Ask Lao She for the e-book My Life.

one

I read a few books when I was a child, but reading The Romance of Elvis Presley and The Romance of The Three Kingdoms is enough. I remember several serial stories, and now I can tell them completely and beautifully. Not only did the audience praise me for my good memory, but I also felt that I should be happy. However, I can't understand the original serial, it's too deep; I remember a few paragraphs, all of which were read by Liaozhai Review in the tabloid-it was really interesting to turn the original text into vernacular and add some jokes!

My handwriting is also good. Comparing my handwriting with the official documents in the old man's yamen, I really believe that I can make a good "pen paste" from the perspective of uniformity, smooth ink color and neat ranks. Naturally, I dare not say that I have the ability to write a letter, but it is beneficial to have the usual official documents in front of me.

With my reading and writing skills, I should be a policeman. Being a policeman may not add luster to your ancestors, but at least it is more respectable than doing anything else. Besides, no matter how big or small the job is, there will always be a promotion. I have seen more than one, and the official position is very big, but the handwriting is not as good as mine, and I can't even say a whole sentence. Such a person can be a big official, why can't I?

However, when I was fifteen, my family taught me to be an apprentice. Five elements and eight skills, each line is the champion, learning skills is not a low thing; But it's a little harder than being a policeman. Learn a craft, and you will never escape the artist. Even if you can make a fortune, you can't be higher than a big official, can you? But I didn't quarrel with my family and went to be an apprentice. Fifteen-year-olds naturally don't have too many ideas. Moreover, the old man at home also said that if he learned enough art and could earn money, he would tell me about marriage. At that time, I imagined that getting married would be fun. Then, after two or three years of suffering, and then playing tricks like adults to make money, it is probably very easy to have a kannika nimtragol at home.

I study pasting. In those peaceful times, the mounted police did not worry about eating. At that time, it was not as easy to die as it is now. This does not mean that people will die several times in old age, and they will not die at once. I mean, at that time, both the deceased and the bereaved had to spend money desperately and spare no effort to talk about money and ostentation. Take the unjust clothing store as an example, you have to spend more money. When people die, they will post "reversing"-now, many people may not even know this term. Followed by the "three links", there must be burning: cars, horses, horses, spirits, gods, flowers and so on. If you die next month, you must paste another cow and a chicken cover. On the 17th National Day, I got a pile of warehouses, Jinshan Yinshan, ruler-headed ingots, clothes for the four seasons, flowers and plants for the four seasons, antique furnishings and various wood products. Speaking of funerals and paper kiosks, there are still many burning activities, and at worst, a pair of "children" have to be held. "May 7th" burns umbrellas and bridges in 60 days. A dead man didn't break up with our paperhanger until sixty days later. Within a year, if a dozen rich people die, we will have food and drink.

Papermakers don't serve the dead, but we also serve the gods. The immortals in their early years were not as poor as in their later years. Take Master Guan for example. In his early years, on June 24th every year, people would stick a yellow banner, a stable boy horse and a seven-star flag on him. Now, almost no one cares about Guan Gong any more! In case of smallpox, we have to be busy for the nuns for a while. Nine queens need to paste nine sedan chairs, a red horse, a Huang Ma and nine robes. They also need to prepare robes, boots, hats and various deacons for their brothers and sisters. Now hospitals are vaccinated with vaccinia, and nuns are fine, so the paperhanger will accompany them for free. In addition, there are many things about "wishing" that need to be posted, but no one mentions them in a superstitious tone. Time has really changed!

In addition to serving ghosts and gods, our business is naturally doing something for the living. This is called "living in vain", that is, putting up ceilings for others. In the early years, there were no houses. Whenever there is a move, a wife, or other happy events, the room is always covered with the ground to show a new look. The millionaire family even hired us to put up windows in spring and autumn. People are getting poorer every day, and it is not necessary to stick to the roof when moving. If you have money, replace the house with foreign style and plaster the roof once; If the window is made of glass, there is no need to paste paper or yarn. Everything is foreign, but the craftsmen have no food. It's not that we don't work hard ourselves. If the rickshaw is good, we will be burnt. When the car is ready, we paste it and we know how to improve it. But how many dead people have come to post foreign cars or cars? Once the year is greatly improved, all our small improvements will be in vain, and the water is too big to drown the ducks. What can we do?

two

As explained above, if I had been eating with that skill, I would have starved to death. However, although this skill can't be used forever, it's not without great benefits to study art for three years, which I can't enjoy all my life. I can leave that guy and do other business; This advantage has always followed me. Even after my death, some people talk about my personality. They must remember that I studied for three years as a teenager.

Apprenticeship means learning half the skills and half the rules. When you go to the store for the first time, no matter who you are, you should be afraid. The rules of the store are unfair. As an apprentice, you should go to bed late and get up early, listen to all the commands and orders, and serve people condescendingly. Hungry and cold, hard work, he should be happy and have tears in his stomach to swallow. Like the place where I study, the shop is the home of the shopkeeper; By the master, but also by the teacher's mother, splint gas! If you can survive three years, stubborn people will be softened and soft people will be hardened; I can simply say that the apprentice's temperament is not born, but is played by the board; It's like hitting whatever you want while the iron is hot.

At that time, when I was beaten and humiliated, I really wanted to die. That kind of anger is simply unbearable! However, now that I think about it, this kind of rules and training is really valuable. After such a rehearsal, nothing in the world is unbearable. Anything, like teaching me to be a soldier. Well, I can be an excellent soldier. The army sometimes exercises, and the apprentices have no rest time except sleeping. I take the time to go to the convenience, and I can take a nap while squatting, because I have to catch the night shift and can only sleep at three or four o'clock all day. I can swallow a meal in one gulp. As soon as I go to work, either the master shouts or the teacher shouts, or I have to take care of the master before I can settle down. I have to be treated respectfully and listen carefully to how the master bargains for money. What if you haven't swallowed the whole meal? This kind of rehearsal taught me that I can stand any hardship, and it's good to take it out. As far as I'm concerned, readers will never understand this. Nowadays, there is a sports meeting in a foreign school. It seems that students have made great achievements after running two laps. Drink it! Hold it, pat the wine on your lap, lose your temper, and take the bus! How can such a playboy know what rules and rehearsals are? On the other hand, my hardships laid the foundation for my efforts. I will never be idle, and I will never lose my temper or be uncomfortable at work. I can endure hardships like a soldier, but a soldier can't be as kind as me.

Let me cite another fact to prove this point: after I graduated as a teacher, like other craftsmen, in order to show that I am a person who earns money by skill, I first bought a cigarette bag and screwed it on a bag whenever I had time, which seemed to be very important. Slowly, I learned to drink again, and often got two cups of cat urine to lick my mouth. If you dare not start with hobbies, it is not difficult to learn the second thing if you know one thing. It's all toys anyway. This is also a problem. I like cigarettes and wine. Nothing unusual at first, but it's similar to everyone. However, I learned to eat opium one by one. In those days, opium cigarettes were very cheap; At first I smoked and played, and then I became addicted. Soon, I felt my hands were tight, and I didn't work as hard as before. I didn't wait for anyone to advise me. I not only quit smoking, but also puffed out my pipe, so I quit smoking and drinking! I entered the door. When entering the gate, alcohol and tobacco are not allowed to move; Once you break the precepts, you will have bad luck. So I not only quit my hobby, but also entered the door of reason; Bad luck is waiting for me there. How can I break the rules again? Now that I think about it, I got this kind of mind and car-scrapping from my disciples. I can bear any pain. How sad it is to give up smoking and drinking in the first day of junior high school and watch others smoke and drink! My heart is really like a thousand bugs crawling and scratching, so itchy and touching. But I'm afraid of bad luck and I can't break the precepts. In fact, bad luck is not bad, it is all in the future, but the immediate sin is hard! Stiff, only hard work can succeed, and fear of bad luck is the second. I actually survived, because I was an apprentice and rehearsed!

Speaking of my craft, I also feel that my three-year apprenticeship has not been in vain. Every craft must be improved at any time. Method is dead, but application is alive. Thirty years ago, bricklayers paid attention to grinding bricks and seams, and they worked hard. Now, he must know how to use cement and wrap artificial stones. Thirty years ago, carpenters paid attention to carving flowers and wood carvings, but now they have to know how to make foreign-style wood. The same is true in our line of work, but it is more active than other industries. In our business, we pay attention to pasting anything we see. For example, if someone holds a funeral and teaches us to paste a whole table, we can paste chicken, duck and fish. Catch up with the dead unmarried girl and teach us to stick a full dowry, whether it's 48 or 32, from powder cans and oil bottles to wardrobe mirrors. We can imitate with our eyes, which is our skill. Our technology is not very good, but we must be smarter. A man with a hole in his heart will never be a good paperhanger.

In this way, we work and play at the same time, as if. Our success or failure depends on how to properly transfer all kinds of paper, which is a trick. Personally, I'm a little smart. When I was an apprentice, I was rarely beaten because I couldn't learn, mostly because I was smart and naughty. My cleverness may not be revealed at all, if I learn to strike the iron or widen the saw-I keep hitting and pulling, and there is no change at all. Fortunately, after I learned the basic skills of pasting, I began to create my own tricks, how to be clever and realistic. Sometimes I waste a lot of time and materials, but I can't make what I want, but it teaches me to make more efforts to guess and mobilize, and I must make it. Well, it's a good habit. I am smart and know how to use it. I must thank my three-year apprentice, who has developed the habit of using his intelligence in these three years. Yes, I have never done great things in my life, but no matter what ordinary people can do, I can understand 50% to 60% on a reef. I can build walls, plant trees, repair clocks and watches, look at the authenticity of leather goods, choose a wedding day, and know the tricks of doing business ... I have never learned these, just look with my eyes and try them with my hands; I have the habit of working hard and studying more; This habit was formed after three years as an apprentice in the ghost shop. I didn't understand until now-I'm starving! -If I study for a few more years and just nibble, like those who study and graduate from school, I may scribble all my life and know nothing! Paperpasting didn't bring me official position and property, but it made my life very interesting. Poor, but interesting, a little human.

When I was in my twenties, I became an important person among my relatives and friends. Not because I have money and status, but because I am serious and willing to suffer. Since I left school, I have been waiting for my colleagues to help me in the teahouse on the street every day. I became a street person, young, neat and aware of the scene. If someone comes to make an appointment, I will go to work; No one asked me out, and I was very busy: many things were entrusted to me by my relatives and friends, and I even worked as a matchmaker for other people's families just after I got married.

Helping others equals entertainment. I need some entertainment. Why? As I said before, there are two kinds of jobs in our line of work, burning and living for nothing. Burning is fun and clean, but living in vain is not. Sticking to the ceiling naturally requires tearing off the old paper first, which is really enough. People who haven't done it never imagined that there would be so much dust on the ceiling, and it would accumulate over time, which is drier and more delicate than any soil. We drilled our noses and tore down the sheds of three rooms, and we all became dirt ghosts. When sticking straw and sticking new paper, the surface of the new silver flower paper is smelly and smelly. Dust and paper face can teach people to get consumption-now it's called lung disease. I don't like this kind of work. However, waiting for a job in the street, someone can't refuse the appointment, you can do whatever you have to do. This kind of work, I almost always pass down paper-cutting, so I don't have to "fight", I can work with my head down and eat less soil. That's it. I have to get covered in dust, and my nose looks like a chimney. After working these days, I want to do something else and change. Then, if my relatives and friends ask me to do something, I am happy to help.

Besides, let's work for nothing. Such workers are related to people's happy events or funerals. Familiar people often talk to me about other things, such as weddings, funerals, scaffolding, deacons, hiring cooks, booking cars and horses, and so on. I gradually find pleasure in these things, know how to grasp the right place, make it beautiful for my relatives and friends, and save some money so as not to be caught by timid people. When I did these things, I gained a lot of experience and understood a lot of human feelings. Over time, I became a very smart person, although I am not yet thirty years old.

three

From what I said before, everyone can see that I can't always make a living by pasting. It's like going to a temple fair and suddenly getting caught in a rain. Every year, everyone has to run around. My life seems to be going downhill. I can't stand it. The more I look forward to world peace, the more I slide. This change is not calm, but it seems to change to the end. This is not a change at all, but a gust of wind that makes people confused and confused. When I was a child, many businesses and things that made me rich suddenly came to a dead end and never met again, as if I had fallen into the sea. Although the paper industry has not completely disappeared, it is likely that it will never rise again. I saw this a long time ago. In that peacetime, if I wanted, I could open a shop and accept two apprentices for two meals. Fortunately, I didn't do that. If you can't get big talk for a year, how can you eat by sticking the ceiling of a car or two rooms? Open your eyes and see, have you ever had a decent job for more than ten years? I had to change careers. I think I'm right.

However, this is not the only reason why I suddenly changed careers. The change of Nianer is irresistible, and the arm can't twist the thigh. It's embarrassing to call Nianer dead. However, individual-specific things often get worse and can make people crazy immediately. It is nothing new to look for wells by the river. Needless to say, let go of your own industry and do something else. Personal things are small, but I can't bear to add them to individuals; A grain of rice is so small that it takes a lot of effort to teach ants to carry it. The same is true of personal affairs. People live in one breath, and there are many things to do. If you hold your breath, people will twitch. What a tiny thing people are!

My shrewdness and kindness brought me bad luck. This sentence seems unreasonable at first glance, but it is true. If it wasn't for me, I probably wouldn't believe such a thing would happen in the world. It actually found me; At that time, I almost became a madman. Twenty or thirty years later, when I think about it now, I can still laugh as if I were thinking about a story. Now I understand that personal interests are not necessarily beneficial to myself. One person is good, and everyone is good. This advantage is useful. This is like a duck to water. One person is good, but not everyone is good. Personal interests may be the bane of his bad luck. What's the use of being smart and kind! Now, I have realized this, and I just nodded and smiled when I remembered it. I really couldn't swallow that tone at that time. I was very young then.

Which young man doesn't like beautiful women? When I was young, no one dared to call me a craftsman because of my dress and style. In the early years, leather goods were expensive and were not allowed to be worn indiscriminately. For example, if a person wins a horse or lottery ticket today, he can wear a fox fur coat tomorrow, whether he is a child of 15 years old or a 20-year-old boy who hasn't shaved. It's not early years, but age and status determine personal clothes. In those days, it seemed very beautiful and luxurious to put a squirrel collar on a jacket or vest. I always wear this collar, and my jacket and vest are made of blue satin-at that time, satin was not so strong, and a jacket could last at least ten years. When I put up the roof of the shed, I was a local ghost; As soon as I got home, I was refreshed and immediately became a beautiful young man. I don't like that local ghost, so I love this beautiful young man even more. My braid is black and long, my forehead is shaved, and I really look like a "person" in a satin vest with a gray mouse collar!

What a beautiful young man fears most is to marry an ugly wife. I have sent a message to the old people intentionally or unintentionally: it's nothing if you don't marry, but if you want to marry, you have to marry a decent person. At that time, it was natural to get married freely from time to time, but men and women were different. If I want to get married, I have to see for myself, not just by the sweet words of the matchmaker.

At the age of twenty, I got married and my wife was one year younger than me. Wherever you put her, she must be a beautiful and neat kannika nimtragol; I saw it with my own eyes before I got engaged. I dare not say whether she is beautiful or not. I say she is smart and neat, because these four words are my criteria for choosing a spouse; If she didn't have enough space to say these four words, I would never nod. With these four words, you can see what kind of person I am. At that time, I was young and beautiful, and I was quick to do things. I must not have a stupid wife.

This marriage can't be said to be a perfect match. We are all young, neat and short; In front of relatives and friends, we are like a pair of lightweight gyroscopes, turning in all directions, making the elderly laugh into a flower in their eyes. We strive to show our personal agility and eloquence in front of everyone, and strive for strength and competitiveness everywhere, just to praise a few people for saying that we are the most promising young couple. Praise from others enhances our love for each other, which is quite a bit like heroes cherish heroes and heroes love heroes.

I am very happy, to tell the truth: my old man didn't earn any property, but he has a house. I live in a house without paying rent. There are many trees in the yard, and a pair of yellow birds are hanging in front of the eaves. As for me, I have skills, popularity and a lovely young woman. Are you unhappy and embarrassed?

I can hardly find anything wrong with my wife. Yes, sometimes I think she is a little too wild; But which neat kannika nimtragol is not refreshing? She loves to talk because she can talk; She doesn't shy away from men, because this is what a daughter-in-law should enjoy, especially a newly married kannika nimtragol with some skills. She is naturally willing to put away the shyness of the girl and pretend to be a "daughter-in-law" generously. This is really not a problem. Besides, seeing that her elders are so affectionate and considerate, she naturally wants to be casual with her younger generation; She is generous, so she is willing to show kindness and consideration to both the old and the young. I have never blamed her for her frankness.

She's pregnant and a mother, and she looks better and more generous-I can't bear to use the word "wild" anymore! Is there anything more pitiful and lovely in the world than a pregnant young woman and a young mother? Seeing her sitting on the threshold, showing a few breasts and nursing the baby, I can only love her more, but I can't remember blaming her for being too unruly.

By the time I was 24, I had a son and a daughter. What is the credit for the husband's son and daughter? Happy to catch up, the man picked up the doll and played once; The rest of the suffering is women's. I'm not an idiot. I don't have to wait for others to tell me that I understand this. Really, it's no use helping a man when he gives birth to a child and raises a child. However, a person who knows something about personnel naturally wants to make his wife happy and free; Bullying pregnant women or young mothers, in my opinion, is really an asshole! For my wife, I have been more indulgent since I had children; I think this is of course reasonable.

Besides, husband and wife are trees and children are flowers; Only a tree with flowers can show its deep roots. All doubts and anxieties should be reduced or completely eliminated; The child will tie his mother tightly. So, even if I think she is a little wild-I really don't want to use this smelly word-I can't help but feel assured that she is a mother.

four

Until now, I still don't understand what that is.

What I can't understand is what taught me to be crazy at that time. My wife ran away with someone else.

I repeat, I still don't understand what it is. I am not a stubborn person, because I have been in the street for a long time, know human feelings and know how to find out my strengths and weaknesses. However, for this matter, I have searched all my shortcomings, and I can't find any place where I should be humiliated and punished. Therefore, I can only say that my intelligence and kindness have brought me disaster, because I really can't find other reasons.

I have a exemptions, and this exemptions is my enemy. On the street corner, people call him sunspot, so I call him that. It is not convenient to say his real name, although he is my enemy. "Sunspot", because his face is not white; Not only is it not white, but it is particularly dark, so it has this nickname. His face is really like an iron ball that was rubbed in his early years, black but bright; Black, but smooth; Black, but shiny and lovely. When he drinks two glasses of wine or has a fever, his face will turn red, just like some dark clouds when the sun goes down, with some red light in the dark. As for his five senses, there is nothing to see. I am much more beautiful than him. He is tall, but he is not that big. He is tall and relaxed. He didn't make people hate him In a word, he relies on Zhang Faliang's bad face.

He and I are very good friends. He is not only my disciple, but also so stupid and thick. Even if I don't like him, I can't doubt him for no reason. My cleverness does not make me doubt others; On the contrary, I know there is no room for sand in my eyes, so I trust others because I trust myself. I thought my friends wouldn't steal my bad tricks. Once I decide who to make friends with, I really regard him as a friend. For my younger brother, even if he is suspicious, I will respect him and entertain him, because he is my younger brother after all. They are all learned skills and live together on the same street corner. They meet at least several times a day. How can I not treat such a familiar person as a good friend? If there is a job, we will do it together; Without a job, he always came to my house for dinner and tea, and sometimes he played some Sol-Mahjong, which was not very fashionable at that time. I am kind, and he is not at all polite; Eat and drink whatever you meet. I have never prepared anything for him, and he is never picky. He eats a lot, but he is not picky about food. It's really a pleasure to see him eating hot noodles with a big bowl with us. He ate until his neck sweated, his mouth rang, his face became redder and redder, and he gradually turned into a big semi-red briquette; Who can say that such a person can have any bad intentions!

In the long run, I can see from everyone's eyes that the world is not very peaceful. However, I didn't care. If I were a fool and had only one thought, I might not fail to hear the wind or rain of such a thing, and immediately even if it became dark. Maybe I'll find out the truth immediately, or maybe I'll get a nose. I have too many thoughts and eyes, and I will never be so confused and picky. I must think it over calmly.

Think about yourself first, and you can't think of anything wrong with yourself. Even though I have many shortcomings, at least I am more beautiful, smarter and more human than the teacher.

Look at the teacher again. His elephant, behavior and financial resources can't teach him to do evil. He is not the kind of person who teaches women to be tempted at first sight.

Finally, I think about my young wife in detail: she has been with me for four or five years, and we are not unhappy together. Even if her happiness is fake, she is willing to go with a true lover-this is almost impossible in her early years-probably sunspot will never be this person? He and I are both craftsmen, and our status is no higher than mine. Similarly, he is neither wider nor more beautiful nor younger than me; So, what does she covet? I can't think of anything. She said that she was seduced by him and lost her heart, but what did he seduce her with, bad face, skill, clothes and money hanging around her waist? Joke! Hum, if I am interested, I can seduce women; Although the money is not much, at least I have a look. What are sunspots? Moreover, that is to say, she lost her mind for a while and couldn't tell. Is she willing to have two children?

I can't believe everyone's words, I can't alienate Sunspot immediately, and I can't question her like a fool. I've thought it over. There's no seam. I can only wait for everyone to understand that they are worried. Even if they don't make lies out of thin air, I have to take my time. I can't drag myself, my friends and my wife into the black soil for no reason. A slightly smarter person can't do things rashly.

However, soon, sunspot and my wife were gone. I haven't seen them again until now. Why would she do that? I must see her and let her tell the truth. I don't understand. My own ideas will never be enough to deal with this matter.

I really hope to see her again, just to get to know her. I am still in a gourd.

I don't need to elaborate on how sad I was. No one can imagine how sad it is for a beautiful young man to take care of two children who have lost their mothers at home. A clever and well-behaved man, his dearest wife ran away with his younger brother, how embarrassed he was in the street. People who sympathize with me are speechless, and people who don't know me will never blame my exemptions when they hear this, but always call me "tortoise". In our filial and faithful society, people like to keep a turtle, so that everyone can put down their fingers. My mouth is closed, my teeth are clenched, and only their shadows and blood are in my heart. Don't teach me to meet them. Meeting them is a knife, nothing else.

At that time, I just wanted to fight for this kind of life and felt a little human. Now, it has been so many years. I can think carefully about the role of this matter in my life.

My mouth is not idle either. I asked around about sunspots. It's no use. They're like stones sinking into the sea. Unable to find the exact news, my anger slowly dissipated; Strange to say, when my anger subsided, I felt sorry for my wife. Sunspot is just a craftsman. This kind of craftsmanship is only available in big cities around Beijing and Tianjin. There is no need to pay attention to burning in rural areas. So, if they escape to a far place, what will he support her with? Well, if he is willing to steal his best friend's wife, won't he sell her? This fear often haunts me. I wish she suddenly fled back and told me how she was cheated and how she suffered; If she really kneels in front of me, I don't think I will accept her, a beloved woman, a woman who will always be loved, no matter what she has done wrong. She didn't come back, and there was no news. Sometimes I hate her, sometimes I pity her, and sometimes I can't sleep all night.

More than a year has passed and my thoughts have faded a lot. Yes, I will never forget her, but I don't miss her anymore. I admit that this is a fact, so don't worry about it.

What is wrong with me? This is what I want to say, because this thing that I will never guess is really a great event in my life. It seems that I lost my closest relative in my dream. When I opened my eyes, she really disappeared without a trace. This dream can't be understood, but no one can stand its truth. People who have had such dreams, even if they are not crazy, will have great changes; He lost half his life!