The script, lines and words of the comic dialogue Thief.

Strange story: It happened on a dark night. It's windy and dark ... Private: I really reached out ... I can't see the ticket! Qi Zhi: I only heard a "click". Private: What's wrong? Qizhi: A soldier who blew up a mine: I was scared and rolled away. Qi Zhi: I watched Brush … Private: What's the matter? Qizhi: Lightning that lasts for seven and a half minutes. Soldier: What boring lightning. Not that long. Curiosity: I heard "Hua …" Soldier: What's the matter? Curiosity: It was raining cats and dogs. Soldier: Ah, this is a great opportunity for me. Curiosity: The sound of "Woohoo ..." came from a distance. Soldier: Oh, the police are coming! Qizhi: Oh, it's an ambulance. Soldier: I warned you about the ambulance driver. I hate this sound! Qizhi: There are some barking dogs in the yard. "Whoops …" Private: What kind of dog is this ~ Qizhi: This is our domestic German shepherd ... I always feel my left eyelid jumping these days. Private: My left eye is jumping for money. Curiosity: It sometimes jumps on the right eyelid. Private: The right eye jumped. Qizhi: It's strange, it's jumping with double eyelids! Soldier: I'm afraid this is a precursor to a stroke! Qizhi: No, why did the power suddenly go out? Soldier: Hey, I cut the wire. Qizhi: Where is my mobile phone? Soldier: I cut off the phone. Qizhi: Why didn't my German shepherd bark? Private: I cut the German shepherd. Qizhi: I have to go out and have a look. Soldier: I'll cut you if you come out! Qizhi: No, something happened tonight. I must take strict precautions (imitate the sound of opening doors, unlocking and locking). Private: Hum, I have been staring at him for more than a month ... Hum, I designed this anti-theft lock (imitating the sound of unlocking). Qizhi: (imitating the sound of the door bouncing back) Private: (hit by the door, coughing) Ouch, this is called eating something black and not saying anything. ? ..... (continues to wave his arms back and forth) What a false alarm. Nobody! Soldier: No one, no one, no one, no one ... Qizhi: Our house is so big! Private: such a big echo, such a big echo, such a big echo, such a big echo ... Qizhi: I'm leaving! Soldier: You go, you go, you go, you go, you go ... Qizhi: I'll go! ! ! ! Soldier: You go (furious), you go, you go, you go, you go ... Qi Zhi: Isn't this a ghost? (imitating the sound of opening the door, unlocking and locking) Private: Hum, I scared him away. Listen, I'll glance at him ... when he touches the wall ... this man is really rich ... the walls are soft. It's like a safe ... (imitating the sound of opening a password) ... passbook ... Hong Kong dollars ... fake tickets ... wonder: (cooperating with the thief's actions, imitating the sound of opening a safe ... imitating the sound of many metals falling to the ground) Private: gold bars ... silver bars ... copper bars ... fried dough sticks ... I regret it, why not bring a sack? Personal: ... where are my clothes ... I left them here. It's impossible! Is there a thief? ..... Qizhi: No thieves. Private: No thieves. Where are my clothes? ! Qizhi: You are a thief! (imitating the sound of turning on the light) Bang! Soldier: Ouch! Which one turned on the light! ? Qizhi: I turned on the light. Private: I cut it. Qizhi: I used an emergency light. Well, you've been staring at me for a month. Let's meet this time ... Yo, you're stealing. Private: Uncle ... Kai Zhi: Huh? Private: Uncle ... Qizhi: It's no use calling this soldier grandpa ... Qizhi: Call me old! Private: brother-in-law ... Qizhi: Hey! Who is your brother-in-law? Soldier: I have a sister, and she will definitely marry you ... Qizhi: What about my wife? Private: She has a big room, and I am the second room. Qi Zhi: What Fannie and Freddie! Stop! Soldier: Hey! Qizhi: Attention! At ease. It looks like an old sparrow. I have a mobile phone here ... Private: Ouch, brother-in-law ... Qizhi: Hey! 1 10? I'm a brother-in-law, huh? I'm section chief Yang! Private: Well, Director Yang. Qizhi: There are thieves in our house! I got it all! Private: Oh, so a thief, what's the trap? ..... Qizhi: It's none of your business! Oh, right away? The sooner the better! 1 10 Come and tell the police uncle. Private: Director Yang. Qizhi: Huh? Private: I can't help it. Qizhi: Hmm. Private: I have a 18-year-old mother and an 80-year-old son and daughter. Qizhi: Is there something wrong with your family? Soldier: I want to be a worker. I have no skills. Qizhi: Oh. Soldier: Be a farmer. I'm afraid of being tired. I'm going to set up a betel nut stand. Not enough for me to eat. Qizhi: You are just lazy. Private: I want to open a goldsmith shop. I'm out of stock. Qizhi: What would you do? Soldier: I thought every household bought some goods. Qizhi: This is stealing! Soldier: Steal him quickly! Qizhi: robbing a bank is faster! ! Soldier: That was a quick death ... Qizhi: Bang! Private: Huh? Qizhi: Hurry up! Private: Huh? Qizhi: Give me something! Private: OK, OK, this 600,000 passbook ... you really have money. What money? Soldier: Forty-eight gold rings ... Qizhi: Hehe ... Soldier: You can't bring all your anklets. Qizhi: I am an earring. Soldier: sixty gold necklaces ... how can you make such a big fortune as a small section chief? Qizhi: How can I make money? I often walk by the river without getting my shoes wet. I have to wash my feet because my shoes are wet. Since washing my feet, I will take a shower. The more I wash, the more sloppy I get ... Soldier: Did you make a fortune? Qizhi: How to make money, little public servant, old ox ... Private: You are a big bullpen. Qizhi: Hey? Am I judging you or are you judging me? Private: Attention! At ease! You look like an old sparrow! Director Yang! Yang Da, a corrupt criminal! Are you still talking to me? 1 10 will be here soon, and I will contribute if I expose you! I made you ... um ... Qizhi: Don't forget that you are a thief! Soldier: You are not good either! I can take it out in two days ... Qizhi: Then I can't get out if I go in! Oh, help! Brother in law! Soldier: Which brother-in-law do you call? Qizhi: I call you brother-in-law ... I have a sister who will definitely marry you. Private: Bah! Qizhi: You always spit, don't pay attention to hygiene, fine! Let me tell you something. Soldier: How can your sister marry me when you are so old? Qizhi: Brother-in-law, please, I'm just a small official. Rub some sesame oil, eat some sesame paste and drink some sesame paste! I beg you, don't wake my door when the police come, so I won't call you a thief. Do both and it's over. Private: What do you mean? Qizhi: At that time, you could say that you were my brother-in-law ... Soldier: How could I be your brother-in-law! Qizhi: Then I am your brother-in-law! Private: Bah! Qizhi: Why do you always spit! All right. Soldier: I am your father! Qizhi: How can I have such a young father? Soldier: Recognize the thief as the father. Qizhi: Just say we are twins, and that's it! Soldier: We are so far apart, how can we be twins! ? Qizhi: Uncle policeman, we are just freaks who don't look alike! Hehehe. . . Family, a misunderstanding, it's okay! Bye. Soldier: And then what? Qizhi: The police uncle left. Soldier: And then what? Qizhi: Then you left. Soldier: And then what? Qizhi: I ran away ... Private: Watch out! Qizhi: What? Soldier: What should I do if you run away? Qizhi: What do you mean ... Soldier: Thieves don't leave empty! Qizhi: Huh? Soldier: You go door to door. Qizhi: Huh? Soldier: 19. Qizhi: OK, this is 10%. Soldier: Are you crazy? Qizhi: Huh? Soldier: I am one in nine. Qizhi: Are you nine plus one? Private: Huh? Qizhi: I have worked hard for decades just to let you sneak to the front of liberation! Private: Give it or not? Qizhi: No! Private: No, 1 10! Qizhi: Hehe ... (covering the soldier's mouth) ... half! Private: A lot? Qizhi: Half! Soldier: That's right. Get the money quickly! Qizhi: No, I'll give you money, but you can still wake me up. Private: Oh, don't worry. I am an old sparrow in Dongting Lake. I have seen the wind. Qizhi: Then let's practice again. Soldier: How to practice? You're a problem! Qizhi: I am a policeman now. You! Private: Huh? Qizhi: What do you do? Private: oh, the government and cadres, oh, I am wronged ... Qizhi: You haven't tried yet. Why are you crying? Private: Oh, I'm used to hearing strange stories: old sparrows. You! Private: Huh? Qizhi: What does it have to do with him? Soldier: I'm his father ... ahhh ... he's my father ... no, no, no. We are twins ... Qizhi: Twins? Why is he so old? Private: Him? Qizhi: Hmm! Private: He is precocious ... He took the wrong medicine ... Qizhi: You took the wrong medicine. Why are you so ugly? Private: I have occupational diseases. Qizhi: What occupation? Soldier: This is the eye of a mouse. Qizhi: What are you doing here? Private: I'm here to purchase goods. Qizhi: What's in it? Private: not 600,000 passbooks, 48 gold rings, 60 gold necklaces ... Qizhi: OK! You told me, soldier: I remember, he stole one of my clothes!