Funny good morning greetings humorous jokes

The four masters and disciples of Tang Seng were eating when suddenly, "Boom!" A loud noise startled everyone. Tang Seng looked up, pointed at the broken stones for road construction at the foot of the mountain, and said: "Wukong" , It seems that your mother has given birth to a second child.

Cao Cao brought his son Cao Chong to visit Liu Bei. Cao Cao walked to the door and shouted: "Cao Cao is here to visit with his young son!" Liu Bei: "Come here." What kind of fruit should I bring?

A girl had a four-leaf clover tattooed on her body. Later, she gained weight, so the four-leaf clover turned into an electric fan.

A classmate passed by On my birthday, when I was paying for a birthday gift online, I deliberately told the store to write me a note, happy birthday! When my friend received the birthday gift, he asked me specifically, why was there a note in the gift? Happy birthday to Zhang!?

I went to buy fish early in the morning, but unexpectedly I got into a fight with the boss over the price. During the scuffle, he grabbed the frozen fish and beat me violently. I was instantly blinded. At that moment, I didn’t know anything. , I just felt the cold ice fish slapped randomly on my face...

I asked a kid to dance, and he said weakly: "I can't". He said, "Boys, you should be more confident and bold." But he shouted arrogantly, "I don't know how."

When I was in elementary school, I received the award for the three best students in the school for the first time. The head teacher told me to be respectful and respectful. I had to be polite, and when the principal gave me the certificate, I kowtowed three times to the principal.

The class was very noisy during class, and the teacher yelled angrily: "Stop talking!!" !? Then my deskmate replied in a daze: Kiss me!? At that time, the whole class burst into laughter.

Why were women not allowed to be officials in ancient times? Because every time the prisoner said to her: Sir, listen. I said it! It will come~ ?I won’t listen, I won’t listen!?

I wanted to eat instant noodles on the train, so I took the seasoning bag and swung it around. If I wasn’t careful, it would fly away. After going out, I took a closer look and saw a man with a hair full of spices turned around and said leisurely: Girl, you are trying to pick me up.

Go to Huang Guanzhong’s Weibo. I personally gave him a review: I really like your Journey to the West

Yesterday, I took the elevator and an old man came in holding a rope. I thought I had encountered a supernatural event. The old man turned around and said, Damn it, where’s my dog?

I remember my junior high school teacher wrote a semi-propositional composition, "?Pressure" or "Pressure?" We all wrote "The pressure of growing up", "The pressure of exams" or "Under pressure" "We" Only a unique genius in our class wrote an explanatory essay "Pressure Cooker"

A friend said: What happened in 1982? Grape massacre? Why are there so many Lafite in 1982?< /p>

When I got out of the taxi, I found that my phone had fallen out of the car. I chased it for a long time in the rain and yelled: Master, wait a minute, Master, wait a minute! At this time, the master stopped the car and found the phone in his hand. , so he said to the master: It’s raining and the road is slippery. Please drive slowly. Master:

One day I went to the balcony to dry the clothes and heard the little loli next door singing: The windmill is whirring. Damn it’s so pretty

The kid downstairs in my house has been singing Lu Binghua all the time lately. I just suddenly heard him singing again: ? Stars in the sky. I had an idea and shouted: ? Join the Beidou!? That little kid hasn’t found the callback yet!

It was convenient downstairs just now When I was shopping at the store and paying the bill, the boss was humming the theme song of Where Are We Going, Dad while collecting money and change? He sang like this: There is a cool guy in my family who is invulnerable with three heads and six arms. His palms are a little thick and he led me to learn to walk. Then I finished the knot and turned to leave, and he continued to sing: Thank you for visiting my canteen?

? Bring up my cup. I think you should use the word "please" to bring up my cup?

I went to the drugstore to buy medicine. I saw an electronic scale at the door, so I went up and weighed myself to see if I had gained weight recently. But after I stood up, the light on the display did not light up and the numbers did not show up. I suddenly became nervous. Am I so fat that I couldn’t detect the overweight? Then a faint voice came from the store: Girl, why are you stepping on our induction cooker? ?

Today, the physics teacher taught a paper. Because the class foundation was very good, he taught it very fast. It took a long time to finish the lecture. After that, the physics teacher said: "It's so boring. Why don't I teach you Let’s talk about the chemistry paper together. ?Then I really talked about a chemistry paper.

. . Later, the chemistry teacher came to class in the afternoon and screamed when he heard about this? He is crazy!!!

I went shopping today and had to urinate urgently. I went to the public toilet. The male ticket was waiting outside and wanted to tease him. I sent him a message. I received a message: Husband, my phone has crashed, what should I do? The man replied: Could it be that shit sent me this message? . . ?

?I did it, you can do whatever you want? The shirts and coats hung on the balcony to dry said: My fat cells usually provide them with good food and drink, but when the weather gets cold, they pretend not to understand and refuse to burn them for me. Heating, my heart is so cold, and I have raised a group of white-eyed wolves

It snowed heavily in a certain place today. The reporter interviewed the residents, "Auntie, what impact do you think this weather has brought to you? If it has a big impact, first of all you have to See clearly, I am your uncle?

In the Chinese class today, the teacher was going to take dictation. When he wrote about "embarrassed and committed adultery", I didn't know how to write the word "embarrassed", so I wanted to take a look at my deskmate. Who knew What he wrote was about a wolf being raped?

Today I met a century-old man downstairs. Seeing him sitting there alone, I went up and asked: "Uncle, why don't you go and talk to the door?" Those uncles went to play chess? But the uncle said: What fun is there with those sixty or seventy-year-old brats!?

Son, don’t forget your mother when you marry a daughter-in-law? Mom, you Don’t worry, I will continue to be a mother?

When I was in high school, dating was prohibited in the school. The class teacher held class meetings every day to emphasize that. One time, while he was talking, he suddenly walked to the door, closed the door, and then said A sentence I will never forget in my life: behind closed doors, we are a family. If you fall in love again, it will be incest! Incest? Incest?

Today there is a new colleague. He greeted me politely: "Hello, my surname is Ma, a horse that sees cattle and sheep in the wind." Damn it, isn’t this a challenge to me, I said: Ah, hello, my surname is Bai, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, Bai.

Liu Yiyang: Wife, we are moving soon. Don’t call me Liu Yiyang from now on. Tong Jiaqian: Husband, what will I call you from now on? Liu Yiyang: From now on I will be Yiyang Migration

I heard that China is going to relax its two-child policy, and all the cows in Australia can’t help but feel their nipples tighten?

We have become the only generation of only children in Chinese history. From now on, we will have four parents, two children, and four grandchildren for them.

At this time, the two-child policy is relaxed. After a month, they are all Virgos