Jokes told when chasing girls ....

Complete works of cold jokes to tell when chasing girls

A butterfly broke its wing, but it flew away. Why? …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There is a Grenade. One day, after eating, it cleaned its teeth. Suddenly, it found a thorn in its teeth, pulled it out and exploded. ...

One day, an eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed. It wiped its nose and said angrily, it's taking a fucking photo again!

Who is the most involved in fairy tales? A: Mermaid, because she can't cheat ...

A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese are going to work in the mine. The boss is American. He said to the Germans, "You have a good physique and are in charge of coolies. He said to the French, "You said you were an engineer in charge of the mining plan. To the Japanese, he said, "You are very thin. You are in charge of supply. Then every other week, they start to work. A few days later, the Germans and the French found that the Japanese had disappeared. After searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work first. When the Germans started, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted, "Surprise! 」 -

Xiao Ming's father said to Xiao Ming: If you are good today, my father will take you to the market to watch others eat sugar. -

An international student is taking a driver's license test in the United States, and the sign ahead suggests turning left. Not sure, he asked the examiner, "Turn left?" Answer: "Yes", so ... hang up ...

Q: Where do users like to turn off their phones? A: Ningbo asked: Why? Answer: "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off." ...............

A frog jumped into the well. A person looks like a telephone, and he is beaten when he goes out. A man likes to make phone calls. One day, he hung up.

One person felt sore feet when walking. Looking down, he stepped on a lemon!

There is a hedgehog, rowing a rubber boat, rowing and drowning. -

Jin Yong's 14 book can be connected into a poem: flying snow shoots at the white deer plain, and seven books by JK Rowling who laugh at the book can also be a sentence: hahahahahahahaha-

One day Snake A asked Snake B, "Ah B! Are we poisonous? " Snake B replied, "I don't know? Why do you ask? " A snake said, "Because I accidentally bit my tongue just now".

A lumberjack went to apply for a job. Foreman: Try the forest ahead … See how many trees you can saw in a minute … One minute later … Foreman: Wow … 20 trees a minute … Amazing … Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara Forest ... Foreman: Never heard of it ... I only heard of ............................... in the Sahara Desert. Worker: Yes, ...........................................................................................................-

Why do ants leave only one line when crossing the desert? Why do ants leave two lines when riding bicycles across the desert? Why did the camel he pushed back leave a straight line when crossing the desert? Because ants ride bicycles to carry it.

A pig came to England on foot. What has it become? Pigs-

Students from China had an accident on a foreign highway, and they fell off a cliff with their cars. When the traffic police arrived, they shouted down: Hello? I'm fine, thank you. Then the traffic police left and the overseas students died. -

A group of great scientists played hide-and-seek in heaven after their death. It's Einstein's turn to arrest people. He counted to 100 and opened his eyes. He saw everyone hiding, but Newton was still standing there. Einstein walked over and said, "Newton, I got you." Newton: "No, you didn't catch Newton." Einstein: "You are not Newton. Who are you? " Newton: "What do you see under my feet?" Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a square floor tile one meter long and one meter wide, puzzled. Newton: "This is a square meter under my feet, and I stand on it, which is Newton/square meter, so you don't catch Newton, you catch Pascal." -

There are two monsters, a red monster and a green monster. It takes 3 bullets to kill the red monster and 1 bullet to kill the green monster. Now that you have a pistol with only two bullets, how can you destroy two monsters? A: First, kill the green monster with 1 bullet. The red monster turned blue with fear, and then killed it with the remaining 1 bullets. - -

Child: A train passed by, besides, besides-

Tell you a funny story ~ ~ A chicken slipped down the hill. .................................................................................................................................................................

Sakyamuni and Tathagata have a guessing game. The loser always loses when he hits the other person on the forehead, and he is hit with a big bag. Last time, Sakyamuni won. He straightened his forehead, but Tathagata asked me to go to the toilet and didn't come back. So for thousands of years, Sakyamuni has been waiting for the Buddha with a big bag and a pat on the forehead.

Father tomato, mother tomato and child tomato are walking around. The child can't walk fast with tomatoes. Mother tomato turned and said, catch up with-.

-

One day, a person was watching TV at home, and he saw and heard the sound of knocking at the door. So he opened the door and saw a snail. The snail said, can I have a glass of water? The man was very angry and kicked the snail away. A few years later, when he was watching TV at home, he heard the sound of knocking at the door. When he opened the door, he saw the snail again. The snail said, why did you kick me just now? -

The old leader sighed. How happy you are! Little sisters are everywhere. I was not only on a business trip, but when I came back, my family of seven were all crowded together. If you want to make out, you have to sprinkle sugar outside the door before shouting. . . . . . . . . "Children, let me hold your mother and grab candy.

! ! ! " -

Xiao Huamei said to his mother: Mom, I don't feel well today, and I don't want to go to school ... What does Mom say is wrong there? Xiaomei said, I don't know why I always feel sour all over. -

Q: What is the antonym of mobile phone? A: Feet-

There is a meat steamed stuffed bun. One day, he went to drink, but he was drunk, so he walked with a telephone pole, vomited and turned into steamed bread.

Xiaoming's father has three sons. The first one is called heavy hair, the second one is called two hairs, and what's the third one? It's called Sanmao. ..... because Xiao Ming is a woman. -

How many brothers does Aladdin have? Three. Allah a, Allah b, Allah c-

Q: Before attending the Beijing Olympic Games, who did China's Phelps admire most? A: Ba Jin-

Rene Liu chased Jay Chou hard, but Jay Chou sternly refused in public! Jay Chou said: ... milk tea ... I only like Youlemei.

There is a man who likes setting off firecrackers very much. During the Chinese New Year, he bought a lot of firecrackers and went back to set them off. The first one can't be lit; The second one can't be lit; Third, it cannot be ignited. . . He tried many firecrackers, but none of them lit. He decided to try another one. At this time, he found no firecrackers. -

-Last one: Q: What's your last name? A: My surname is Wei. Q: Wei what? Why not? My father's surname is Wei, so my surname is Wei.

1: Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

2: I used to have schizophrenia, and now we have recovered.

An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes"

So ... hang up. ..

4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became a red bean; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

6: There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.

7. Little Penguin asked Grandma one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

8: A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

9: In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

10: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, but what is the living?

A: Call for help!

1 1: Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

12: One day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; An egg ...

14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree … and then there was the owl …

15: Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

Why do chickens cross the street?

Get the other side of the answer.

What is that man doing?

He's shaking.

Why is he shaking?

He's cold.

A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing.

A: ...

18: A banana gentleman is dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. ...

19: There is a sausage in the refrigerator.

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other one next to me, and I felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!" " "As a result, the root of the tree said," Sorry, I'm a popsicle. "

Once upon a time, a cotton candy went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired, I think I'm weak. ...

2 1: This diver's movements are very difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month.

22: mm got lost looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor.

Excuse me, how can I get to the university?

Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.

23: The director and the section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... Soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to fart. What's your use?

Miss: Business is bad now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: "Bird flu ..."

25: A woman trembled when she met a robber and said, "I am from XX school. I just graduated and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money ... "

The robber cried bitterly after hearing this. "Elder sister, I am also from XX school. You take the student ID card. Don't worry, Allah will never rob his own people! "

26. I want to talk to my girlfriend ML. My girlfriend says I can't do it without taking a shower. She promised that it would be "biased" when it was cold. After washing, my girlfriend said shyly, "Honey, you are lazy, where can you wash ..." I even fainted after listening to it. I just brushed my teeth.

27: A blind beggar is begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

28: bird flu-it's all caused by "paradise shit"! ! !

There are two kinds of people who have a high probability of getting bird flu-1. "animals"; 2. People who are "worse than animals".

29: A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke?

I will, when I steal the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve ~

Do you know why Adam and Eve stole the forbidden fruit?

AB: I don't know!

Because Adam has no cigarettes! (hint: homophonic words)

30: Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

3 1: She gave me a kiss when we broke up, and it felt as real as People's Daily. ...

32: I just saw something similar to a news scroll bar on the top of my senior computer screen, and the words on it passed quickly.

I am curious to ask: Is this the lyrics?

Senior: Yes!

Senior: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly!

Senior: From Jay Chou! !

Wife: I'm really blind. I'll marry you when I step in shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

34. College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in the air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

35: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

A: Eraser.

Because of the eraser

36: Q: 3 What is that with only one head and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

37: The ants went to the desert. Why didn't he leave footprints on the beach, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

38: One day, a female drug addict was taken into the police station. The police saw a tattoo on her hand and asked her why she had her boyfriend's name tattooed on her hand. Is his name Liang Xiao ... Ah ... isn't it? Come on, say ... Is he taking drugs? Let's go

I saw the female drug addict raise her head with angry eyes.

Say to the police

This is hatred. ...

40: One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」