"There are many jokes that can make girls laugh, you know? The more the better! "

One day, the biology teacher asked, "What bear has no tail?"

A student said, "koala."

The teacher asked, "What is a bear without a neck?"

A student said, "A bear without a neck."

The teacher asked again, "What is a bear without a penis?"

A student replied, "There are no birds or bears."

Teacher: "Wrong!"

A student replied, "Well, there are no chickens or bears."

Teacher: "Wrong! Alas ..... It's a female bear! ... today's children ... "

2. A student went to see a doctor. The doctor checked and said, "It doesn't matter, just an injection."

The doctor wiped the students' arms with cotton wool three or four times.

Thinking that he was seriously ill, the student asked anxiously, "Doctor, is the problem serious?"

The doctor said seriously, "classmate, it's time for you to take a bath."

The commander ordered everyone to report to the opposite mountain. ...

The first person is late. He said, report to the captain! I ride a bike, and my bike is broken. I changed my car and it broke down. I rode a horse and it died. I'm leaving!

The second person was late, too. He said, report to the captain! I ride a bike, and my bike is broken. I changed my car and it broke down. I rode a horse and it died. I'm leaving!

The third man was late, too. He said, Report to the captain! I ride a bike, and my bike is broken. I changed my car and it broke down. I rode a horse and it died. I'm leaving!

The fourth man came up and said, report to the captain! I ride a bike. My bike is broken. I change trains. ...

Before he finished, the commander shouted loudly, "Don't tell me that the car is broken and you ride a horse. Come here if the horse dies!" "

The fourth person who was late said, report to the captain! No, there are too many dead horses on the road to drive. ...

4. In a dormitory of Shenzhen University, classmate A is playing StarCraft, and Huawei recruiter B walks into the dormitory.

B: Hello, classmate. I'm from Shenzhen Huawei. This is the introduction of our company. Can you take a moment to look at it?

Can't you see I'm busy?

(b waits for a while ...)

Look around, classmate. Our company pays well ~

I don't study very well. I failed several courses!

B: That's all right. We guarantee that you can all pass the make-up exam and get your diploma ~

A: I failed Band 4!

B: That's all right. We are sure that you can pass the graduation smoothly ~

Classmate A had no choice but to sign the contract because it didn't affect playing games. . .

The company organized a trip to Huangshan Mountain. Passing a toilet, my colleague wants to go in and have a rest. It happened that several foreigners followed him. I hadn't waited outside for half a minute when my colleagues ran out in a panic.

"So soon?"

The colleague replied with a sad face: "Alas, I really can't get away!" Avoid first, avoid first ... "

6. A novice went to collect usury. He took out the IOU, smiled and said, It's written clearly in black and white. You owe my boss 1 10,000! Do you want to default? !

People really don't have that much money, he threatened: hum! Don't blame me for not reminding you! If you can't pay it back tomorrow, your house will be just like it-he took out his lighter and burned the loan. ...

7. In order to prove that spiders' hearing is on their feet, a graduate student of a university did the following comparative experiments:

1) college students put a spider on the experimental platform, and then shouted at the spider, and the spider scared away!

2) After that, the college students caught the poor spider back, put it on the experimental platform, and cut off all the spider's feet!

He yelled at the spider again, and the spider stopped moving!

This proves that the spider's hearing is on the foot!

8. There is a new kind of wine in the bar. In order to attract customers, a sign was set up at the door, which read: whoever drinks a bottle of our new wine and can complete our three tasks will drink it for free in our store for one month!

An alcoholic tried it, and a bottle of it staggered and asked the boss what his task was. The boss said to him:

1) Skip a brazier we gave you.

2) Pull out a bad tooth for the hippo in the opposite zoo.

3) Meet all the requirements of a widow on the fourth floor next door.

So the drunkard started to do it.

He jumped over the brazier easily.

Then I went to the zoo and went to the hippo. The bar owner stood at the door waiting for him, only to hear a scream from the hippo inside. The boss thought: this guy is really good!

After a while, the drunk came out drunk. He asked the boss: Where is the woman who wants to have her teeth pulled out?

9. There was a child whose head looked like a brick, and all his classmates laughed at him! He went back and asked his mother, "Is my head a brick?" Mom said you should go to the well and have a look! So the child came to the well, put his head in and heard someone shouting below: "Don't throw bricks at the people above!" " "

10. The teacher said, "The pig is a very useful animal. Its meat can be eaten, its skin can be made into leather, and its hair can be made into brushes. Now who can say that it has other uses? "

"Teacher," a student stood up and answered, "its name can call names!"

1 1. One day, a professor suddenly stopped teaching and said to everyone earnestly:

If you sit in the middle and chat, you can be like a male classmate sitting in the back playing cards.

If it's so quiet, then the girl who sleeps in front won't be disturbed.

12. A student has had a crush on his teacher for a long time. One day, he finally got up the courage to confess to the teacher. The teacher kept telling him that he was wrong and so on, but the student was stubborn and refused to listen. He also said that love is regardless of age, and finally the teacher couldn't stand it.

He said, "I don't want children! 』

I saw the pupils' satisfied smiles and said, "Teacher, I will be very careful!" " ! ? "

13. One day, Xiaoming came to visit his future mother-in-law. Mother-in-law: "Sit anywhere, the food is almost ready!" " "Then I went into the kitchen and began to get busy. At this time, only nervous Xiao Ming and his mother-in-law's dog Xiao Bai were left in the living room.

Suddenly, Xiao Ming found a sharp pain in his stomach. He thought, no! I must hold back! But he couldn't help it, poof! He farted invincible, and he thought, this is a dead man, and he will be driven out! Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law just shouted "Little White!" Xiaoming thought with relief: Fortunately, Xiaobai is my scapegoat.

Then he couldn't help farting for the second time, but his mother-in-law shouted "Xiao Bai!" " "

When he farted for the third time, he saw his mother-in-law rush out and shout, "Little White! You don't want to run until you stink, do you? ! "

14. One morning, firecrackers sounded, and I don't know who opened a small cinema. On the first day, a movie was shown. The advertisement read "The Story of Seven Men and One Woman" with a caption: A beautiful woman fainted for no reason, and seven men were forcibly dragged into the forest; Waiting for the beauty ... everyone felt very attractive and bought tickets one by one. When the movie was shown, Snow White appeared on the big screen, and everyone left in a rage.

The next day, everyone passed by the small cinema again and saw that the advertisement had changed. The advertisement tells the story of seven men and one woman, and explains that it is like the ecstasy of a beautiful boys and seven men for several days (by no means Snow White). This time, everyone felt more attractive than last time, and it was not Snow White, so they bought tickets to enter. As a result, the words "Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea" appeared on the big screen! ! !

15. Two students with poor grades came together after the exam.

"Jack, how did you do in the exam?"

"Nothing, I handed in a blank sheet of paper. What about you, Siri? "

"Hey, me too!"

"How is that possible? People will say that we are cheating. "

16. Every time my mother comes into my room without knocking, I will shout to her, "I didn't masturbate!" In case she gets the wrong idea.

17, "I love you. Do you love me or not? I don't want to force you. If you don't love me, I can only let go. " -I, on the edge of the cliff, said to the dream lover who grabbed my hand and hung by a thread.

18, the most embarrassing thing is that someone greets you, and then you can't remember the other person's name, and then you are ashamed, and then you become angry from embarrassment, and then you beat him to death with a brick and buried him in the flower bed behind his house, and then you were suspected by the police, searched your room, and then you found a lot of pornographic books.

19, I hate people who only say half, because ...

The symptoms of mental disorder are: repeating what you said over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, over and over again.

20.a: "You look familiar" B: "I don't like showing my face. Have you seen me on the Weibo? " A: "No" B: "Was it robbed in 2009?"

2 1, gravitation was first discovered by a Hainanese in China, 200 years earlier than in Europe. Not as famous as Newton, because he enjoyed the cool under a coconut tree, and a coconut fell and hit him badly, and he lost his language ability.

22. When your wife asks you "Have you been drinking again", "No!" Is the correct answer. "no! Hehehe, hehehe, hee hee "is the wrong answer.