intoxicated by My Sweetie's ice cream-like satisfaction. I hope that after the bell rings, there is no past.

There is no past, only the future. I lied to myself again and again.

I didn't expect Jiang Mumu to see through my scam just before the bell rang.

Jiang Mumu said, "Before you enter the new year, you should take a frank look at the road you have traveled. The past is your best wealth, and you should not avoid them. "

"What am I running from?"

"In your past, after you came back, you have been avoiding, avoiding the school you don't like, and avoiding the teacher M you like. My aunt said that you asked her to help you cancel the reunion, and you should go back to them. "

"Mywood, why do you say these things? I really don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about it ..."

"You are just afraid of revealing your truth, that is, what scares you makes you finally surrender."

"Mumu, stop ..." My heart is as messy as snow. I pushed mywood away with my hand. I don't know how Mumu knows all this. I even thought Mumu must have taken my pink diary. He saw all the secrets. I also think Jiang Mumu doesn't love me. His silence and anxiety these days are just to give me a fatal blow when the New Year bell rings.

But why did he say that he would dye my sad blue kite pink?

I started to run outside, and my mother standing at the door looked at me anxiously and helplessly. I vaguely understand that my mother told Jiang Mumu everything, because my mother likes Jiang Mumu's sincerity, but mom, do you know me? I love Jiang Mumu, I love you, and I love Miss M. In order not to lose you, I ran away from the cowardly, melancholy and selfish me in the past.

My heart is in a state of extreme confusion. I ran downstairs, and Jiang Mumu chased me after me until I fell heavily in front of the street lamp downstairs. The light of the street lamp was in a small place and my pink diary was left there. I sat in that small place and looked at Jiang Mumu angrily, as if he had stolen my pink notebook. I finally shouted, "Look, I'm totally different from what you imagined. Go, I don't want to see you again. "

The street lamp suddenly went out, and the darkness swallowed up my space with him.

"I'm leaving," Jiang Mumu said in the dark. I saw that his eyes were too heavy to hide. I can see them even in the dark.

Jiang Mumu really left that night, and there was no light at all.

After he left, the bell rang for the first time in 2003, and there were cheers from others everywhere. I was very lonely. Only what Jiang Mumu said after eating ice cream deeply touched me and echoed in my ears.

He said: If he becomes an angel, he will fall from the tallest building in Chengdu with dozens of pounds of paradise ice cream and come back to me.

A cold tear hung on my face and lit up everything around me. I saw my pink diary was taken away by a blue kite.

Or I saw my destiny this evening, that is, the blue kite and the pink diary.